AOL Is Inside My Mind!

And here, I just thought it was a carnivorous earwig . . .

(AOL Autos) -- Most of us have been stopped by a police officer at some point, usually for a minor infraction like speeding or an expired registration. And of course, all of us have seen movie and TV depictions of the cop who is stoic but unfailingly polite as he hands out a $200 ticket.

But anyone who follows the news knows that such stops can sometimes be fraught with peril for the police officer or state trooper -- because they never know when a seemingly routine traffic stop could lead to trouble, or even violence.

So we talked to one retired state trooper to get a better sense of what actually happens at a traffic stop from the cop's point of view -- "the anatomy of a traffic stop," if you will. (H/T - AOL via CNN)

Oh, please. Are you gonna take some retired state trooper's word of what goes through a cop's mind during a traffic stop, or the word of a genuine Philadelphia Police Detective? You want to know what goes through our minds during a traffic stop? Here goes:

• Vehicle seen committing a violation. "God dammit, I just got my lunch!"
• Pursuing offender's vehicle: "Sweet, now I can drive fast, blow through red lights, and hit the siren. This job frakkin' rules!"
• Stopping vehicle: "Please God, let the driver be a young hot blond dressed really slutty."
• Approaching window: "Dammit! Fat guy. He's definitely getting a ticket now."
• Asking for information: "Please spare me the 'I pay your salary' nonsense, for once."
• Returning to patrol car: "Fat guy's in a hurry, huh? Looks like I'll take about half an hour to eat my lunch, er, write his tickets."
• Returning to offender's vehicle: "Have a nice day . . . and enjoy your citations! Heh."
• Finish car stop: "Maybe I'll follow him for a few miles just to frak with his mind."
  

There. Now you know; and knowing is half the battle. You're welcome.