Venezuela Resetting Diplomatic Ties With Colombia

Gee, I never saw this coming. This story calls for the patented SYLG News Translator. The news story is highlighted in blue italics, and my spot-on translation is highlighted in bold. (CNN) -- The Venezuelan government on Sunday announced it is re-establishing normal diplomatic ties with Colombia after the two South American countries resolved their differences over Colombia's recent cross-border attack on rebels in Ecuador. Once again, Venezuelan President/Dictator Hugo Chavez showed that he hasn't got the grapes to back up his rhetoric. The move follows a meeting of the presidents of Colombia, Venezuela and Ecuador in the Dominican Republic on Friday. They signed a declaration to end a crisis sparked by the attack, when Colombian troops killed a rebel leader and 21 others inside Ecuadoran territory. Chavez, unable to finish his post-meeting dinner, took his leftovers - and his genitals - home in a doggie bag. The declaration signed earlier stated: "With the promise not to ever again assault a brother country and the request for forgiveness [by Colombia], we can consider this very serious incident resolved," Ecuadoran President Rafael Correa said Friday. The declaration included an empty promise, a bulls**t apology, and a guaranteed "reach around" every six months. Correa, Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez and Colombian President Alvaro Uribe shook hands at the end of what had been a contentious meeting of the Rio Group of Latin American leaders. (H/T - CNN) Correa, Chavez, and Uribe then embraced in a "group hug" that lasted for twenty-five minutes. Chavez, being the female, promised Uribe "make-up sex" and allowed Correa to watch their naked, sweaty, intertwined bodies "normalize relations."