Guilty Pleasures

Well, after a night of misery, I was back in the saddle again last night. My very own solo car, and just back from the shop. God, how I missed her. That car is one of the few pleasures I've enjoyed at work this week, so I got to thinking: what other guilty pleasures do I enjoy? Here's five . . .

• Playstation 2 - I know, I am not a ten-year old (at least not physically), but my PS2 is probably my number one stress reliever. There's nothing better after a long day of fighting crime than blasting Nazis in Medal of Honor: European Assault, or scoring hat tricks in NHL 2004. Sure, it is probably rotting my brain from the inside out, and it's ruining my attention span, but . . . um, I forgot where I was going with this.
• XXX - No, not porn. I'm talking about the Vin Diesel masterpiece. I love this film! I realize that 99% of the population thinks it's god-awful, but I can't help myself. When it's on television, I catch it. I own the DVD, and it's showing twice a month, at least. I can't explain it, but I find it very entertaining. Look, I'm no moron. I realize that Vin Diesel and Asia Argento - although pretty (both of them) - can't act worth a damn, but XXX is one of my favorite films. God, I feel so dirty now.
• Cartoons - Again, I am not an adolescent, but I play one on my blog. I have always loved cartoons - my home is festooned with pictures of Daffy Duck; I tell people they're for the kids - for the simple reason that they're funny. (Wow, that was deep.) Well, that and because you can laugh at cartoon violence (like when Wile E. Coyote falls off the cliff and you see the smoke cloud upon impact) and not seem like a serial killer. I can quote lines from The Simpsons verbatim; I regularly reference Family Guy here; and my favorite superhero is The Tick. I'm really not a bright guy.
• Soda - The number one reason I'm a big "fatty-fat-fat-fat." I love it! I would have soda come out of my faucet if it were possible. Yeah, I know it's bad for me. Yeah, I know it's the biggest no-no on the Atkins Diet. Yeah . . . I don't care. "Hi. My name is Wyatt, and I'm a sugar addict." Admitting your problem is the first step to ignoring it.
• Speed - Not crystal meth, although that could solve my weight problem. I'm talking about "anything fast enough to do something stupid in." (That's a quote from "XXX" by the way.) When I'm off duty, I drive like Miss Daisy - because I'd be embarrassed if I were stopped for speeding. At work, I turn into Dale Earnhardt, Jr, just waiting for a priority call to come out (and give me a chance to floor it). I am proud to say that I got my solo car up to 110 mph on Interstate 95. It drives my dispatcher, Nikki, nuts, but it's a real rush. I mean, who's gonna pull over a police car, right? It's stupid and dangerous, but if I wrap my car around a light pole, at least my partner can say I bought the farm doing something I liked.