Saturday, December 10, 2005

Bound And Tagged

I'm gonna kill Dr. Phat Tony and make it look like an accident. That's the first thing they teach you in detective training, by the way. The good doctor tagged me with a meme here, and now I gotta pony up some answers. Like I need homework after a brutal week of classroom training.

Five Weird Habits I Have

1. The Straightening. Meet Wyatt Earp, the poster boy for OCD. Although my obsessive-compulsive tendencies have become less severe, I will still line up any footwear I find on the floor. If the kids kick them off, I will walk over, place them next to each other, with the heel end against the wall, facing out.

2. The Hockey Dressing. Hockey players are by nature superstitious. In a habit that can be traced back to the first time I laced up skates, I put on my gear left to right, bottom to top. For example, I put on my left skate, then my right. Next, I strap on my left shin guard, then my right. This goes onward and upward until I strap on my helmet.

3. The Shaking. When I am pissed off and/or stressed out, I get what Kramer referred to as the "jimmy legs." I will lie in bed and my legs will quickly shake back and forth whilst I try and deal with the stress. It drives the missus nuts.

4. The Eating. To say that I am a picky eater is an insult to all picky eaters. I like chicken, fish, and ground beef. That's pretty much it. Why? Because before my parents got divorced, they made us clean our plates. Being a middle-class working family, mom couldn't afford the best steaks and pork chops, and I wouldn't touch gristle or fat. Now, I won't eat steak or pork, or most any other animal carcass unless it is Kate Moss lean.

4a. The Chewing. In a related subject from #4 (Doc was right, you can't get any more weird than me), I evenly distribute my food while I chew. For instance, when I take a bite of a Snickers bar (Mmm . . . Snickers!) I will start chewing, and then use my tongue to separate an even amount to each side of my mouth. This way, both sides of teeth get a workout.

5. The Drinking. On those rare occasions that I partake in some liquor (Mmm . . . Jameson's!), I have an infamous move I like to call "the double shot." When drinking shots, I'll arch my head back and slam the whiskey into my mouth, then bring my head forward. I'll hold the whiskey in my mouth for a second, then slam it back a second time to swallow.

Well, there you go. I hope you enjoyed the glimpse into the train wreck that is my life. Now the fun begins . . . Tyler, Peakah, Air Force Wife, Fmragtops, and GunnNutt, you've been tagged!


  1. This is why I don't have a blog:)

    Oh and you were right...you really are weird! LOL j/k

  2. The chewing...

    OMG! I am LMFAO here, so much so that the tears are streaming down my cheeks.

    I'd like to thank you for having to clean my monitor, as I spit my coffee all over it.

    And here I thought I was the only one w/ odd habits! HA!

  3. Ty - Sorry chief! Blame Phat Tony, he already gave it to Pandy, Uber, and CUG, so you were next in line. Heh.

    SK - Yeah, I'm a train wreck.

    Anon - Just don't send me the cleaning bill.

  4. Schmuck...

    I'm gonna get you back for this...

    Off I go to publically humiliate myself (well, more than usual i guess)


  5. Chin strap??? Left to right or right to left?

    At least you don't have to use a plate divided into sections (like the picnic ones). I had a friend whose food couldn't touch the other foods on the plate. FUN!!!!

  6. Holy cow, cowboy! You're warped!

  7. There, public humiliation in full effect... thank you I think.

  8. Peak - Heh. I humiliate myself more before 8am than most people do all day!

    RT - Chin strap - left to right. You asked! I have the same problem (as does Phat Tony), but I thought the others were more pervasive.

    Lin - Gee, thanks. Like I don't know I'm warped!

  9. That chewing thing; I thought my eating habit was WHACKO ;)

  10. Yes, this chewing thing is really really weird, but at least it's "funny" weird and not "I hope his neighbors lock their doors" weird. *g*

  11. Insol - Yeah, I know. It's an illness. I also like to equally separate my M&M's. If I eat six at a time, I put 3 on the left, and 3 on the right. Whacko.

    Uber - I'm prety sure my neighbors lock their doors around me, anyway.

  12. Earpy. suga. I meant it in the nicest way, honest! I didn't know so many people had issues with their food, etc! As long as you're good to your wife and kids, we'll have to accept your "issues" and be kind to you! ;)

  13. Yo Wyatt...

    You didn't tell them how you have turn your chair 3 times before you sit down. And how you yell CHARGE before you run up a flight of stairs (Like "Teddy" in "Arsenic and Old Lace"). Freak!

  14. You don't have a bugle, do you?
    On the jumpy legs thing, since you say they do that from stress, have you tried taking an Aleve or Advil and asking your wife to rub your back/head? Of course, that works better if you offer to do the same when she has a stressful day!
    I'll think about you when I see a Snickers, now! I prefer Milky Way but I'm going to see if I can do that! Such hidden talent! You could be on stupid human tricks on Letterman! ;)

  15. Wagon - Wow! Someone wake you up? See, I go away for one week, and you and my partner are pulling guns out on so-called car thieves. Don't make me come back there!

    Lin - No, I do not have a bugle, and I find that Guinness works better than Aleve - right Peak?

  16. I've been awake, just nothing worth responding to.....

    Good luck being a Defective. At least you'll be closer to the Mason Dixon line in Southwest. Cigarettes are cheaper in Virginia, would you mind grabbing me a carton on your lunch break?

  17. Crap! I'm sorry I didn't see this earlier. I'll get on it tonight :(

  18. Wagon - Nice. This is the sort of stuff I'll miss while you take over for me on the wagon. And yes, I am boning up on the Southern accent. Southwest, here I come!

    Gunny - We'll be waiting!