Thursday, May 18, 2006

I'll Rochambeau You For It

Check out this bull crap reply I received after I sent the French Embassy my thoughts on Rue Mumia abu Jamal: (My rebuttals are in red.)

"Dear Sir/Madam,"

It's "Sir" to you! Friggin' frogs!

"Thank you for writing to us to share your comments and concerns. We read every message we receive with great interest, and we try to reply to as many as possible."

Thank YOU for fisting Philadelphia cops by naming a street after Danny Faulkner's convicted murderer.

"France and the United States share a long and close history. As you may already know, France is the United States’ oldest ally. The two countries signed a treaty of alliance in 1778, and French troops, commanded by General Rochambeau, helped George Washington defeat the British in the fight for American Independence."

Learn your history, Pierre. France observed the policy of "The enemy of my enemy is my friend" in 1778. England was France's greatest threat, and only when the British were on the ropes - in the latter stages of The Revolution - did the French pile on. Your country was nowhere to be seen in 1776-77, when the Colonies were getting routed.

"One hundred years later, to symbolize the strong friendship between the two countries, the French nation built the Statue of Liberty, and presented it to the United States as a gift in 1886."

Wow, you built us a statue? That's swell; and much better than your airspace privileges!

"A grateful United States helped defend France in World War 1 (1914-1918) and liberated our country from Nazi occupation in World War 2 (1939-1945)."

Wait a minute. You morons think that we pulled your asses out of the fire in TWO World Wars because we appreciated your gift? Unlike your actions in the Revolutionary War, in World War I the United States believed it was its moral duty to help a nation in the middle of a rout - albeit after the sinking of The Lusitania.

"The two nations continue to cooperate closely, particularly in the fight against terrorism. Many joint operations have taken place in east and north Africa, in the Middle East and in the Caucasus. France contributed 5,500 soldiers to the America-led effort against the Taliban in Afghanistan and was the only nation to send bombers alongside those of its American allies."

Eh, what? East and north Africa and in the Cascasus? How about helping out a little in Iraq? Or would that remind you of the Oil for Food scandal?

"To learn more about French-American relations, please visit . . ."

I would run right over to your website, but I have better things to do: like lancing a boil. Morons.


  1. Ummm....it's 2006 and a cop-killer has absolutely nothing to do with French-American relations.

    What a rude response. But then again, would you expect anything else from the capitol of rude?

    Words can't even express how truly angered I am by France. They are just a bunch of asses.

  2. Oh yeah...I'm an ingrate. May I take a torch to the Statue of Liberty and give it back to the French? How about we give them a bill for all the ass-saving, too?

  3. ribbit--haha

    They eat horses, what do you expect?

    Sounds like a form letter! Gee, I feel so beholden to them..NOT!

  4. What the hell did you expect? They are french for crying out loud.

  5. Shenanigans! I declare shenanigans! (as I adjust my beret)

  6. You DID send your letter fisk back to them as a reply, I hope.

    I know you had limited space, for things like:

    - Finishing the canal they screwed up and went bankrupt on.

    - Running away from Vietnam

    - Spawing a militant Islamic movement in Algeria, with their snobby elitist colonialism. (We are still cleaning up that one.)


    Fricken Frogs. They are an endless source of counter-examples.

  7. very well said!

    ...incidentally, I just got one of these last week. :-)


  8. You need trackback!

    May I say well done?

  9. Crappy French! And I hate Chicken cordon bleu! Stooopid Frogs!

  10. Linda,
    I remember that movie "They Eat Horses, Don't They?"

    heh heh . . . .Shenanigans!

    Nice Shirt.

  11. I know this won't be popular here, but I think we should applaud the French for balking the trend of following the US, and thinking on their own, as free people. I applaud it so much that I would suggest that we all visit Mumia street, apply some type of Philly-themed stickers on the sign post, then take a shit on it. To really show my appreciation, I would also suggest that in the true spirit of honoring diversity and free speech, one we kill Mumia, let's cut off his head and send it to them. They can hang it on the sign post.

    The last time the French wanted this much proof of guilt, they got it in the form of German tanks.

  12. Aaaaah Wyatt, you outdone yourself. *sigh* Bravo! They're just such asshats, I can never think of the right words to express my disgust.

  13. I've been a Francophobe for many years, long before it become fashionable. In Carter's presidency, I was saying the neutron bomb was made just for France. And I'm still saying it, though it seems nobody knows what the neutron bomb is these days.

    I figured you'd be all over the primary Tuesday. Not a word. You are aware there was a primary, right? You did hear about the bloodbath, right?

  14. I forgot one thing I'd keep...mime. Right now I am miming a special salute just for France. ;0)