Fans of Prison Break and 24 will be getting the "screw-gee" by President Bush tonight. The President will be addressing the nation on the illegal immigration issue at 8pm (EDT). I guess no one told him that Prison Break's season finale is scheduled for the same time. Putz.Anyway, illegal immigration is not the only issue that Bush will be tackling this evening. SYLG got hold of the President's cue cards, and is ready to expose ten highlights of his agenda. Sorry to ruin the surprise, but Bush is screwing up my television schedule.
Top Ten Highlights Of Tonight's Address
10. In an attempt to de-glorify illegal immigration, Napoleon Dynamite will now wear a shirt that reads, "Vote for Peter."
9. Ray Nagin will check all immigrants for skin tone. Light skinned Mexicans will be turned away, since they are not "Chocolate" enough.
8. The Canadian border will be secured to prevent the influx of maple syrup and Molson Ice.
7. If illegal immigration does not stop, we will simply move the country to Mexico.
6. Ted Kennedy will offer to drive every illegal across the Rio Grande.
5. Every illegal will now be strip searched by a naked Helen Thomas.
4. Illegals will be guaranteed jobs that no American wants; such as Tom Cruise's publicist.
3. Every mutant will forced to register with the government. (Sorry, that's a President McKenna issue.)
2. Mexican Taco Bell restaurants will change their slogan from "Make a Run for the Border" to "Stay Where You Are!"
And the number one highlight of tonight's address is:
1. National Guardsmen will be stationed outside the Ring Ding factory due to the growing Rosie O'Donnell problem.
National Security issues are a main concern in this country and I think a lot of American's have become desensitized to the problems this country faces on a daily basis. these issues should be brought to the attention of the American people in leiu of the commercials for the Prison Break & 24 broadcasts.
ReplyDeleteCan we have "dumbass retroactive deportation?" For example, just for being a complete ass and making, say like Irishsmen, look like asses....could we deport the Kennedy family?
ReplyDeleteGreat post! :)
Great one! But #5 is just sooooo wrong...even to briefly think about. eeeeeeewwwwww
ReplyDeleteBlog title: worst Genesis song ever!
ReplyDeleteThanks Wyatt. I needed some humor.
ReplyDeleteNow, here's the ultimate in disgusting news.
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PHILADELPHIA (AP) — A street in a Paris suburb has been named in honor of Mumia Abu-Jamal, who was convicted of the 1981 murder of a Philadelphia police officer.
“In France, they see him as a towering figure,” said Suzanne Ross, co-chair of the Free Mumia Coalition of New York City, who was part of an April 29 ceremony to dedicate the Rue Mumia Abu-Jamal in the city of St. Denis.
Ross said the street is in the town’s Human Rights district, which includes Nelson Mandela Stadium.
Abu-Jamal, a former radio reporter and member of the Black Panther party, was sentenced to death in 1982 for the shooting of 25-year-old Daniel Faulkner. He has maintained his innocence. His writings and taped speeches have made him a cause celebre among Hollywood activists, foreign politicians and some death-penalty opponents who believe he was the victim of a racist justice system.
The 3rd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals last year agreed to consider three counts of Abu-Jamal’s appeal, allegations that there was racial bias in jury selection, that the prosecutor gave an improper summation and that a judge in a previous appeal was biased.
Faulkner’s widow, Maureen, called the street dedication “disgusting” and urged Philadelphia residents planning a visit to Paris this summer to cancel their trips. In 2001, the Paris City Council made Abu-Jamal an honorary citizen.
“This is so unnerving for me to get this news,” Faulkner said from Los Angeles, where she lives. “It’s insulting to the police officers of Philadelphia that they are naming a street after a murderer.”
Daniel Faulkner has been honored by a memorial plaque installed at the scene of the shooting at 13th and Locust Streets in Philadelphia.
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Sorry to slide OT, but I had to pass this B.S. on.
haha! dang it! i snorted after I read #1.
ReplyDeleteThat was pretty funny, especially Rosie/ring dings!
ReplyDeleteAwesome--loved this!!
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