People I Hate

I hate minorities. The only people who have ever contributed anything of value to this country are white men and white women. And the only non-whites who have been recognized for “greatness” obviously stole their ideas from whites. Even though I work with many of these people on a daily basis, I refuse to let them back me up or save my life. And my regular conversations with them are a sham, a production for everyone else's benefit. Also, politicians like Michael Steele are obviously traitors to their race, and should be labeled as such. Go on, Uncle Tom!

I hate the poor and the so-called middle class. Who has time for these laborers and craftsmen? Who cares what happens to the little guy, the blue-collar worker, and the rest of the proletariat that infects this great nation? I am a police detective, and as such, I am a very, very wealthy man. I couldn’t care a whit about tax cuts and government programs designed to ease these people’s burden, even if they’re working. Screw you, President Bush: you should have taxed us all back to the Stone Age. I can afford it.

I hate the sick. I despise people like Michael J. Fox who parade their alleged illness in front of the media in an apparent cry for sympathy. I despise those who get the AIDS virus, even when it happens to infants. And I will not vote for Senator Rick Santorum, who has sullied himself raising money for those afflicted. It’s not my fault that they got sick, so why should I pay to make them well?

Finally, I hate homosexuals. They are an affront to the decent, American society to which I belong. They should not be allowed to marry. They should not be allowed to engage in civil unions. They should not be allowed to breathe my air. From this day forward, I will shun them, and ignore my close family member who is a member of this group.

I am a conservative, and the media tells me that this is how I think.