Political correctness will be outlawed, and offenders who violate this new policy will be brutally beaten by "offensive" Native American college mascots.
Ebonics will be summarily dismissed from the culture, and will be replaced with "McBonics" – an Irish slang where the last word of every sentence will have a "Mc" in front of it. For example, this blog will be known as Support Your Local McGunfighter.
Every citizen convicted of a crime will be immediately drafted into a special branch of the armed forces. Once enough people are conscripted, they will be instructed to invade both Russia and China – just so I can prove Richard Nixon wrong.
The persecution of religion will stop immediately, and copies of the Ten Commandments will be posted everywhere – literally. When you go to the bathroom, the Commandments will be on the inside of the stall. Anyone caught defacing these sensible rules of life will be crucified. It's what Jesus would do.
Finally, the following people will be deported to forced labor camps: Chris Berman, Stuart Scott, Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez, Philly mayor John Street, PA governor Ed Rendell, Matthew Lesko, rappers, and every girl who rejected my advances in high school (it's a big list).
Mr. Lesko, please report to the forced labor camp a.s.a.p.
WHEW! OK I feel better. I re-read the list of those being sent to the forced labor camps and I wasn't on it. It was gonna play hell on my manicure:)
ReplyDelete"..the Commandments will be on the inside of the stall"
ReplyDeleteRight next to the picture of the French news bunny, wearing her official Wyatt the Terrible bikini ensemble, I hope.
I second Fnragtops suggestion, and I guess I could wear the mascot uniform if it meant bashing ignorant liberals!! Whoooo Hoooo!!!
ReplyDeleteHow about a little torture for Mr. Lesko? Come on, just a little.
ReplyDeleteHow about a few additions to the list. Offhand I can think of a few, but it would leave the Senate awfully empty.
ReplyDelete"McBonics" lol That would actually be an interesting thing to hear.
ReplyDeleteMcWyatt,
ReplyDeleteWhy would you want to get rid of J-Lo??? She's just jenny from the block. As in she's been around the block! ALOT!!
Oh, and McWyatt, PLEASE DO NOT let steve wear ANY uniforms! It's scary, VERY scary!!
SK - Nah, Southern Belles are exempt.
ReplyDeleteInsol - "Wyatt the Terrible Bikini Ensemble." It could be my version of Dr. Phat Tony Swag!
FM - According to the Ten Commandments, killing is un-good. Therefore, you Steve, and The Man can torture the question marks off him. Nuthin' in the T.C. 'bout that!
Miriam - I was trying to conserve space, so I left many politicos off the list.
Uber - Once in a great while I find the funny. :)
JC - 'Cause she's a no-talent clod. If you're gonna be famous, at least have SOME talent!
I always wanted to beat Robin Leach because his voice was so annoying...
ReplyDeleteVIVA LA NEWSBUNNY!!!
Oh yeah, I am totally your minion.
ReplyDeleteHow many additional guns will I be receiving?
Great, not only do I have to worry about being enslaved by aliens, now I have to worry about a brutal dictator from Philly. I'm never going to sleep again.
ReplyDelete"Go Yea" it says. Am I the only person getting weird communications from blogger's word-verification?
All this is working wonders on my paranoia.
So are you going to run against Specter in 2010? I'll head up your campaign.
ReplyDeleteOh great and mighty one...may we add Larry Mendte to the forced labor list????? Oh yeah...how about Anderson Cooper & Franken?
ReplyDeleteInteresting plan for planetary conquest puny Earthling.
ReplyDeleteHowever none of your petty machinations can possibly resist the terrible power of a horde of Trilluvian Snargs charging over the snorg to feast upon your gooblesplatz.
Although I do agree that the annoying man wearing the question marks is on the list of those due to proccessed into cattle feed.
Is impaling considered torture? Or killin'? I think it would be very useful in the McWyatt Empire.
ReplyDeleteCUG - There was a SNL skit where the guy playing Leach opened by saying, "We come here once a week to make you feel like poop!" Brilliant. And you have more than enough guns!
ReplyDeleteYoshiko - Yep, it's just you. I once got a message in my Alfa-Bits that said "Ooooo," until my dog told me those were Cheerios.
Prof - Specter is such a toad. Magic Bullet my ass!
RT - You must be a local. Mendte is an arrogant ass. He is on the list. As for the usual suspects like Franken, I assumed you guys would know they would be front and center.
Mox - "The Riddler" is all yours!
Gunny - It worked for Vlad the Impaler. The clasics never go out of style.
Can we make a provision that the people at Forced Labor camps have to raise the silkworms and manufacture the silk thread BY HAND for the stars on the American flag? I wouldn't want them despoiling the finished product, but just the star-thread should be okay.
ReplyDeleteMaybe they should be forced to audit the books of Social Services... food to commensurate with number of discrepancies they uncover (we'll make it easy for them).
Take Street's brother with him, would ya, Wyatt?
ReplyDelete