Wyatt The Terrible

Support Your Local Gunfighter is just Phase One of my master plan to rule the world. My unsuspecting minions have fallen under the spell of this blog's subliminal advertising (Submit!), and my job as a police officer is the perfect breeding ground for a future dictator. Once I topple the existing government in a bloody coup, there will be a few changes around here. For instance: Political correctness will be outlawed, and offenders who violate this new policy will be brutally beaten by "offensive" Native American college mascots. Ebonics will be summarily dismissed from the culture, and will be replaced with "McBonics" – an Irish slang where the last word of every sentence will have a "Mc" in front of it. For example, this blog will be known as Support Your Local McGunfighter. Every citizen convicted of a crime will be immediately drafted into a special branch of the armed forces. Once enough people are conscripted, they will be instructed to invade both Russia and China – just so I can prove Richard Nixon wrong. The persecution of religion will stop immediately, and copies of the Ten Commandments will be posted everywhere – literally. When you go to the bathroom, the Commandments will be on the inside of the stall. Anyone caught defacing these sensible rules of life will be crucified. It's what Jesus would do. Finally, the following people will be deported to forced labor camps: Chris Berman, Stuart Scott, Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez, Philly mayor John Street, PA governor Ed Rendell, Matthew Lesko, rappers, and every girl who rejected my advances in high school (it's a big list). Mr. Lesko, please report to the forced labor camp a.s.a.p.