My Patience Is Ready To "Break"

An open letter to the Fox Broadcasting Company:

Far be it for me, a hack blogger, to tell you how to run your network, but I have a few suggestions anyway. And you're gonna listen to them. Why? Because I represent the awesome power of the police!

Prison Break is one of the best shows on television. Not only do I watch religiously, but I also try and whore the show to all my friends. It's terrific television . . . and you guys are screwing it up! A network that only boasts a handful of entertaining programs - 24, Family Guy, American Dad, then a whole lotta crap - shouldn't be frakking with a successful series' schedule. That's logical, right?

Then please tell me why I was watching the "Fall Finale" of Prison Break this week? Please tell me why I have to wait until MARCH to see new episodes?? Please tell me why this show was put on hiatus to make room for American Idol??? PLEASE TELL ME WHY YOU GUYS ARE CAUSING MY BRAIN ANEURYSM????

I'll let you in on a little secret: American Idol sucks arse! After people are done laughing at the expense of the William Hung's of the world, we are secretly plotting the demise of Simon "Yeah, he's straight" Cowell. If you want that despicable show to grab my interest, let's see Paula Abdul's love trysts with the contestants. And who the hell is Randy Jackson, anyway? Has he done anything to deserve fame and notoriety? But I digress.

I ignored my family for three months watching the exploits of Michael, Linc, Sucre ("I need my conjugals, fish!"), T-Bag, and Abruzzi. It was just like being in prison - without the rape. Every week, the creators gave us a different cliffhanger (a la 24) . . . and it was good. Michael and his co-conspirators inched closer and closer to the escape - and I inched closer and closer to the edge of my seat - all waiting for the inevitable payoff. Except it never came.

The "Fall Finale" had our anti-heroes at the edge of freedom; until some maintenance worker replaced a faulty pipe - crucial to the escape. Linc is now within two days of his execution, and Abruzzi is in critical condition after having his throat slit by T-Bag. I'm dealing with a lot of stuff here! The last thing I needed was you dopes to keep me waiting until March!

Look, I appreciate your dilemma, but what I need is an entertaining Fox series to start in September, and run uninterrupted (except for holidays) through May. You already screwed us with 24, don't do it to us again. Thank you.

T-Bag, I hate your guts! Abruzzi, you better come back!