It may seem as I have been resting on my laurels for the past day and a half, but with the promotion news, I have been uber-busy. (Not busy with Uber!) I am slowly coming to the realization that I am woefully unprepared for this move, and my first day at the new detective division will be eerily similar to my first day on the job. We're not in Kansas anymore.
Clothing. The only good thing about being uniform is that everything looks the same. Same shirts. Same "make your butt look big" pants. Same everything. Detectives work in plainclothes, but I can't exactly prance around in jeans and a halter-top, either. (I'll take a moment for everyone who just vomited in their mouths.) Thus, I need new clothes. I only own one suit, and two sport jackets. Looks like someone is going to be financing Mr. Boscov's son's education. Great.
Equipment. Along with a clothing bill that equals the GNP of a small Latin American country, the good folks at Visa will be seeing mondo purchases from Galls. Despite taking the chance that I will offend my gun-toting pals out there, I need a decent plainclothes holster. Oh, and a new set of non-rusty cuffs! Ooo, and my own fingerprint kit!! (Some of the community kits you see in the districts suck.) While I'm at it, how 'bout I get a G.I. Joe with the kung-fu grip?
Intellect. Regular readers of SYLG know I'm a big, dumb guy - exactly the type of guy who should never become an investigator. This promotion is really scary, since I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I figured this panic would come, but not so soon.
Maybe if I click my heels three times . . .
Take a deep breath. Men's Wearhouse will give you great outfits. Cuffs???? Wanna borrow mine? He He. Intellect? Well...at least Oz gave you heart. Seriously, you'll be fine. You'll endure rookie hazing, but pay attention, be a good listener, and practice people watching for behavior traits. NYPD did a think with observing art...it was really interesting. They practiced seeing what others might not. Ok....I'm long-winded again. Sorry. At least your mind will be off of it tomorrow night while you pass the puck around.
ReplyDeleteThis is so exiting! Just remember that everyone else is in training, too. You'll probably be the brightest one there.
ReplyDeleteYou'll be terrific...you might not blend tho since you really care about being a good at your job:)
ReplyDeleteYay! Shopping for shiny new stuff is exciting! Just like school supply shopping in the fall, after holiday sales, and regular shopping the rest of the year. Fun, fun, fun!
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, and I'm sure nervousness is natural, people who begin something entirely new and aren't are probably just arrogant which leads to making stupid mistakes. Not that I know anything about being a cop much less a detective, but you know what I mean.
Thanks for the linky love schweet cheeks. ;)
RT - Okay, *breath* I'm better now. Just a panic attack. And, yes, I WOULD like to borrow your cuffs! :) I know enough to know that I don't know squat. I'll keep my ears open and my mouth closed.
ReplyDeleteGunny - I highly doubt that, but at least I'll have a better answer to "What do you do?" at my 15-year college reunion next year.
SK - Unlike my last few months at the other district, I am rejuvenated . . . "like a phoenix rising from Arizona." (Frank Costanza)
Uber - No problemo. The last thing I'm gonna be at training is arrogant - which is so unlike me.
You'll be great, Wyatt. :)
ReplyDeleteJust don't forget to buy a really cool, waterproof trench coat with a lining that can be removed. Go Go Gadget!!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat are the odds of you posting a picture of yourself looking all bright eyed and bushy tailed?
ReplyDeleteCUG - Thanks. I wish I was as confident.
ReplyDeleteRT - And mechanical arms a la Doctor Octopus!
Anti-Hippie - Thanks. This will definitely IMPROVE my outlook on the department. I'm ready to chew bubblegum and kick arse . . . and I'm all outta bubblegum.
Karma - Thanks for the tip. Don't be surprised if I bug you for more.
Lin - I want to INCREASE traffic, not lose it! If you wanna see a pic of a really ugly soon-to-be detective, e-mail me, and I'll send you something out. You were warned!
I would take you up on that if I could! My computer isn't computing and I have to use the library and their computer won't let me email from the site. I know because I tried it just to let you know I wasn't skipping out on you! Also very rushed!
ReplyDelete