For those of you who do not have children, allow me to give you some advice: don't have them. My son Kyle has been feeling under the weather for a few days now, and the doctors told us that his glands and tonsils are swollen. Being the compassionate father, I have been spending a lot of time with Kyle, trying to make him feel better.
And now, I'm sick as a dog.
My throat hurts, my back is killing me, and I have a mild fever. Unfortunately, tonight is also my first night back at work, and I'm too much of an idiot to call out sick. Thus, I will try and go to work, slave through the day, and hope to last until my doctor's appointment tomorrow. Why? Because the City of Philadelphia treats its employees like children. If an employee takes off sick, they are required to turn in a doctor's note - which is usually a hassle - on their date of return.
Like we are all going to play hookey.
After eight occurrences without a note, the employee is placed on the Sick Abuse List - a leper colony where the employee is monitored during every following occurrence. The policy forces people like myself to trudge in when they should really be in bed. Like today. As I write this, I am sweating like a pig, and it's 65 degrees in my home. And, like a jackass, I'll be at my desk in three hours.
End of rant.
By the way, I won't blame my lousy eighth place finish in GOP and the City's Weekend Caption Contest on my sickness. My entry just plain sucked.
In my best Artie Lang voice:
ReplyDeleteWahhhh! I'm Sick.
Wahhhh! I'm have to go to work.
Wahhhh! My vag hurts.
Wahhhh! My pee-pee is tiny.
and yes, you can have both a vag and a pee-pee.
I got 6th place, one up from my last time. So I'm feeling pretty egocentric about it.
ReplyDeleteI guess you couldn't work in a gag about Helen Thomas's panties, eh?
I'm sorry you're feeling so lousy. Is it because you're getting old? :) Hope you're all better by Saturday!!
ReplyDeleteDo you still have tonsils? I do and had to have them lanced one time and indeed was so sick! Sounds like you need a shot in the hip!
ReplyDeleteLittle kids are germ factories! Just about anything they get, you're going to get! And guess who gets to take care of everyone? Mom, of course!
Of course you should go to work with a fever, how else can you spread it around!
Hope you both feel better asap!
HAHA--I just saw SK's post! Yeah, you need to get better so you can have birthday cake! And sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me! HAHA
I love the the "if you're sick, you have to have a doctor's note!" Who runs to the doctor's everytime they are sick. When I'm sick, I stay in bed and drink an entire carton of orange juice (just shy of the dose of Vitamin C that is lethal) and the occasional cup of tea. . . .Zzzzzzzzzz! Ussually better the net day.
ReplyDeleteI always said that if my boss questioned my sickness, that a ziplock bag full of vomit in the old INBOX would stop those questions.
"I didn't go to the doctor's, but here is your proof. Make sure you file that and keep in on record for 3 years.
hmmmm...what do I really want? I know! Just about the greatest thing that could ever happen to me now IS TO BE ADDED AS ONE OF THE CO-BLOGGERS OF BLOGGERS 4 BAUER! I'D LOVE THAT!
ReplyDeleteDo your vending machines have one of those out-of-date, wicked, hot beverage dispensers? If so, they usually have fake chicken broth. The soda machine should have some sprite or 7Up...better yet...do the Dew.
ReplyDeleteGet well!
RG, that was funny!! and loved Deathloks too!!
ReplyDeleteSo Linda's having a B'day! heh, how many years girl?
Randal - Keep it up, and I'll come over and infect your whole family.
ReplyDeleteVox - Good job! Yeah, the spirit of Helen Thomas couldn't inspire me.
SK - SHUT IT!
Lin - I am doing the guilt trip thing: I actually called out sick.
Deathlok - I'll get one because I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, but the whole idea is ridiculouc. And I agree: I don't always go to the doctor when I'm sick.
Waldo - Not my area. I'm just a foot soldier over there. The Man and RFTR are the generals.
RT - I've been drinking Gatorade for my throat and the fever, and we had chicken for dinner. I didn't eat much, though. Still feel like crap.
If I thought it would make you feel any better, I'd offer to drink one for you at the Buffett show tonight. No, I won't be wearing a coconut bra and even if I did, there would not be pictures.
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better.
Rach - Then no one can tell you, "What a lovely set of coconuts."
ReplyDeleteHeh, I crack myself up.
Heh, the last time I saw Jimmy I wound up wandering around the show a la Brandy Chastain: lost the Hawaiian shirt and just a sports bra.
ReplyDeleteDon't rule out that I may hear that exact quote.
;)
Could you cough in an envelope and mail it to Helen Thomas?
ReplyDeleteWyatt...did you read Steven A. Smith's column today? I have one issue with it and want to call him quite the hypocrite, but I don't want to take the column out of context if you haven't read it. Read it if you feel up to it. :) Feel better. (I'm gonna go watch the Flyers lose again.)
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better!
ReplyDeleteIf your 8th place entry sucked, my 10th place must have really sucked!
Insol - HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Wyatt wrote: "I actually called out sick."
ReplyDeletehmmmm, the Flyers,Rangers and Devils all played on the night that you got sick.
SHENANIGANS! I DECLARE SHENANIGANS!
Insol - DONE!!!
ReplyDeleteRT - I read it, and since there's obviously some hidden agenda there, I didn't touch it.
CUG - Not a shot at you, chief. Just thought I didn't have my "A" game.
Randal - HOW DARE YOU!!! Um, I don't like the Devils.