The Excuse Rolodex

This week, Rhode Island Representative Patrick Kennedy got into trouble this week when he ran a security checkpoint, nearly striking a Capitol Police vehicle. Kennedy’s headlights were not on, and officers on the scene allege that the representative had been drinking. After originally explaining away the incident, Kennedy told the media that he did not remember anything about that evening. He must have gotten hold of the Kennedy Excuse Rolodex. Thankfully, sources close to SYLG also obtained this precious Kennedy Reputation Saver, and we would like to pass this information along to the public.

The Top Ten Kennedy Family Excuses

10. “It’s okay. I’m a Kennedy.” - Interchangeable
9. “My cat-like vision makes headlights unnecessary.” – Patrick Kennedy
8. “Schindler funneled money to the Nazis, too, and he was applauded.” – Joe Kennedy
7. “I did not have sex with that woman, Miss Monroe.” – JFK
6. “Khrushchev triple-dog dared us to take the Bay of Pigs.” – RFK
5. “John wanted the top down in Dallas to feel the wind in his hair.” – Jackie Kennedy
4. “I can fly this thing solo. They do it all the time on ‘Wings.’” – JFK, Jr
3. “Mary Jo said she was an Olympic-caliber swimmer.” – Teddy Kennedy
2. “She tripped and fell crotch-first into my lap.” – William Kennedy Smith

And the number one Kennedy Family Excuse is . . .

1. “I wasn’t drunk. Those two unicorns at the bar were drunk.” – Interchangeable