Attention Infidels!

Allah be praised. My name is Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and I want to wish every one of my infidel friends a blessed National Nuclear Day! Yesterday, our country announced an expansion of uranium enrichment in order to develop warheads, er, um, sweet, lovable toy missiles that would not hurt a fly, let alone a Jew.

Some of the Western "leaders" are decrying this action, claiming that Iran is in search of a nuclear weapons program. Nothing could be further from the truth. We are, in fact, trying to defend ourselves against French and Swiss aggression. Does anyone remember World War II? France invites the Germans to the Tour de France, then they turn around and claim they were "invaded." Rubbish. And don't get me started on Switzerland. Their national delicacy is a dish served with spears! Fondue that!

Look, the current string of Iran bashing is merely an attempt to cover up America and Britain's invasion attempts. Why else would they be in Iraq? To invade Syria? That campaign would be over in approximately thirteen minutes. Syria is the Jamaican Bobsled Team of the Middle East. Iran? Not so much. We need a nuclear arsenal to repel the barbarian hordes!

And for that reason, and that reason alone, we are fooling around with uranium.

P.S. - Death to Israel!