After a few absolutely lousy weeks, I took third place in GOP and the City's Weekend Caption Contest! Notice that I bested CUG and Fmragtops . . . again. Heh.
Hey, this almost makes up for all of the hate mail I got during last night's B4B Liveblogging.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Johnson's Rising
Please forgive the lateness of this post, as I was spending my evening Liveblogging at Blogs4Bauer last night. For the record, last night’s episode of 24 may have been the most boring ever. What was not boring, however, was yesterday’s Aaron’s 499 at Talladega Superspeedway. At times the drivers were racing five-wide across the track, and there were lead changes aplenty.Of course, the four and five-wide racing eventually led to “The Big One,” the multi-car wreck that swallowed about ten competitors. Thankfully, there were no injuries, but many drivers succumbed to the attrition. One of those drivers was Dale Earnhardt, Jr, who blew and engine late in the contest. Alas, The New Man in Black would not find Victory Lane in Alabama; that position was reserved for Jimmie Johnson.
Hendrick Motorsports again showed themselves the kings of the restrictor plates. Jeff Gordon dominated much of the race (although he finished far behind the leaders), Brian Vickers scored his first top five finish of the year, and Jimmie Johnson pulled off a brilliant pass late in the race to finish ahead of Tony “Rat Bastard” Stewart.
Johnson and Gordon (who compose my fantasy team with Louie the Lock) still reside in the top ten in the overall standings. My other team of Junior and Ryan Newman? Not so much.
Monday, May 01, 2006
The Big Time!!!
Guess who's scheduled to be interviewed over at Basil's Blog? Well, yeah, Right Wing Prof, and The Man, but somewhere down the line, I will also join the ranks of the Great Interviewees!
If you'd like to submit a question for the upcoming interview, just click on this link here.
If you'd like to submit a question for the upcoming interview, just click on this link here.
Duct Tape Alert! This Is Not A Drill!
If you live in the Philadelphia area, you may have heard my head explode this morning. During a Morning in America commercial break, I unwisely tuned over to local idiot Michael Smerconish’s radio show. The bald-headed jackass was interviewing diet guru Michael Schiavo. You may remember Schiavo’s first wonder-client, Terri, who lost pounds and inches by following Michael’s Starve Yourself Dead plan.
Actually, Michael Schiavo was plugging (or is it “pulling the plug on”) his new book, and Smerconish was giving him the forum he so desperately craves. Both Michael and Terri Schiavo are from the Philadelphia area, and Smerconish – who last summer “evolved” into a left-wing liberal nutcase – was more than happy to kiss this filthy bastard’s ass.
Among the topics covered in the interview were Schiavo’s continuing rage directed at the politicians who tried to save Terri’s life (Smerconish’s reply: “I agree it was none of their business.”), and the need for people to obtain a living will (Smerconish's reply: “Absolutely. Everyone should get one.”). Smerconish suddenly turned into Ed McMahon. I kept waiting for him to yell, “YES,” and laugh hysterically.
Maybe I missed it, but I didn't hear the following questions:
Actually, Michael Schiavo was plugging (or is it “pulling the plug on”) his new book, and Smerconish was giving him the forum he so desperately craves. Both Michael and Terri Schiavo are from the Philadelphia area, and Smerconish – who last summer “evolved” into a left-wing liberal nutcase – was more than happy to kiss this filthy bastard’s ass.
Among the topics covered in the interview were Schiavo’s continuing rage directed at the politicians who tried to save Terri’s life (Smerconish’s reply: “I agree it was none of their business.”), and the need for people to obtain a living will (Smerconish's reply: “Absolutely. Everyone should get one.”). Smerconish suddenly turned into Ed McMahon. I kept waiting for him to yell, “YES,” and laugh hysterically.
Maybe I missed it, but I didn't hear the following questions:
- Michael, why were you in such a rush to end your wife's life support?
- Michael, why did you feel the need to end her life if her parents vowed to take care of her in your stead?
- Michael, how long did you wait to start humping someone new when your wife was in a coma?
- Michael, have you always been a lying weasel, or has that transformation occurred only recently?
In fairness, I did not hear the beginning of the interview, but in the ten or so minutes that I was listening (and cringing every time Smerconish agreed with Schiavo), not one call was taken. At the end of the interview, Smerconish thanked Schiavo, and probably also gave him a reach-around before going to commercial. I thought to myself, “He has to take callers now,” but when he came back from his break, the coward immediately switched topics to the newly released “United 93.”
Frakkin' Blogger!!!
I have been trying to post since 3pm, and the damned Blogger server is down . . . again. That's it, I'm canceling my last check!!!
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Colon Pow!
I guess it's the General's turn to pile on.
"WASHINGTON - Just back from Baghdad and eager to discuss promising developments, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice found herself knocked off message Sunday, forced to defend prewar planning and troop levels against an unlikely critic - Colin Powell, her predecessor at the State Department.
On Rice's mind was the political breakthrough that had brought her and Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld to Iraq last week and cleared the way for formation of a national unity government.
Yet Powell sideswiped her by revisiting the question of whether the U.S. had a large enough force to oust Saddam Hussein and then secure the peace. He said he advised Bush before the U.S.-led invasion in March 2003 to send more troops to Iraq, but that the administration did not follow his recommendation."
If Powell had any real courage, he would have made a stink about this, in America, THREE YEARS AGO!!!
I have just a few questions for "General" Powell:
"WASHINGTON - Just back from Baghdad and eager to discuss promising developments, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice found herself knocked off message Sunday, forced to defend prewar planning and troop levels against an unlikely critic - Colin Powell, her predecessor at the State Department.
On Rice's mind was the political breakthrough that had brought her and Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld to Iraq last week and cleared the way for formation of a national unity government.
Yet Powell sideswiped her by revisiting the question of whether the U.S. had a large enough force to oust Saddam Hussein and then secure the peace. He said he advised Bush before the U.S.-led invasion in March 2003 to send more troops to Iraq, but that the administration did not follow his recommendation."
If Powell had any real courage, he would have made a stink about this, in America, THREE YEARS AGO!!!
I have just a few questions for "General" Powell:
- How successful would the administration have been if they asked to deploy more troops to Iraq, when the liberals and the Dems were already pissing about the original number?
- If the U.S. and the coalition did not have a large enough force to topple Saddam Hussein, then why is he now sitting in prison?
- How would Colon Pow! "secure the peace" in Iraq, when the U.S. can barely secure peace within its own borders. Hey, General, my city is averaging one homicide a day. Has Philadelphia "secured the peace?" Ass.
The best part about this story is that all of the liberal whackos who hated his guts and referred him to an "Uncle Tom" will now jump on his bandwagon, claiming he has clarity of vision. Despicable.
The Intimidator Returns
Junior dressed in black. It's about damned time!Oh, to be in Alabama this afternoon! It took five years, but Dale Earnhardt, Jr will be driving his late father's colors at the Talladega Superspeedway. If there's any justice, Junior will avoid trouble and take the checkered flag. Is there a NASCAR fan on Earth that won't be watching?
Somewhere up above, Dale Earnhardt is smiling.
(Hat Tip to GOP and College for the pic.)
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Nerd Trivia (Answer Key)
Even the promise of a prize was not enough to get you slackers motivated! Only three people (Randal Graves, Fmragtops, and Tyler D.) entered this installment of Nerd Trivia. For shame! The answers will be listed below, and the final results will follow.
Part 1: General Nerd Trivia
1. Give the full name of Squidward’s similar-looking archrival from SpongeBob SquarePants. (Squilliam Fancyson)
2. Name the actor who played Apollo in the original Battlestar Galactica who also plays Tom Zarek in the new series. (Richard Hatch)
3. Name the villain who writes his name on the moon in an episode of The Tick (The Animated Series). (Chairface Chippendale. Hat Tip to Tyler who reminds me that Chairface made the plan, but Professor Chromedome actually did the laser writing!)
4. In the TV series “Smallville,” what is Lois Lane’s nickname for Clark Kent? (Smallville)
5. Name Solid Snake’s female ally in the hit videogame Metal Gear Solid. Only her first name is necessary. Brownie points for the full name. (Meryl Silverburgh)
6. Name the fictional martial arts program Kip and Napoleon consider joining in Napoleon Dynamite. (Rex Kwon Do)
7. What’s the first name of the Corporate Accounts Payable receptionist in Office Space? “Corporate Accounts Payable, __________ Speaking. Just a moment.” (Nina)
8. In Beavis and Butt-Head, name the band whose name appears on Stuart’s shirt. (Winger)
9. In Star Trek 6: The Undiscovered Country, Klingon General Chang is constantly quoting which author? (William Shakespeare)
10. What is the nickname for NASCAR’s Darlington Speedway? ("The Track Too Tough To Tame." I would have also accepted "The Lady In Black")
Part 2: Knowing Your Blog Host (Multiple Guess)
1. Who is my favorite X-Men character?
a. Wolverine
b. Juggernaut
c. Nightcrawler
2. Who is my favorite Spider-man villain?
a. Rhino
b. Mysterio
c. Vulture
3. Name my favorite band.
a. REM
b. The Ramones
c. The Psychedelic Furs
4. What is my favorite single-digit number? It can be found three times on my two police badges (Officer and Detective)?
a. 2
b. 4
c. 9
5. Which Blogger was the first to place SYLG in their sidebar?
a. Dr. Phat Tony’s
b. GOP and the City
c. The Conservative UAW Guy
The Results
Winner: Randal Graves (Damn, that hurt to type.) Randal had a mere three incorrect answers: #4 in Part One, and #3 and 4 in Part Two. Bravo! Now everyone brace yourselves for the inescapable bragging.
Second Place (Tie): Fmragtops and Tyler D. Both Fm and Tyler had four incorrect answers: Fm missed #4 and #5 on Part One, and #4 and #5 in Part Two. Tyler missed #4 in Part One and #1, 4, and 5 in Part Two. Ty gets bonus points for the clarification of the question about The Tick. Nice!
Congrats to all, and thanks for having the wontons to enter!
Part 1: General Nerd Trivia
1. Give the full name of Squidward’s similar-looking archrival from SpongeBob SquarePants. (Squilliam Fancyson)
2. Name the actor who played Apollo in the original Battlestar Galactica who also plays Tom Zarek in the new series. (Richard Hatch)
3. Name the villain who writes his name on the moon in an episode of The Tick (The Animated Series). (Chairface Chippendale. Hat Tip to Tyler who reminds me that Chairface made the plan, but Professor Chromedome actually did the laser writing!)
4. In the TV series “Smallville,” what is Lois Lane’s nickname for Clark Kent? (Smallville)
5. Name Solid Snake’s female ally in the hit videogame Metal Gear Solid. Only her first name is necessary. Brownie points for the full name. (Meryl Silverburgh)
6. Name the fictional martial arts program Kip and Napoleon consider joining in Napoleon Dynamite. (Rex Kwon Do)
7. What’s the first name of the Corporate Accounts Payable receptionist in Office Space? “Corporate Accounts Payable, __________ Speaking. Just a moment.” (Nina)
8. In Beavis and Butt-Head, name the band whose name appears on Stuart’s shirt. (Winger)
9. In Star Trek 6: The Undiscovered Country, Klingon General Chang is constantly quoting which author? (William Shakespeare)
10. What is the nickname for NASCAR’s Darlington Speedway? ("The Track Too Tough To Tame." I would have also accepted "The Lady In Black")
Part 2: Knowing Your Blog Host (Multiple Guess)
1. Who is my favorite X-Men character?
a. Wolverine
b. Juggernaut
c. Nightcrawler
2. Who is my favorite Spider-man villain?
a. Rhino
b. Mysterio
c. Vulture
3. Name my favorite band.
a. REM
b. The Ramones
c. The Psychedelic Furs
4. What is my favorite single-digit number? It can be found three times on my two police badges (Officer and Detective)?
a. 2
b. 4
c. 9
5. Which Blogger was the first to place SYLG in their sidebar?
a. Dr. Phat Tony’s
b. GOP and the City
c. The Conservative UAW Guy
The Results
Winner: Randal Graves (Damn, that hurt to type.) Randal had a mere three incorrect answers: #4 in Part One, and #3 and 4 in Part Two. Bravo! Now everyone brace yourselves for the inescapable bragging.
Second Place (Tie): Fmragtops and Tyler D. Both Fm and Tyler had four incorrect answers: Fm missed #4 and #5 on Part One, and #4 and #5 in Part Two. Tyler missed #4 in Part One and #1, 4, and 5 in Part Two. Ty gets bonus points for the clarification of the question about The Tick. Nice!
Congrats to all, and thanks for having the wontons to enter!
Friday, April 28, 2006
Commercials I Hate
It was a slow week on the PIH front - I mean, really, how many times can I list jackasses like Ray Nagin and PA Governor Ed Rendell? - so this week we turn our forward batteries to those annoyances everyone loves to hate: commercials.
Brother P-Touch (aka "The Label Baby")
This radio spot runs ad nauseum on the local talk radio stations here, especially during Sean Hannity's show. Actually, this "grab your sniper rifle and run to the tower" advertisement almost always airs at 3:30pm, Philly time. It is always the same spot: "rock" music breaks the silence, then the ear-splitting lyrics begin: " . . . Simplify! Identify! Brother P-Touch peee-ople!" After your ears begin to bleed, a "hip" Generation X-er does the voice-over, telling "the guys" that there "are things you tell the ladies, and things you don't." This is where I unholster my weapon and place it to my temple. The mental defective gives "the guys" advice on hooking up . . . then I lose consciousness. The awful theme song cues the end of the torture, and I swear to make enough money to buy the company . . . and murder those responsible for this radio ad.
"THINGS YOU DON'T TELL THE LADIES INCLUDE YOUR LATEST STD, NOT WHETHER OR NOT YOU HAVE A LOUSY LABEL MAKER! HAVEN'T YOU EVER SEEN SEINFELD? PEOPLE RE-GIFT YOUR PRODUCTS!!!"
The 3-Step Plan
Have you heard this one? Another ad which is on a constant loop in talk radio markets, The 3-Step Plan home business system never ceases to leave me running for the duct tape. The spokesperson, Andy Willoughby - I probably butchered that last name, but who the hell cares? - begins every spot with his trademark greeting, "How in the world are ya, anyway?"
"HOW IN THE WORLD AM I, ANYWAY? I'M ABOUT FIVE SECONDS FROM SWERVING INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC IF I HEAR ABOUT YOUR LAME-ASS WORK-AT-HOME PLAN ONE MORE TIME! THAT'S HOW IN THE WORLD I AM!!!"
Heineken Beer
Don't get me wrong; I like Heineken. It was the first legal beer I ordered when I turned 21. That being said, the company's new television spot shows their trademark green bottles moving back and forth in a sort of striptease. The soundtrack for the spot is some dance song right out of a seedy gentleman's club: "Don't you wish you're girlfriend was hot like me?"
"ARE YOU FRAKKIN' KIDDING ME? OF COURSE I DON'T WISH THAT! IS IT YOUR GOAL TO HAVE MEN DUMPING THEIR GIRLFRIENDS FOR GLASS BOTTLES? GEE TARA, I REALLY LIKE YOU AND ALL, BUT I CAN'T GET THAT HEINEKEN BOTTLE OUT OF MY MIND. I'M AFRAID WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO BREAK UP. IDIOTS!!!"
Brother P-Touch (aka "The Label Baby")
This radio spot runs ad nauseum on the local talk radio stations here, especially during Sean Hannity's show. Actually, this "grab your sniper rifle and run to the tower" advertisement almost always airs at 3:30pm, Philly time. It is always the same spot: "rock" music breaks the silence, then the ear-splitting lyrics begin: " . . . Simplify! Identify! Brother P-Touch peee-ople!" After your ears begin to bleed, a "hip" Generation X-er does the voice-over, telling "the guys" that there "are things you tell the ladies, and things you don't." This is where I unholster my weapon and place it to my temple. The mental defective gives "the guys" advice on hooking up . . . then I lose consciousness. The awful theme song cues the end of the torture, and I swear to make enough money to buy the company . . . and murder those responsible for this radio ad.
"THINGS YOU DON'T TELL THE LADIES INCLUDE YOUR LATEST STD, NOT WHETHER OR NOT YOU HAVE A LOUSY LABEL MAKER! HAVEN'T YOU EVER SEEN SEINFELD? PEOPLE RE-GIFT YOUR PRODUCTS!!!"
The 3-Step Plan
Have you heard this one? Another ad which is on a constant loop in talk radio markets, The 3-Step Plan home business system never ceases to leave me running for the duct tape. The spokesperson, Andy Willoughby - I probably butchered that last name, but who the hell cares? - begins every spot with his trademark greeting, "How in the world are ya, anyway?"
"HOW IN THE WORLD AM I, ANYWAY? I'M ABOUT FIVE SECONDS FROM SWERVING INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC IF I HEAR ABOUT YOUR LAME-ASS WORK-AT-HOME PLAN ONE MORE TIME! THAT'S HOW IN THE WORLD I AM!!!"
Heineken Beer
Don't get me wrong; I like Heineken. It was the first legal beer I ordered when I turned 21. That being said, the company's new television spot shows their trademark green bottles moving back and forth in a sort of striptease. The soundtrack for the spot is some dance song right out of a seedy gentleman's club: "Don't you wish you're girlfriend was hot like me?"
"ARE YOU FRAKKIN' KIDDING ME? OF COURSE I DON'T WISH THAT! IS IT YOUR GOAL TO HAVE MEN DUMPING THEIR GIRLFRIENDS FOR GLASS BOTTLES? GEE TARA, I REALLY LIKE YOU AND ALL, BUT I CAN'T GET THAT HEINEKEN BOTTLE OUT OF MY MIND. I'M AFRAID WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO BREAK UP. IDIOTS!!!"
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