I Have Never Been More Distraught

Before we begin, this will be a very long post, but I would hope you read this in its entirety, since I am putting everything I can into this post.

This is my twentieth year of blogging, and while I usually have stories about crime, or sarcasm, or anything else that people like. Today is not that post. This is a post about the the first girl who really, truly loved me...

The year was 1988.

This beautiful woman above is Meghan Mulqueen. The photo is from when she was playing lacrosse and field hockey at the University of Delaware. I met her at the Northeast Philadelphia Airport in 1988. Meghan's father was a bigwig at the airport, and they were looking for people to work during the summer. My mother asked if I wanted to make some money, and of course, I said, absolutely! So on the first day it was me, Meghan, David, and Jim. The guy running the four of us decided to put us into teams. David and Jim - they were older - and me and Meghan.

On the first day, both me and Meghan got dressed up, thinking that was what they wanted. That lasted for one day. Then they said we'd be painting the parking lot lines. Good idea, since it was a scalding summer that year. Meghan's father wasn't there the first day, and she seemed very apprehensive. I walked over to her, introduced myself, and said, "Come on, I'll show you around." We hit it off quickly. I'd talk to her, we'd listen to the radio outside, and just have a lot of fun.

On the second day, Meghan came in and started stretching in one of the empty rooms. All four of us were athletes, so we followed her lead. Meghan was the best athlete, but I'll talk about that later. David and Jim were painting the walls inside the hangars, and we were still painting the parking lines. When we got outside, Meghan said, "Thanks for working with me. I thought you hated me." I asked, "Why would you think that? I'd rather work with you than the eggs."

Meghan always called us "the three eggs."

Meghan eventually asked me to walk with her during lunch. We'd walk around the airport, talk a lot - mostly about lacrosse - and it was by far the best part of the day. One day we were painting inside an office and we had the radio on. It was really high at one point, and I looked at her. She looked back at me and said, "So?" Oh right, her father ran things there.

I was starting to fall in love with her. I wasn't going to say it, but I was absolutely in love with her. I did my best not to show it, but I couldn't stop looking at her. She was fun, smart, quick-witted, and absolutely beautiful. But hey, I was a very middle class guy, and someone like Meghan couldn't possibly be interested in the poor kid.

And yet it happened.

The summer work eventually ended, and it was Meghan's last day since she was getting ready to go back for her senior year at Marple Newtown High School. (Meghan was a year younger than me.). It was 4pm, and her father was taking Meghan home. David and Jim walked over to me and said, "Are you just going to let her leave? Go to her! Tell her how you feel." I wasn't sure what she would do, expecially in a hangar filled with people. Meghan, being Meghan gave me a giant hug, and said she'll keep in touch.

I walked out to the parking lot, and waved to Meghan as her father drove her home. The last week was awful. I didn't feel complete without her near me.

Some of my friends wanted to meet Meghan. We were going to a double-header at the Phillies game and I asked if Meghan wanted to go to the game. She said yes! We met at the game, and she stayed for the first game, but had to leave after the first game. The guys loved her. She was just as great at the game as she was at work. The first game ended, and Meghan asked me to walk her to her car. We walked together, talked for a bit, and the she kissed me. It was the greatest moment in my entire life. She gave me another hug and another kiss before leaving.

When I got back to the guys, they wanted every single second of what happened in the parking lot. I tried to lie, but they knew she kissed me. It was that moment that I thought to myself, "That's the girl I want to marry."

Meghan kept her word. We sent letters back and forth, and the only real time she was angry with me was when I stood her up because my friends wanted to play ice hockey. It was the dumbest thing ever. I could play ice hockey any day of the week, but my peer group pushed me to go. I felt so bad, and she was not pleased. And yet, she sent a stern letter, but by the end of the letter we were friends again, after I apologized again and again.

Once we were both in college, we didn't talk as much as we did before. Between school, lacrosse, and we got a little further apart. It wasn't anyone's fault, but when I'm at St. Joseph's University and she is at the University of Delaware, it's difficult, especially when cellphones weren't around.

As I said above, Meghan was an amazing field hockey and lacrosse player. Meghan was an All-American, and First-Team All Region for the University of Delaware. She was also awarded Conference Honors in 1991. Meghan attended Marple Newton High School, in Newtown Square, PA where she was an outstanding lacrosse and field hockey player. Meg was a three-year starter on both the varsity lacrosse and field hockey teams and earned many state and local athletic awards. She was instrumental in helping the Marple Newtown girl’s lacrosse team win a State Championship during her junior year. Meg's athleticism and dedication to field hockey and lacrosse earned her an athletic scholarship to the University of Delaware. She captained both teams while earning a Bachelor’s degree in History Education.

Once in a while, I would check Facebook to see how Meghan was doing. She got married to very decent man three years after I got married, and she had two beautiful daughters. She spent most of her life promoting lacrosse, especially for girls. She coached in London, England, and was named as the women's lacrosse coach at the University of California at Santa Barbara. Meghan moved to South Carolina and was the head coach of girls' Fins Lacrosse.

Okay, this is the difficult part. The photo above is Meghan from 2018.

From The University of Delaware in 2018: It is with deep sadness that we share that we have lost a loved one in Meghan Mulqueen Taylor '92, who passed away this weekend after a long battle with Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma and subsequently Bronchiolitis Obliterans. She was only 47 years old.

For the last three weeks, I have been trying to understand this. Why would someone so good, so special, die so young. I have been taking four to five mile walks and I'm crying the entire time. She was my girl. She was the one I wanted to marry. I would have gladly have the Lord take me instead of Meghan. She was such a better person than I would ever be.

Don't wait to tell the people you love that you love them. Do it quickly, because one day you may want to say something, and that person may already be gone. I have been inconsolabe. I look at her photo and I lose it. My coworkers ask me if I'm okay, and I say, "Sure, I'm good." If I start losing it, I tell them it's allergies.

I never really told Meghan how much I loved her, how much I wanted to be with her, or how sorry I was for some of the stupid things I have done. Now, I'll never be able to tell her how much I loved her, and everytime I see her photo I just bawl.

There are a few good parts here. Julia plays field hockey, like Meghan, and they both wore the #17. Every day, I go into the backyard and shoot seventeen lacrosse balls at our lacrosse net. I've decided do this every single day in honor of Meghan. I still have her letters, which I will cherish for the rest of my life. She always ended her letters with "Love always, Meghan."

I will never, ever forget you.

I feel so badly for Meghan's husband and their daughters. No one deserved this, especially such a terrific person who did so much good in the world.

P.S. - Meghan's husband has a GoFundMe in honor of Meghan Mulqueen-Taylor and her love of lacrosse, we will be raising funds in her honor to build the Meghan Mulqueen-Taylor Memorial lacrosse field on Daniel Island. If you can spare some money for the GoFundMe, I would appreciate it.

I will continue to put some money in as often as I can. Meghan absolutely deserves a lacrosse field named after her.