So, I get a call from my hot little partner this morning – who, unfortunately, I haven’t seen or talked to in a while – and she asks me if I went to the retirement party my former district held yesterday. When I stopped laughing, I told her, “Hell no!” Why the cynicism? Primarily because one of the retirees that was being honored was my former sergeant. You remember this asshat; he was the dink who made my pre-promotion life miserable. Since I purposely missed the festivities, I thought I should honor the sergeant in a truly respectful way:
Sergeant, when I heard you were retiring, I was moved to tears. Now who will give me such terrific blog material? Where will we find another completely inept, embarrassingly clueless police supervisor? Who else can treat hardworking cops like dirt, while pandering to the toads? Where will we find another Bible thumper who so proficiently uses the “F” word? I am truly at a loss. You, sir, are (hopefully) one of a kind. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass.
I am sorry that I missed your party, but I had better things to do; like shaving my back.
That would have made a lovely toast, especially if you could have been playing a video of you shaving your back in the background.
ReplyDeleteNot bitter at all huh?
ReplyDeleteReally, shaving your back? hehe
ReplyDeleteWhere's your compassion?
Rach - You just want to see me with my shirt off. Sick bastard.
ReplyDeleteDoc - Not at all. (Cough, cough) Sorry. Bile.
Linda - I am a very handsome man.
Hey, it's not like I said I want to share your Doritos.
ReplyDeleteBible thumper? F-word? Hmmm...sounds like me. Hey, it is how I survive the teenagers everyday (don't say it in front of them). On the other hand...it sounds like Mayor Street....
ReplyDeleteAhhh, the hate toast. I can't tell you how many of these hubby would like to send out.
ReplyDeleteAnd he is a handsome man. After watching Brokeback Mountain, he was the first person I thought of to take camping.
ReplyDeleteGrim Jack, that was funny!!!
ReplyDeleteNot much of a witness if you cuss then in the same breath spout scripture.
Oh how I wish you could have made that toast at the party....on video:)
ReplyDelete