Why Did I Become A Police Officer?

To quote Neo from The Matrix, “Guns. Lots of guns.”

Actually, this was a question posed by Little Miss Chatterbox in my last Q&A. And, since the Q&A is usually an excuse for me to dole out the funny – although that rarely happens - I never answered her serious question seriously. Seriously!

The year was 1985. Skinny ties and spiked hair slathered in mousse were all the rage. An impressionable young man was attending Archbishop Ryan High School, and looking for direction. While walking home from a school dance – after seeing home then-girlfriend Tara Durkin – my friend Ray and I crossed the Liberty Bell Youth Organization baseball fields. It was about midnight. As we're walking, two White Trash Specials come up on us and ask us for money. Being teenagers, we had none.

Wrong answer.

The first toad grabbed my arm, twisted it until it couldn't go any further, and pushed it as high as my shoulder would let him. At the time, I was hoping he would just break the arm because that had to be less painful than this. The second toad wrestled Ray to the ground, and was sitting on him. My first thought was, "Calgon, take me away!"

My second thought was, "God, I hope that's sweat running down my leg."

The toads kept the pressure on as they demanded money. They searched our pockets, and when they found nothing but lint, the second toad kicked Ray in the back as the first toad punched me several times in the face. The worst part of the ordeal was that the toads weren't much older than we were! They thugs ran from the scene, and Ray and I limped home. To this day, I pray they get arrested in my division!

As we were walking, the topic of careers came up. I told Ray that my mind was made up on that field. It also helped that Miami Vice was all the rage, and detectives seemed so cool. At the time, everyone in my circle of friends wanted to either be a cop or a fighter pilot.

I took a Business Law class in my senior year, and when it came time to pick a college, I chose one (Saint Joseph's University) that had a decent Criminal Justice program. I was one of the few freshmen who knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life. Four years later, I was out in the job market, only to find out that the economy sucked - thank you Presidents Bush and Clinton! I took every law enforcement test available: ATF (I scored an 88 on a test that had trigonometry!), PA State Police, Federal Prisons, and the like. By 1992, I hadn't had one call, so I decided to take the Philly test. I scored a 97, and was ranked #640 on the list.

Two years later, I was in the Academy.

Thank you Ricardo and Sonny!