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Thursday, January 31, 2008

The Obama-ton Will Destroy Us All!

Our only hope is to burn all of the nation's weed and destroy the Hill-dabeast's pantsuit!

LOS ANGELES, California (CNN) -- Despite it being a showdown between the remaining two candidates, Thursday's Democratic debate was in marked contrast from last week's contentious face off.

In their opening remarks, both candidates praised each other while highlighting distinctions between the Democrats and the Republicans.

While they tried to point out the differences in their policies, they did it without the finger-pointing of last week.
(H/T - CNN)

Then why would anyone care, and why would anyone watch? Politicians are, by definition, boring. The only reason anyone would watch is to see some blood.

Sadly, that won't happen tonight.

Obama: Decriminalize Pot

You're not really surprised, are you? Look at his policies and platforms!
Last fall during a nationally televised presidential debate, Sen. Barack Obama hesitantly raised his hand and joined with most of his Democratic rivals to declare that he opposed decriminalizing marijuana.

But as a candidate for the U.S. Senate four years ago, Mr. Obama told Illinois college students that he supported eliminating criminal penalties for marijuana use or possession, according to a videotape of a little noticed debate that was obtained by The Washington Times.

"I think we need to rethink and decriminalize our marijuana laws," Mr. Obama told an audience during a debate at Northwestern University in 2004. "But I'm not somebody who believes in legalization of marijuana."

Asked about the two different answers, Mr. Obama's presidential campaign said he in fact has "always" supported decriminalizing marijuana as he answered in 2004, meaning the candidate mistakenly raised his hand during the presidential debate last fall. (H/T - The Washington Times)
In other news, Jay and Silent Bob just threw their votes to the Illinois Senator.

Okay, I can see telling a bunch of slacker college students that you want to "re-think" the marijuana laws; they're idiots. However, it worries me when a man who wants to be elected to the highest (heh, heh, "highest") office in the land makes lame excuses for his flip-flopping. He "mistakenly raised his hand?" That's the best you could come up with? Personally, I think that if he is making idiotic mistakes like these now, what will he do when he's in office.

"Gee, sorry about nuking your country, Vladimir. I mistakenly pressed the button." Jackass.

Jethro's Girlfriend Commits Suicide

Yeah, that Jethro.

CARSON CITY, Nevada (AP) -- The live-in girlfriend of former "Beverly Hillbillies" star Max Baer Jr. apparently shot herself and died several days later, authorities said Wednesday.

Police were still investigating the death of 30-year-old Chere Rhodes, but no foul play is suspected, Douglas County Sheriff's Sgt. Jim Halsey said.

Baer, 70, an entrepreneur who played "Jethro" in the 1960s "Hillbillies" series, summoned authorities to his Lake Tahoe home last Thursday after he found Rhodes with a single gunshot wound to the chest, Halsey said.

"She was conscious on the scene and told [officers] that it was a self-attempted suicide," Halsey said. "There was a suicide note as well, which substantiated her statement." (H/T - CNN)

Of course she committed suicide; she finally realized she was dating Jethro!

I have a question. How is a 70-year old Max Baer Jr landing 30-year old babes? This broad couldn't have known him from the sitcom - well, maybe from reruns - and even if she did, couldn't she have done a little better than Jethro? I am pretty sure Ron "Horshack" Palillo is available . . .

Wyatt's Wisdom Nuggets

I had to bring this segment back this week to annoy RT. It's all part of my plan to make evil funny. Heh.

There are three religious truths:

1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.

3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.

(H/T - Uncle Ray)

The Power Of Christ Compels You!

Would you buy a used car from this man?

Who knew that people still performed exorcisms? I must have missed that in the church bulletin.

BUCHAREST, Romania (AP) -- A former priest began a seven-year jail term Wednesday for murdering a young nun during an exorcism ritual when she was bound, chained to a cross and denied food and water for days.

Irina Cornici, 23, died from dehydration, exhaustion and suffocation during an ordeal that stunned Romania and prompted the Orthodox Church to promise reforms and psychological tests to screen potential clergy.

The former priest, Daniel Corogeanu, and four nuns were all convicted and sentenced in September but Corogeanu was freed pending an appeal, which he lost Tuesday. He was picked up by police in the remote northeast Wednesday and sent to jail.

Cornici, who had previously been treated for schizophrenia, had believed she heard the devil talking to her. Corogeanu and the four nuns decided to try an exorcism ritual in June 2005 using techniques that the Romanian Orthodox Church condemned as "abominable". (H/T - CNN)

The nun was bound, chained to a cross, and denied food and water. Hell, in America the ACLU would consider that art, not torture. Maybe we can move their home office to Romania?

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Humpday History Highlight

How many of you know the name Richard Lawrence? I'll bet that number would be much larger if Lawrence's assassination attempt had been successful. Read on . . .

Richard Lawrence (1800? – June 13, 1861) is the first known person to attempt to assassinate an American President.

Lawrence blamed Jackson for killing his father in 1832, despite the fact that Lawrence's father had actually died nine years earlier and had never been to the United States.

Lawrence decided he should kill Jackson. He purchased two pistols and began observing Jackson's movements. For several weeks before the assassination attempt, he was seen on most days in the same paint shop, repeatedly talking and laughing to himself. On January 30, 1835, Jackson was attending the funeral of South Carolina congressman Warren R. Davis. Lawrence originally planned to shoot Jackson as he entered the service but was unable to get close enough to the President.

However when Jackson left the funeral, Lawrence had found a space near a pillar where Jackson would pass. As Jackson walked, Lawrence stepped out and fired his first pistol at Jackson's back; it misfired. Lawrence quickly made another attempt with his second pistol but that also misfired. It was later determined that the weapons he had chosen were noted for being vulnerable to moisture and the weather on that date was extremely humid.

Lawrence's unsuccessful attempts had drawn the attention of the crowd and he was quickly wrestled into submission by those present (including Congressman Davy Crockett). It is reported that Jackson assisted in subduing his attempted assassin, striking him several times with his cane.

Lawrence was brought to trial on April 11, 1835. The prosecuting attorney was Francis Scott Key. After only five minutes of deliberation, the jury found Lawrence not guilty by reason of insanity. (H/T - Wikipedia)

Knowledge is power, kids!

SYLG's Evil Lesson Of The Day

I received this from my Uncle Ray, my right-hand man of evil, and thought it would be appropriate here at SYLG; where being evil is funny.

For those times when you're sitting next to an annoying person on a plane or train, follow these instructions:

1. Quietly and calmly open up your laptop case.

2. Remove your laptop.

3. Start up.

4. Make sure the guy who is annoying you can see the screen.

5. Close your eyes and tilt your head up to the sky.

6. CLICK THIS LINK.

(Cue evil laugh. Muhahahahaha!)

Ramsey Announces Crime Fighting Plan

Chief Wiggum and Commish Ramsey: separated at birth?

On first examination, it is a whole lot of nuthin'. On a closer examination, it is still a whole lot of nuthin'. Read this over and tell me if I'm wrong:
PHILADELPHIA (CBS 3) ― Police Commissioner Charles Ramsey unveiled his crime-fighting strategy to sworn and civilian Philadelphia Police personnel at the Wachovia Center Wednesday morning.

Ramsey said there is "nothing fancy" about his Crime Control Strategies Plan; compiled in response to Mayor Michael Nutter's declaration of a "crime emergency." It is a return to the "basics of policing." The commissioner said his goal is to have 200 additional patrol officers on the street by May 1, with a concentration in the crime-infested neighborhoods and establishing Targeted Enforcement Zones within those nine most violent districts.

Some other highlights of Ramsey's strategy include reducing the homicide rate by 20-percent and more than 30-50-percent over the next three to five years.

Ramsey's plan includes, decreasing the number of shooting victims and violent crimes by 20-percent, increase the number of guns removed from the streets by five-percent and increase the homicide clearance rate by 65-percent.

The commissioner stated the need to significantly reduce the backlog of 6,000 pieces of ballistic evidence waiting testing and detailed his plan to reorganize the command structure by the end of March.

Ramsey stated the need for community involvement and an increase in security cameras. (H/T - CBS3)
Did I miss something here? I don't see where Ramsey explains how he will reduce homicides and violent crimes. He threw out a lot of numbers when talking about percentage declines, but didn't exactly elaborate upon how he would be getting it done. The extra 200 officers on the street is a terrific idea - Lord knows we need them - but 200 officers comes to an average of only eight officers per district. Divide that by the three tours of duty, and it's only an increase of two officers per eight-hour shift. That is not all that impressive, but it's a start.

The bright spot in this plan is that many of the officers who attended the meeting came back with the impression that Ramsey really seems to care, and that is something that was lacking under Commissioner Johnson. I'll give Ramsey the benefit of the doubt for now, but again, it's early.

Tips (And Gifts) Are Appreciated

Yesterday I received a gift. Scratch that. Yesterday I received a really cool gift from now-retired blogger Rachel. After a short e-mail which stated that I will accept this gift, it came to Casa de Earp via UPS.

I opened up the box and saw the t-shirt pictured on the right. Rachel knows that I am a huge fan of Battlestar Galactica, and when she saw this online, she bought it immediately. The funny thing about it is that I have probably written "What the frak?" about 100 times on SYLG in the past. Suffice to say, when I saw the shirt, I laughed out loud.

Soon after, I got to thinking. Why don't more of my readers send me gifts? I mean, I've been giving you folks hours upon hours of free entertainment for three years. Shouldn't that count for something? And, unlike some other blogs, I don't have a "Support/Donate" button in my sidebar. I have to pay for this all by my lonesome.

*I wonder if they know that Blogger is a free service. Never mind, you're rolling. They don't need to know.*

So anyway, I figured would give everyone a few ideas of some thoughtful gifts to buy in case you were so inclined. Here goes:
  • A Nintendo Wii. I hate that Randal has one, and I don't.
  • Orange Tic Tacs. Nature's perfect food, topped only by Pez.
  • Bikini photos of Uber. She's a hottie!
  • Bikini photos of Helen Thomas. What??? She's a classic beauty.
  • Candlesticks. I heard they make a nice gift while watching Bull Durham.
See? I'm not greedy. All of these are reasonable offerings to your loyal blog god. Now, it's off to your local merchant. Chop, chop!

Body Parts Found On Two Pennsylvania Highways

And my wife gives me grief when I throw a chewing gum wrapper out the window!

SWIFTWATER, Pa. (CBS3/AP) ― A woman's severed head was found Tuesday in a trash bag along Interstate 380, one of eight bags found with body parts.

It was unclear if all of the body was found, investigators said in an afternoon news conference.

"At this point, no, we are not comfortable we have found all the pieces. We have certainly done a search of Interstate 80 in Monroe, Carbon, Luzerne and Columbia counties. Again, could something be dumped down the side, certainly," state police Lt. Robert Bartal said.

The first bag was found Tuesday morning near the Mount Pocono exit of Interstate 380 by a state road worker salting the highway.

"PennDOT was just out getting ready for the pending ice storm and stopped and checked on this bag," Lt. Bartal said. More remains were found later Tuesday along Interstate 80. (H/T - CBS3)

It's bad enough to kill a woman and dismember her corpse, but to simply throw the bags o' parts onto the side of the road? This person wants to be caught, and the sick bastard needs to be found, post haste.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Clinton Wins Florida

Unfortunately, she received no delegates for it. Good job, toolbox!

DAVIE, Fla. - Hillary Rodham Clinton won the Florida Democratic primary Tuesday night, an event that drew no campaigning by any of her presidential rivals and awarded no delegates to the winner.

The New York senator, fresh off her lopsided loss to Barack Obama in last weekend's South Carolina primary, arranged a rally in the state as the polls were closing, an evident attempt to gain campaign momentum.

She and Obama collide next week in a coast-to-coast competition for delegates across 22 states.

Last year, the national party stripped Florida of its delegates as punishment for moving its primary ahead of Feb. 5 and the candidates pledged to bypass the state. At stake Tuesday were 185 delegates.
(H/T - Yahoo!)

Swell, now we'll have to hear about Hillary's blitzkrieg on Washington until Super Tuesday. As if she's not smug enough.

A New Plan Of Action

New Philadelphia Police Commissioner Charles Ramsey is scheduled to announce his crime plan for the city tomorrow morning. The announcement is highly anticipated by a citizenry that has been beset by crime. Unfortunately, though, I don't think the new SWAT unifroms will make much of an impact of the thugs . . .

And The Downward Spiral Continues

You have to admit it; this photo is priceless!

(Jan. 29) -- Britney Spears was left screaming and crying on Monday night following a dispute with her manager, Sam Lufti, various outlets are reporting.

Perez Hilton documents the night with various posts, claiming that Spears and Lufti began arguing, and Spears called her paparazzo boyfriend Adnan Ghalib for assistance. Once he arrived, Ghalib was not allowed past Spears' security gate, Hilton reports. Spears was later photographed crying and distressed. See Hilton's report and photos.

When approached by a photographer to see if she was ok, a tearful Spears replied "I'm fine. I'm sitting for once and having a nice time with my dog," according to Page Six. (H/T - AOL)

I know I post about Spears' self-destruction much too often, but the broad's collapse is like an auto accident. It is disturbing, yet I cannot look away. Has anyone started a Death Pool for her yet, because would like to place $50 on December 25, 2008.

Drunky LaRue Endorses Obama

Apparently, Ted Kennedy made the announcement during happy hour at Shenanigans Bar.

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Sen. Edward Kennedy backed Sen. Barack Obama for president Monday, saying, "It is time again for a new generation of leadership."

"It is time now for Barack Obama," the Massachusetts senator and brother of the late President Kennedy added.

He stood with Obama, his son, Rep. Patrick Kennedy, and his niece, Caroline Kennedy, before a screaming capacity crowd of students at American University in Washington.

After Kennedy spoke, Obama told the boisterous crowed: "I know what your support means. I know the cherished place the Kennedy family holds in the hearts of the American people." (H/T - CNN)

That would be the cherished place in our hearts where plowing famous broads, becoming addicted to prescription drugs, (allegedly) raping women on the beach, and killing campaign staffers who couldn't swim, right?

Thanks Uncle Teddy, but I don't think your endorsement holds water. Heh.

Ah, Yes, About That Hockey Game

If you glance at the right sidebar, you will see our hockey scores for the winter season. I usually post the most recent game for a few days, win or lose, no matter how I play - which is usually crappy.

On Sunday night, we played a "cross-over" game against the Bruins "B" team. The league has three leagues, an "A" for expert players, a "B" for intermediate players, and a "C" for schleps like myself. The good news is that the cross-over games don't count toward our league record. The bad news it that these guys skated obscenely fast.

Unfortunately, we were playing against this team without four of our better players. Randal was home with explosive diarrhea, John K. was also sick, and Andy and Ron couldn't make it. We were left with the option of playing nine skaters: three defensemen, and two offensive lines. Not good.

Strangely enough, we actually played up to them for most of the game. Their largest lead was two goals, and most of our scoring was due to hard work and hustle. We were exhausted, but we played very hard. Alas, it was not enough, because we lost the game by a score of 7-6. And now, a few highlights:
  • We could have tied the game late in the third period if some jackass - who doesn't need to be named here - put his one-timer past the goaltender. Sorry, Vinnie. It was a great pass that I should have scored on.
  • Mike D. And Jon M. were terrific on the first line, accounting for most of our offense. Hat tip to Mike for not getting thrown out of the game for fighting - a rarity this season.
  • Badger played very well, but still finds it necessary to charge out of the net to play a loose puck. He knows that gives me hives, but he does it anyway.
  • If someone knows who was playing in Fish's jersey, could you let me know? We gotta sign that guy up! Fish led a few offensive rushed from the defense, poke-checked more pucks than you can shake a stick at, and didn't give me grief when I missed the one-timer.
Finally, I want to thank Vincent Antonelli for giving me his brand new, $200 ice skates! Yeah, that's right; he gave them to me. His reasoning? "They're cursed." Luckily, they fit me perfectly, and skate like a dream. I'm just hoping that the "curse" didn't transfer to me - especially after that one-timer thing.

Monday, January 28, 2008

A Terrible Loss For The SJU Community

And I am ashamed to say that I just heard about it.

Saint Joseph's University mourns the loss of Thomas D. Marzik, Ph.D. Marzik died Tuesday, Oct. 23, 2007.

Marzik had taught in the Department of History at Saint Joseph's for the past 37 years. His specific areas of scholarship focused on Eastern European and Russian History. He had most recently been working on a book focused on Thomas Masaryk and the creation of Czechoslovakia.

Randall Miller, Ph.D., Professor of History, and Francis Graham Lee, Ph.D., Professor of Political Science, spoke of their friend's wonderful sense of humor and meticulous nature as a teacher, scholar and advisor. Marzik always had a great interest in his students, according to Miller. Lee and Miller expressed how hard it was to capture Marzik in words as they reminisced on stories from the past.

"He was and is a much loved human being," said Miller.

The University released a statement regarding Marzik's death on Friday, Oct. 26.

University President Timothy R. Lannon, S.J., wrote, "The entire Saint Joseph's University community is deeply saddened by Dr. Marzik's passing. Please keep Dr. Marzik's family and friends in your thoughts and prayers."
(H/T - The Hawk)

Dr. Marzik was far and away my favorite professor at Saint Joe's. Of course, he was a history professor, but he was so much more. A tremendous intellect combined with a dry biscuit sense of humor, Dr. Marzik always made sure his classes were entertaining. My friend Heather and I took his uber-challenging Russian History course during our senior year, when other folks were taking easy A's. The reason was Marzik.

My best memory of his Russian History class was also my most embarrassing moment. It was an early class, and I was exhausted from the night before. While Dr. Marzik was handing out graded exam papers, he asked me to pass one to the person behind me. I must have been nodding off beforehand, but said, "Yeah, sure." I passed the paper back, and he looked at me, smiled, and said, "Thank you. You may go back to sleep now."

I will miss him terribly.

Is Brangelina Pregnant?

And, if so, are we supposed to give a rat's ass?

(Jan. 28) -- After a week of tabloid speculation claiming Angelina Jolie might be pregnant, a loose-fitting, flowing dress probably wasn't the best wardrobe choice if the actress wanted to silence the rumors.

Jolie, with beau Brad Pitt by her side, turned heads at the Screen Actors Guild awards show when she arrived in a tie-dyed dress that was a much different shape than her normally form-fitting selections. Shortly after photos and video of her arrival made the rounds, bloggers and other media outlets began wondering whether the dress was the confirmation of last week's reports. (H/T - AOL)

Personally, I think she's just wearing a horrible, horrible dress. Maybe she's gaining a few pounds and decided to go with the muumuu. Besides, how would she know how to raise a child? She lets people in one of those loser countries give birth, then lets her aides and hired help raise them, until she is ready to unleash them upon the paparazzi.

What? Too snarky?

(BTW, the Caption Contest results are posted HERE.)

The Sky Is Falling!

Well, it's not the actual sky, just a malfunctioning U.S. spy satellite. I smell sitcom!

WASHINGTON (AP) -- A large U.S. spy satellite has lost power and propulsion and could hit the Earth in late February or March, government officials said Saturday.

The satellite, which no longer can be controlled, could contain hazardous materials, and it is unknown where on the planet it might come down, they said.

The officials spoke on condition of anonymity because the information is classified as secret.

"Appropriate government agencies are monitoring the situation," said Gordon Johndroe, a spokesman for the National Security Council. (H/T - CNN)

Oh, that makes me feel better. I'm sure "top men" are working on the situation as we speak.

I realize that this is wishful thinking, but if the satellite could be "directed" to a certain location, that would be just keen. Why should it crush some poor slob's home when it could land somewhere that no one cares about. In fact, I have a few suggestions:
  • Hillary Clinton's mansion.
  • Michael Moore's head.
  • The Dallas Cowboys' stadium.
  • The U.S./Mexico border. (Ya gotta figure that the radiation would eliminate a lot of crossings, right?)

Well, We're Killing Here In Allentown . . .

See? This is the sort of nonsense that police officers deal with on a daily basis. Remember that the next time you give us a barrel full of grief.

Allentown police had suspected William Torres of dealing drugs in the city. But an undercover narcotics investigation yielded much more, and resulted in Torres, 21, being charged early Saturday with two counts of homicide.

Police said Torres, whose last known address was 436 Turner St., Allentown, gunned down two men at Fourth and Allen streets last month. According to court documents, Torres admitted killing the men.

Torres was driving on Turner Street Friday afternoon when he was pulled over by police and arrested. He was wearing a hooded sweartshirt with a skull-head pattern on it, pajama bottoms and fuzzy lion-faced slippers at the time. He was still wearing the get-up when he was arraigned after midnight at Lehigh County prison. (H/T - JimmyB)

By the way, the description of this toad was dead on . . .

For those of you who think this photo is a fake, here is the link to the original story.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Check The linkage

Since I have had such a good week as far as visits go, I wanted to share the joy and link some pals from the blogroll. (Not that a link from me means anything, but it's the thought that counts.) Happy surfing!

Molly from Because I Said So has started doing the Weight Watchers thing on her own. Of course, she should have read the rules and regulations first . . .

Dragon Lady from the Dragon's Den has found out that the truth is out there. And it involves - what else? - zombies! Lousy government conspiracies!

USA ADMIRAL over at In A Mad, Mad, Mad World has a harrowing story of a police shooting in Jacksonville. One man is dead. Guess which one?

Stacy from Never Wanted Nothin' More provides us with a stuffed pepper recipe sure to rock your world. I think it's okay if you use lean beef . . .

Uber from PJ Maximum is back (again) and she's posting (again) before she takes another hiatus (again). But before she does, check out the manifesto that ruined her life.

The Jawa Report has a shocking story of a racist magazine. Click over to see which one.

And finally, Vox Poplar over at The MoxArgon Group has some insight from beyond the grave. Spooky doublethink rules!

Vito Spatafore Needs To Be Whacked

Raise your hand if you're a jackass!
WNYW in New York is holding a "How True Blue Are You?" contest, soliciting fan submissions of photographs that show how loyal fans are to the Giants. Joe Gannascoli, the man who played Vito Spatafore on The Sopranos submitted a picture of he and his wife holding their dog, which they had, in support of the Giants, dyed blue.

Gannascoli appeared on Good Day New York this morning to put his Giants fever on display. (H/T - Yahoo!)
For the first time in history, I would love to see PETA get involved in this case. Of course, since it is a clear case of douchebaggery, they are completely silent. Figures.

Temple Owls Are Everywhere

Except the win column. Heh.

Well, I gave Randal Graves grief when my Hawks beat his alma mater (Drexel University), so I have to give Vincent Antonelli a little grief as well, right?

1/26/2008 - Pat Calathes hit a 3-point shot with 3.9 seconds left to give Saint Joseph's a 68-67 victory over city rival Temple on Saturday night. Calathes scored a season-high 24 points for the Hawks (12-5, 4-1 Atlantic 10) in a game in which neither team held more than a two-point lead over the last 10 minutes. (H/T - SJU)

The Hawks are 12-5, and 4-1 in the A-10. Keep it up, boys! March Madness is fast approaching!

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Simply Amazing

If you weren't one of the lucky ones who saw tonight's NHL All-Star Skills Challenge on versus, you missed some of the best hockey in years. As great as some of the players were during the competition, the Washington Capitals' Alexander Ovechkin was truly awesome. His shots in the breakaway competition were out of this world.

Here is a video of the day's highlights. Make sure you watch Ovechkin (above) in the breakaway competition (about the 3:05 mark).

John Edwards: What, Me Worry?

John Edwards is funny. His pretty boy look, his smug attitude, and his lame platforms lend itself to good comedy. He's like Dennis Kucinich, if Dennis had a shot in Hell to win the nomination. Now that Dennis has gone back to his home planet, I need to find someone funny for this week's article at Family Security Matters.

Enter John Edwards.

It’s been a rough week for John Edwards. First, he was virtually ignored during Monday’s Democrat debate, while the Hillary and Obama Show rolled merrily along. Edwards kept raising his hand and yelling, "Ooo, Ooo, I know this one!" to no avail. Then, he spent Tuesday night with David Letterman talking about his issues . . . until Dave mussed his perfectly coiffed hair. It took his highly paid personal assistant hours to get it back into "plastic mode." Combine these bumps in the Road to the White House with numbers that sag like Helen Thomas, and you have a recipe for disaster.

Luckily, there is still hope for the former Senator from North Carolina, but he will need to embrace some drastic measures. Here are a few ideas to get him started:

What, you didn't think I'd let you read all of teh funny without clicking over, did you? Silly humans. You can read the rest of the comedic goodness HERE.

It's Weigh Day!

This is the third week of our Blogger Blubber Battle, and I am happy to say many of my competitors are showing marked improvements. I had predicted good things this week, since I have been following my Weight Watchers program religiously - I was like a chubby suicide bomber - and have been exercising a lot. Walks after dinner and two hours of ice skating on Thursday and Friday helped.

I also need to give a huge Hat Tip to Randal Graves for his Pennsylvania Dutch Diet Birch Beer referral. That stuff rocks!

I happily jumped on the scale today, and for the first time ever, it didn't scream. I examined the numbers and was very pleased:

223 pounds!

That's a 4 pound loss since last Saturday. And yes, I know that at 5'9", 223 pounds is still overweight, but I'm slowly reaching my goals. In the three weeks that our Battle of the Bulge has been in place, I have lost a total of 13 pounds. That's nothing to sneeze at. I still have a long way to go - my goal is to be below 200, but preferably down to 185 - but I'm really confident I can do it . . . and take my fellow bloggers' money along with me!

Other Progress Reports:
GOP and College
Grimjack
H20
Mrs. Grim
RT
Sssteve

Friday, January 25, 2008

Weekend Caption Contest

Better Red Than Bronze Caption Contest
(Source: Reuters)

Original Caption: A woman touches a bronze statue of a World War Two Red Army soldier that was relocated from the city centre to a military cemetery in Tallinn April 30, 2007. An Estonian court has fined a man in the only conviction linked to cyber attacks on official Web sites during last year's riots over the relocation of the Soviet-era war memorial, it said on Thursday.

Other Great Contests:
Blonde Sagacity
Cowboy Blob
Gone Rick Motel (I WON here last week!!!)
Right Pundits
Rodney Dill
RT (I WON here last week!!!)
WILLisms
Wizbang

Top 5 Entries:
5. Proof of why the Estonian Army was so easily defeated: they never wore their helmets. - Vincent Antonelli
4. "Spare change? Got any change?" - Moe
3. Okay, Tovarisch, cough up the rubles for babushka support. Comradely fellowship has a price, nyet? - Cowboy Blob
2. Emma subscribes to the theory that a hard man is good to find. - Rodney Dill

WINNER! - Desperately needing a place to pee, she tried to pry the helmet from his hands. - Molly

Rangers Retire Brian Leetch's Jersey

And I can think of no one more fitting. As a Rangers fan, I watched Leetch do amazing things on the ice. He may be my all-time favorite defenseman. Last night, the Rangers did good by one of their classiest players ever.
NEW YORK (AP) -- Only at Madison Square Garden does No. 2 fit so perfectly between 11 and 35.

It happened Thursday night when the New York Rangers retired Brian Leetch's famous number. They raised a banner next to those of Mark Messier and Mike Richter, the stellar defenseman's teammates on the 1994 Stanley Cup championship team that ended 54 years of waiting.

"I have felt this building shake, starting in the blue seats and filling this arena," Leetch said during the 51-minute ceremony before the Rangers' 2-1 shootout victory over the Atlanta Thrashers.

Then the 11-time All-Star, who was the NHL rookie of the year, twice the league's top defenseman, and the MVP of the 1994 playoffs rocked the house again.
And then, there's the quote that will make Vincent Antonelli dance a jig . . .
Always one to deflect praise and attention away from himself, Leetch stunned the packed arena by announcing a secret he held that the Rangers will retire the No. 9 of longtime teammate and ultimate fan favorite Adam Graves, who stood a few steps away at center ice.

"I said, 'If you want me to do it, I'd love to it,"' Leetch recalled. (H/T - Yahoo!)
Leetch and Graves? Sweet.

Is This The End Of Zombie Shakespeare?

Vinnie, Badger, Fish, you can all relax . . . for now.

54%

(H/T - Ride Fast & Shoot Straight)

Kucinich Drops Out Of Race

Now who am I gonna make fun of? Ron Paul???

CLEVELAND (Jan. 24) - Democrat Dennis Kucinich is abandoning his second, long-shot bid for the White House as he faces a tough fight to hold onto his other job - U.S. congressman.

In an interview with Cleveland's Plain Dealer, the six-term House member said he was quitting the race and would make a formal announcement on Friday.

"I will be announcing that I'm transitioning out of the presidential campaign," Kucinich said. "I'm making that announcement tomorrow about a new direction." (H/T - AOL)

This is a damned shame, for Kook-inich is terrific comedy material. And speaking of comedy . . .

The Top Ten Reasons Kucinich Dropped Out Of The Race

10. Wanted to keep perfect record of dropping out early.
9. Focusing his attention on bringing back The Drew Carey Show.
8. Shirley MacLaine said the aliens told her that he couldn't win.
7. Found he was too short to reach the debate microphones.
6. Promised that if RT cleaned her desk, he would quit the race.
5. Refused to share spotlight with "rampant right-wingers" like Hillary Clinton.
4. He threw all of his effort into the Mars primaries.
3. Decision to court Amy Winehouse as a running mate backfired.
2. Ill-advised platform of "A Geoduck in every pot."

And the number reason Kucinich dropped out of the race is . . .

1. The media found out that his "wife" was actually an attractive, statuesque cousin.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Musharraf: "We Have Our Own Brains"

"And they're this big!"

DAVOS, Switzerland (CNN) -- Pakistan's President Pervez Musharraf lashed out Thursday at what he called Western "intellectual arrogance" toward his country, angrily dismissing claims that rising unpopularity has undermined his authority.

Musharraf, who was forced to impose a state of emergency last year to quell violent protests but failed to prevent the assassination of opposition leader Benazir Bhutto, sought to defend his embattled leadership and record in combating terrorism.

"The mandate has been given. Why doesn't the West, which is supposed to be civilized, understand things?" Musharraf told CNN in an exclusive interview on the sidelines of the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland.

"Why doesn't it understand that we maybe are a developing country, we have our flaws, we believe in constitution, we know how to run government, we are not such clueless people who do not know how to run a country, we have our own brains." (CNN)

Oh, well I feel better now. Like Alexander Haig, Musharraf has everything under control. I mean, we should probably just ignore the very public assassination of Benazir Bhutto, because Peshawar C.S.I. is on the case. And while we're at it, we should respect the massive Pakistani brains, and forget that their most popular sport is cricket. Cricket! Finally, we should celebrate the wisdom of Babu Bhatt, who not only allowed two restaurants to go bankrupt, but also deftly allowed himself to be deported back to his delightful homeland. Bravo, Babu!

But what do I know? I am simply another American filled with "intellectual arrogance."

Actually, that's one of the nicest compliments I ever received!

It Kinda Fits, Right?

Click to embiggen. (H/T - Uncle Ray)

Interesting Search Of The Week

Apparently, Support Your Local Gunfighter is #6 on Google for "Swedish naked women." I rule!

What, you thought I wouldn't back it up with a picture???

Mmm . . . Vendela!

U.S. Worried About Gaza Border Breach

Even miles and miles of Depends couldn't stop this border leak.

WASHINGTON - The United States expressed concern Wednesday about tens of thousands of Palestinians pouring into Egypt from the Gaza Strip across a broken security barrier at the border of the small territory run by Hamas militants.

"We are concerned about that situation and frankly I know the Egyptians are as well," State Department deputy spokesman Tom Casey said.

David Welch, the assistant secretary of state for the Middle East, and American diplomats in Cairo have talked to Egyptian authorities about the situation, Casey said, but he didn't offer details. He said the Egyptians take border security seriously and that he has no indication the situation has affected Israeli-Palestinian relations for now. (H/T - Yahoo!)

That's all well and good, but before you read this next paragraph, I would suggest you break out the duct tape. The following quote is guaranteed to make you head explode.

"I'm not going to try and speak for Egypt, give public recommendations to the Egyptian government on how to control their sovereign border," Casey said, adding that the United States is available to offer advice or support.

Eh, what? Yeah, like we've got the most secure borders on the planet. Taking advice from the US on border security is like taking advice from Britney on parenting.

I Ain't Going Back To No Rehab!

Britney, Paris, Lindsay, rejoice! You are no longer the biggest piece of filth in the entertainment. That title belongs to Amy Winehouse, who recently received six Grammy nominations and one offer to be the cover girl for Crack Whore Magazine.

British authorities told CNN Wednesday they are examining a home video that shows singer Amy Winehouse smoking something in a glass pipe minutes after she is heard saying she had just taken six tablets of the anti-anxiety drug Valium.

Scotland Yard said it had received the video from The Sun newspaper, which made it public Tuesday.

A Grammy-nominated singer, Winehouse's alleged battle with drugs have garnered constant headlines. Her hit song "Rehab" describes her reluctance to enter a rehabilitation center, which she did last summer. (H/T - CNN)

When this toad dies - and it won't be long - only an idiot would shed a tear for her.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

You Wouldn't Like Bill Clinton When He's Angry

Not that you'd like him any other time.

(CNN) – Bill Clinton became visibly upset Wednesday over comments by a prominent South Carolina Democrat that compared the former president's actions on the trail to those of infamous Republican strategist Lee Atwater.

In an interview with CNN's Jessica Yellin, Dick Harpootlian, a former chairman of the South Carolina Democratic Party and a supporter of Barack Obama, said some of Bill Clinton's recent remarks on the campaign trail were appeals based on race and gender. He said the comments were meant to "suppresses the vote, demoralize voters, and distort the record," and said they were "reminiscent of Lee Atwater."

Clinton sharply disputed the charge, and lashed out at Yellin for raising the question.

"You live for this. This hurts the people of South Carolina," he said. "Because the people of South Carolina come to these meetings and ask questions about what they care about. And what they care about is not what's going to be in the news coverage tonight, because you don't care about it.

"What you care about is this. And the Obama people know that. So they just spin you up on this and you happily go along. I mean, the people don't care about this," he added. "They never ask about it. And you are determined to take this election away from them. And that's not right. That is not right. This election ought to belong to those people who are out here asking questions about their lives." (H/T - CNN)

You can watch the very uncomfortable video HERE.

Bubba knows that he flipped out over a CNN reporter, right? I mean, she was from the Clinton News Network; the station that kissed his ever-growing ass since 1992. This is a classic Clinton Clan ploy: rip someone in the press, then when called on it, either claim you were misquoted, or the public isn't smart enough to understand what they meant.

If those methods fail simply attack an unsuspecting reporter. Rinse, and repeat.

Humpday History Highlight

January 22, 1905 - The Bloody Sunday Massacre

Well on its way to losing a war against Japan in the Far East, czarist Russia is wracked with internal discontent that finally explodes into violence in St. Petersburg in what will become known as the Bloody Sunday Massacre.

To drum up support for the unpopular war against Japan, the Russian government allowed a conference of the zemstvos, or the regional governments instituted by Nicholas’s grandfather Alexander II, in St. Petersburg in November 1904. The demands for reform made at this congress went unmet and more radical socialist and workers’ groups decided to take a different tack.

On January 22, 1905, a group of workers led by the radical priest Georgy Apollonovich Gapon marched to the czar’s Winter Palace in St. Petersburg to make their demands. Imperial forces opened fire on the demonstrators, killing and wounding hundreds. Strikes and riots broke out throughout the country in outraged response to the massacre, to which Nicholas responded by promising the formation of a series of representative assemblies, or Dumas, to work toward reform. (H/T - History.com)

Natch, Nicholas' "reforms" went over like a fart in church, and nothing could stop the tide of revolution. By the end of World War I, the Romanov family was deposed and soon assassinated, and the communists took control.

I think we all know how that turned out.

Brock Lesnar To Go Ultimate?

Former WWE wrestler Brock Lesnar has made the jump to UFC. Will he live to tell the tale?

In the spring of 2000, Brock Lesnar was a University of Minnesota senior, just two weeks and a handful of workouts away from the NCAA Division I wrestling tournament. Today, the 30-year-old Lesnar finds himself in a similar situation as he trains for his match against former Ultimate Fighting Championship heavyweight champion Frank Mir in the most publicized debut in UFC history.

The former "Next Big Thing" of pro wrestling has become ultimate fighting's next gigantic question mark, a 1-0 fighter with 69 seconds of ring experience thrown into the deep end of a shark-infested pool.

Whether he's in over his head remains to be seen, but the reason he's being billed as the semi-main event of UFC 81 on Feb. 2 in Las Vegas is because of his fame as a former World Wrestling Entertainment champion.

The success of this card hinges on people buying the novelty of a former WWE champion fighting a former UFC champion. The idea, if it clicks, is to rally the UFC fan base to want to see the fake wrestler get smashed, and for the pro wrestling audience, to whom the show is being heavily marketed, to tune in out of curiosity to see how one of its all-time tough guys can do. (H/T - Yahoo!)

Put me in the "want to see the fake wrestler get smashed" camp. Don't get me wrong, pro wrestlers are in terrific shape, but I have seen UFC - it's beyond brutal. Flash ans showmanship doesn't mean diddly in the octagon, so Lesnar better bring his "A" game.

Otherwise, Brock will be enjoying his meals through a straw.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Somebody Pinch Me!

No Teamsters!

It's been a pretty cool five weeks around these parts. Before Christmas, I was a two-bit down and out blogger who didn't know the difference between a dangling participle and a prepositional phrase. Heh, heh, "dangling participle." This blog had its loyal readers - some of the best in the blogosphere - and the site meter was steady. I was happy, even if I sometimes felt like the Cleveland Indians:

And then, all of the sudden, all Hell broke loose.

Pam sent me an e-mail asking me to be the Official Satirist for Family Security Matters - a big-time site with big-time writers. The next thing I know, I'm tapped to write comedy for a place that features Michelle Malkin and Dick Morris!

A short time later, I start getting links from A-list bloggers like ALa and Sebastian. Traffic soars, but the recognition is what matters to me. Every new reader is a reader (hopefully) earned.

So, I'm just sitting up here on Cloud 8 when Cloud 9 passes by in the form of The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler. B.C., Imperial Torturer submits a comment in my Border Fence post. I am honored that someone from a mega-blog even looks in this direction, let alone gives some input. The next day, The AIR links me, not just with a mention about a particular post, but a humbling write-up of SYLG. B.C. is kind enough to place me on their blogroll, and orders people to stop by. Hits soar, glowers bloom, Jessica Biel starts taking my calls.

And as if they weren't kind enough to me at the Rott, B.C. also linked my post about the murder of the Border Patrol Agent. Sweet!

In the past two days, SYLG will have enjoyed approximately 1,400 visits. To this literary abortion. It is truly unreal, and it almost makes me forget that Haloscan is completely screwing me today! Almost.

It is truly sad that this recognition has come at a time in my life that I knew was coming. For today, I am ending Support Your Local Gunfighter.

Nah, I'm yankin' ya! I'm having a blast here! Sorry, but I had to break all of this touchy-feely, Heath Ledger-Jake Gyllenhaal man-love for a moment. It was making me a little fruity.

What I am trying to say in this little roundup is that I am humbled by all of the attention, and grateful for it. And not only to the people I have mentioned here by name, but for every single one of you who read this drivel every blasted day, and every one of you who finds it in your heart to link SYLG. It is my sincere hope that it has made you laugh at one point or another, for that is my mission here.

I also want to apologize if my attendance has been lacking on your blogs of late. To say I have been overwhelmed would be an understatement, but it is also a terrible excuse. I still try to visit most blogs in my sidebar once a day, but I usually end up commenting only once a week. That's not enough, I know, but between posting here and at FSM, work, coaching indoor lacrosse, and baby news - the wife's latest ultrasound was today and the kid is 7 pounds already with a month and a half to go - life has been hectic. Again, it's not an excuse, but I apologize just the same.

Thank you again for spending your time in this little slice of Hell. It is my honor to serve you.

Heath Ledger Dead At 28

What a tremendous waste.

NEW YORK (CNN) -- Actor Heath Ledger is dead, the New York Police Department said Tuesday.

The Academy Award nominated actor was 28. Ledger's housekeeper found him dead in his Manhattan apartment, New York police said.

He died at 3:26 p.m., they said.

The New York Fire Department received a call at 2:27 today responding to a "cardiac arrest call" in New York. They found an unresponsive male dead at the scene. (H/T - CNN)

I don't want to sound completely callous here, but speaking as the biggest Batman Begins fan on the planet, what is going to happen with the sequel? Ledger was playing The Joker in The Dark Knight, and when an actor dies mid-shoot - as we saw in The Crow - the film is never really the same with a replacement. I sincerely hope that the film is done shooting.

Why Bear Grylls Rules

Apparently, his Discovery Channel show, Man Versus Wild, helped save these kids' lives. And apparently, this picture of Bear saved me a few female readers for another minute or two. Score!

Click here for the video.

Federal Witness Murdered In Philadelphia

Apparently, the Feds forgot the "protection" part of the Witness Protection Program. Barney Coopersmith could have done a better job . . .

About eight months ago, Chante Wright, 23, entered the federal Witness Protection Program so she could testify about a 2000 murder related to a rapper's new contract. Despite death threats, she couldn't stay away from the old South Philly neighborhood, especially after she learned her beloved grandmother was dying in North Philadelphia.

Within seven hours of arriving here from Jacksonville, Fla., on Friday, Wright, whose name had been changed to Chante Jackson, was dead.

She was the second witness to be killed who was to testify against Hakeem Bey, 26, charged with killing Moses Williams in 2000. Bey is being held on murder charges at the Curran Fromhold Correctional Facility on State Road for a mid-March trial.

"I can't say if she got murdered because she was a witness," said a source familiar with Bey's upcoming murder trial.

Bey had been rearrested, in part, because Wright was willing to testify, according to another source, familiar with her testimony. At 2 a.m. on Saturday, Wright was fatally shot numerous times in her torso on Patton Street near Tasker, only seven blocks from where Bey and his clan claim their drug turf. (H/T - The Philadelphia Daily News)

I take no pleasure in Wright's death, but it is interesting to see the feebs get some comeuppance. Their behavior is something that police shows usually do not exaggerate. Most of them show utter contempt for local police departments, and treat us like second-class citizens. Many utilize the ancient exotic art of non-cooperation, and even when they do leak some information to the "little people," it is hardly worth it.

God forgive me, but it's nice to see them trip up once in a while.

25,000 Reasons To Visit

Fireman, neighbor, and blogger, Captain America over at First In is quickly approaching his 25,000th hit. He's currently about 30 visits away from the magic number, so why not stop by and bring him a little closer to his goal. He's really stressing out about it - as if suddenly the internet will fail and his Site Meter will forever stand at 24,999. Heh.

Bill Clinton Naps During MLK Award Ceremony

I've got $50 that says he's dreaming about Monica Lewinsky.

Yeah, I know I've been scooped on this story by about a million other (better) bloggers, but I couldn't let it go by without comment. Besides, you would think "The First Black President" would know better:

January 21, 2008 -- Bill Clinton showed yesterday why he made it into the book "The Art of Napping."

During an appearance at the Convent Avenue Baptist Church in Harlem, the former president was caught nodding off. Clinton was there during a service to honor Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., while his wife was nearby at Abyssinian Baptist Church, where she was endorsed by its minister, Rev. Calvin Butts.

Clinton has had napping episodes before. Among others, he nodded off at a Mets game and at Ronald Reagan's funeral. (H/T - The New York Post)
Look, I can relate. I have nodded off during work - and cops get shot at! - school - there were those four years I called "college" - and home - Hell, I'm sleeping as I write this - but to do this in front of a packed church surrounded by media types is inexcusable. Bill, if you're exhausted shilling for your harpy wife, maybe you could cut down on the public appearances. Lord knows that you hog the spotlight enough already.

Get ready, because I can already see this being used for everyone's Weekend Caption Contest this week . . .