Dude, I'm Like, The Mayor, Or Something!

Oklahoma is OK. Well, it is for one young man. See, the Sooner city of Muskogee just elected a teenager as their mayor. If they elected this guy so easily, I may move their to be their new Emperor.

Any hoo, the boy wonder was my topic for this week's Family Security Matters article. Here's a glimpse into the swirling maelstrom that is my mind:

Remember when 19-year-olds were slackers who spent their days eating fast food, hanging out on street corners, and generally disappointing their parents? Remember when 19-year-olds were more interested in voting on American Idol than in a general election?

Apparently, John Tyler Hammons didn't get the memo.

Next week, the skinny, fresh-faced kid will be sworn in as mayor - yes, mayor - of Muskogee, Oklahoma; a town made famous by the Merle Haggard song "Okie From Muskogee"

Merle Haggard? In his first act as mayor, Hammons should find another reason to make his town famous. Of course, when your city's claims to fame are being the hometown of Robert Reed (Mr. Brady from The Brady Bunch) and leading the state in homicides five times in the last decade, suddenly being immortalized by a country singer doesn't seem so bad.

You can read the rest of the frivolity HERE.

The Greatest Alibi In Law Enforcement History

And you thought O.J.'s excuse was lame . . .

One New York teenage driver may not have been drunk with love, but that didn’t stop her from claiming it was the reason she swerved in and out of her lane in Manhasset last Friday night.

Gianna Vigliotti, 17, claimed she had not been drinking but had been kissing a boy who was, after police pulled her over and found her blood alcohol limit to be almost twice the legal limit, Newsday reported.

According to the police report, Vigliotti told the officer, "I didn't drink! I was kissing a boy who was drunk."

Newsday reported Officer Michael Pallazzo found four bottles of beer under the passenger seat of her Volkswagen and an empty beer can in her purse. Vigliotti was arrested and pleaded not guilty the following day. She is due in court again on June 18.

"To now have it publicized is not only embarrassing, but demeaning as well," Vigliotti's attorney, Dennis Lemke, told Newsday. "We expect it to be resolved in the near future." (H/T - FOXNews)

Lousy drunks! I almost feel sorry for the lawyer of this dolt, because now he has his work cut out for him. If I were him, I would hope that the jury imposes a sentence of sterilization, because this girl is much too stupid to procreate.

It's Weigh Day!

I look just like Daniel Craig now. It's pretty sweet!

There is only a month left in our Blogger Blubber Battle, and while a lot of people dropped out - or just keep forgetting to post - I still expect them to pony up their $10 entry fee.

Hopefully, they'll be paying it to yours truly.

This week was an exercise fest. I walked between a mile and a mile and a half with Kevin - in the stroller - every day this week. I actually jogged, yes, jogged, on Tuesday during Kyle's lacrosse practice. Final distance: three miles. And I skated a ton at our hockey game on Wednesday night. I'm feeling better, and some of the XXL t-shirts that were a little big on me and now unusable. Life is good.

This morning, I hopped on the scale and looked down at the result. Here's what I saw:

205 Pounds
Okay, it's the same as last week, but I'm not going to complain. At least I didn't gain anything. For those of you with short memories, I started out at 236 pounds on January 1st, so my grand total loss now is 31 pounds. Not half bad. With luck - and hard work - I should be able to get below 200 pounds by the end of June.

Other Progress Reports:
Mrs. Grim
RT

Angelina Jolie Gives Birth To Twins

. . . Or not.

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Has the Brangelina brood increased by two? There were conflicting reports Friday about the impending birth of Angelina Jolie's twins.

"Entertainment Tonight" reported that the actress had given birth in France. The story, posted on the TV show's Web site, cited a "source close to Jolie."

People magazine followed with a story quoting "a rep for the actress" as saying that Jolie "has not given birth."

Representatives for Jolie and her companion, Brad Pitt, did not respond to phone and e-mail requests from The Associated Press. (H/T - CNN)

Wow. You would think that Angelina is giving birth to Jesus Christ. Of course, I'm sure she and Brad are contemplating that as a baby name. Lousy hippies.

UPDATE: Apparently, the story is untrue. Everyone back on the hooks!

Weekend Caption Contest

Diver Down Caption Contest
(Source: AFP)

Original Caption: Practice dive : A diver from the American team takes part in the practise sessions on the first day of the 2nd FINA Diving World Series at the Ponds Forge sports centre in Sheffield.

Other Current Contests:
Blonde Sagacity
bRight & Early (I won here last week!)
Cowboy Blob
Gone Rick Motel
Right Pundits (I took 2nd place here last week.)
Rodney Dill (I took an honorable mention here last week.)
RT
WILLisms
Wizbang

Photoshop Entries:
- Cowboy Blob
- Cowboy Blob
- B.C.







Top Five Entries:
5. Do the Nestea, Nestea, Nestea plunge! - Randal Graves
4. Cowboy Blob's Shark Photoshop.
3. Things were going well at the Democratic Party Wet'n Wild Pre-Convention Cruise until the Clinton Campaign started throwing Obama-committed superdelegates overboard. - John D
2. Triple Lindy . . . FAIL. - Rodney Dill

WINNER! - B.C.'s Teletubbies Photoshop.

Obama Takes Heat Over Another "Trusted" Minister

My God, it's the minister from Blazing Saddles!

This guy surrounds himself with worse confidants than Britney Spears!

(CNN) — The Catholic League sharply criticized Barack Obama Friday for his ties to controversial Catholic minister Michael Pfleger, saying in a statement the Illinois senator should have severed ties with him long ago.

Of course he should have. Obama has more racist friends than Robert Byrd!

The criticisms come after wide circulation on the Internet of Pfleger's recent sermon, in which he mocked Hillary Clinton for becoming teary-eyed before the New Hampshire primary in January.

"And then, out of nowhere, came 'Hey, I'm Barack Obama,'" Pfleger said during a sermon Sunday at Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago. "And [Clinton] said, 'Oh damn, where did you come from? I'm white! I'm entitled! There's a black man stealing my show!'"

Does Pfleger have a mirror in his house? I man, this tool knows that he's white, right?

Barack Obama said Thursday he was "disappointed" in the comments, and Pfleger later issued an apology for the remarks.

Is he disappointed in the remarks, or disappointed that they were leaked? It's not like this is the first time Pfleger said inflammatory things. Hell, this guy has defended and praised Louis Farrakhan!

"Why is it that of all the wonderful Catholic priests in the Chicago Archdiocese, Obama long ago chose Pfleger to hang with?" Catholic League President Bill Donohue said in a statement. "Truth be known, Pfleger has a very troubling history."

That's a damned good question. One which Barack Obama probably won't answer.

“Senator Obama says he wants to bring people together. Then why does he choose as his clerical friends people like Rev. Jeremiah Wright and Father Pfleger?" Donohue also said. "They are two peas in a pod, both equally divisive, separated only by the color of their skin.” (H/T - CNN)

Another good question. Look, I appreciate the face that Pfleger apologized after the fact, but the question remains: why does Barack Obama surround himself with racists and anti-Semites?

In my opinion, he either has the worst judgment of any politician today, or he shares some of their views.

The Space Station Toilet Is Broken

That's one small dump for man . . . one giant poop for mankind.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Astronauts aboard the NASA space shuttle Discovery will be carrying an extra piece of cargo when they launch on Saturday -- a new toilet pump.

Crew members aboard the International Space Station have been fumbling with plastic bags since their zero-gravity toilet went made "a loud noise" and stopped working properly last week.

A second toilet is also planned. The space toilets vent waste matter into space and work using carefully designed vacuums so nothing unpleasant escapes into the gravity-free station. (H/T - Reuters)

Sources report that the Discovery will also jettison its two month's supply of beans and tacos.

Happy Birthday, Pam!

Today is my good friend Pam's 21st birthday. The lovely and talented blogger (pictured, left) is the brains behind Blogmeister USA, and contributes at many other sites. Please stop by her blog and wish her a happy one!

Oh, and the fact that she is my boss at Family Security Matters has absolutely nothing to do with this post. Heh.

Happy Birthday, Pam!

Clay Aiken Is Going To Be A Father

Come on, an I the only one who is going to ask the question? Okay . . . I wonder who did the deed for him?

Looks like it's time to break out the trusty SYLG News Translator:

Clay Aiken is expanding the ranks of the Claynation by one, expecting a child with music producer Jaymes Foster this summer.

Clay Aiken was devastated today, when he realized that "Jaymes," his love interest, is actually a woman.

The sister of music kingpin David Foster, the baby mama is a Grammy winner who worked with Aiken on several albums, including A Thousand Different Ways and his most recent release, On My Way Here.

Interestingly enough, Aiken was "On his way there," while Jaymes was doing the deed "A thousand different ways" with a heterosexual man.

A rep for David Foster confirmed what TMZ first reported this morning, that the couple certain to be dubbed Faiken conceived via artificial insemination and their progeny is due in August. (H/T - E! Online)

The couple couldn't be happier. Foster had terrific sex with a man who wanted to be with her, and Aiken didn't have to suffer the disgust and humiliation of seeing a naked woman.

Harvey Korman 1927-2008

The world has lost a true comedy icon.

LOS ANGELES - Harvey Korman, the tall, versatile comedian who won four Emmys for his outrageously funny contributions to "The Carol Burnett Show" and played a conniving politician to hilarious effect in "Blazing Saddles," died Thursday. He was 81.

Korman died at UCLA Medical Center after suffering complications from the rupture of an abdominal aortic aneurysm four months ago, his family said. He had undergone several major operations.

"He was a brilliant comedian and a brilliant father," daughter Kate Korman said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press. "He had a very good sense of humor in real life." (H/T - AP via Yahoo!)

If I can be serious for a moment, I wanted to express the great sense of loss I felt upon hearing this news. See, Harvey Korman and Mel Brooks were my comedy inspirations growing up. My parents were big fans of their films - Blazing Saddles and History of the World, Part I were amongst their faves - so naturally, I became a huge fan of their work.

Brooks is a genius, but I always favored Korman's acting. He made comedy look effortless, when people in the know realize that making people laugh is at times very difficult. He had a tremendous impact on my life, and was the reason I wanted to make people laugh. Anything that was ever even mildly funny here would be because of, and now for, him. Thank you, Harvey. Thank you so very much.

Although it is a very sad day, I wanted to post something that would give everyone a smile. I think this scene from Blazing Saddles is just the thing:

Godspeed, Harvey. I will truly miss you.

The Funniest Website Ever!

Good God, why didn't I think of this?

Sarah Jessica Parker Looks Like A Horse
It's funny because it's true . . . (And the link is fixed now, Sorry 'bout that!)

(H/T - Randal Graves)

Dems Could Meet Florida, Michigan Halfway

Read: the Democrats are revising their "shenanigans."

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- The Democratic Party is likely to meet rule-breaking Florida and Michigan halfway when it comes to seating their delegates at the national convention, two members of the rules committee said Wednesday.

Such a move may help Sen. Hillary Clinton close the delegate gap with front-runner Sen. Barack Obama but not overtake him, said sources familiar with party deliberations.

The sources did not want to be identified because the full committee has not discussed the problem or ruled on it.

Reply for Barack Obama: "Oh, crap."

Clinton and her supporters have been pressing for a compromise that seats as many delegates from the two states as possible. Clinton's Web site encourages people to write to the Rules and Bylaws Committee.

"There is one number that we are going to be satisfied with, and that is 2.3 million people having their votes counted," Clinton supporter Tina Flournoy said. About 600,000 people voted in Michigan and about 1.7 million in Florida.

The party needs "to recognize the January primary votes in both of those states," Clinton campaign co-chairman Harold Ickes said Wednesday. (H/T - CNN)

I am truly surprised that this ruling was such a long time coming. The Democrat's primary process has been laughable, especially since there are two candidates that are splitting the party in twain. No matter what the outcome in the Dem primary, though, some supporters will be angry. This is a step toward a more fair election process, and that helps everyone - especially the voters in Florida and Michigan.

Penguins Win Game Three, 3-2

Sid the Kid scores the first of his two goals.

You're frakkin' lucky!

PITTSBURGH – If the Pittsburgh Penguins climb back into this series – it’s going to take another win Saturday in Game 4 for that to be reality – point to the 14:25 mark of the opening period during Wednesday’s 3-2 victory in Game 3 of the Stanley Cup finals.

Detroit forward Pavel Datsyuk, playing as well without the puck as when he has it, had just blocked a shot in the netting behind the Red Wings’ goal to stop the action and invite a television timeout.

That’s when Pittsburgh coach Michel Therrien made his best decision of this series. It was a better decision than changing lines between Games 1 and 2, and a far better one than to publicly accuse Detroit of employing obstruction as a defensive strategy.

Therrien tapped Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin and Marian Hossa, the best offensive players on a bench full of splendidly-skilled skaters and said, ‘Go get ‘em.’ The Penguins, desperate for any offense after a frustrating start to the series, were getting outshot 7-1 in their first game at home against the Red Wings. All they had to show for a “desperate start” was Ryan Malone’s shot 1:58 into Game 3.

It was time for Pittsburgh’s best players to be its best players. And they were. The forward trio, working against Detroit’s line of Dallas Drake-Kris Draper-Daniel Cleary engineered a sustained attack in the visitors’ end. They were good on the walls, in the corners and behind the net. They kept pucks in and kept the puck away from the Wings. They put a couple shots on goal.

And they changed the momentum of the game, maybe the series. (H/T - Yahoo!)

There's still a great chance that the Red Wings will win this series, but it was nice to see the real Pens finally show up. Sid the Kid was awesome tonight. Let's hope that continues.

On a completely unrelated note, my hockey team had a game last night, and yours truly scored his fourth goal of the season. It was a backhand swat that went through Vinnie Antonelli's legs, and past the opposing goaltender for the score. Unfortunately, it was all for naught, as we gave up five unanswered goals in the second and third periods to take a 7-3 loss. Damn.

I'm usually not one for tooting my own horn - especially since I missed a great opportunity in the second period to score my second goal - but since I have dropped the weight I have been paying very well. It's nice to skate a shift of a minute and a half and not be on the verge of vomiting.

Weight Loss competitors take note: I'm winning this damned thing. Y'all might as well send me your $10 donations now! Heh.

Humpday History Highlight

As per DragonLady's request, I present to you The Charge of the Light Brigade.

October 25, 1854: The Charge

The charge was made by the Light Brigade of the British cavalry, consisting of the 4th and 13th Light Dragoons, 17th Lancers, and the 8th and 11th Hussars, under the command of Major General the Earl of Cardigan. Together with the Heavy Brigade comprising the 4th Royal Irish Dragoon Guards, the 5th Dragoon Guards, the 6th Inniskilling Dragoons and the Scots Greys, commanded by Major General James Yorke Scarlett, himself a past Commanding Officer of the 5th Dragoon Guards, these units were the main British cavalry force at the battle. Overall command of the cavalry resided with Lieutenant General the Earl of Lucan.

Lucan received an order from the army commander Lord Raglan stating that "Lord Raglan wishes the cavalry to advance rapidly to the front, follow the enemy, and try to prevent the enemy carrying away the guns. Horse artillery may accompany. French cavalry is on your left. Immediate." Raglan could see what was happening from his high vantage-point on the west of the valley, but Lucan and the cavalry were unaware of what was going on owing to the lie of the land where they were drawn up. The order was drafted by Brigadier Airey and was carried by Captain Louis Edward Nolan, who carried the further oral instruction that the cavalry was to attack immediately. When Lucan asked what guns were referred to, Nolan is said to have indicated, by a wide sweep of his arm, not the Causeway redoubts but the mass of Russian guns in a redoubt at the end of the valley, around a mile away. As he was to be killed during the charge his reason for this remains conjecture.

In response to the order, Lucan instructed Cardigan to lead 673 (some sources state 661) cavalry men straight into the valley between the Fedyukhin Heights and the Causeway Heights, famously dubbed the "Valley of Death" by the poet Tennyson. The opposing Russian forces were commanded by Pavel Liprandi and included approximately 20 battalions of infantry supported by over fifty artillery pieces. These forces were deployed on both sides and at the opposite end of the valley. Lucan himself was to follow with the Heavy Brigade.

The Light Brigade set off down the valley, with Cardigan out in front leading the charge. Almost at once Nolan was seen to rush across the front, passing in front of Cardigan. It may be that he had now realized the charge was aimed at the wrong target and was attempting to stop or turn the brigade, but he was killed by an artillery shell and the cavalry continued on its course. Despite a withering fire from three sides that decimated their force on the ride, the Light Brigade was able to engage the Russian forces at the end of the valley and force them back from the redoubt, but suffered heavy casualties and was soon forced to retire. Lucan failed to provide any support for Cardigan, and it was speculated that he was motivated by an enmity for his brother-in-law that had lasted some 30 years and had been intensified during the campaign up to that point.

The troops of the Heavy Brigade entered the mouth of the valley but did not advance further: Lucan's subsequent explanation was that he saw no point in having a second brigade mown down and that he was best positioned where he was to render assistance to Light Brigade survivors returning from the charge. The French cavalry, the Chasseurs d'Afrique, were more effective in that they broke the Russian line on the Fedyukhin Heights and later provided cover for the remaining elements of the Light Brigade as they withdrew.

Cardigan survived the battle. Although stories circulated afterwards that he was not actually present, he led the charge from the front and, never looking back, did not see what was happening to the troops behind him. He reached the Russian guns, took part in the fight and then returned alone up the valley without bothering to rally or even find out what had happened to the survivors. He afterwards said all he could think about was his rage against Captain Nolan, who he thought had tried to take over the leadership of the charge from him. After cantering back up the valley he considered he had done all that he could and then, with astonishing sang-froid, left the field and went on board his yacht in Balaclava harbour, where he ate a champagne dinner.

The Aftermath

The brigade was not completely destroyed, but did suffer terribly, with 118 men killed, 127 wounded. After regrouping, only 195 men were still with horses. The futility of the action and its reckless bravery prompted the French Marshal Pierre Bosquet to state "C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas la guerre." ("It's magnificent, but it isn't war.") Rarely quoted, but he continued: "C'est de la folie"- "it's madness." The Russian commanders are said to have initially believed that the British soldiers must have been drunk. The reputation of the British cavalry was significantly enhanced as a result of the charge, though the same cannot be said for their commanders. (H/T - Wikipedia)

Damn. I still can't decide whether the charge was incredibly brave or incredibly reckless.

The MSM: Policing The Police

I wish more columnists understood what really goes on during a police shooting, but sadly, they don't seem to care. Columnist Dr. Thomas Sowell gets it. Here is an excerpt from his column today. It is entitled, "The Bullet Counters," and is well worth your time.

"Killing an Unarmed Man." That is how the front-page headline in the New York Times characterized an incident in which a man tried to run over a policeman with his car and was shot by three policemen on the scene, including his intended victim.

An automobile is a deadly weapon. If you are killed by an automobile, you are just as dead as if you had been shot through the heart.

A phrase like "an unarmed man" makes a talking point-- as if matters of life and death should be discussed in terms of how you can spin a talking point.

The biggest and most common talking point when the police fire at someone is counting how many bullets they fired. There are politicians, media people and-- above all-- community activists who can work themselves into a rage over how many bullets were fired.

If we stop and think-- which of course the demagogues hope we will never do-- it is hard to see any moral difference between killing someone with one bullet or with dozens of bullets.

People who have never fired a gun in their lives say that they cannot understand why the police fired so many bullets. If it is something that they have never experienced, there is of course no reason why they should be expected to understand.

But, even after confessing their ignorance, such people often proceed to spout off, just as if they knew what they were talking about. (H/T - Townhall.com)

Do yourself a favor and read the rest of the article by clicking the above link.

USS Kitty Hawk Makes Final Voyage

The ship left Japan today after almost 50 years of service.

YOKOSUKA, Japan (AP) -- The oldest active ship in the U.S. Navy, the aircraft carrier USS Kitty Hawk, made its final departure from Japan on Wednesday to be decommissioned after nearly half a century of service.

The Kitty Hawk, with sailors lining its decks, pulled away from Yokosuka port just south of Tokyo to the cheers of hundreds of schoolchildren and the sounds of brass bands.

It flew the "Don't Tread on Me" flag, which designates it as the oldest ship in the Navy.

The Kitty Hawk, the last conventionally powered aircraft carrier in the Navy, is to be replaced later this summer by the USS George Washington, a nuclear-powered carrier.

After leaving Japan, the Kitty Hawk will make a stop at Pearl Harbor in Hawaii and then travel on to the Puget Sound Naval Shipyard in Bremerton, Washington, to be decommissioned.

The ship, commissioned in 1961 and the only forward-deployed aircraft carrier in the Navy, was assigned to Japan in 1998. It has since made 20 deployments in the western Pacific and participated in Operation Enduring Freedom in Iraq.

It was the oldest active ship with the longest total period of active service in the Navy. (H/T - CNN)

I always had a fondness for the Kitty Hawk, because it was the first model aircraft carrier I ever assembled. In grade school and high school, that's how I spent a lot of my free time. (Yeah, I was a nerd.)

Thank you Kitty Hawk, you and your crew have served America with honor.

Barack Obama: Scholar-Gaffe-lete

"My fellow Americans, I am filled up to here with bullsh*t!"

(CNN) — The Republican National Committee accused Barack Obama Tuesday of a lack of judgment after the Illinois senator mistakenly said that his uncle helped liberate the Nazi concentration camp Auschwitz while serving in the American military during World War II.

In fact, that concentration camp was liberated by Soviet soldiers in 1945.

Ouch, that's gotta hurt. Dumbass.

Obama campaign spokesman Bill Burton released a statement later Tuesday clarifying the remarks, saying the Illinois senator meant to refer to the Buchenwald camp, which American soldiers did liberate. Obama was also apparently referring to his great uncle, Charles Payne.

"Clarifying the remarks." That's poli-sci for revising your bullsh*t statement. Not only did he get the concentration camp wrong, he also got the relative wrong. But give the man some credit; at least he quoted the correct war.

“Senator Obama’s family is proud of the service of his grandfather and uncles in World War II – especially the fact that his great uncle was a part of liberating one of the concentration camps at Buchenwald. Yesterday he mistakenly referred to Auschwitz instead of Buchenwald in telling of his personal experience of a soldier in his family who served heroically,” Burton said.

Auschwitz, Buchenwald, what's the difference, right? I guess President Bush didn't corner the market on "mis-speaking."

In a statement released earlier Tuesday, Republican National Committee spokesman Alex Conant said Obama's comments "raise questions about his judgment and his readiness to lead as commander in chief." (H/T - CNN)

Okay, just stop it. This has about as much to do as his (minuscule) readiness to be CIC as John McCain's age has to do with his readiness to be POTUS.

Barack Obama has two main problems as of late. First, he needs to employ speech writers who, oh, I don't know, check their facts before giving the senator the copy. Second, Obama needs to stick to the script. When he veers off it and talks off the cuff at campaign stops, he usually "misspeaks." At least he sounds eloquent when he fraks up, though.

What's amazing is that you would think that Obama would be more clear, since apparently, he sees dead people:

On this Memorial Day, as our nation honors its unbroken line of fallen heroes — and I see many of them in the audience here today — our sense of patriotism is particularly strong.

I guess the Obamessiah lives after all!

Lance Armstrong Dating Kate Hudson?

So, how long before Lance gives Kate a "time trial?"

CANNES, France -- Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong took their romance public this past weekend when they were spotted kissing in Cannes.

The couple shared several intimate moments at Dolce and Gabbana's annual Cannes party on Friday evening at the Baoli restaurant. Photos at the event showed Lance had his arm on Kate's lower back at times. At other times, the stars appeared to cuddle and look deeply into each other's eyes.

According to a source at the party who spoke to People, the two seemed to thoroughly enjoy each other's company, dancing to '80s music. (H/T - Yahoo!)

Sweet! I wonder if they were groovin' to A Flock of Seagulls? I'm no fan of Hudson - I think she's completely overrated - but she's a tremendous step up from that hag Sheryl Crow. Blecch!

Child Care Instructions For Beginners

Randal sent these to me, and I'm still laughing my arse off at them. And, for the record, I have only done one or two of the "No's" with Kevin.

Hey, it's been four years since we've had a baby in the house. Sometimes you forget the basics.

Okay, I knew that this was bad, but sometimes Kevin just won't wake up in a timely fashion.

Hey, if I put him in the dryer, the fabric softener does wonders!

I did know this was a no-no, but I wanted to gross everyone out.

You can find many more hysterical instructions HERE.

Story Time!

In case you haven't noticed, Part Three of Deathlok's Collaborative Blog Story is up at his place, and I have to admit, it's starting to look pretty damned good.

Old NFO and Snigglefrits have added terrific entries to this literary melting pot, and it is definitely worth your time to check it out.

Seriously, folks. The fact that this story hasn't generated hundreds of hits baffles me. It's that good - and not because I helped contribute.

Read It All Here

An Open Letter To The Pittsburgh Penguins

Dear Sir, or in the case of Sidney Crosby, Madam,

My name is Wyatt Earp, and I have been a loyal Penguins fan since the mid-80's - you know, when you guys sucked arse. Cripes, my favorite player was Zarley Zalapski, for God's sake! Anyway, I was tickled pink when you guys made the Stanley Cup Finals, and while I assumed that the Detroit Red Wings would eventually win the title - I'm a fan, not a Kool-Aid drinker - I hoped you guys would at least show up.

Apparently, y'all had different plans.

I wrote off your Game 1 loss to nerves. You're a young team, and I figured that you were too busy pulling your underwear out of your tightened sphincters to create some offense. No biggie. I usually get nauseous in big games, too. Common sense told me that you would bounce back in Game 2, and play with heart . . . and sack.

Apparently, y'all had different plans.

Now, you guys are down two games to none, and the Red Wings are in a position to win the title at Mellon Arena. I am still supporting you, but with only my sister-in-law Sharon (a Pittsburgh native) in my corner, we're two fans on an island surrounded by Pens haters. So, in the interest of good sportsmanship, I want to say this:

HEY, JERKASSES! GET YOUR DAMNED HEADS OUT OF YOUR ASSES AND PLAY SOME GOD-DAMNED HOCKEY! THE RED WINGS HAVE WON 11 CHAMPIONSHIPS, AND ARE GUNNING FOR AN EVEN DOZEN. AND YOU IDIOTS ARE LETTING THEM DO IT!!!

CROSBY, GROW A PAIR AND CRASH THE NET! MALKIN, START PLAYING MORE LIKE EVGENI AND LESS LIKE MICHELLE! FLEURY, STOP A PUCK OR TWO! AT THIS POINT, YOU COULDN'T SAVE COUPONS! DAMNIT!!!

And, you know, just have fun. I mean, it's only a game, right?

Mugabe Calls U.S. Diplomat A "Prostitute"

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: pimpin' ain't easy.

(CNN) -- Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe has warned against outside influences in next month's run-off election, likening one American diplomat to a "prostitute" and threatening to oust another from his country.

The label was ironic, especially coming from a man who obviously pays for sex.

"Zimbabwe cannot be British, it cannot be American. Yes, it is African," said Mugabe, whose speech Sunday was quoted Monday in The Herald, the state-run newspaper.

Really? Zimbabwe, Africa is actually in Africa? You sir, just blew my mind!

"You saw the joy that the British had, that the Americans had, and saw them here through their representatives celebrating and acting as if we Zimbabwe are either an extension of Britain or ... America. You saw that little American girl [U. S. Assistant Secretary of State for African Affairs Jendayi Frazer] trotting around the globe like a prostitute..."

Um, Mr. President, have you seen a picture of this woman? If she's a prostitute, she's probably going to need a second job. I'm just sayin'.

Mugabe went on to say that U.S. Ambassador to Zimbabwe James McGee would be expelled from the country if he "persisted in meddling in Zimbabwe's electoral process," the newspaper reported.

Expelled from Zimbabwe. Yeah, that's a punishment.

The fallout from Zimbabwe's stalled election has brought international criticism, with Frazer taking the most emphatic stance. In April, Frazer accused Mugabe, who has ruled Zimbabwe for nearly three decades, of "trying to steal the election" and "intimidating the population and election officials as well." (H/T - CNN)

So, if I am reading this last paragraph correctly, Mugabe is Zimbabwe's version of Barack Obama? I wonder if you can pull out a race card in Africa?

Sharon Stone: China Quake Is "Karma" For Tibet

Remember when Sharon Stone was relevant? Neither do I. Stone has been a D-List celebrity since showing her va-jay-jay in Basic Instinct, and seems hell-bent on regaining some semblance of fame.

Unfortunately, she's saying things that make Cindy Sheehan look well-adjusted. Take her comments about the devastating Chinese earthquake, for instance:

Well you know it was very interesting because at first, you know, I am not happy about the ways the Chinese were treating the Tibetans because I don’t think anyone should be unkind to anyone else. And so I have been very concerned about how to think and what to do about that because I don’t like that.

And I had been this, you know, concerned about, oh how should we deal with the Olympics because they are not being nice to the Dalai Lama, who is a good friend of mine.

And all these earthquake and stuff happened and I thought: is that karma . . . when you are not nice that bad things happen to you? (H/T - Shangaiist)

Yeah, Sharon, you really hit it on the head. Maybe you should guest star in an upcoming episode of My Name Is Earl.

Even if Stone thought that the quake was "karma," should she be stating that opinion. The oppressive Chinese government - the actual people responsible for the Tibetan crackdown - number what, maybe 100 politicians? The last estimate I read was that at least 8,500 Chinese citizens - people who had nothing to do with the Tibetan issue - are dead.

Hey Sharon, do ya think karma took all of those people out for the actions of a few ministers? Do us all a favor and stick to what you do best: close your mouth and open your legs. Dolt.

Bill Clinton: "Cover-Up" Killing Hillary's Chances

Slick Willy will blame Karl Rove in 4 . . 3 . . 2 . .

(CNN) -- Former President Bill Clinton said that Democrats were more likely to lose in November if Hillary Clinton is not the nominee, and suggested some were trying to "push and pressure and bully" superdelegates to make up their minds prematurely.

"I can't believe it. It is just frantic the way they are trying to push and pressure and bully all these superdelegates to come out," Clinton said at a South Dakota campaign stop Sunday, in remarks first reported by ABC News.

Clinton also suggested some were trying to "cover up" Sen. Clinton's chances of winning in key states that Democrats will have to win in the general election.

"'Oh, this is so terrible: The people they want her. Oh, this is so terrible: She is winning the general election, and he is not. Oh my goodness, we have to cover this up.'"

Clinton did not expound on who he was accusing.

"Her only position was, 'Look, if I lose I'll be a good team player. We will all try to win, but let's let everybody vote, and count every vote,' " he said. (H/T - CNN)

Count every vote. What a novel idea. I have a better one. How about you have your party ditch the superdelegate shenanigans, allow the candidate who wins the state to win all of the state's delegates, and let the people decide?

*Crickets*

Monday Family Funday

My niece Shannon with Kevin.

Yesterday I received an e-mail from my brother (known here as Randal Graves) with a video link from CBS3.com. The message read: "Check out this video . . . particularly at the 37 second mark. Someone likes her ice cream."

Click Here For The Video
The beautiful little girl with the ice cream cone is my niece, Shannon.

Memorial Day

Today is Memorial Day.

Formerly known as Decoration Day, it commemorates U.S. men and women who perished while in military service to their country. First enacted to honor Union soldiers of the American Civil War, it was expanded after World War I to include casualties of any war or military action. (H/T - Wikipedia)

I posted the facts about this holiday because far too many people think it is the unofficial start of Summer. Ironically, this day should be celebrated in an appropriate manner; a manner that has nothing to do with barbecues, beaches, and belly shirts. Rather, everyone should take some time out of their day to remember those who made the ultimate sacrifice for this great country.

We should remember heroes like Randy Shughart and Gary Gordon (Somalia):

Gordon and his Delta Force sniper teammates Sergeant First Class Randall Shughart and Sergeant First Class Brad Hallings who were providing sniper cover from the air, requested to be dropped at the second crash site in order to protect the four critically wounded crew, despite the fact that large numbers of armed, hostile Somalis were converging on the area.

Once on the ground, Gordon and Shughart, armed with only their personal weapons and sidearms, had to fight their way to the location of the downed Blackhawk. By this time more Somalis were arriving who were intent on either capturing or killing the American servicemen. When they reached Super Six Four, Gordon and Shughart extracted the pilot, Chief Warrant Officer Mike Durant and the other crew members from the aircraft, and established defensive positions around the crash.

Despite having inflicted heavy casualties against the Somalis, the two Delta snipers were too outnumbered and outgunned. Their ammunition nearly depleted, Gordon and Shughart finally were killed by Somali gunfire. It is believed that Gordon was first to be fatally wounded. His teammate Shughart retrieved Gordon's CAR-15 assault rifle and gave it to Durant to use. Shortly after, Shughart was killed and Durant was taken alive. (H/T - Wikipedia)

We should remember people like James P. Fleming (Vietnam):

For conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity in action at the risk of his life above and beyond the call of duty. Capt. Fleming (then 1st Lt.) distinguished himself as the Aircraft Commander of a UH-1F transport Helicopter. Capt. Fleming went to the aid of a 6-man special forces long range reconnaissance patrol that was in danger of being overrun by a large, heavily armed hostile force. Despite the knowledge that 1 helicopter had been downed by intense hostile fire, Capt. Fleming descended, and balanced his helicopter on a river bank with the tail boom hanging over open water. The patrol could not penetrate to the landing site and he was forced to withdraw.

Dangerously low on fuel, Capt. Fleming repeated his original landing maneuver. Disregarding his own safety, he remained in this exposed position. Hostile fire crashed through his windscreen as the patrol boarded his helicopter. Capt. Fleming made a successful takeoff through a barrage of hostile fire and recovered safely at a forward base. Capt. Fleming's profound concern for his fellowmen, and at the risk of his life above and beyond the call of duty are in keeping with the highest traditions of the U.S. Air Force and reflect great credit upon himself and the Armed Forces of his country. (H/T - cmohs.org)

We should remember people like Charles Barger (World War I):

Learning that 2 daylight patrols had been caught out in No Man's Land and were unable to return, Pfc. Barger and another stretcher bearer upon their own initiative made 2 trips 500 yards beyond our lines, under constant machine gun fire, and rescued 2 wounded officers. (H/T - cmohs.org)

Frankly, we should remember the sacrifices made by every member of our armed forces, past and present, living and dead. They have earned our admiration and respect.

Thank you all for your service.

Scott Dixon Wins The Indianapolis 500

Congratulations to Scott and his wife Emma. Yummy!

INDIANAPOLIS (AP)—Teammates Tony Kanaan and Marco Andretti tangled on the track, perhaps costing Kanaan a chance to win. Danica Patrick—all 100 pounds of her—went looking for a fight before cooler heads prevailed.

Scott Dixon took the victory, but the walls at Indianapolis Motor Speedway claimed plenty of trophies in a mayhem-filled Indianapolis 500 on Sunday.

I give Dixon a lot of credit. He held of late charges from Andretti and Vitor Miera to capture the checkered. It was a terrific piece of racing.


Danica Patrick shows us the "Walk of Blame."

Kanaan was seething, but his display of anger was nothing compared to Patrick’s after she was run into by Ryan Briscoe while trying to leave pit lane late in the race.

A furious Patrick then got out of her car and walked purposefully toward Briscoe’s pit for what was shaping up as a confrontation with his crew. She removed her gloves and seemed ready to rumble before track security personnel directed her back to her own pit area.

“I was ready to take it all off, my helmet and everything—because it’s hard to talk through the helmet,” Patrick said. “It’s probably a better idea that I didn’t make it all the way down there anyway because, well, as you guys know, I’m a little emotional.” (H/T - Yahoo!)

I know, Danica. I get emotional when I see you. Giggity!


I watched much of the 500 at my in-laws' house - and some of the Coca-Cola 600 - and I have to admit; Danica was not really in the wrong here. Sure, she throws a tantrum or two - she's Indy's version of Tony Stewart - but the replays clearly showed that Briscoe tried to run her of of Pit Road. And although she had problems early on in the race, she had worked her way up to 7th before that incident. I would have been pissed, too.

The Greatest Blog Idea Ever

Once in a while, a blogger has a really terrific original idea for a post. Unfortunately, it rarely ever comes from this blog. In this case, it was presented on my good friend Deathlok's blog, The Temerity of High Maintenance

Here's the premise:

Deathlok started a story. He wrote a paragraph or two to set the scene, then tagged another blogger - in the first case, it was JT. After JT, RT took over, then passed the baton to yours truly. And after I dropped the ball, I tagged Jim.

So far, I think the collaborative effort is really taking off, and personally, I think we have a very good story in the making.

You can judge for yourself by reading Part 1 HERE and part 2 HERE.

747 Crashes, Splits In Half

Oh yeah, I'm gonna go flying again reall soon.

BRUSSELS, Belgium (AP) -- A large cargo plane crashed at the end of a runway and split in two while trying to take off Sunday at Brussels airport, authorities said.

The plain was about to depart for a scheduled flight to Bahrain when it crashed.

Four of the five crew members on board the Boeing 747 were slightly injured and were hospitalized, said Jan Van der Cruysse, spokesman at Brussels Airport.

"The plane is very seriously damaged," he said. The aircraft cracked in two after it crashed at the end of runway 220, which lies very close to a rail line and houses.

Francis Vermeiren, mayor of the nearby town of Zaventem, said the plane did not catch on fire when it crashed after attempting to take off. Vermeiren was coordinating rescue efforts at the airport.

"The plane is not on fire but it has split into two," he told VRT radio. (H/T - CNN)

Oh, is that all? Then what's all the fuss about? /Snark.

Miami Vice

Since John McCain is taking applications, maybe i should throw my hat into the ring? His search for the Holy Grail is my topic for this week's article at Family Security Matters:

While most of us will be spending the Memorial Day weekend vacationing at the beach, roasting weenies in the backyard, or watching Sweatin' to the Oldies Volumes One through Four, the 2008 Republican nominee for President, John McCain, will be accepting applications for the position of Vice-President.

Of course, if you believe the AP story, the only thing that will be going on at Casa de McCain is a great big barbecue. I wonder if anyone will be eating crow?

"It's purely social," said Mark Salter, a senior adviser to McCain.

Florida Gov. Charlie Crist, Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney, a McCain rival in the primary, were invited to a weekend gathering at the senator's place in Sedona.

Ah, the position of Vice-President: the Garfunkel to McCain's Simon, the Bill to McCain's Hillary, and the A.J. to McCain's rest of The Sopranos. Who in their right mind wouldn't want to be considered for the second most powerful job on earth? Okay, in today's political climate, the American Vice-President actually wields less power than the Speaker of the House, the governor of California, and Family Guy's Mayor of Quahog, Adam West, but it's still a pretty sweet gig.

You can read the rest of the goodness HERE.

FARCing Good News!

Apparently, the leader of the Colombian terrorist group is dead.

(CNN) -- The leader of Colombia's largest leftist rebel group is dead, a spokesman for the nation's defense ministry said Saturday.

Pedro Antonio Marin, known as Manuel Marulanda Vilez and nicknamed Tirofijo, is believed to have died of a heart attack, ministry spokesman Juan Manuel Santos said.

"He must be in hell," Santos told a reporter from Semana magazine.

Marulanda, who was believed to be in his late 70s, has led the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia, or FARC, for decades.

"The information that we have is that he has gone already," he added. Asked whether he was saying that Marulanda had died, Santos said, "That's what a source who has never failed us tells us." (H/T - CNN)

When you get to Hell, tell 'em Itchy sent ya!

It's Weigh Day!

Ya know, I'm actually starting to feel thinner. I mean, I'm still a fatty, but I feel like less of a fatty. And, since I splurged on some new pants and shirts this week, I was hoping that my weight results would show real progress.

Mission accomplished.

When I took to the scales today, I weighed in at 205 pounds. That's down two pounds from last week, and I am down a total of 31 pounds since January 1st. Thank you, Weight Watchers!

It appears that I'm riding a wave of weight loss at just the right time. There are only four weeks to go in our Weight Loss Challenge, and I'd like to get below 200 before June 30th.

Other Progress Reports:
Mrs. Grim
RT

bRight And Early Turns Three Today!

Today is the third blogiversary of bRight & Early. If you are one of the hundreds of bloggers who installed his Blogiversary List in your sidebar, you already know him. If not, then you should make his acquaintance, post haste.

Why? Because Jim is good people. Okay, he's a good person, but that doesn't fit the figure of speech. I first met Jim over at Blogs4Bauer, where we both post. Since then, we've e-mailed, read each other's blogs, and competed against each other in fantasy leagues. We get along well, because we usually think alike - as scary as that is - but I would say he is the better blogger. For some unknown reason, I seem to have a larger audience now, but he is the one you all should be reading.

I especially wanted to make mention of Jim's blogiversary because, as Tony Stark said in Iron Man, he's "working on something big." Unfortunately, we can't mention it yet, but it should be ready by the first week of June.

And trust me, the announcement will be huge.

Jim has done a lot for me, and a lot for SYLG. I would like to return the favor by sending him a few new readers. Please stop by his blog today and congratulate him on three year's worth of bloggy goodness. Thanks!

Weekend Caption Contest

Head Ball! Caption Contest
(Source: AFP)

Original Caption: Champions clash : Chelsea's English midfielder Joe Cole (L) vies with Manchester United's English defender Rio Ferdinand during the final of the UEFA Champions League football match at the Luzhniki stadium in Moscow. Manchester United won on penalties.

Other Current Contests:
Blonde Sagacity
bRight & Early
Cowboy Blob (I WON here last week!)
Gone Rick Motel
Right Pundits
Rodney Dill
RT
Wizbang

Top Ten Entries:

10. Hey, get out of there. People are starting to talk. - Leoni2
9. Head-to-Head. - Randal Graves
8. The reason the Full-Contact Professional Leap-Frog League (FCPLFL) never caught on in the U.S. - Too many "head injuries." - B.C.
7. "No, dammit! You're still doing it wrong!" - Darth Bacon
6. The spinner landed on right ear left thigh. I swear this is the gayest twister game I ever played. - Molly
5. I said "headbutt the ball" not "show me head, butt and balls!" - Mope
4. Who said no one ever scores in soccer? - The Man
3. Nintendo was forced to issue a recall on it's newest release, the Wii Fit, after glitches in the program prompted scenes like this. - Deathlok
2. All the cops at the donut shop go Way-oh, Way-oh. Walk like an Egyptian. - Cowboy Blob

WINNER! - The contestants are "head over heels" in the "Barack Obama Look-Alike Competition!" - Uncle Ray

Congratulations, Allison!

My kid sister graduated from college today. She finished Holy Family University with a degree in Psychology. We're all grateful for that, because it means that the Earp family is three-for-three with college grads. Me from Saint Joseph's University, Randal from Drexel University, and Allison from HFU.

It wasn't easy for my sister - she was in a very serious auto accident in high school that left her on a ventilator - but she worked very hard for everything there. She earned very good grades in her last two years as she juggled school and two jobs. Her determination made me especially proud, because I helped raise her. She is sixteen years my junior, and while my parents worked a lot of overtime to pay the bills, I bore the burden of feeding, burping, and changing her.

I tell her now that she ruined my high school social life, and she comes back with, "Like you had a social life in high school." She has a point. My sister is all grown up, and while I feel like an old man today, I could not be more proud.

It's hard to believe that she was once this little blond 6-year old:

Congratulations, Al! We're all very proud of you!