Can We Stop With The Phillies Celebration, Please?

I mean, really. Some of these fans are celebrating like the Phils just won the World Series. The only thing they have accomplished was winning the NL East. And they had to do it on the last day of the season, and were helped by a terrible Mets team that couldn't win down the stretch.

And the added bonus of seeing wife-beater Brett Myers pitch the final out was just too precious. I wonder if his wife flinches every time he throws. She probably expects a punch to be on the other end. Heh.

The fact of the matter is that this team is decent, at best. Their offense is stellar, and Ryan Howard and Chase Utley are gods of the diamond, but their pitching looks worse than Paris Hilton after a night spent "entertaining" the Sixth Fleet.

As I write this, there are no less than fifteen patrol cars keeping the drunken fans (read: rioters) under control at Frankford & Cottman, the city's White Trash Intersection. For you see, when a Philly sports team does anything of note - winning a pennant, making the playoffs, or recovering a fumble - the citizens use it as an excuse to run roughshod through the city. I guarantee you this: before you log off of SYLG, a Philadelphia police officer will be hurt during the "celebration."

And because of this, I sincerely hope that the Phillies are swept in the first round of the playoffs.

UPDATE: October 30, 2008: For all of you bandwagon-jumping Johnny-come-latelys, this post is was written in 2007. Obviously, the Phillies made it to the Promised Land in 2008, so before you cry that I ripped your precious baseball team - that DID choke in 2007 - read the date on the article. Morons.

Stupid Questions

Why is the inside of a car's windshield the most impossible surface to get clean?

Why am I filled with a sense of dread when I hear that the Philadelphia Phillies "control their own (playoff) destiny?"

Will Mrs. Grim cut me some slack now if I post this picture of Tom Brady?

Hassan Chop!

Um . . . OUCH!

KUALA LUMPUR (Reuters) - Malaysian doctors have reattached a man's nearly severed penis after his first wife, enraged by his comparison of her sex skills with those of his younger second wife, decided to chop it off with a kitchen knife.

The man, a 43-year-old Indonesian worker in southern Johor state, was lying in bed with his 48-year-old wife talking about his newly wed second wife, who is in her 30s, when the incident happened, the New Straits Times newspaper reported.

Despite his shock and pain, the man managed to pull on his trousers and ride his motorcycle to a nearby hospital, where doctors had to put in 11 stitches to reattach the organ. (H/T - RT)

This story brings to mind a few bad Austin Powers-esque puns:

• I'll bet the first wife was a little slice of heaven.
• The first wife's antics left him in stitches.
• I wonder if the hospital was serving pork chops.

I have a question. How the Hell did this guy ride a motorcycle to the hospital, sans member? Mental note, guys. Never compare a previous lover's bedroom skills with your current one. That's a free tip from your Uncle Wyatt.

Game On!

It's Eating My Brain!!!

Oh yeah, I'm going back to Arizona to visit my friend Kevin real soon.

Six Die From Brain-Eating Amoeba In Lakes

PHOENIX - It sounds like science fiction but it's true: A killer amoeba living in lakes enters the body through the nose and attacks the brain where it feeds until you die.

Even though encounters with the microscopic bug are extraordinarily rare, it's killed six boys and young men this year. The spike in cases has health officials concerned, and they are predicting more cases in the future.

"This is definitely something we need to track," said Michael Beach, a specialist in recreational waterborne illnesses for the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

"This is a heat-loving amoeba. As water temperatures go up, it does better," Beach said. "In future decades, as temperatures rise, we'd expect to see more cases." (H/T - Yahoo!)

Brain-eating amoebas, huh? I wonder if Janeane Garofalo and Al Franken vacation in Phoenix?

It's Back, Baby!

Hockey jersey? Check.
FHL Stat Sheet? Check.
NHL Center Ice Package? Check.

Don't bother to call, e-mail, or otherwise contact me until sometime in early June. Why? Because hockey's back!

The season opener is currently underway in London, England of all places, where the Anaheim Ducks are facing off against the Los Angeles Kings. (It can be seen on HDNET for you DirecTv customers, by the way.)

The start of the NHL season also means the start of the FHL Season. After drafting a decent fantasy team - in my opinion - I now sit back and watch the points roll in. Of course, since today's game is the only one for the day, my hopes ride with Francois Beauchemin. Dang.

Oh well, it doesn't matter. My reason for living has returned, and I can now watch a sport that doesn't suck ass (read: baseball)!

Name That Bug

It's time for a new feature here at SYLG: Name That Bug.

After seeing some nasty insects outside (and occasionally inside) my home, I figured as a public service, I should enlighten others who share my dread. Let's begin, shall we?

This little bastard is the House Centipede.

The house centipede, Scutigera coleoptrata, is a yellowish grey centipede with 15 pairs of legs. Originally endemic to the Mediterranean region, the species has spread to other parts of the world, where it usually lives in human homes. It is an insectivore; it kills and eats insects.

House centipedes feed on spiders, bedbugs, termites, cockroaches, silverfish, ants and other household pests. They kill their prey by injecting venom through their fangs.

Because they eat household pests, house centipedes are considered among the most beneficial creatures that inhabit human dwellings, but because of their alarming appearance, frightening speed, and painful bite, few homeowners are willing to share a home with them. (H/T - Wikipedia)

Okay, why am I grossing everyone out on an early Saturday morning? Because one of these things is currently eluding my assassination attempt. The damned thing is over three inches long, and faster than Jeff Gordon on nitrous. So, I looked up the little critter, and was amazed at what I found.

I had no idea that the house centipede ate other pests. That's a good thing, and I appreciate their efforts. Still, if I find this thing, it's going down.

Weekend Caption Contest

Bikini Beach Caption Contest
(Source: Reuters)

Other Current Contests:
Bullwinkle Blog (I took 2nd Place here last week!!)
Cowboy Blob
Right Pundits
Rodney Dill
RT (I took 4th Place here last week.)
WILLisms (I took 3rd Place here last week!)
Wizbang

Top Ten Entries:
10. One of the girls: "That guy back there needs a bra WAY more than we do." - ChrisA
9. "Look girls, a straight guy!" - BobG
8.Okay Ladies, Time to slim down for the shot. Now stick you're fingers down your thr... wait, wait, TURN AROUND!! - Sean P
7. Hey ladies! Check out Wyatt in the Speedo! Looks like he slimmed down a bit! Hubba-hubba! - Uncle Ray
6. Notice how the brunettes of the species have been pushed to the outer ring by the more dominant blonds. While I wait in the safety of our blind, Jim is going to approach this group and attempt to tag one with a radio collar.... - Cowboy Blob
5. Even though Willard was the last man on earth, he still wasn't getting any action. - Jeffro
4. 1,010 bikini clad women posed on Australia's iconic beach on Wednesday, setting a Guinness world record for the largest swimsuit photo shoot. The previous record holder for the largest swimsuit photo shoot was a single photo of Rosie O'Donnell in a one-piece swimsuit taken from the International Space Station. - The Man
3. "Man, I knew I should have brought the stuffing sock." - GOP and College
2. OK ladies, Shave the Whales. - Rodney Dill

Winner! - Proof that not ALL skimpy bathing suits are a good thing. - Deathlok

Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Good Lord, we run into some stupid people on this job.

Take tonight, for example. Much like the military, the PPD abbreviates ranks. Captain is Capt., Lieutenant is Lt., and Detective is Det. Keep this in mind, as it is crucial to the story.

This woman calls the division tonight, and says that she received a letter from a detective. The detective wanted her to call the division a.s.a.p. She does, obviously, and asks the following:

"Yes, may I speak to Detective Smith?"

Since there are two detectives named Smith, the detective who answered the phone asked which one she wanted. The woman then says this:

"The male. His first name is 'Det.'"

This tool thought the detective's rank was his first name.

Top Al-Qaeda Leader Killed In Iraq

Chalk one up for the good guys. Hoo-frakkin'-rah!

WASHINGTON - U.S.-led forces have killed one of the most important leaders of al-Qaida in Iraq, a Tunisian believed connected to the kidnapping and killings last summer of American soldiers, a top commander said Friday.

Brig. Gen. Joseph Anderson said the death of the suspected terrorist and recent similar operations have left the organization in Iraq fractured.

"Abu Usama al-Tunisi was one of the most senior leaders ... the emir of foreign terrorists in Iraq and part of the inner leadership circle," Anderson said.

Al-Tunisi was a leader in helping bring foreign terrorists into the country and his death "is a key loss" to al-Qaida leadership there, Anderson told a Pentagon news conference via video conference from Baghdad. (H/T - Yahoo!)

General Anderson also credited the recent troop surge for the successes, stating that pockets of al-Qaeda are now isolated in the northern and southern parts of the country.

But wait, didn't Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden tell us that the troop surge wasn't working?

Somewhere, General Petraeus is laughing his arse off.

A Programming Note

In case you missed it, the new season of Smallville premiered last night. And for those of you who don't watch the show, this lovely little hottie is Erica Durance, who plays Lois Lane.

She makes Margot Kidder look like a bucket of puke, huh?

Squidward Presses The Flesh

I shouldn't even post this ridiculous story (or comment upon it), but I can't help myself.

Nutter Meets With Black Officers

The city's black officers met with their presumptive new boss last night, firing tough questions about racial bias on the police force, judicial caprice, witness protection, and his controversial stop-and-frisk policy.

And Democratic mayoral candidate Michael Nutter gave some surprisingly frank answers.

Now is the point in the story where I'd ask when our next presumptive mayor would meet with the Caucasian, Asian, and Latino officers. Oops, sorry. White officers cannot have a White Police Officer's Association. That would be racist. Let's continue, shall we?

He was handed a thick report that alleged racist practices within the police force and contained recommendations for addressing the problem that the league said were compiled several years ago.

"I'm not going to tolerate discrimination . . . in any department within city government," Nutter said.

As long as that goes both ways, I'm all for it. The White Police Officer's Association will be submitting their list a.s.a.p. Oh, wait . . . dang.

Nutter made a point of saying he had not appointed any of those serving in major positions in the city government. He stopped short of saying that he planned to replace Police Commissioner Sylvester M. Johnson, but noted: "Last year was last year. When you come to training camp next year, you're going to have to fight for your job."

An officer called out, "It's going to be a black and white issue."

"It's a black and white world," Nutter said. (H/T - Philadelphia Inquirer)

Wonderful. This tool isn't even in office yet and the Guardian Civic League is handing him a list of "racist practices." And then he responds, "It's a black and white world?" Are they kidding? This is why my department is a laughing stock. This is why bloggers like Sebastian shake their head in disbelief. And rightfully so. This is why people are fleeing this town in droves.

As of this posting, Philadelphia's homicide count stands at 308. Every police officer in this city should be keeping their eyes on the ball here, instead of throwing race cards into a hat. When I joined this department in 1994, our academy instructors told us how it was going to be:

"You're not white. You're not black. From here on out, you're blue."

The sooner some of these fools get that through their thick skulls, the better off we'll be.

People I Like

I know Thursday is People I Hate day, but honestly, I'm not in the mood. I've been hatin' all week, and after a while even I tire of it. Thus, you lucky folks get to see a rarity around these parts: a PIL post! Good for you!

Briana Scurry

Soccer fans will label her "the woman who lost the World Cup," but that's patently unfair. Yes, the U.S. Women's team got blitzed today, 4-Nil. Yes, Scurry was playing goaltender. Yes, the U.S. will not win the World Cup. But, no, it was not Scurry's fault.

"The first goal was kind of a fluke goal, then Marta comes down on the second goal and then we go down on the red card. Things were not falling for us today."

In the 20th minute, Formiga sent in a corner, which bounced just short of the goal. Attempting to head it behind, midfielder Leslie Osborne headed it into the net between goalkeeper Briana Scurry and Lori Chalupny.

Scurry, playing in her 164th game for the U.S., was surprisingly picked ahead of Hope Solo, who started the first four games. Solo gave up two goals in the first match but was unscored on for the following 300 minutes. Scurry, meanwhile, hadn't played a full game in three months. (H/T - Yahoo! Sports)

Scurry was woefully unprepared for this important game. And it showed. This should go down as coach Greg Ryan's blunder, since he benched Solo for Scurry, but those who saw the game - like me, while at PT - will know it was a total team effort. Give Briana a break.

Mitt Romney

Yeah, yeah, I know he probably doesn't have a shot in Hell to win the GOP nomination, but Romney is most likely the guy I will be voting for in the primaries. He's a straight shooter, that tells you exactly what he thinks, instead of fumbling around for a position du jour.

BOSTON (Reuters) - Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney's lead among New Hampshire's likely Republican voters has nearly vanished, putting him in a virtual tie with former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani in the state that helps kick off the 2008 White House race, a new poll showed. (H/T - Yahoo!)

That's a shame. Romney would be the better candidate than Rudy Giuliani or Fred "Am I running, or not" Thompson.

Christian Bale

I heard that NBC is planning to bring back Knight Rider. Good God, I hope that's just a scary rumor. If not, they would do well to follow the Batman Begins formula. First, make it dark and serious, without all the camp. Second, choose your star wisely, like Begins did with Christian Bale.

I like Bale. He has been stellar in every film I've seen him in. Awesome in Batman Begins, terrific in Reign of Fire, and very good in Equilibrium. And, unlike many Hollywood types, he's rarely on the front page doing something stupid and/or illegal.

I anxiously await next summer's Batman sequel, The Dark Knight.

The Cheerleader Speaks

Katie Couric: She's perky, she's cutesy . . . she's dopey.

Speaking at the National Press Club Tuesday evening, CBS "Evening News" anchor Katie Couric pulled back the curtain on her personal views of both the war in Iraq and former “Evening News” anchor Dan Rather.

“Everyone in this room would agree that people in this country were misled in terms of the rationale of this war,” said Couric, adding that it is “pretty much accepted” that the war in Iraq was a mistake.

Further, Couric said the Bush administration botched the war effort, calling it “accepted truths” that it erred by“disbanding the Iraq military, and leaving 100,000 Sunni men feeling marginalized and angry...[and] whether there were enough boots on the ground, the feeling that we’d be welcomed as liberators and didn’t need to focus as much on security.” She added “I’d feel totally comfortable saying any of that at some point, if required, on television.” (H/T - Examiner.com)

So much for Katie's credibility, huh?

Look, I don't have a problem with her opposition to the war. Hell, she can join the other fifty percent of the country that is opposed to it. I don't have a problem with her hatred of the Bush Administration. Lord knows he's disappointed me numerous times, too. My problem is that she still thinks of herself as a "serious impartial journalist," when the fact of the matter is that she is nothing of the kind.

In my opinion, Couric cannot separate her personal feelings from the requirements of her profession. Her job is to report the news, and do so without bias. By openly admitting she is against the war and dislikes the current administration, she is no better Bill Maher of the tools at MoveOn.

Elton John: Sexual Deviant?

I ask you; does this guy look like a sexual deviant?

LONDON - Elton John said Wednesday that he owns a photo of two naked girls taken by award-winning photographer Nan Goldin that was seized by police at a British gallery over concerns it amounted to child pornography.

John confirmed ownership of "Klara and Edda Belly-Dancing" in a statement on his Web site. He said it is among 149 images comprising Goldin's "Thanksgiving" installation. (H/T - Yahoo!)

Funny, I expected Elton to be in possession of photos of young boys instead. Snark.

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner?

On or about March 7th, that is.

Earp Child #3 (in progress) lying on his/her back. Just like Dad!

How the Hell did this happen? Why was I not informed?! Who's in charge here?!! Okay, I guess I know how this happened, so I had better enlighten all of you.

You see, when a man and a woman . . . no, wait. You guys probably know how it physically happens. Well, except Sssteve, that is. Heh. Anyway, life is pretty sweet at the Earp Ranch these days. We have two kids in a three-bedroom house, and just enough money to support, feed, clothe, and buy toys for them. Everything is perfect.

So what does the wife do? She coerces me into knocking her up. Oh, is "knocking up" impolite? Sorry. She coerced me into rocking her world! Apparently, we are both getting older, and this was our last chance to bring yet another sarcastic Mini-Me into existence. Both Kyle and Erik exited the womb and snarked, "Johns Hopkins Medical School? What's wrong, Doc? Couldn't you get into Penn?" I love those little guys! And now I'll have to sell them because three kids are just too damned expensive!

For the record, the missus demanded that I not be a wiseass on this post. Being a first-class wiseass, I, of course, ignored her.

The news is pretty kickass. Although everyone is asking the same thing: "Are you hoping for a girl this time?" Um, no! Like I want to be spending my Golden Years keeping her locked up in the basement away from guys like me. Personally, as long as the baby is healthy, I could care less if it's a boy or a girl. Seriously. I do, however, care about the name. And since we didn't have a definite name for Erik until after he was born - in our defense, he was four weeks early - we will find out the sex beforehand (next month) and have rock-solid names picked out well before the big event.

The funny thing is that the missus once mentioned that she liked the name "Wyatt." Creepy.

Get Me 200,000 Visits, Stat!

Ambulance Driver - arguably one of the best bloggers writing today - just celebrated his 200,000th hit!

And he did it in only ten months. (I'll pause here, so all of us can bask in the jealousy.) A.D. is so successful because he follows an axiom that every blogger should obey: post often and post well.

It also helps that he posts about whom and what he loves: Babs, and his job (respectively).

With the demise of Dave from Garfield Ridge - the blog, not the man - A.D. is one of a handful of active bloggers I try to emulate . . . usually without success. Simply stated, Ambulance Driver is the current gold standard for the average blogger. His blog should be a daily read.

Congratulations, A.D.!

Everyone Always Said I Need Therapy

And now, I'm gonna get it.

I began my PT for my injured knee on Monday afternoon at PRO Physical Therapy in Philly. It's close to home, and my family practitioner swears by them. And since I have been in pain for about three months now, I needed some good news.

I got it in the form of my PT, Mike Dillon.

Almost immediately after I arrived, Mike took a look at the knee and asked me about my symptoms. I told him my tale of woe, and instead of giving me that "We'll see what we can do" look, he said this:

"We'll have you back on the ice in a month."

Confidence. That's exactly what I wanted to hear. Actually, I told him that if he could get me to take steps without pain, I'd be grateful, but getting back to skating would be kickass, too. Mike checked my MRI and X-rays, and told me the game plan:

• No skating whatsoever until I get his approval.
• Therapy three times a week, an hour a day.
• Home exercises that must be completed.
• Fabulous babes massaging my buttocks.
  

Okay, he didn't promise the last one, but a guy can dream, can't he? My first appointment is later this morning at 8am. Wish me luck!

You Knew It Was Coming

Family Guy: The Star Wars Episode. Heh.

Disregard, kids. The Nazis at Fox took off the video. In lieu of Star Wars, here's a clip from The Simpsons. It shows the Wyatt of the Future . . .

I Wonder If His B.A.C. Was .24?

Previously on 24 . . .

Kiefer Sutherland was arrested early Tuesday on misdemeanor drunken driving charges after failing a field sobriety test, police officials said.

The actor was pulled over at about 1:10 a.m. in West Los Angeles after officers spotted him making an illegal U-turn, said Officer Kevin Maiberger.

Sutherland, 40, tested over the state's legal blood alcohol limit of .08 percent, and was arrested on a misdemeanor charge of driving under the influence, Officer Karen Smith said. (H/T - Yahoo!)

Can you blame the guy? I'd need quite a few drinks myself if I had to work with that asshat Janeane Garofalo all day!

I'm Trying Not To Giggle

. . . but come on, this is funny!

NEW YORK - For richer, for poorer? It'll have to be for poorer after Luke Jacunski and his girlfriend were robbed at gunpoint just seconds after he proposed.

Jacunski got on one knee and popped the question to his girlfriend of six months, Mami Nagase, in a romantic spot at a gazebo in Central Park on Saturday night. She had just agreed to marry him when, they said, a gunman jumped from the bushes and yelled, "Give me your money and get on the ground!"

The robber took a Rolex watch from Nagase and $125 from Jacunski, who had planned to use it to pay for a romantic dinner at a French restaurant. The robber then ran away. (H/T - Yahoo!)

Okay, I know I'm a sarcastic bastard, but you have to admit this is a funny story. Hell, if the guy was smart, he would have let the mugger shoot him. At least that would get him out of the wedding. Heh.

We Can Be Heroes

. . . just for one day.

Sorry for the Garofalo pic. Here's Heroes heroine Ali Larter.

I am officially on the Heroes bandwagon. Although I missed the first season, I read the synopses and plan to go back and watch them when I get the time. Until then, I just finished watching the season premier. Friggin' sweet!

Freedom Of Idiocy

(H/T - Reuters)

Apparently, all of the idiots at Columbia today were not only from Iran.

Although the man in this photo is obviously an idiot, he was not the worst on the streets of New York today. News reports stated that an unknown protester held up this sign:

"Ahmadinejad is bad, Bush is worse."

I mean, really. Get a clue. Ahmadinejad sentences Iranian homosexuals to death, and treats women as fourth-class citizens. When President Bush starts dishing out summary executions for differing lifestyles, I'll agree with this dope. Until then, shut the frak up, simpleton.

(Linked at OTB's Beltway Traffic Jam.)

Good Lord, Why Won't She Just Go Away?

Oh goody, Janeane Garofalo is making an a-hole out of herself again. Idiotic rantings like these are the reason I probably won't watch 24 this season. I wonder if there are any openings at Blogs4Heroes?

Friday night on HBO's Real Time with Bill Maher, "actress/comic" Janeane Garofalo asserted she has "no doubt" that, on the Bush National Guard story, "there were executives at CBS that folded under right wing coercion" and she endorsed MoveOn.org's ad which maligned General David Petraeus as "General Betray Us." The tattooed Garofalo, who has joined the cast of Fox's 24, charged: "Petraeus has been dishonest" and "is betraying us."

GAROFALO: And the thing is it's beside the point. And the mainstream media helps them out enormously. First of all, General Petraeus has been dishonest. That is sort of the role of a soldier like that, they, just like General Westmoreland and the 5 o'clock reports in Vietnam. Of course they are dishonest. That's what they do. And the thing is is to pretend that it's MoveOn.org that has the problem, and that the mainstream media allows that nonsense to continue. Yet, he is betraying us and I don't know why there aren't more brave Democrats who will say, "yeah, he is." (H/T - NewsBusters)

I frakkin' hate this woman, but not necessarily because she uttered these ridiculous comments. I frakkin' hate this woman because she is ignorant. Because only an ignorant person would say this about our servicemen and women:

"Of course they are dishonest. That's what they do."

That's what they do? Really? I thought protecting both our country and innocent people abroad is "what they do." I thought bringing freedom to those who've never experienced it is "what they do." I thought fighting communism, despotism, and fascism is "what they do."

Personally, I would rather take the word of someone who risked their life for this country (Captain America, Dennis, John D, and Pandy) than some airheaded skank who wouldn't cross the street to spit upon them.

Philadelphia Police Officer Shot In The Face

After being shot in the face with a shotgun, rookie Officer Richard Decoatsworth (21) pursued his attackers for several blocks before passing out from blood loss.

The offender in this case needs to be hunted down and executed, in my humble opinion.

A shooting suspect was taken into custody just before 10 a.m. Monday, about 50 minutes after a Philadelphia police officer was shot in the head at 51st and Arch streets.

Police said 52nd Street between Haverford Avenue and Market Street has been shut down in West Philadelphia as dozens of officers hunted for the shooter. Police took one person who was apparently hiding in a nearby home into custody but his name was not immediately released.

An empty shotgun shell was recovered at the shooting scene.

The officer's name was not immediately released, but police said he is a 16th District officer. He was rushed to a local hospital in a police car and was in stable condition with a gunshot wound to the left side of the face. (H/T - NBC10)

Shot in the face for doing your job. Isn't that just swell?

This is the problem I have with this - save for the obvious, I mean. Philadelphia's homicide count is currently at 305. Every one of those lives lost is precious. However, it frosts my weenie when people say that the all shootings and homicides are the same. They are not! For better or worse, it is much more dreadful when a police officer is shot while in the line of duty.

"But Wyatt," you say, "Are you trying to tell us that a police officer's life is worth more than anyone else's?"

Frakkin' right.

And this opinion has nothing to do with the fact that I am a police officer. This is an opinion based upon life experience. Any toad who has no problem shooting a uniformed police officer poses an even greater threat to the civilian population. It's as simple as that. Because the punishments are more severe - yet not severe enough - for shooting a police officer while in the performance of his/her duties, it takes a special type of scumbag to pull the trigger.

A scumbag that needs to be put down like a rabid dog.

Please pray for this officer and his family.

Slip, Slidin' Away

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

For most of our NASCAR Fantasy season, I have reveled being in 2nd place. After four mediocre weeks, it is apparent that those days are gone forever. I dropped like a kidney stone into 4th place - easy pickings for a charging Randal Graves.

The Godfather is still atop the standings - he's been in first place for most of the season - and doesn't look to fall very soon. Rachel is only 77 points away (after two monster weeks), and GOP and College is right on her tail.

Uncle Ray and RT are still in the chase, but they need to click on the nitrous since time is running out. Let's go, people!

Oh well, at least Jeff Gordon is leading the points standings.

Ahmadinejad Will Enlighten Us All

How about we return the favor . . . with radiation?

TEHRAN, Iran - President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said Sunday that the American people are eager for different opinions about the world, and he is looking forward to providing them with "correct and clear information," state media reported.

The hardline Iranian leader left Sunday for New York to address the U.N. General Assembly and speak to students and teachers during a forum at Columbia University.

"The United States is a big and important country with a population of 300 million. Due to certain issues, the American people in the past years have been denied correct and clear information about global developments and are eager to hear different opinions," Ahmadinejad was quoted by IRNA as saying. (H/T - Yahoo!)

Do you believe the won tons on this guy? He is going to provide us with correct and clear information? Mr. Pot, meet Mr. Kettle. Before you enlighten us, Mahmoud, maybe you should allow your citizens unfiltered information to come from Europe and the West. Or better, yet, how about you stop reading and editing e-mail coming into your glorious country. Oh, and here's a radical thought: why not hold free elections in Iran, where citizens are allowed to vote for whom they choose without the fear of death?

But what do I know?

Wow. Just Wow.

Ugliest jerseys . . . EVER!

PHILADELPHIA - SEPTEMBER 23: Kevin Kolb #4 of the Philadelphia Eagles warms up before playing the Detroit Lions at Lincoln Financial Field September 23, 2007 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. (Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)

Well, at least they won with them . . .

Soccer It To Me

Kyle (center) after his team scored a goal.

So, my six-year old son Kyle is in the midst of soccer season at the Philadelphia Soccer Club. Saturdays are usually game days, but yesterday was different: Verizon Wireless was sponsoring a Kids' Soccer Clinic at the field.

The missus took Kyle for early registration - where he received a jersey, water bottle, and sports bag. I arrived soon after to relieve the family, and - of course - the skies opened up. It rained cats and dogs for about 30 minutes, and I was soaked. Thankfully, Kyle is a tough kid, and thought playing soccer in the rain was cool. A lot of parents/kids didn't agree: they fled the field, never to be seen again.

When the rain slowed, the clinic resumed. The director was an outgoing personality who kept the kids busy instead of bored. They did drills and played games that illustrated the basics of the game. After two hours, Kyle was exhausted, but had a great time. And I think he learned a lot, too.

Any hoo, at the end of the clinic, the director gave every child a ticket. Apparently, the plan was to raffle off donated items to the kids. The first couple of prizes were shin guards and hats, but the piece de resistance was the final item: a brand new pair of indoor soccer cleats.

The director read off the number: 8, 3 . . . 2, 2 . . . 9 . . . 7!

Kyle jumped up! "That's me!" He won the cleats, and was the envy of every kid there.

After the raffle, one of the instructors, Martin Zuniga - a goalkeeper for Chivas USA - autographed the kids' jerseys. It was a blast. At the end of the day, Kyle received a jersey, water bottle, equipment bag, and a pair of new cleats: all for the registration fee of . . . nothing. The clinic was free.

What a country!

First In! Turns One

It's Captain America's first blogiversary!

And today, I feel a little like Niels Bohr. While I am proud to say that I introduced the Captain to the blogosphere, I also watched in horror as my creation wreaked his own personal havoc upon it. Heh. I kid, because I love.

The Captain melodiously blends biting sarcasm and obscure heavy metal references into a pina colada of entertainment. So, why not stop by, order a drink or three, and congratulate him on his first year?

Hail To The Victors!

The University of Michigan can lose every game from here on out and I won't care. They beat Notre Dame last week, and beat Penn State today by a score of 14-9. (And, as an added bonus, my brother-in-law Fish lost our annual bet for the third year straight. Now he has to wear the blue and maize at our next family outing. Sweet!)

The Wolverines still aren't going to do much this year, but I'm still a happy fan today, so I'm posting the greatest fight song . . . EVER!

A Not-As-Toothy Grin

Kyle, getting some seat time in Captain America's fire engine.

My six-year old son experienced yet another life-altering event today: he lost his first tooth.

Hey, I told him not to bother me while I'm playing NHL '08, but he wouldn't listen, so . . . No, I'm kidding! Don't write letters. His bottom front two teeth have been loose for about a week or so, and he lost it in - of all places - the lunchroom at school. Here's the story from his perspective.

"Dad, guess what I lost today? My tooth! I was sitting in the lunchroom, and when I opened my juice box and put the straw to my mouth, it banged the tooth and it came out! My friend Stefan caught it before it hit the ground. I raised my hand, but no one saw me, so I went to the lunch lady and showed her. She put it in a bag for me, and I put the bag in my lunch box. It was cool."

"Mom said that the Tooth Fairy would give me money for it if I put it under my pillow, but I didn't want to do it until you were home from work to see it. I hope she leaves me some round money!"

"Round money" would be coins, in case you didn't know. So, the discussion now is what the Tooth Fairy should give him. Currently, we've decided on 50 cents (in quarters). It's our first experience with the Tooth Fairy, so we weren't sure.

So . . . are we being too cheap for a six-year old, or too generous?

Weekend Caption Contest

Randal's Big Boy Caption Contest
(Source: Our NASCAR Trip)

Other Current Contests:
Bullwinkle Blog
Cowboy Blob
Gone Rick Motel (I won here last week!!!)
Right Pundits
RT (I won here last week!!!)
Outside the Beltway
WILLisms
Wizbang

Top Five Entries:
5. Randal Graves speaks to Bob: "Bob's Big Boy? Pretty self congratulatory...don't ya think, Bob." - The Badger
4. Big Boy to Randal: "Your fly is open." Randal to Big Boy: "Just keep smiling and no one will notice." - Mrs. Grim
3. (On the back of the photo) "Randal and Wyatt, Disney 2005" - Wagonsux
2. Wyatt's brother then found out why they called him 'Big Boy'. - The Man

WINNER! - Auditions continue for the replacement of "Smiling Bob" - Enzyte Spokesman. - Scully

Hillary To Troops: "Drop Dead!"

Why am I not surprised by this?

WASHINGTON - Republicans on Thursday tried to turn a controversial anti-war newspaper ad against Democratic presidential candidates Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama after neither voted to condemn it.

The Senate voted 72-25 to pass a resolution condemning a MoveOn.org ad that referred to Gen. David Petraeus, the commander of U.S. forces in Iraq, as "Gen. Betray Us." The liberal group's full-page ad appeared last week in The New York Times.

Clinton voted against the measure; Obama did not vote. (H/T - Yahoo!)

Tell me again how Hillary Clinton supports the troops?

"But Wyatt, she does support the troops. Just not their Commander-in-Chief . . . or their General . . . or their mission . . . "

Look, politicians on both sides of the aisle are morons. Unfortunately, three of the biggest morons in the Senate happen to be running for President in 2008: Clinton, Obama, and Biden. Why neither of these three would vote against a symbolic resolution - one without any teeth, mind you - is beyond me. Just vote against the despicable ad and move on (pun intended). The dopes at MoveOn would have supported you afterwards, simply because you guys are Dems! None of these fools did that, and that tells me that they are more beholden to a radical left-wing website than they are to the men and women risking their lives overseas.

That, to me, in unforgivable.

I don't know General Petraeus, but he seems to be an honorable gentleman. I do, however, respect the opinions of those who served with him, and when this nonsense gets Pandy fired up, I gotta believe the Hill-dabeast and Obama made a huge mistake.

Two Students Shot At Delaware State University

Here we go again. Another school shooting. And yet, most campuses refuse to arm their security force. Nice decision.

DOVER, Del. - Two students were shot and wounded, one seriously, at Delaware State University early Friday, and the campus was locked down as police searched for a gunman, officials said.

Classes were canceled for the day and students were being kept inside.

"They've been directed to stay in their dorms," university spokesman Carlos Holmes said. "We don't know where the shooter's at." (H/T - Yahoo!)

I don't want to make light of this situation, but re-read the quote from spokesperson Carlos Holmes:

"We don't know where the shooter's at."

This is a spokesperson. For a university.

Hot Rod Hottie!

The results are in!

Ashley Force has been named the winner of the first annual “Hottest Athlete” poll on AOL Sports. The Web site’s users voted on the best-looking men and women in sports over several weeks and National Hot Rod Association star Force beat out football hunk Tom Brady, as well as fellow motor sports competitor Danica Patrick for the honor. (H/T - Kentucky.com)

Did any loyal reader of SYLG think I would not mention this story? Silly humans. Not only would I mention it, but I would also post the necessary photos. Hey, I didn't just start blogging yesterday, folks.

Bender = Funny

I should post this video every time I pimp a blog.

Ya wanna see the inside of Scully's bedroom? And really, who doesn't? Check it out HERE.

RT lets you bitch to high heaven HERE. You can't pass this up!

JimmyB almost blew his brains out . . . accidentally. Read the details HERE.

Mrs. Grim helps you choose your pimp name HERE. Nice.

And yes, Trek Medic is still chasing home run, er, Site Meter hit #20,000. Please stop by HERE and help him reach the milestone so he will stop bothering me!!! Heh.

People I Hate

Good Thursday, everyone! It's that special time of the week where I spew bile to entertain all of you. It's a little something I call "People I Hate." Enjoy.

O.J. Simpson

Yeah, I know this is a no-brainer, but this guy is such a piece of detritus that I would be remiss had I not mentioned him.

MIAMI - O.J. Simpson slipped back into familiar territory early Thursday — not just the humidity of South Florida, but into the center of a media cavalcade fixated on a robbery case that could imprison him for life.

In the Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood airport, he refused to answer reporters' questions about the case, though girlfriend Christine Prody answered a question about how Simpson was doing with: "He's fine." (H/T - Yahoo!)

Three things really disturb me about this entire fiasco. First, his defense is that he was "set up." Is anyone buying this tripe? Someone forced him to enter a hotel room and allegedly rob someone point of gun? Right. Second, why is he involved in this nonsense instead of: 1. lying low and thanking God he was acquitted of two counts of murder, courtesy of the dumbest jury of all time; and 2. looking for "the real killers' like he promised? And finally, I wonder if girlfriend Christine Prody sleeps well at night. It's just a matter of time until she too is transformed into a human Pez dispenser.

David Bowie

"Free the Jena 6!" "Free the Jena 6!" Give me a break.

JENA, La. - Thousands of chanting demonstrators filled the streets of this little Louisiana town Thursday in support of six black teenagers initially charged with attempted murder in the beating of a white classmate.

The six teens were charged about three months after three white teens hung nooses in a tree on their high school grounds. Five of the black teens were initially charged with attempted murder, but that charge was reduced to battery for all but one, who has yet to be arraigned; the sixth was charged as a juvenile. The white teens were suspended from school but weren't prosecuted. (H/T - Yahoo!)

So, apparently, if some racist white students do something despicable like hang a noose on a tree, any other white student - whether he is involved in the vandalism or not - can be beaten half to death with no consequences? Oh, now I get it.

"But Wyatt," you ask, "what does David Bowie have to do with this?" Well, this assclown just donated $100,000 to the teens' legal defense fund.

I've got a serious question. When will toads like Al Sharpton and David Bowie march in Philadelphia to protest the self-genocide of African-Americans currently underway in my town? That's what I thought.

Jesse Jackson

This tool is a reverend like I am an NHL All-Star. I love when I get criticized for being a racist, but people like Jackson get a free pass. Well, at least he's criticizing Barack Obama this time:

The Rev. Jesse Jackson called Tuesday on Democrats seeking the 2008 nomination for president to give S.C. voters “something to vote for” when they go to the polls in January.

Jackson sharply criticized presidential hopeful and Illinois Sen. Barack Obama for “acting like he’s white” in what Jackson said has been a tepid response to six black juveniles’ arrest on attempted-murder charges in Jena, La. Jackson, who also lives in Illinois, endorsed Obama in March, according to The Associated Press. (H/T - The State)

Because only Whitey would ignore "the injustices" underway in Jena, right Jesse? I'm sure none of the 10,000 supporters of this "travesty" were white, right Jesse?

Jesse, can you tell me how a person can be "acting like he's white?" Because I'm dying to know!

The Hill-Dabeast Is At It Again

What is thy bidding, President Bush?

That Hillary Clinton is so witty and humorous! We should all band together and elect her President! Especially after she said this the other day:

"Vice President [Dick] Cheney came up to see the Republicans yesterday. You can always tell when the Republicans are getting restless, because the Vice President’s motorcade pulls into the Capitol, and Darth Vader emerges," Hillary Clinton said. (H/T - The Politico)

Ha, ha, ha! She sure has one terrific sense of humor. She should write a sitcom. She really should. (Snark)

The fact of the matter is that Hillary can't even take a shot at Cheney without blowing it. Everyone knows that Darth Vader is the baddest, coolest mo-fo in the Star Wars trilogy. Every kid in my generation wanted to be him. I wish someone would compare me to Darth Vader! It would make my day.

The only way she could have frakked this up worse is if she compared Cheney to Boba Fett. Nobody hates the Fett Man!

Art Imitates Life

I saw this today in my neighborhood paper. Click THIS LINK to embiggen. It's funny because it's true!

Great With "88"

Let's hope this is the beginning of a turnaround for Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

All the final remnants of postulating, anticipation and hype are finally over.

Ralph Dale Earnhardt Jr. – otherwise known simply as Junior – the man heretofore without a sponsor and car number for 2008, now has both.

Never before has there been such anticipation of the number a driver would carry on the door of his race car. Rather than a simple press release, Junior's new car number and sponsor required a nationally televised press conference.

This was no mere number. It was the next chapter in a story that began with a simple white No. 8, and will now continue with No. 88 in hopes of "doubling" the success that the old number brought.

When Earnhardt announced his new number, along with new major sponsors Mountain Dew, Amp Energy Drink and National Guard on Wednesday afternoon in suburban Dallas, it was an early goodbye to the two things that have come to symbolize him most: Budweiser and the No. 8. (H/T - Yahoo! Sports)

Sweet! Jumping to Hendrick Motorsports, landing a new high-profile sponsor, and scoring a sweet new number. Way to stick it to that bitch stepmother of yours!

I can't wait to see Theresa's face when he starts winning every week.

Cut To The Chase

I consider myself a movie buff. As such, I try and view all kinds of movies, from action shoot-em-ups to chick flicks starring Marisa Tomei. Ugh. Any hoo, I haven't blogged about my favorite films for a while, and after watching a certain Steve McQueen classic last week, an idea popped up in my puny little mind. Fasten your seat belts, my friends. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

Wyatt's Top Five Film Chases Of All Time

5. Mad Max.

The movie that made Mel Gibson famous is bookended by terrific chase scenes. So terrific, in fact, that it is difficult to choose which one is more entertaining. The opening scene has Max's Main Force Patrol pursuing "The Night Rider" through the highways of Australia, leaving a path of death and destruction in their wake. Very cool. However, the film's final chase scene has an enraged Max running down the motorcycle gang that murdered his family. Either way, ya can't go wrong.

4. Escape from New York.

Regular readers of SYLG know that EFNY is one of my all-time favorite movies. Kurt Russell, Adrienne Barbeau, and Isaac Frakkin' Hayes! Although the film is an action lovers tour de force, the final chase across the 59th Street bridge is a classic. Our heroes - riding inside Ernest Borgnine's cab - are being tracked down by Chef, er, Isaac Hayes. Unfortunately for all of them, the bridge is mined. Good stuff!


3. The Matrix Reloaded.

I'll agree that the second two films of this trilogy were disappointing, but Reloaded's highway chase is epic. Flying bullets, flipping cars, and fanatical enemies rule the road in this pursuit. The agents and "The Twins" let loose with more firepower than New Year's Eve in Philly, while Trinity swerves in and out of oncoming traffic in a souped-up Ducati motorcycle. I don't care where you're from, that's entertainin' right there.

2. Bullitt.

Unbelievably, I watched this classic for the first time last week on AMC. God Bless AMC. The Steve McQueen vehicle - pun intended - includes arguably the greatest car chase in film history. Good versus Evil. Mustang versus Charger. Charger versus Fuel Depot. Heh. You know this is a terrific chase when my six-year old son asked me to rewind it on the TiVo. If the next film is #1, this is #1-A.

1. The Road Warrior.

I challenge you to find me a better chase scene than any of the three - yes, three - epic car chases that encompass this wonder from down under. Can't do it, can you. Why? Because The Road Warrior is the champagne of chase films. Running gun/crossbow/Molotov cocktail battles, head-on collisions, and nitrous are the norm here. Bonus points for the Gyro Captain's attack by dropped snake. This kids, is as good as it gets.

Well, that should get y'all talking and debating. Did I miss any? Did I rate them incorrectly? Let me know.