Andy Roddick To Marry SI Swimsuit Model

Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free? Heh.

Andy Roddick is no longer tennis' most eligible bachelor.

The 25-year-old American star is engaged to Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Brooklyn Decker, 20. The official announcement was made on his website.

"We are thrilled to announce that Andy and Brooklyn Decker are engaged to be married. Andy proposed in early March. The couple wanted to tell their family and close friends first but good news travels fast. By the time Andy arrived in Miami for the Sony Ericsson Open, the tournament was bustling with the news. (H/T - FOX Sports)

What an absolute dumbass. I mean, he's the best tennis player in the world. He's rich, single, and good-looking. The last thing he needs is . . . OH MY GOD, SHE'S SO FRAKKIN HOT!

Never mind. Good luck, Andy!

Ya Know, My Birthday Is Fast Approaching

If you loved me, you'd buy me this house . . .

It is the Wyatt Earp birthplace in Monmouth, Illinois, and it is currently up for sale. The minimum bid is $100,000. From the website:

Property includes the Birthplace two-story museum, the one-story apartment, and a single car garage. Also included is the corner lot with the OK Corral show sets. Furniture, antiques, and memorabilia in the Museum are included, except for items donated to the Museum or for sale, which may be negotiated with the Board of Trustees. Furnishings in the one-bedroom apartment include appliances.

How great would it be to have blogger get-togethers at the OK Corral set? We could have gunfights to decide who gets clean-up duty!

No Time For Love, Doctor Jones!

Randal and Bob's Big Boy: I'm not sure which is which.

Today is the glorious birthday of SYLG's favorite liberal (and my favorite brother), Randal Graves. Randal is 36 years old today, but thankfully, he still acts like he's twelve. It's nice to have some childish company when I want to talk about cartoons and Star Wars.

In honor of this momentous occasion, I wanted to buy him a gift, but since he's Mom and Dad's favorite, I'll save my cash. He'll get plenty of loving attention from them anyway.

Ah, who am I kidding, I can give something he'll like - namely, Number 6 from Battlestar Galactica. The premiere is now only four days away!

Sgt. Matt Maupin's Remains Found In Iraq

After four long years, Keith "Matt" Maupin is coming home.

Staff Sgt. Matt Maupin's mother said President Bush called her tonight to extend his condolences after the Army identified the missing soldier's remains in Iraq.

Bush has met several times with the Maupins during the past four years and pledged to them that everything would be done to find out what had happened to their son after he was captured by insurgents on April 9, 2004.

Carolyn Maupin took the President's call on a cell phone at 9:45 p.m. behind the Yellow Ribbon Support Center in Batavia. Maupin's parents were notified earlier Sunday when a three-star general visited them and gave them the news, they said.

I cannot imagine. His parents must have felt simultaneous feelings of agony and relief.

"Matt is coming home. He's completed his mission," his father, Keith Maupin, said.

Wow. Now you know why Matt was a quality human being: he got it from his parents.

Maupin was a 20-year-old specialist when he was captured on April 9, 2004, after his fuel convoy was ambushed west of Baghdad. He had been driving a supply truck.

Arab television network Al-Jazeera aired a videotape a week later showing Maupin sitting on the floor surrounded by five masked men holding automatic rifles.

That June, Al-Jazeera aired another tape purporting to show a U.S. soldier being shot. But the dark and grainy tape showed only the back of the victim's head and not the actual shooting. (H/T - Little Green Footballs)

If there is any good news in this story it is this: America will not leave their heroes behind, because the people that raised them to become the heroes they are deserve no less.

Only Five Days Until The BSG Premiere!

Time to break out the Battlestar Galactica Underoos! The new (and final) season begins on Friday, April 4th at 10pm on the Sci-Fi Channel.

It has seemed like an eternity since the end of last season, but thankfully, the creators satisfied my appetite with the mini-series Razor in November. The series is basically televised crack for its highly-addicted fans, and a far cry from the campy 80's series of the same name. Think more Batman Begins instead of the Batman TV series of the 60's. Personally, I think BSG is the best show on television, bar none.

So, set your TiVo, everyone! There will be an exam on the premiere on Saturday morning!

North Korea Warns South Korea Of Attack

I guess with all of the saber-rattling from Ahmadinejad, Chavez, and al Sadr, Kim Jong-Il was feeling a little "rone-ry."

SEOUL, South Korea (AP) -- North Korea threatened South Korea with destruction Sunday after Seoul's top military officer said he would consider attacking the communist nation if it tried to carry out a nuclear attack.

The statement from North Korea's official news agency marked the third straight day of bellicose rhetoric from the North, which is angry over the harsher line the South's new president has taken against the country since assuming office last month.

"Our military will not sit idle until warmongers launch a pre-emptive strike," said an unidentified KCNA military commentator. "Everything will be in ashes, not just a sea of fire, if our advanced pre-emptive strike once begins." (H/T - CNN)

They're kidding, right? This is a country that cannot afford to light its cities at night, but they're going to wipe out South Korea and walk away unscathed? It's time to cut back on the rice wine, Kim.

Ric Flair Inducted Into The WWE Hall Of Fame

Yeah, I know I am showing my inner geek here, but I grew up watching wrestling, and for guys my age, there was no one better than "The Nature Boy." Vinnie, Badger, and I could recite his monologues verbatim, Randal Graves and I would fight over who could perform the better figure-four leg lock, and every kid in my neighborhood wanted their very own sequined robe.

Wrestling is all about entertainment, and no one else entertained me quite like Ric Flair. And although, I haven't watched wrestling in a lot of years, when I saw the Hall of Fame ceremony on USA, I had to tune in.

Thanks, Nature Boy. You are truly a legend.

Lies Make Baby Jesus Cry

I tried to shy away from Hillary Clinton's Fairy Tales this week, because I knew I would have the opportunity to snark it up with my Family Security Matters article. And snark I did. Here's a sample:

Politicians Lying: All In A Day's Work

Thankfully for many politicians, they rarely believe in – or worship before – anything but unadulterated power. Actually, it has been widely speculated that Idaho Senator Larry Craig worships the porcelain god, but that rumor has not been confirmed. This week, Senator Hillary Clinton has been enduring chants of "Liar, liar, pants on fire!" after she was caught embellishing a 1996 trip to Bosnia.

And after reading the embellishment, one would think Hillary’s pants exploded into a searing, gaseous, mushroom cloud of shenanigans. Here is the quote:

"I certainly do remember that trip to Bosnia, and as Togo said, there was a saying around the White House that if a place was too small, too poor, or too dangerous, the president couldn't go, so send the First Lady. That’s where we went. I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base."

Relax, it gets better. You can read the jocularity HERE.

Guess Who's Coming To, Um, Lunch?

I had the distinct pleasure of meeting Old NFO yesterday. He was traveling through Philly - in an M1 Abrams, the only safe way to drive through this town - and wanted to have lunch with the area's most successful blogger. And since ALa, Captain America, Deathlok, Fitch, Grimjack, Mrs. Grim, RT, and Sebastian were all unavailable, he chose me. I suggested cheesesteaks, and he agreed, so we met up at Steve's Prince of Steaks in the Northeast - about five blocks from Casa de Earp.

Despite my outgoing demeanor on the blog, I am really not a guy who likes crowds. Well, scratch that. I am really not a guy who likes people. I am especially worried when I meet fellow bloggers, because I'm afraid they'll realize that:

1. I'm not very funny in person.
2. I'm not very interesting in person.
3. I'm not very thin in person.
4. I'm kind of a jerk in person.

Nevertheless, I didn't want to miss an opportunity to meet a blogger, so I showed up. When I pulled into the lot, he was standing outside, and I knew instantly that it was him. Did you ever have a picture of someone in your mind and when you meet them the picture was completely wrong? Old NFO was almost exactly as I imagined him to be. Of course, the Navy lanyard around his neck was a clue, too. I'm a big-city detective, ya know.

We made our introductions - by exchanging live chickens and the blood of a newborn calf - and went inside for lunch. Old NFO actually had the temerity to try and pay for his meal. Not in my town, bub! When he offered me some cash, I beat him senseless with a napkin dispenser. Lesson learned. Heh. Unlike that idiot John Kerry, my guest ordered a cheesesteak with Cheez Whiz - the only way to fly - instead of Swiss cheese.

We grabbed seats at the counter and talked for an hour and a half. It's always great talking to a veteran, because they have MUCH better stories than cops. It's even better when the veteran has a southern accent, because it sounds much better than a gravely Philly voice. We had a blast.

Bottom line: Old NFO is a terrific guy, and someone you all should meet if you have the opportunity. He was also good enough to hand me a very generous check for the Chuck Cassidy Family Memorial Fund, for which I am very grateful. It's a shame Captain America couldn't go: he had the sniffles. HA!

Oh, and in honor of my meeting - and previous meetings in the last year or two, I have modified my blogroll. The usual listing of "Patrol Officers" includes those bloggers I have not (yet) met. Above that is the new listing "Detectives," which includes those bloggers I have met. They have their own blogroll because they have been "promoted" - or demoted, depending on your point of view - after meeting yours truly.

It's Weigh Day!

I'm starting to feel like this guy.

After last week's weight gain - okay, it was one pound, but a gain is a gain - I buckled down and got back on the hobby horse. The result? I stepped on the scale and saw this staring back at me:

213 pounds
Sweet! Thank you, Weight Watchers! And that was after a cheesesteak with Old NFO yesterday - more on that later. I was starting to think that I reached a plateau, and I wouldn't be able to lose any more. I was pretty downtrodden, then my lovely, supportive wife - who is losing weight faster than you can say, "Size 3" - turned to me and said, "Well, you haven't been exercising."

Et tu, woman?

Unfortunately, she was right. Since our hockey season ended, I haven't been skating, and I am too busy screaming and yelling at my lacrosse team to actually run with them, so I shouldn't be surprised that the weight isn't coming off more quickly.

It's been a total of 23 pounds, which is pretty good, but the fact of the matter is I am still too damned fat. I'll try exercising this week - and maybe skating - to see if that sheds the pounds.

Other Progress Reports:
Molly
RT

Indian "Witch" Tied To Tree And Beaten

Jesus, and you mean to tell me that this country has nukes? Vishnu help us!

NEW DELHI, India (CNN) -- An Indian woman accused of being a witch was tied to a tree and beaten by a mob, with television footage of the incident aired in India on Friday.

Nishant Tiwari, a police official in northeastern India, said a journalist who filmed the beating called him Thursday to report the incident, which took place in the village of Dumaria in central eastern Bihar state.

He arrived to find the woman tied to a tree, her hair partially cut and her complexion ruddy from being slapped. She had no serious injuries.

"I was appalled at what I saw because people should be more socially responsible than to do this," Tiwari said. (H/T - CNN)

YA THINK?!!! Note to the citizens of New Delhi: today is March 29, 2008. It is not March 29, 1622! Please change your calendars accordingly. Thanks a lot.

Weekend Caption Contest

Must-See TV Caption Contest
(Source: Reuters)

Original Caption: A girl stands at the entrance of her house after a U.S. airstrike in Baghdad March 27, 2008. The attack killed four civilians and wounded fourteen others, the Interior Ministry said. U.S. forces have not commented on the attack.

Other Current Contests:
Blonde Sagacity
Cowboy Blob
Gone Rick Motel
Rodney Dill
RT (I won here last week!)
WILLisms
Wizbang

Photoshop Entries:
B.C.










Top Five Entries:
5. If I promise never to watch Hannah Montana again can we get a new T.V.? - Molly
4. She has a broken TV with rabbit ears for an antenna. I have high definition cable and a 52" HD television . . . and we both can't find anything good to watch. - Deathlok
3. B.C.'s Photoshop.
2. Fed up with Comcast's pay for infomercials scam, Al-Elvis shot his television, much to Mila's dismay. Now she won't be able to watch the Disney Channel. - RT

WINNER! - I really didn't want my MTV. - The Man

9.2%? Get Bent!!!

See, everyone? I am a nice, Christian gentleman.

Bawahahahahahaha!!!

(H/T - Ambulance Driver)

Charges Dropped Against Haditha Marine

I hope there is an apology forthcoming, as well.

CAMP PENDLETON, Calif. - The Marine Corps dropped its case and gave full immunity Friday to a serviceman who was accused of involuntary manslaughter in a squad's killing of 24 Iraqis in Haditha in 2005.

The case against Lance Cpl. Stephen Tatum, 26, of Edmond, Okla., was dropped as jury selection was about to begin for his court-martial. The government has been seeking Tatum's testimony against the squad leader, Staff Sgt. Frank Wuterich of Meriden, Conn.

In addition to two counts of involuntary manslaughter, Tatum had been charged with reckless endangerment and aggravated assault. Tatum's attorney, Jack Zimmerman, said there was no agreement with the government before the dismissal.

"Absolutely, there is no deal," he said. (H/T - Yahoo!)

Good news!

(The Jawa Report has more here.)

It's Baby Central In The Earp Family

The missus is pregnant again.

No, no, I'm kidding! She's not Daisy Dorkelina, for God's sake! Heh. Actually, there is an addition to my extended family: my cousin Kevin and his wife Michelle welcomed their first son, Connor Michael on Monday night at 6pm. He weighed in at 8 pounds, 11 ounces, and everyone is happy and healthy. Of course, what would this news be without a photo of the little guy . . .

Who's To Blame When Kids Curse?

How the f*ck should I know?

No one expects a 3-year-old who loves to dress like a princess to swear like a sailor.

But early exposure is not so uncommon. Who's to blame? Well, there's a pretty apt quote from a 1970 Pogo cartoon: "We have met the enemy, and he is us."

The "us" are parents. A few weeks ago, I put a question out to hundreds of mothers on a local list-serv asking for anecdotes about the first time they heard their children use inappropriate words. (H/T - NPR)

This survey is complete and utter bullsh*t. Who the hell does this broad think she is, trying to tell me how to raise my G*d-d*mned kids?! Well, f*ck that! Sure, my kids say some stupid sh*t, and yes, some of it could be construed as swearing, but that's none of this a**hole's business! F*cking liberals are ruining this country.

Heh.

Goode Relatives Protest Cop-Shooting Death

You didn't need to be Carnac to see this nonsense coming.

In a city where thousands of homicides go unsolved, Pamela Goode seethes with quiet fury.

Seventy-five days have passed since her son was gunned down on a Germantown street. Although police immediately identified the man who blasted two shots into Timothy "Tee" Goode's back, the shooter remains free.

That's because he's a Philadelphia police officer who says he acted in self-defense when Goode, grand-nephew of former Mayor W. Wilson Goode Sr., pointed a gun his way after participating in a drug deal.

Cops say they found a 9 mm pistol and bag of crack vials near Goode's body. Goode's relatives say they don't believe that the gun or drugs belonged to him.

Yesterday morning, Goode's relatives rallied on Wayne Avenue near Logan Street, where the 24-year-old aspiring rapper and soon-to-be father collapsed Jan. 11 after an undercover officer shot him. They demonstrated again yesterday afternoon in front of Police Headquarters at 8th and Race streets.

They accused the Police Department of a cover-up and insisted that Goode, who had no criminal record and was valedictorian of his high school class, had been the victim of mistaken identity. (H/T - The Philadelphia Daily News)

Blah, blah, blah . . . Can't these people think of a different argument. It's always, "My son was a good boy. He was a model citizen. The cops are racist." That line of thinking gets really old, really fast.

Look, this thug ("aspiring rapper" should be your first clue) was shot and killed because he pointed a gun at a police officer. A 9mm handgun and crack cocaine was found on the scene next to Goode's body! Of all of the police shootings in history, this one is probably the least likely to be questioned. But this is Philadelphia, where the cops are crooked and the evidence is planted. /snark.

Personally, I think it is ironic for the family of the mayor who ordered an explosive device dropped on the MOVE compound - then decided to let the fire burn, killing six African-Americans and destroying 50-60 homes - to protest a killing.

But that's just me.

Giants Purge Barry Bonds From Stadium

Is everyone in San Francisco a hypocrite?

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - The San Francisco Giants will not reconsider a decision to part ways with controversial home run king Barry Bonds, the team president said on Wednesday.

Last season Bonds passed Hank Aaron to become Major League Baseball's career home run record holder, packing the stands at the Giants ballpark on the scenic San Francisco Bay.

But the club, who at the end of the season said they would not re-sign the free agent, have now removed prominent tributes in the stadium to the slugger, who has steroid allegations and perjury charges hanging over his head.

But it was okay when 'Roid Hobbs was selling tickets and keeping your team in the spotlight last year? Frakkin' hypocrites.

The left field wall no longer bears an image of Bonds chasing Aaron for the home run crown, nor elsewhere is the number of Bonds' home runs in relation to Aaron posted.

A team spokeswoman said the Giants would put up a plaque to note where he had hit his last homer. (H/T - Yahoo!)

It goes without saying that the San Francisco Giants are the most despicable team in baseball. For years, they ignored the glaring evidence that Bonds was using steroids because it benefited them and their ball club. Now that he is gone, they think no one will remember how they - and their despicable fans - treated him like a god?

Sorry pal, but no one in America is that stupid. Not even baseball fans.

Humpday History Highlight

March 26, 1987 - Philadelphia Torture Chamber Discovered

Responding to a 911 call, police raid the Philadelphia home of Gary Heidnik and find an appalling crime scene. In the basement of Heidnik's dilapidated house is a veritable torture chamber where three naked women were found chained to a sewer pipe. A fourth woman, Josefina Rivera, had escaped and called police.

Gary Heidnik was a former mental patient and sex offender who had managed to become a wealthy stock investor. He owned a Rolls Royce and beat Uncle Sam on his income taxes by making himself the bishop of his own church. The sign on the front of his house read, "United Church of the Ministries of God." One room in his house was partially wallpapered with money. At the end of 1986, Heidnik decided to create his own harem and began kidnapping women off the streets of Philadelphia.

Six women were kidnapped and held in Heidnik's dungeon. All were raped and tortured while the others were forced to watch. He killed one of the women by putting her in the pit, filling it with water and putting a live electrical wire into the water. Another of the women was killed when Heidnik let her starve to death while chained to the wall. In perhaps the most grisly and horrid episode of the entire incident, Heidnik dismembered one of his victims, cooking parts of her body and feeding it to his other captives. The women who were found alive recovered after being treated for dehydration and malnutrition.

Although Heidnik was clearly mentally disturbed, he was found guilty and convicted of murder on July 1, 1988. He received a death sentence, and was executed on July 6, 1999.

Heidnik was one the inspirations for the Buffalo Bill character in Thomas Harris' Silence of the Lambs. (H/T - History.com)

Truly a terrible moment for the city of Philadelphia.

Danica Patrick's Weight Problem

Maybe stories like these are why the IRL is losing audiences (and drivers) to NASCAR:

An Indy Racing League rule change has Danica Patrick feeling as if she'll be penalized for being petite - which the popular driver said wouldn't happen in other sports.

Starting this season, the minimum weight for IRL cars will include the driver, and Patrick is the series' lightest at 100 pounds according to the 2007 media guide (which lists other female drivers Milka Duno and Sarah Fisher at 120 pounds apiece; Ed Carpenter is the heaviest at 165).

"If someone's going to take the hit it's going to be me," Patrick said Thursday. "It's disappointing the league decided to do that. In so many other sports, athletes don't get penalized for being too strong, or too tall or too fast.

IRL spokesman John Griffin said the rule was intended to reduce the difference between the lightest and heaviest drivers, which is a gap that can range from 75 to 100 pounds.

"We want to make absolutely clear this is not a Danica rule," Griffin said. "You look at guys like Dan Wheldon and Marco Andretti, and they're light guys." (H/T - AOL)

I don't know. Danica looks pretty good from where I'm sitting.

Cop-Killing Guns Flooding Into Mexico

Nah, we don't need a border fence.

JUAREZ, Mexico (CNN) -- A deadly trade is occurring along the U.S. border with Mexico, federal officials say -- a flood of guns, heading south, used by drug thugs to kill Mexican cops.

In Mexico, guns are difficult to purchase legally. So, officials say, weapons easily purchased in the United States are turning up there.

"The same routes that are being used to traffic drugs north -- and the same organizations that have control over those routes -- are the same organizations that bring the money and the cash proceeds south as well as the guns and the ammunition," says Bill Newell, a special agent with the U.S. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives.

Police in Mexican border towns fear for their lives, and with good reason. Five high-ranking Mexican police officials have been killed this year in what Mexican officials say is an escalating war between police and drug cartels.

ATF special agent Tom Mangan says the .50-caliber rifle has become one of the "guns of choice" for the drug cartels. The weapon fires palm-sized .50-caliber rounds that can cut through just about anything. (H/T - CNN)

The story goes on to say that many of these gun purchases are made illegally here, which illustrates my point about banning all firearms; an idiotic idea shared by my current police commissioner. You can ban them all you want; the thugs will still find ways to procure them. You see, part of being a criminal is doing things that are illegal - a fact that is lost on my commish. In a city with an average of 400 homicides a year, you could count the killings with legal, registered handguns on one hand.

You would think stories like these would be incentive for Mexico to back our border fence idea. Yeah, right. Apparently, police officers in Mexico are held with the same regard as they are in the States - very little.

Speaking Of Heroes . . .

Captain America has the story of our neighbor, Fireboat John, and an amazing feat of heroism he performed last night.

Those of us who know John know this sort of thing is par for the course for him, but it still deserves some major recognition.

Every reader of SYLG needs to go to First In! and read this story. It'll make you proud.

War Veterans Event Canceled By High School

Allegedly, the event was becoming "too political." But who was making it so; the veterans, or the public?

A national tour featuring decorated veterans from the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan won't be stopping at Forest Lake Area [MN] High School today as planned, after school leaders abruptly canceled the visit.

Steve Massey, the school principal, said the decision to cancel was prompted by concerns that the event was becoming political rather than educational and therefore was not suitable for a public school.

He said the school had received several phone calls from parents and others, some of whom indicated that they may stage a protest if the event took place.

And so, the principal canceled the event altogether.

"We had a number of conversations at the beginning of this to make sure our message was in keeping with the traditions of a public school," [Vets for Freedom head] Hegseth said. (H/T - Drudge)

Then what's the problem? If the organization promised to keep to the guidelines of the school, they should be taken at their word. If they then broke said word, they would have been ripped in the press. Instead, the event was canceled, and some Minnesota high schoolers missed out on an opportunity to meet some heroes.

Denise Richards Wants Original Name Back

Who knew "Bimbo" was such a popular surname?

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Denise Richards is officially rubbing the Sheen off her last name.

The 37-year-old actress, whose bitter divorce from Charlie Sheen was finalized in 2006, won a judgment Friday to legally change her surname back to Richards.

Richards and Sheen, 42, were married in 2002. She filed for divorce in March 2005, then the couple reconciled. In January 2006, they filed legal papers asking a private arbitrator to handle their split.

The couple has been embroiled in a custody battle since then over their two daughters, 3-year-old Sam and 2-year-old Lola. (H/T - CNN)

Sorry, I would have more snark to throw around, but I can't help giggling like a schoolgirl every time I read "rubbing the Sheen off her last name."

Finally, Truth In Advertising

(H/T - Uncle Ray)

More Philadelphia Union Thuggery?

I can't believe a union kingpin would be involved in something illegal . . .

Christian DiCicco, a candidate for the Pennsylvania state House, said yesterday that his South Philadelphia campaign office was burglarized and cast blame on electricians union leader John Dougherty, who is supporting DiCicco's opponent.

Dougherty - a candidate for state Senate in next month's primary - denied any involvement and said he was not aware of any involvement by State Rep. Bill Keller, the Democratic incumbent facing DiCicco in the primary race for the 184th District.

Campaign staff for DiCicco, the son of City Councilman Frank DiCicco, told police they walked into their office at 1616 E. Passyunk Ave. yesterday morning and discovered a couch and 10 pictures slashed with a razor or other sharp-edged tool.

Missing were a camera, some policy papers and internal poll data.

"It looks to be an attempt to intimidate the campaign," DiCicco campaign manager Dave Mallet said. "We are not pointing any fingers, but there has been a lot of threatening language to our campaign."

Mallet was referring to e-mails he and other campaign staff have received from the Dougherty camp. The 184th District race is viewed as the latest battle between Dougherty, who supports Keller, and State Sen. Vincent Fumo, a DiCicco ally who is vacating the seat that Dougherty is pursuing. (H/T - The Philadelphia Inquirer)

For those of you not in the know, John Dougherty is the head of the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers, Local 98. He and his union thugs have been linked to multiple federal corruption investigations, and his close political friends include uber-corrupt former mayor John Street and former city councilman Rick Mariano, now serving time in prison for bribery.

"Johnny Doc" embodies everything that is wrong with unions in Philadelphia - a town quickly becoming the face of political corruption in America. I doubt anyone can prove Dougherty and his goons were involved with this burglary, but I wouldn't put it past them.

Maxim's "Unsexiest Woman" Named

And they really nailed this one. It was as plain as the nose on this broad's face.

LOS ANGELES - Charlize Theron and Jessica Alba regularly find themselves among the stars dubbed sexiest in the world.

But which stars unfortunately find themselves at the other end of the beauty spectrum?

The folks at Maxim magazine have revealed their list of the world’s unsexiest women, which includes ladies of the big screen, small screen and the concert stage.

The list, featured in the latest edition of Maxim, dubs “Sex and the City” star Sarah Jessica Parker as the No. 1 Unsexiest Woman Alive, claiming Parker was the “least sexy woman in a group of very unsexy women.” (H/T - MSNBC)

Okay, really, was there ever any doubt? Parker looks like a collie. She has a longer face than John Kerry. Congratulations Sarah, you're the Best of Show.

Meet My New Partner

She's tough, she's hot, she's all mine!

(Here's the url in case the photo didn't come up.)

A Hairy Situation For Tony Stewart

I found this little nugget after checking out where my drivers finished this week. That is, before I realized that they were off for Easter. D'oh! Anyway, be forewarned; this story will make you cringe.

Smoke fans -- of which I am one -- have a bit of a treat coming up later today. But this post is going to test the fandom of even the most devoted Tony Stewart supporter.

Two words: back waxing.

I'm a couple days late on this one, but it took me this long to get out of the fetal position. Seems Tony Stewart offered to get his back waxed if folks donated more than $100,000 to charity. Lo and behold, according to Sirius:

Operation Wax Smoke was a huge success, raising over $125,000 for the Victory Junction Gang Camp. DeLana & Kevin Harvick, and national motor sports correspondent Ford Martin joined Tony and Matt Yocum at an "undisclosed location" for a rip-roaring good time. There was no shortage of donations to hear Tony suffer throught the pain and indignity of having his famously-furry back waxed live on the air. It remains to be seen if the procedure will improve race times for the sleeker and more-aero Smoke. (H/T - Yahoo!)

I wonder if he shouted "KELLY CLARKSON!" You can hear very disturbing audio of the very disturbing event HERE.

Detroit Mayor Indicted

Here is your homework assignment. Read the entire CNN article (click the link) and show me where Kwame Kilpatrick's political party is listed. I'll wait . . .

DETROIT, Michigan (CNN) -- Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick and an ex-aide were charged Monday with perjury and obstruction of justice after prosecutors said sexually explicit text messages between the two contradicted their sworn court testimony.

Kilpatrick defiantly declared his innocence just an hour after the charges were announced.

"This has been a very flawed process from the beginning," said Kilpatrick at a press conference Monday. "I look forward to complete exoneration."

Yeah, Kwame - if that is your real name - good luck with that.

Kilpatrick, who is married, has been snarled in a well-publicized sex scandal since January after The Detroit Free Press reported he exchanged romantic text messages with his then-chief of staff, Christine Beatty.

The paper reported in January that in an analysis of nearly 14,000 text messages on Beatty's city-issued pager, it found some from 2002 and 2003 that indicated the two were having a romantic affair.

If you're dumb enough to send racy text messages on a city-issued pager, you deserve to get caught.

The newspaper report contradicted testimony Kilpatrick gave last August in a court case brought by police officers against the mayor and the city of Detroit alleging the mayor retaliated against the officers for their role in investigating his office. Critics alleged that Kilpatrick committed perjury in the case and called for his resignation.

Wait a minute. Perjury is a crime now? Why didn't anyone tell that to Bill Clinton?

Prosecutor Kym Worthy said she charged Kilpatrick and Beatty with multiple counts of perjury, obstruction of justice and misconduct in office in a 12-count indictment. The most serious charges carry a maximum penalty of 15 years in prison.

Of course, prudence demands that Kilpatrick resign for the good of the city, right?

Last week, the Detroit City Council voted seven to one to ask Kilpatrick to resign, a city clerk said. The vote was non-binding and Kilpatrick has continued on the job.

Kilpatrick offered an abject apology to his constituents January 30, but remained adamant he would not resign. (H/T - CNN)

Whoops. How silly of me to think that an indicted politician would resign from office. I guess Kilpatrick doesn't want to follow Eliot Spitzer's lead. Go figure.

Oh, and as for that homework assignment? Unless CNN updates the story, you will not find Kilpatrick's party affiliation, but he is a Democrat. I wonder if it would have been posted had Kwame been a Republican?

SEAL To Receive Medal Of Honor

I figured that since the only thing you will see, hear, and read about today is the MSM's virtual glee over the 4,000th American death toll in Iraq, I should probably post some good news.

Because you'll never hear about it on the news shows.

"SAN DIEGO — A California-based SEAL who threw his body on a grenade to save his comrades in Iraq will posthumously receive the Medal of Honor, a Defense Department official has confirmed.

Master-at-Arms 2nd Class (SEAL) Michael A. Monsoor, of Garden Grove, Calif., was holed up on the roof of a Ramadi house with three other SEALs on Sept. 29, 2006, when an insurgent grenade landed nearby.

Monsoor, a 25-year old with SEAL Team 3, grabbed the grenade and clutched it to his chest. The blast killed him, but his actions, officials said at the time, saved the men on the rooftop.

Monsoor will be the second member of the Navy to receive the Medal of Honor since the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan began, and the first sailor to receive it for combat in Iraq.

Michael Fumento, who’s written about Monsoor and combat operations in Ramadi, reported on his Internet blog over the weekend that Monsoor’s family would receive the posthumous award on the fallen SEAL’s behalf during a White House ceremony April 8. "

A search on Google reveals not one link to any of the mainstream media except Fox News. Not ONE! (H/T - The Navy Times, via The Rott)

Attention members of the media: this is the type of story that you should be leading with - every hour of every day - because heroes like SEAL Monsoor are doing incredible things in Iraq and Afghanistan - every hour of every day.

Anti-Koran Film's Website Shut Down

God (or Allah) forbid we offend Muslims in any way, shape, or form!

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands (AP) -- The Web site where Dutch lawmaker Geert Wilders was promoting his not-yet-released anti-Koran film has been suspended by its U.S. hosting service.

So much for freedom of speech in America. I'll bet if it was an anti-Catholic film, hosts would be tripping over themselves to promote it.

Demonstrators in Amsterdam during an anti-racism protest aimed at far right MP Geert Wilders on Saturday.

Oh, I get it. Far too many Muslims want to see Israel wiped off the map, but when someone offers a less-than-favorable opinion of their religion, they cry racism?

The site formerly showed the film's title, "Fitna" -- "Coming Soon" -- and an image of a gilded Koran. Now it shows a note that the company -- Network Solutions -- is investigating whether the site violates its terms of service.

"Network Solutions has received a number of complaints regarding this site that are under investigation," the note said.

Oh, then by all means, cater to a handful of idiots who are offended by a film they have only heard about. This is akin to the jackass in California who wants "under God" stricken from the Pledge of Allegiance because he is offended. Idiots! Is Network Solutions hosting the website for Paris Hilton's next film? If so, I am going to start complaining now!

While the exact contents of the 15-minute movie, due to be released by March 31, are unknown, Wilders has said it will underscore his view that Islam's holy book is "fascist."

So Network Solutions shut down the website without actually seeing the film? Are you frakkin' kidding me?!!! Forget the Koran - Network Solutions is fascist!

Dutch officials fear the movie could spark violent protests in Muslim countries, similar to those two years ago after the publication of cartoons of the Prophet Muhammad in a Danish newspaper.

Yeah, I remember that. I believe the American MSM stated that it was "unknown youths" who were starting the riots. Allah forbid we identify the scumbags who are actually participating in the destruction!

Wilders has said he will release his movie on the Internet after television stations refused to air it. (H/T - CNN)

Good for him. I hope he doesn't back down from these toads. This politically-correct b.s. is getting out of hand.

(The Jawa Report has more HERE.)

Happy Easter, Everyone!

"Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live." (John 11:25)

How Do You Spell "Awesome?"

Your Spelling is Perfect

You got 10/10 correct. Your spelling is excellent. You also have a great memory and eye for detail.

How's Your Spelling?

(H/T - ALa)

Richard Williams Is A Racist Scumbag

And yet, he's the first one to cry racism when his daughters are not fawned over by the public. I'll bet he's a huge fan of Stehpen A. Smith. What a jackass.

INDIAN WELLS, Calif. (AP)—WTA head Larry Scott said Thursday that he strongly disagrees with comments made by Richard Williams, father of Serena and Venus, regarding racism on the women’s tour.

Saying he was disappointed by Williams’ recent remarks during an interview in India, Scott said in a statement: "The Tour has a zero tolerance policy when it comes to racism, and I have previously let Mr. Williams know that he should let me know if he ever had evidence of racist comments or acts in women’s professional tennis."

While his daughters were playing earlier this month in Bangladore, India, where Venus reached the quarterfinals and Serena won the title, Williams told the Deccan Herald, "Well, I’m black and I’m prejudiced, very prejudiced. People are prejudiced in tennis. I don’t think Venus or Serena was ever accepted by tennis. They never will be."

He said the media treated his daughters unfairly, that it was "the worst media job that they have done on any human being in the world," and that if he were Serena and Venus, he would have quit playing.

"But if you get some little white no-good trasher in America like Tracy Austin or Chris Evert, who cannot hit the ball, they (the media) will claim this is great," he said. (H/T - Yahoo!)

Will someone please explain to Mr. Williams the real reason why people cannot stand his daughters? The real reason people boo the Williams sisters is because they're arrogant crybabies who have no class and even less sportsmanship. They are the female equivalents of Barry Bonds.

China Dolls Up For Olympics

And with the eyes of the world on the Communist Capital of the World - "We're just like Cuba . . . without the white, sandy beaches!" - they have to straighten up and fly right. Or do they? My newest FSM article explains . . .

The 2008 Summer Olympic Games will be held in Beijing, China from August 8th through August 24th and already there is a whirlwind of controversy afoot. Apparently, many of the member nations are just now realizing that China treats human rights in much the same way as Lindsay Lohan does her liver.

This realization has resulted in a Chinese Fire Drill consisting of denials, threats, and all-around backpedaling from everyone involved. The Chinese foreign ministry states the Tibetan violence is an internal problem that has been contained, and then the ministry sends more troops to the province. Product sponsors have expressed concern over the crackdowns on freedom, and then state that they do not want to force their beliefs on the Chinese people. Human rights organizations are exposing China’s crackdown of the Tibetan cry for freedom, but instead of applying pressure to the PRC, they are appear to be more worried about the Darfur genocide.

Interestingly, Sudan President Omar al-Bashir recently quipped, “Sure, my country is embroiled in continuous violence and obvious genocide, but hey, at least we’re not China!”

While the international media is focusing its attention upon the Chinese rights violations, another despicable piece of chicanery has slipped through their fingers; namely, the camouflage of violations within the athletic events themselves. Here are a few recently exposed examples:

You can read the rest of the article HERE:

It's Weigh Day!

I suck. No, not at blogging, playing ice hockey, or being a detective - although a good case can be made for all of those - but at this weight loss thing. For the first time since January 1st, I have gained weight.

Okay, it's only a pound, but I was pretty devastated.

I weighed in at 215 today, up one pound from last week. I have lost a total of 21 pounds since January 1st; primarily because I missed my Weight Watchers points three days this week. That's not conducive to weight loss, even with the hockey games played.

It's back to the drawing board next week. Even after losing 21 pounds, I still feel like a fatty. I won't be truly happy until I get to 199 at the least.

Other Progress Reports:
RT
Sssteve

Mukasey "Surprised" By Scope Of Terror Threats

Ya know, I would demand this guy's head for such a remark, except that he is in lock-step with about 90% of the country. Ignorance is bliss.

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Attorney General Michael Mukasey has been taken aback by the scope and variety of potential terrorism threats facing the United States, he told reporters Friday at an informal meeting in his office.

"I'm surprised by how surprised I am," said Mukasey, who as a federal judge presided over terrorism-related trials in New York.

Well, you shouldn't be. If you understood radical Islam as well as you should, you would know that every Muslim terrorist scumbag has one goal: to convert the world to Islam. Oh, and if you do not convert, you will be exterminated. Yes, that means you, Hollywood actors. Yes, that means you, bleeding heart liberals. Yes, that means you, politically correct talking heads. You cannot appease or bargain with these people. When they shout "Death to America," they mean all of us, not just George Bush - although Bush is probably tops on their list.

"It's surprising how varied [the threat] is, how many directions it comes from, how geographically spread out it is," he said.

Well, let's do the math, okay? Conservative estimates place the Muslim population at 1.1 billion. If only one-half of 1% of that number is radicalized, we're talking about 55 million people who want to murder us, our children, and our children's children. Nice, huh? And the best part is that radical Islamists are everywhere! Have you seen some of the demonstrations in England recently? These people are taking over the country, and thanks to the P.C. culture over there, the Brits are letting it happen!!!

Mukasey issued no warnings, made no pronouncements and offered no suggestion of increased danger or newly detected plots.

That's because he doesn't know. Don't blame him: nobody knows. These folks keep their attack plans closer to the (exploding) vest than mobsters. Nobody rats these people out; not because they don't want to offend toads like Osama bin Laden, but because they don't want to offend Allah. This is a Crusade to them, people!

"The people I hear about every morning, their fatwas do not have an expiration date," Mukasey said. (H/T - CNN)

When Osama bin Laden declared fatwa against America, that was it. End of story. He and his followers will not stop until we are either dead or converted. That's it. The sooner we get this through our thick heads, the sooner we realize that we have to attack radical Islam at its source, the sooner we stop worrying about hurting the poor little radicals' feelings with this politically correct nonsense, the better off we'll be. The next attack is probably being planned as you read this.

Until then? Back to sleep, America.

Weekend Caption Contest

Nothing To See Here Caption Contest
(Source: Reuters)

Original Caption: A young Tibetan looks at Chinese riot policemen standing guard in Kangding county, the capital of Ganzi Tibetan Autonomous Prefecture, in China's southwestern Sichuan province on March 20.

Other Current Contests:
Blonde Sagacity
Cowboy Blob
Gone Rick Motel
Right Pundits
Rodney Dill
RT (I took 2nd Place here last week.)
WILLisms

Photoshops:
Cowboy Blob










Top Five Entries:
5. "Please, sir, may I have another?" - Mope
4. HA! Those shields will not protect you from my dirty diaper!! - Sssteve
3. Surprisingly, with the new harsh disciplinary rule, it was the troops that soiled their trousers. - Deathlok
2. One and Two, you take charge of Whack-a-Mole. Three and four, you're with me in the Ball Pit. - Jim

WINNER! - "Buy something or get out." - Grimjack

The Hawk Will Never Die

But it may be on life support. At the half of the Saint Joseph's-Oklahoma game, the Sooners are up 34-22. Ouch. I mean, I figured the Hawks didn't have much of a chance, but they're losing to a team with a player named Longar Longar. Seriously. Was this man so nice that they named him twice?

Oh, and as an aside, I know that the Hawks are playing terribly, but Verne Lundquist is practically having orgasms describing OU's play. I mean, can you at least pretend you're unbiased? Jerk.

I'll update later . . . if I don't kill myself first.

8:30pm Update: With 13:13 left in the game, Oklahoma is up by 18. Swell.

9:00pm Update: The Hawks closed to within 7 points from being 19 down. 5:30 left in the game. At least they're showing some fight now.

FINAL UPDATE: Oklahoma 72, Saint Joseph's 64. Damn. The Hawks didn't play too poorly, considering, but after losing our ice hockey playoff, it's been a terrible sports week for yours truly. The only thing that will salvage the week is if Villanova loses to Clemson. Um, sorry Uncle Ray.

Barack Obama's Newest Campaign Poster

(Oh, lighten up, it's funny! Don't send me hate mail.)

Welcome Ace of Spades HQ and Snowflakes in Hell readers! Make yourselves at home.

Fleeing Shoplifter Forgets Son

Yeah, I think this case will be pretty easy to crack. It appears that someone has been spending too much time in the hash bar.

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - A shoplifter looking to make a quick getaway from a Dutch supermarket after stealing a packet of meat left police a crucial piece of evidence -- his 12-year-old son.

In his haste the 45-year-old thief made a solo dash to his car, batting away a supermarket worker who had flung himself on the vehicles' bonnet in a bid to stop the escape.

Police in the southern Dutch town of Kerkrade said they managed to contact the thief via the boy, but he had refused to return and collect his son. The man told officers to get hold of the youngster's mother instead. (H/T - Reuters)

What a scumbag. The next time my kids say I'm a terrible father - and trust me, it won't be long - I am going to show them this article and say, "Well, at least I'm not this guy!"