Bloggers I've Met
- bRight & Early
- Central PA Orthodox
- First In!
- First With Flair
- Nobody Asked Me
- Radioactive Liberty
- Shall Not Be Questioned
- .45-Caliber Justice
- Ambulance Driver
- Because I Said So
- Blogmeister USA
- Blonde Sagacity
- Conservative Belle
- Cowboy Blob's Saloon
- Crazy Politico's Rantings
- Double Plus Undead
- Expert Witness
- Faces Of Dragon
- Fatal Funnel
- Hey Ringo
- In A Mad, Mad, Mad World
- Just The Library Keeper
- Mason-Dixon Wild West
- Miriam's Ideas
- Near The Salty City
- Nobody Move!
- No Runny Eggs
- Outside the Beltway
- Paradise Driver
- Peakah's Provocations
- PJ Maximum
- Reclaim Conservatism
- Reverse Vampyr
- Snig's Spot
- Tall Cool Drink Of Water
- The Bitter American
- The Conservative UAW Guy
- The Jawa Report
- The Moxargon Group
- June 2005
- July 2005
- August 2005
- September 2005
- October 2005
- November 2005
- December 2005
- January 2006
- February 2006
- March 2006
- April 2006
- May 2006
- June 2006
- July 2006
- August 2006
- September 2006
- October 2006
- November 2006
- December 2006
- January 2007
- February 2007
- March 2007
- April 2007
- May 2007
- June 2007
- July 2007
- August 2007
- September 2007
- October 2007
- November 2007
- December 2007
- January 2008
- February 2008
- March 2008
- April 2008
- May 2008
- June 2008
- March 2012
The idiotic opinions expressed here are mine and mine alone, and in no way reflect the views of the Philadelphia Police Department. I mean, if they did, this town would be in a heap of trouble, right?
- Name: Wyatt Earp
Thanks for visiting, but I have moved to my new site at supportyourlocalgunfighter.com
Morons Of The World Unite!
- Doing It By The Book
- Opening A Treasure Chest
- The Big Move
- Obama's Credibility Suffering From Shrinkage
- 9-11 Mastermind Requests Death Sentence
- The Detroit Red Wings: Stanley Cup Champions
- Humpday History Highlight
- Agent Scully Is Pregnant!
- Good Morning, Topeka!
- "Speed Bathing" All The Rage In Japan
Rave Reviews From Some Raving Lunatics
"The best thing to come out of Philly since . . . who are we kidding, nothing good comes out of Philly." - The Man, GOP and the City
"Sharpshooter, still beats salad shooter in 2 out of 3 gunfights. - Rodney Dill, Outside The Beltway
"Stalking Uber since 2005! Now with more racism!" - JimmyB, The Conservative UAW Guy
"Boosting the demand for brain bleach." - Fmragtops Spews
"After more than a year of reading SYLG, I am once again pregnant. I'm not saying there's a connection, but it is a bit suspicious." - Daisy, Dorkelina
"Proof that if you keep hitting 'refresh,' you too can reach 50,000 hits." - Sssteve, First With Flair
"The Jim Dangle of Philly." - Tyler D., .45-Caliber Justice
"Wyatt Earp proves that there's an upside to blindness." - Remulak MoxArgon, The Moxargon Group
"SYLG: Because Jack Bauer can't be everywhere - especially not in Philadelphia." - Cowboy Blob, Cowboy Blob's Saloon
"The puck stops here." - InsoluBlog
"SYLG: Bitching and moaning since June, 2005." - Pam, Blogmeister USA
"As a blogger, he's one hell of a detective, but as a detective, he's one hell of a blogger!" - Miriam, Miriam's Ideas
"If his gun doesn't kill you, his humor will." - Dragon Lady, Dragon's Den
"Hitler would be proud of you." - Sean Connor
"You have no honor!" - Robert Frederick
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
There's Hope For All Of Us Ugly Guys!
|It's official: the Apocalypse is at hand . . .|
Here’s one for the Hollywood Odd Couple Hall Of Fame- pint-sized, big-screen tough guy Joe Pesci has gotten engaged to statuesque supermodel Angie Everhart, The ENQUIRER has learned exclusively.Can you believe this guy . . .
Gets to have this babe?
Sorry ladies, but although I think redheads are exceptionally hot, Angie just ruined the intellect curve for the rest of you!
10,000 Miles To Graceland
|In the past few weeks, a lot of my favorite bloggers have reached impressive milestones. Pandy earned her 10,000th hit, Rachel earned her 10,000th hit, and Damian G earned his 25,000th hit.|
And now, two blog friends that I have actually met are approaching the 10,000 mark.
Captain America of First In! will probably reach the magic number first. As of this posting, he is a mere 87 hits away. The good Captain is a terrific guy and a great blogger, but he's not getting the hits that he probably deserves. Of course, he could hold a kickass contest for the 10,000th visitor, but he'd probably tell me that idea - like every idea I feed him - is "gay."
Hell, if he won't distribute gifts, you can always tease him that he had to sell his Harley when his kids were born . . . for a minivan. HA!
Oh well. Stop by his place, anyway. Maybe you'll be the lucky visitor.
UPDATE: The Captain has announced his 10,000th Visitor Prize! Check out what's being offered HERE. He is now only 56 hits away.
FINAL UPDATE: Rachel was the lucky 10,000th visitor! Thank you all for putting the Captain over the top!
While Deathlok at The Temerity of High Maintenance was not always an everyday poster, he has gone on a tear in recent weeks. Why haven't you noticed?!!! For those of us who have, we can tell you that he dissected the recent Police concert, showed us a first glimpse of Iron Man, and nominated a few of you for the Blogger Reflection Award.
As of this posting, Deathlok is only 420 hits away from 10,000. Why not stop by and say hello?
Labels: Link Pimping
Monday, July 30, 2007
I Got It!!!
|Yes, even after swearing I wouldn't, I succumbed to the peer pressure of my friend Kevin and bought PlayStation 3 last night. I can hear your jeers and catcalls now, and I can assure you: I feel much shame. Tomorrow I buy my first game, and of course, it will be NASCAR '08. Giddyup!|
Welcome To Philadelphia
|". . . If You're Not Armed, Please Leave The City Immediately." - Billboard at Philly's city limits.|
CBS 3) PHILADELPHIA A wave of violence left six people dead throughout Philadelphia over the weekend.
Someone tell Captain America that he needs to update his Murder Meter! Let's start the countdown, shall we?
1. Police said the latest homicide occurred on the 6200 block of Morton Street in Germantown at about 2:45 a.m. Monday. The victim, a 29-year-old male, was pronounced dead at the scene with multiple gunshot wounds to the chest.
2. Just after 2:30 a.m. Saturday, police said a 15-year-old male was shot and killed on the 6300 block of Callowhill Street.
3. Hours later, authorities said a 16-year-old male was killed during a robbery in Tacony Creek Park.
4. The body of a woman inside a Wynnefield Heights home Saturday after concerned family and friends told authorities she had been missing for several days. Firefighters discovered the body of a 24-year-old woman in a home on the 3700 block of Conshohocken Avenue. The woman's boyfriend reportedly confessed to the violent crime.
5. Early Sunday morning, the body of a woman was found ablaze along the 2400 block of Strawberry Mansion Drive in Fairmount Park. Investigators said the woman's hands were tied before she was placed in a burning pile of trash.
6. And this is the one I enjoyed: An officer was forced to open fire on an armed suspect after responding to reports of a domestic dispute near 5th and Clearfield Streets Sunday evening.
The suspect was pronounced dead at Temple University Hospital. Investigators are trying to determine whether the suspect fatally shot himself or was killed when the officer discharged his weapon.
Next time, don't point a gun at a police officer. Oh wait, I guess there won't be a "next time" for him.
How Did I Miss This?
|I mean, it's CAL! Along with Wayne Gretzky, this guy is my personal hero.|
COOPERSTOWN, N.Y. (AP) -- When they played, Cal Ripken Jr. and Tony Gwynn epitomized all that was good about baseball. And now as Hall of Famers, nothing has changed.
When they entered baseball's shrine on Sunday, the two were saluted as much for their remarkable careers as the character they have always displayed away from the field, greeted by a record crowd estimated at 75,000 that included Commissioner Bud Selig.
Ripken and Gwynn were awestruck.
"I was intimidated looking out at that many people," Ripken said. "I got real quiet. I just kept looking at it and I was amazed, overwhelmed. So many people. It makes you feel really good that people will trek all the way up from their homes to share this tribute." (H/T - Yahoo!)
Do you know why they trekked to Cooperstown, Cal? Because you and Tony Gwynn are amongst the last of a dying breed: honorable baseball players. Players who busted their humps not for personal stats or big-money contracts, but for the love of the game. Players who avoided scandal not because they were careful, but because they were of good character.
Players unlike Barry Bonds.
Congratulations Tony and Cal! Your inductions are truly deserved.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
My Uncle Ray Finds All The Funny Stuff
Private Pyle, What Is Your Major Conjunction?
|I'm a little tired from my friend's wedding last night - yes, Wagonsux, I was there - so before I post about the big event, I figured I'd take y'all back from another quality post from Middie Back!, my first blog. This post was originally written on January 30, 2004. Enjoy!|
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
As a kid, some of my fondest memories involve Saturday morning cartoons. Yes, I am a card-carrying member of Generation X. I don't want to sound like a curmudgeon, but today's cartoons lack a certain style. "Pokemon", "Recess", and "Pepper Ann" couldn't hold "Looney Toons'" anvil. As sure as it is accepted that McDonald's fries are the best, it is also sure that "Looney Toons" is the king of animation. Although I could sing the praises of Bugs, Daffy, and Porky Pig until I am blue in the face, these legends of cinema are not my focus today. Today I write about mere "filler". Today I come to praise "Schoolhouse Rock".
For the two or three of you (ninety percent of my audience, by the way) who are unfamiliar with S.R., allow me to give you a brief synopsis. "Schoolhouse Rock" is a collection of campy 70's musical cartoons with a message. Their subjects run the gamut from history to grammar, from mathematics to science. They were essential to my academic development, and I would refer to them while taking tests in grade school: "A noun is a person, place, or thing . . ." In the words of Chevy Chase (from "Spies Like Us"): "Got me through high school."
As I grew older, many of my childhood joys became tired, soulless shadows of their former selves. While cleaning the old homestead, I found my VHS tapes of "The Rock" and decided to give them a once-over. Imagine my surprise when I realized that they were just as enjoyable today as they were when I was ten. To be honest, I always thought many of the lyrics were sung by the immortal Ray Charles, and not Jack Shelton (GENIUS!), even though their voices are similar. I still can't pick an adverb out of a police lineup, but I can tell you how to "Unpack Your Adjectives".
The greatest joy of reliving these cartoon classics was watching my three year old son, Kyle, sit in front of the television, mesmerized by "Conjunction Junction" and "Interjections". Hopefully, it will start him down the road of learning-he already loves visiting the local library-and keep him away from the all-too-common view that school is a chore.
Labels: Middie Back
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Is She Kidding?
|Someone get some slings for the Democrats' arms. They've sprained them while patting themselves on the back again . . .|
WASHINGTON - House Speaker Nancy Pelosi used the Democrats' weekly radio address Saturday to tout her party's passage of legislation to implement major recommendations of the 9/11 Commission.
The House passed the bill Friday on a 371-40 vote, a day after the Senate passed it 85-8. The White House said the president would sign it.
The legislation would shift money to high-risk states and cities, expand screening of air and sea cargo and put money into a new program to ensure that security officials at every level can communicate with each other.
Its passage ranks among the top accomplishments of the 6-month-old Democratic Congress. Republicans would say it's one of the few.
"We will have done in six months what previous Congresses failed to do for almost six years," said Pelosi, D-Calif. (H/T - Yahoo!)
Um, Nance, would you mind if I 'splained a few things?
First of all, this is the first and only meaningful legislation your party has passed since you came to power. Is it good legislation? Sure it is, but it has done little to overshadow the idiocy and incompetence of your "sleep over" and your unending Iraqi troop withdraw proposals.
Secondly, your party did just as much as the Republicans in getting this legislation through Congress. Unless you folks own 371 House seats, and 85 Senate seats, the GOP could easily be patting themselves on the back, as well. Nice try, though, since too many people in this country believe everything that comes out of your thoroughly-wrinkled mouth.
Finally, the fact that it is good legislation has everything to do with its passage, and almost nothing to do with your party's part in it. Congress voted for this because it was smart, common sense legislation - something rare for The Hill. Few, if any, people voted for it because of the Democrats' spooky, Svengali-like powers.
Nance, if you want to take credit for this, be my guest. But don't you dare to take it all! You and your party didn't deserve it.
Knee-ding Some Answers
|So, yesterday I hobbled over to the medical center for my X-ray and MRI. Since my hockey blowout happened almost two weeks ago now, it was high time for some answers. The X-ray was up first, and although the nurse that was manning the machine was uber-hot, she didn't exactly have a feather touch. The session consisting of her pulling and pushing my leg into funny angles, and me yelping like a dog. It was a joy.|
When I recovered from that sadism, it was time for the MRI. I heard stories about this behemoth - "It's loud," "It takes forever," "It can suck the blood out of your body if you have a high iron count" - but although the thing was huge, it didn't seem too terrible. The tech came in and said, "Would you like to hear some music?" I said, "Sure," which was the right answer, because the tech responded, "This thing is really loud, and the procedure lasts a half hour."
The next thing I know, I'm sitting halfway inside this machine, listening to Billy Joel - I guess they didn't have The Ramones - and fighting off the worst-case scenarios that are flying through my puny little mind:
"TWO DAYS??? What is this, Cuba???"
Hopefully, I will know exactly what is wrong by Wednesday afternoon.
Friday, July 27, 2007
The Blogger Reflection Award
|One of the problems with being so insecure is that when a person writes something nice about you, you don't know how to appropriately respond. Such is the case here, as Scully from Skywritings nominated me for a Blogger Reflection Award. Here is what she wrote about little ol' me:|
The Poet Victor Hugo wrote of the people in his home town "you loved them well and they remain, still with nothing to do, no money no will". As I contemplate all the places I have lived due to my work, it occurs to me that one of my failings is this. I never really stayed in one place long enough develop a connection to a city to the point I'd put my life out there on the line for it's people, with all their flaws and foibles, and not expect a whole lot in return, except someone shooting at me or cutting my budget. SYLG is a Police Detective in the big city of Philly, which he writes of with clarity and patience, as well as the things he loves about his life there. He writes with a submerged sense of the absurd that rises to the surface for air, providing us a glimpse of genuine wit and soul when it does.And now I can retire SYLG, because that is officially the nicest thing anyone has ever written about me and/or this crime scene I call a blog. (I'm kidding, please don't send me e-mail!) I wish I could adequately express my appreciation for such kind words, but I am afraid that I am at a loss. In lieu of reciprocal praise, if everyone would please overload Scully's blog with hits today, I would be most grateful.
Of course, what kind of recipient would I be if I didn't follow the rules? Here they are:
1. Copy this post (meaning the rules).Okay, me and The Lord don't exactly see eye-to-eye. Besides, all of the best bloggers are affiliated with Satan. However, I'm pretty sure I can wrangle up five bloggers who meet the criteria. Here goes . . .
RT from Public Pondering. RT is SYLG's number-one stalker; and I say that with the utmost respect. Even when I post some boring claptrap that makes people want to retch, she is always there to post an enlightening comment. I converted her to the Dark Side - read: Blogger - almost a year ago, and she has really shined. I consider her the Bill Bennett of the blogosphere: she is well-informed and well-spoken, without being a sarcastic smart ass like some people. What? Why is everyone looking at me?
Damian G. from Conservathink. Damian is one of those Ned Flanders Jesus-types; and I actually say that with respect. Politically, he is in the far right lane, but his posts are entertaining and informative to those out in left field. His intelligence belies his youth, and it's refreshing to hear someone his age not ranting about Paris Hilton or American Idol.
Miriam from Miriam's Ideas. Miriam is a rare find: witty and intelligent (she's a librarian, after all) with a side order of sarcasm. In a recent post entitled, "Jews don't want to run the world," she began with, "We've been running the world long enough, and we're tired." Now, that's funny! She's also a rarity in the blogosphere because she can perfectly summarize the point she's trying to make with refreshing brevity.
Deathlok from The Temerity of High Maintenance. You would never figure a comic book geek/Government slacker to be involved in his church, but Deathlok aptly juggles his time between The Bible and Iron Man previews. Deathlok is a laugh riot who also happens to know more about pop culture than everyone I know put together. The master of Quizzo gets a nomination from me.
JimmyB from The Conservative UAW Guy. JimmyB likes guns. In a related story, SYLG often states the obvious. In those rare moments when he's not cuddling with his firepower or posting about how liberal moonbats are a waste of skin, Jimmy is a thoughtful, provocative blogger. I sometimes imagine him repeating this line from A Few Good Men: "I have two books at my bedside, Lieutenant: the Marine Corps Code of Conduct and the King James Bible. The only proper authorities I am aware of are my commanding officer, Colonel Nathan R. Jessep, and the Lord our God." Believe me, JimmyB is one of those few good men.
Weekend Caption Contest
|Dopes Against Doping Caption Contest|
Original Caption: Denouncing doping : (From R) Young students Michael, Arthur, Nicolas and Quentin are dressed-up in huge syringes they made with cardboard, to denounce doping before the start of the 17th stage of the 94th Tour de France cycling race between Pau and Castelsarrasin. (AFP/Joel Saget)
Other Current Contests:
Gone Rick Motel (I won here last week!!!)
GOP and College
Top Ten Entries:
10. Four guys just out looking for some ass. - Dr. Phat Tony
9. "Hey guys, I don't think we have our remake of the Abbey Road album cover quite right just yet!" - Uncle Ray
8. After a positive dope test and a promise to STAY AWAY FROM DRUGS . . . came the solution . . . SIX FOOT SYRINGES! - Scully
7. A group of Pink Floyd fans gather before a concert. - DragonLady474
6. "Hey dude, we may be needle-heads, but that's better than being a needle-____." - BobG
5. With that many pinheads, it must be a Democratic Party meeting. - JimmyB
4. Four European pricks: Future EU leaders? - RT
3. Looks like an innocuous group. - Rodney Dill
2. Three out of four French syringes agree: Barry Bonds has a great ass. - Cowboy Blob
WINNER! - The Wiggles, touring in Amsterdam, introduce some catchy songs for the kids about the legal use of heroin. - Vincent Antonelli
Labels: Caption Contest
The Vader Sessions
|The things you see when you're surfing YouTube after midnight . . . This is a little long, but worth it: trust me!|
Thursday, July 26, 2007
People I Hate
|It's a terrific Thursday morning in Philadelphia. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and bees are trying to have sex with them . . . as is my understanding. What better forum for this week's edition of People I Hate?|
The poster girl for White Trash Monthly is at it again. And this time, she's pissing off others in the entertainment world, namely, OK! Magazine:
NEW YORK - Britney Spears sat back and watched as her Yorkshire terrier puppy pooped on a $6,700 designer gown at a photo shoot for OK! magazine.So let's see. Pooping on your dress? Check. Using said dress for a napkin to wipe up fried chicken grease? Check. Taking a dump in full view of everyone? Check. Stealing $14,000 worth of gaudy clothes? Check. Congratulations, Brit, you just embarrassed yourself more colorfully than Lindsay Lohan. Idiot.
Picture this little scenario. You're working in the busiest detective division in one of the most crime-riddled (and bullet-riddled) cities in America. The jobs keep rolling in, and the phone is ringing off the hook with legitimate inquiries.
And then it happens.
"Detective Division, may I help you?"
"Yeah, someone called my phone."
"Okay, which detective called you?"
"I don't know. This number was just on my caller ID."
"There wasn't a message?"
"No. Now, who called me?"
It's about here that your head explodes. For some bizarre reason, the morons who breathe air in my division cannot rest until they know the origin of every phone call they have ever received since birth. Maybe it was a wrong number. Maybe the detective was unable to leave a message. Or, better yet, MAYBE THE DETECTIVE WILL CALL BACK AFTER HE ANSWERS 100 OF THESE INANE PHONE CALLS!
Yeah, I know I already have trailer trash in this week's post, but I had to include Drunky LaRue. Why? Because she is so used to criminality, that she's taking excuses right out of the Toad Handbook. Lindsay said (and I quote):
"Yes. I am innocent . . . did not do drugs they're not mine. I was almost hit by my assistant Tarin's mom. I appreciate everyone giving me my privacy."
"They're not mine." Uh-huh. Even if you were a decent actress I wouldn't believe that tripe. Ass.
If Atlanta football fans don't shun this piece of detritus, they should be ashamed of themselves. Vick is facing federal dogfighting charges - in my opinion, the punishment for a guilty verdict should be death - but according to a friend, he doesn't see the what all the hubbub's about.
"I wouldn't say he's delusional about the problem, but I don't think he sees it as being as big a deal as everybody else," the associate said. "He thinks it's going to blow over eventually … He doesn't know how deep this goes."Please God, let his jury - hopefully comprised of a dozen talking dogs - read this statement before his trial.
Labels: People I Hate
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Hits Are Down Today
|Could the reason be the lack of recent photos of fabulous babes? Or did everyone finally realize that I don't have any talent? Probably a little from Column A and a little from Column B. When I am faced with such a quandary, I've found that extreme measures are needed to rectify the problem. Time to pull out the heavy hitter, now co-starring in "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry," Jessica Biel.|
Oh, and if anyone has scrolled down past the picture, I figured I'd let y'all know that the Haloscan comments are acting funky again.
|Just when you thought it was safe to surf the airwaves . . .|
Jim, my counterpart from Blogs4Bauer, and the driving force behind bRight&Early had an idea today. And, as he explained, it was different than his usual "Dr. Pepper drinking/beer drinking idea." This one was a winner, he claimed.
Thus began the creation of Radio4Bauer. Jim set up a channel for the B4B Crew - I guess that means me as well - at BlogTalkRadio and we may launch the first broadcast as early as this weekend. Since we are between seasons, much of the conversation will center upon a Season 6 wrap-up, and what me be looming ahead for Jack in Season 7.
When you check out the Radio4Bauer link, you will also notice a call-in number. I mean, it's Talk Radio, people!!! Listener participation is encouraged, and with some good word of mouth - and a little luck - we'll be in full swing by the start of Season 7.
And before you start telling people, "Wyatt's going to be famous!," stop right there. It was a fluke that I was invited to blog at B4B in the first place - they were trying to invite Deathlok, but mixed up our addresses - and I am not about to push my luck. The last thing anyone needs is to hear a mental defective who can barely put a sentence together spouting off on the air. I will most likely be the "silent partner."
Besides my only qualifications for this are that I have a "face for radio."
(By the way, Blogs4Bauer is MOVING. Please make a note of it.)
Your Wednesday Dose Of Insensitivity
|The reference to They Live on yesterday's John Street post really took me back. It is possibly my favorite John Carpenter film - with the obvious exception of Escape from New York, which Captain America bought for me the other day - and one of the few that was emulated on an episode of South Park. "Cripple Fight" is an exact blow-by-blow recreation of the "Rowdy" Roddy Piper-Keith David brawl . . . and just as entertaining.|
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you "Cripple Fight."
Please send your hate mail to Wyatt Earp, c/o WheelieBlog.org.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Damn, I Was Really Expecting 100%
I found this after taking Rachel's Pure Test.
| This is the most surprising story I have seen since I heard that Michael Moore was fat:|
SANTA MONICA, Calif - Lindsay Lohan, who just finished a second stint in rehab for substance abuse treatment, was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving early Tuesday, authorities said.
Lohan, who is already facing a drunken driving charge in Beverly Hills, was pulled over near the Santa Monica Police Department after authorities spotted her car chasing another, said Sgt. Shane Talbot. Authorities conducted a field sobriety test and then transported her to the police department.
The 21-year-old actress was booked on suspicion of driving under the influence of alcohol, driving on a suspended license and possession of cocaine, among other charges, Talbot said.
Police found cocaine in one of her pants pockets during a pre-booking search, Talbot said. (H/T - Yahoo!)
I almost feel sorry for this toad. Then I tell myself she's an elitist Hollywood skank that wouldn't cross the street to spit upon a "commoner" like myself. Have fun in prison, Lindsay. Maybe you'll like being someone else's "bitch."
An Important Message From "America's Mayor"
Monday, July 23, 2007
I Got It!
|And let slip the dogs of war. - Bill Shakespeare|
Philadelphia’s murder rate is gaining national attention as it continues to climb following a deadly weekend. During a news conference Monday police said 37 shootings in 72 hours left six people dead, bringing the city's murder rate to 232 homicides for the year.For those of you not keeping count - or not checking out First In's Murder Meter - Philadelphia's homicide count now stands at 234. And it's only July 23rd. At this rate, we will shatter last year's number of 406. Shatter it!
Meanwhile, the idiots and mental defectives that occupy Philadelphia City Council are suing the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania for not allowing the city to make its own gun laws! I guess City Council is upset about that pesky State's Rights thing. Unfortunately, while City Council is fiddling in court, Rome is burning with cordite. What the politicians (mostly Democrats - go figure) do not understand is that they could completely outlaw guns within the city limits, a la Tombstone in 1881, and the homicides will continue. Why?
BECAUSE THE PEOPLE RESPONSIBLE FOR THESE HOMICIDES ARE NOT DOING IT WITH LEGAL GUNS!!! THEY ARE EITHER STRAW PURCHASES OR OUTRIGHT STOLEN!!!
Good grief, how many times have I written those sentences here in the last two years? If and when Philadelphia City Council stops grandstanding in favor of utilizing some common sense, maybe a better solution will be forthcoming.
Don't hold your breath.
|Yesterday was Sunday Blogger Fun Day in Philadelphia.|
I was lucky enough to meet three very influential members of the blogosphere who were in my neck of the woods. Right Wing Prof from Right Wing Nation, Sebastian from Snowflakes in Hell, and Bitter from The Bitch Girls were slumming with this hack in South Philly yesterday. And what better way to spend a weekend than by chowing down on Geno's Steaks? For the record, I ordered a "whiz, wit."
Although the trio's talent and daily hit counts dwarf mine, the couldn't have been nicer. And suffice to say, I felt like the Ringo to their Rest of the Beatles. We talked at length about everything from politics to road rage, with a little gun pr0n and movie reviews sprinkled in between. The weather was warm, the sun was shining, and the company was great. All in all it was a damned good day.
I should get out of the house and meet other bloggers more often!
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Music And Lyrics
The Meme That Would Not Die
|Well, even though I surrendered to this meme twice already - Look at the bright side: I'm popular! - I am about to do so again, thanks to InsoluBlog. There is no way in hell that I am posting the rules, and there's no way in hell I am tagging anyone else, but out of respect for my Massachusetts pal, I shall proceed . . .|
For those of you with short memories, the topic is Eight Random Facts About Yourself. I'll try and stick to the job.
Live Free Or Die Hard
|Maggie Q. Yummy personified!|
Despite my hobbled status, I was able to go out with my good friend - and Erik's Godfather - Bill to see Live Free of Die Hard tonight. Although I wanted to see Transformers, I figured this would be a decent substitute. I was correct in my assumption.
Timothy Olyphant was a pretty good villain, but his partner in crime, Maggie Q, stole the film. Hot and lethal, she is one of my new faves. Justin Long climbed aboard for comic relief, much as Samuel L. Jackson did in the third film. He didn't take away from the film, and had some nice lines. This will never top the original Die Hard, but in my opinion, it was probably second best. I'd give it 3 bullets out of 5.
And now, a few random thoughts . . .
* Why would Justin Long's computer-hacker character live in the armpit of the East Coast, Camden, New Jersey? No one chooses to live in Camden, which is right across the Delaware River from Philly, people just end up there.
* Kevin Smith has a medium-sized role in the film, playing a computer hacker with a lust for all things Star Wars. Must have been quite a stretch for him.
* Nice helicopter shots of Philly, guys. I guess with 226 homicides, it was safer to film from the air.
By the way, Deathlok has a pretty good, non-spoiler review HERE. But not until after I post another shot of Maggie:
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Harry Potter Mania!
|With the release of J.K. Rowling's final installment of the Harry Potter series, and the success of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Potter Mania abounds. Luckily, I have uncovered some secrets from the new book. Enjoy!|
The Top Five Secrets of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
5. Hogwarts School does not allow black students.
4. Ron Weasley was expelled for abusing his "magic wand."
3. Dumbledore only wishes he was dead: he's spending time in Cleveland.
2. Hermione Granger? Post-op transsexual.
And the number one secret of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is . . .
1. Harry Potter has perfect eyesight. The glasses are a fashion statement.
Labels: Top Ten List
Friday, July 20, 2007
Weekend Caption Contest
|Agent Skelly Caption Contest|
Other Current Contests:
Bullwinkle Blog (I won here last week!!!)
Gone Rick Motel
GOP and College
WILLisms (I took 2nd Place here last week!)
Top Ten Entries:
10. Sweep the Leg! - Randal Graves
9. Dammit, I thought I ordered a #14 with fried rice. - The Man
8. Burger King finally replaces it's uber-creepy king with something far less disturbing. - JimmyB
7.It started out like any other case. A client was paying me to dig up some dirt on a broad named Hillary Clinton. Little did I know that the skeletons in her closet were armed. - John D
6. This is what happens when the military orders night vision goggles from the back of comic books. - Jim
5. Cowboy Blob's Photoshop.
4. Joel Schumaker's remake of Jason and the Argonauts began filming today. . . . - Deathlok
3. You may be able to buy the gun, but you still must have the guts to pull the trigger. - Scully
2. The ungrateful dead. - Rodney Dill
WINNER! - The Philly Police: a bare-bones operation under Sylvester Johnson! - TrekMedic
Labels: Caption Contest
Thursday, July 19, 2007
A Knee To The Groin
|For all of you Wyatt Haters out there - and there are a lot of you - I have good news: my ice hockey career may be over. |
It appears that the injury I suffered during Tuesday night's hockey game is much more severe than I first thought. So much so, that when I went to the doctor's office for my quarterly cholesterol check - It's down! - I asked him to take a look at it.
Apparently, he didn't like what he saw.
He did preliminary tests on my ACL and MCL, and both seemed okay. That was good, since a torn ligament would mean certain death for my playing days. However, when he asked my to lift the leg, I screamed after raising it an inch or so. His response: "It hurts that much after that little movement?" Note to Doc: Patients do not want to see incredulous looks during an exam! Long story short: I need an x-ray and an MRI. If the MRI shows damage, it'll be time to hang up my skates after twenty years.
The good news is that although my Spring Season is now over, the Winter Season doesn't start until late September. If the damage is minimal, I may be ready to play by then. If the damage is severe - or, God forbid, something that requires surgery - I'm done. I'll still come to the games and watch my teammates from the stands, but I won't like it.
Simply stated, without ice hockey, I'll feel like dying.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to cry myself to sleep.
Labels: Ice Hockey
People I Hate
|Bile-filled Thursday, everyone! It's hot, humid, and rainy here in Philly; the perfect conditions for this week's edition of PIH. And away we go!|
Covert CIA Hitwoman Valerie Plame
Plame, the nation's most top-secret superspy - claiming over a hundred kills with a swizzle stick - had her lawsuit against the Bush administration dismissed today. U.S. District Judge John D. Bates dismissed the case on jurisdictional grounds, which claimed that the administration violated Plame's privacy rights. I, for one, am horrified by this decision! Valerie Plame's right to privacy was brutally attacked by the evil conservatives inside the White House. This is slap in the face of justice! No Roger, no Rerun, no rent!!!
Plame has suffered immensely as a result of Richard Armitage's security leak - even though Scooter Libby is, for some reason, paying the price for it. Her career is ruined - even though you cannot open up a newspaper without seeing her visage plastered all over it. Her privacy is destroyed - even though she has been seen with her husband on the cover of national magazines. And the world's most successful covert operative - even though no one is able (or willing) to explain how Plame was a "covert CIA operative."
I reckon I'll just assume she was America's version of James Bond.
This tool/Philly radio host makes PIH almost as often as Philly Mayor John Street does. And they're both equally inept. In today's Philadelphia Daily News, Smerconish waxes poetic - for the umpteenth time - about the Iraq War:
TV pundits, radio commentators, newspaper columnists and Internet bloggers all proclaim their views on what to do in Iraq. On different days, I play each of those roles. But the only thing I know for sure is what I don't know.You got that right, you dope. As a former listener, I can tell you with certainty that Smerconish doesn't know a whole lot about himself, or his audience. The people of Philadelphia respond to people who take a stand, and not some idiot who changes his opinion according to public opinion. First, Smerconish was almost rabidly conservative. As his popularity in the MSM grew, his opinions changed with the wind. (And believe me, Smerconish sure blows.) While he was becoming the media darling - guest hosting for the talking heads at MSNBC and writing for the DN - he started eating healthy helpings of liberalism. Soon, he was ripping the Bush administration, the Iraq War, and enough "conservative" issues that many longtime fans started tuning out. And rightly so.
Look, I would respect this guy a lot more if he would stand by his opinions, whatever they may be. If he wants to be a "conservative," then he should make that clear. If he wants to be a "liberal," he should make that clear, as well. Unfortunately for the listeners of the Delaware Valley, Smerconish sold out his views to attract an audience from both sides of the aisle.
(No photo here, folks. I know it's almost dinnertime.)
Ya just gotta love it when the Brits start ripping apart "America's Sweetheart." After explaining away her ridiculously high concert ticket prices with "Because I'm worth it," Streisand allegedly sucked eggs in her recent U.K. performance:
The slow-handclapping started in the £600 seats. Not, of course at having been made to pay so much for what, after all, was a mere concert, or at the sheer greed which meant they were asked for an extra £25 for a shoddy programme. No, the slow-handclapping was because Barbra Streisand was late, albeit just half an hour late. They really should try waiting for Pete Doherty one very long evening ...Good God, what can I possibly add to that? Okay, maybe a "Bawahahaha!!!"
Labels: People I Hate
Roaming Charges Are A Thing Of The Past
|Apparently, Verizon is introducing a cell phone that one can utilize while walking the mean streets of Philadelphia. But what kind of phone can give you peace of mind amidst 223 homicides, you ask? Here ya go . . .|
Cue the sounds of JimmyB, Cowboy Blob, and Scully running to their local gun stores! Heh. (H/T - Bill)
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
This Date In History
|It boggles my mind that the idiots in Massachusetts keep re-electing this clod. Let's hear "Uncle Ted" remind us in his own words what happened on July 18, 1969:|
"Little over one mile away, the car that I was driving on the unlit road went off a narrow bridge which had no guard rails and was built on a left angle to the road. The car overturned in a deep pond and immediately filled with water. I remember thinking as the cold water rushed in around my head that I was for certain drowning. Then water entered my lungs and I actual felt the sensation of drowning. But somehow I struggled to the surface alive.Mary Jo Kopechne was unavailable for comment.
It Takes A Thief
|Well, that's the last time I post a video from the movie Miracle.|
Whatever motivation we had going in to last night's hockey game was swiftly crushed when we hit the locker room. Only eight of our fifteen skaters decided to show up last night, which meant that we would be playing the undefeated Death Dealers with only three subs. Marvelous.
The Death Dealers are easily a "B" League team with a few "A" League players on their roster as well. They have cut through this league like a Jameson through Vinnie's liver, and are currently 9-0. They have outscored their opponents 62-15! Why are they in a "C" League, you ask? Because the tools who run the Flyers Skate Zone (Northeast) just want your money. They couldn't care less if a season is ridiculously imbalanced.
So, we plodded through the game, mostly watching these semi-pros whoop our collective tails. Their slowest skater was twice as fast as our swiftest skater, and their worst puckhandler made our best look like a toddler. It was a disgrace, and the game was soon out of hand. By the time the much-anticipated final horn sounded, they had crushed us into submission by a score of 10-4. Unreal.
To make matters worse, I forgot to wear my knee brace, which took away what little speed - very little - I possess. Playing defense, I was merely a pylon for these "C" League Superstars to skate past. I woke up today in excruciating pain, and cannot put any weight on my left leg while standing or climbing stairs. "Well gee, Wyatt, it couldn't get any worse, right?"
Before the game, we wondered why we weren't given the requisite locker room key. They usually supply one so you can leave your valuables - keys, money, pictures of Emma Laaksonen - in the room. Our room was unlocked before our game began. Since we weren't supplied with a key, we couldn't secure the room. But, we thought, since we are the last game, no one will be around to root through our stuff, right?
When we got to the bar to drown our post-game sorrows, Vinnie ordered our usual pints of Guinness. He opened his wallet, and freaked. "I'm missing $100!" He frantically looked on the floor, then out in the parking lot for his money. No dice. Badger then said he'd cover it, but when he looked into his wallet, he had only a few ones. Most of the $50-plus he was carrying was also gone. Coincidence eliminated. When Fish and I checked our wallets, we were also short. Fish was missing about $100, and I was missing somewhere between $40 and $70. All in all, some jerkoff got the four of us for $300, easy.
I immediately called Randal and asked him to check his wallet. Luckily, he was spared - primarily because he hides his stuff well. His mistrust of his fellow man came in handy this night. We're still waiting to hear if any of our teammates were victims of the theft.
As a detective, I was unbelievably pissed off. First of all, I was a moron for not securing my valuables. Serves me right. Second of all, I was lucky I hadn't been taken for much more. My shield, police ID, and credit cards were in there. Had they been stolen, I'd be up the creek. Finally, my helplessness in this matter was unacceptable. Badger was texting Jenn the Librarian, who responded, "You should have called the cops!" His response: "Wyatt IS the cops!" Unfortunately, there was little I could do, since a locker room used by a hundred people in a given day is not exactly the most preserved crime scene.
As a hockey player, I was even more pissed off. The only people who could have committed the thefts are the employees of FLYERS SKATE ZONE (NORTHEAST) or the two or three spectators in the stands. I can't accuse anyone with surety, but I thought it odd that the one time we don't receive a locker room key is also the one time our team gets our money stolen.
Personally, I think someone at FLYERS SKATE ZONE (NORTHEAST) owes our team an explanation . . . or at least an apology.
Labels: Ice Hockey
A Notable Quotable
|Don't look now, but Captain America from First In! is officially famous! I think this is one of the signs of the Apocalypse. The bad neighbor/good blogger was quoted for an article at Human Events, concerning the International Association of Fire Fighters' recent attack on Rudy Giuliani's candidacy.|
What the hell? No one ever quotes People I Hate or any of my other witty gems! Of course, if I ever posted something serious around here, that may change. Now, he's going to be impossible to deal with.
The good Captain's original post can be found HERE.
Labels: Link Pimping
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
|I love this clip. And, since my team will need a "Miracle" to beat the undefeated Death Dealers tonight, I figured I'd roll some inspiration.|
Labels: Ice Hockey
Beating Them Like A Rented Mule
|Kyle (left, in gray) setting up for a face-off.|
I got to attend Kyle's second hockey game last night, and he didn't disappoint. Already tallying a goal and an assist in his first game, Kyle answered with another goal and another assist. Four points in two games? Nice. Unfortunately, his team lost by a score of 9-6, and he was so angry that he didn't care about the goal.
The boy has his father's temper, too, because when the other team scored the go-ahead goal, he put his head down and shouted, "Damnit!" for all the rink to hear. Although I could sympathize, there was no way he was getting away with that one.
His next game is tomorrow night.
Kyle (front right, in gray) moments before scoring his goal.
Labels: The Boys
Speaking Of Spotted Dick . . .
|Mrs. John Edwards thinks Hillary needs to "behave like a man." Well, at least the Hill-dabeast has the wontons for it.|
Look, I'm sympathetic, because when I worked as a lawyer, I was the only woman in these rooms, too, and you want to reassure them you're as good as a man. And sometimes you feel you have to behave as a man and not talk about women's issues. I'm sympathetic -- she wants to be commander in chief. But she's just not as vocal a women's advocate as I want to see. John is.
And then she says, or maybe her supporters say, "Support me because I'm a woman," and I want to say to her, "Well, then support me because I'm a woman." The question is not so much how she campaigns -- that's theater. The question is, what does her campaign tell you about how she'll govern? And I'm not convinced she'd be as good an advocate for women. She needs a rationale greater for her campaign than I've heard. When she announced her candidacy she said, "I'm in it to win it." What is that?
It appears that a catfight is in order. Unfortunately, no guy is looking forward to seeing it.
The fact that people think Hillary Clinton is a cold-hearted bitch with bigger stones than her husband is old news. However, the fact that fellow Democrats are starting to believe it is news. With the election getting closer every day, voters of all parties are saying to themselves, "Jesus, this broad could actually become President!"
And it scares the hell out of them.
Rightfully so, since HillaryCare would see long lines at the doctor's office resembling those of Jimmy Carter's Gas Plan. Rightfully so, because her foreign policy is right out of her husband's playbook: appease, appease, appease, and leave the mess for the next guy. Rightfully so, because no one wants to hear the POTUS shriek during the State of the Union Address.
Simply put, Hillary Clinton is the scariest woman you would ever want to meet . . . and even the Democrats don't want her in office next term.
Monday, July 16, 2007
You've Got Questions, We've Got Answers
|Who wants to have some fun??? Well, too bad, because you're stuck here at this insipid blog. However, all is not lost, because I am ready for yet another fantabulous edition of Q&A.|
"I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready! I'm ready, eddy, eddy . . . "
For you rookies out there - and you know who you are - the rules are simple: ask me a question in the Shots Fired section, and I'll use my infinite wisdom - or, in a pinch, the Magic 8 Ball - to get you some burning answers.
So, throw me a frickin' bone here, people! I'll have you (hopefully entertaining) answers by mid-week.
BTW, the results of the Caption Contest are posted below.
Labels: Q And A
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Odds And Ends
|Well, it's a late Sunday night, and I don't have much in the way of motivation. However, since I've only had two perfunctory posts today, I wanted to encompass the thousands of thoughts running around my psychotic mind. Fasten your seatbelts, my friends; it's gonna be a bumpy ride.|
* The Philadelphia Sillies made sports history tonight. My hometown baseball team is the first team EVER to suffer 10,000 losses. And how do the idiots that share my air react to this complete and utter embarrassment? They celebrate it! The sportswriters celebrate it. The moron baseball bloggers celebrate it. The frakkin' team celebrates it! They are wearing it like a Red Badge of Ineptitude! Well, it's not a World Series or anything, but it's something, right Philly? Jackasses.
* Tony Stewart won today's NASCAR event in Chicago. Immediately after he crossed the checkered flag he made a bee line for the fence. I heard myself saying, "Jesus Christ, don't climb the damned fence again. NOBODY CARES!" Luckily, the kids were upstairs at the time. Well, fat boy climbed the fence, and it looked awfully difficult, even with his sloth-like reflexes. So, when someone from TNT - their NASCAR coverage sucks ass, by the way - asked him about the climb, Stewart responded thusly . . .
"I'd like to see your fat ass get up there!"He actually said this to a reporter on live TV - and he was dead serious. How can anyone cheer for this obnoxious asshole? Then again, I'm kind of an obnoxious asshole, and 103,000 people have stopped by here. Hmm . . .
* I just finished watching Clerks II - courtesy of my brother, Randal Graves. It is easily one of the funniest movies I have ever seen. And, it does the impossible: it's better than the original. TransFormers. Heh. I don't know why, but I never thought Rosario Dawson was all that attractive until I saw her in this film. Weird.
I wonder if she has a Pillowpants?
* And finally, I wanted to mention Ron Paul. I don't know who this guy is, or why he's so damned popular, but Rachel said that any time someone mentions him on the 'net, it creates guaranteed hits. And I'm nothing if not opportunistic. Heh.