Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Cleaving The Site In Two

After a week or two of careful consideration, I will be changing platforms and posting at the new WordPress site Friday morning. While Blogger has been very good to me these past ten years, it's woefully outdated and does not offer the features I need. So I'm loading up the truck and moving to Beverly... Hills, that is.

Support Your Local Gunfighter will remain here unmolested. I am not about to delete ten years of work.

I'm posting this now to give everyone a heads up. The new site isn't ready yet - I'm still playing around with the template and the colors - but The O.K. Corral will be open for business Friday morning.

I'd appreciate if y'all followed me there.

UPDATE: We're open for business!

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Cruisin' With Leah Remini

The "Church" of Scientology has a pretty dubious reputation. Whether or not that reputation is justified is up for debate; unless you're smokin' hawt actress Leah Remini.

Remini left the "church," and was smeared for it. Now, she is revealing what goes on behind the scenes of Hollywood's foremost place of worship.

Want to know the real story of Scientology? Leah Remini breaks it all down, right to its Midi-chlorians.

“Being critical of Tom Cruise is being critical of Scientology itself… you are evil,” Remini told ABC’s Dan Harris. Remini, 45, describes how she and her family joined the Church when she was a young girl, built a successful acting career in Hollywood while being a diligent Scientologist, and how she eventually decided to sever ties with the Church.

“As time goes on, you start to lose touch with the real world. The mindset becomes ‘Us against them.’” “The decision to leave is you are giving up everything you have ever known and everything you have worked for your whole life.” (H/T - Kari)

The Church of Scientology was founded by god-awful science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard. Soon afterward, it became the premier place of worship for Hollywood actors and actresses, with Tom Cruise being recognized as the figurative top dog.

Now, while I like Tom Cruise the actor (see Edge of Tomorrow), I am not a fan of Tom Cruise the person (see Jumping on Oprah's Couch). I can easily believe Remini's Cruise tales, and not only because she is easy to look at.

Marco? So Low!

Politically speaking, Marco Rubio has been dead to me for a very long time. Turns out, he has been playing dead in the Senate for a long time, too.

This year, as Rubio runs for president, he has cast the Senate — the very place that cemented him as a national politician — as a place he’s given up on, after less than one term. It’s too slow. Too rule-bound. So Rubio, 44, has decided not to run for his seat again. It’s the White House or bust.

“That’s why I’m missing votes. Because I am leaving the Senate. I am not running for reelection,” Rubio said in the last Republican debate, after Donald Trump had mocked him for his unusual number of absences during Senate votes.

So, four years into a six-year term, Marco Rubio is not just taking his ball and going home. It's worse that that. Rubio is calling out sick his final two years, and refusing to represent the very people who elected him in the first place. This is the man who wants your vote for president? Seriously?

Marco Rubio is the Republican version of Barack Obama. If you're okay with that, feel free to vote for him in the GOP primary. I will never vote for this man. Ever.

Love Rollercoaster

There is nothing I love more than a good, old-fashioned roller coaster. When I'm at an amusement park, you cannot keep me away.

Hills, loops, stomach-turning barrel rolls, I'm in.

Of course, I usually ride with my clothes on, but when in Rome...

A group of people rode naked on a rollercoaster in England Sunday to try to break a record. They fell short, but still attracted plenty of attention and raised more than $15,000 for charity.

Fifty-seven uninhibited amusement-park patrons hopped aboard Adventure Island's Green Scream ride in Southend-on-Sea. While their flesh was willing, participation was relatively weak. The existing Guinness World Record dates back to 2010 when 102 people rode the same ride.

The Southend Hospital's Keyhole Cancer Appeal was still a winner nonetheless.

It is my sincere hope the seats were burned after the world record attempt concluded.

Monday, October 26, 2015

Axe Me Anything (Answers)

So Friday I had you guys ask me anything your little hearts desire. There were five responses - not bad, since it is so difficult commenting on Blogger - and since I am stuck in court all day, I have ample time to throw out some answers.

Loki asks, "What do you do to relieve stress ... that would not shock those of delicate constitution?"

Loki, I don't have stress! *Tries to quell involuntary muscle spasms* I'm assuming you mean besides complaining to my therapist, my psychiatrist, my pharmacist, and strangers on the street?

I can't - and won't - stress eat anymore, and since I lost all that weight, I get hammered on one beer now. So my go-to stress reliever is walking/jogging. I try to do at least four miles four times a week, right after work when I need it the most. Blogging helps, too, but as we've all seen lately, that can be more stressful than my job.

Mike, aka Proof asks, "Do you use the screen name 'Wyatt' because of the restraining orders, or the witness protection?"

Proof, um.. both? Vica Kerekes needs to take a joke. I wasn't really coming to Hungary to interrupt her wedding... mostly because I am on the no-fly list.

One of my favorite films is "Tombstone," and back in 2005, I thought the name was a good fit, what with the law enforcement angle and all.

There is more below the fold...

A Royale With Sleaze

I have always been a fan of Quentin Tarantino's films. Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, and Inglourious Basterds are, in my opinion, almost perfect movies. While Tarantino is an awful actor, and usually goes over the top in his directing, I always enjoyed his work.

Then this happened.

Academy Award-winning filmmaker Quentin Tarantino has joined hundreds of people rallying and marching through the streets of New York City to protest police brutality. The group rallied Saturday in Manhattan's Washington Square Park before marching about 2 miles along Sixth Avenue.

Speakers at the protest say they want to bring justice for people killed by police. Tarantino flew in from California to march alongside academic Cornel West at the RiseUpOctober event.

The protest comes days after a police officer was fatally shot while chasing a theft suspect.

Police officers are almost treated as the bad guys in Tarantino's films. They are always referenced in derogatory ways, and usually seen being shot and/or killed. I assumed Tarantino was no fan of the police, but I put that aside for the sake of the entertainment. That said, attending an anti-police rally (and make no mistake, that is exactly what this was) the same week as yet another NYPD police officer was murdered is not just bad optics, it's downright despicable.

Tarantino's film, "The Hateful Eight," premieres on Christmas. I will not be attending.

The Great Salt Lake Of Tears

Meet Mindi Jensen. Mindi is a middle school teacher in Utah, who almost lost her job after posting photos like the one above on her Instagram account. Because, Utah.

A middle school teacher in a tiny, rural Utah town who says she almost got fired this week for posting smoking hot photos of herself on the Internet will be able to keep her job after all. The teacher is Mindi Jensen, who is on the faculty at North Sanpete Middle School in Moroni (pop.: 1,280).

The fracas that Jensen says threatened to cost her job began when an enterprising student discovered photos of Jensen on Instagram (@minscakes). The photos show the part-time fitness model and competition-level body builder wearing skimpy swimsuits, working out and singing pop songs.

Local parents complained, calling Jensen’s photo stream inappropriate. School officials responded by asking Jensen if she could maybe remove some photos or set her Instagram account to private.

As a commenter at the link opined, these are probably the same parents who have no problem with Miley Cyrus.

Jensen started working out and lost 100 pounds after a bout of depression. She is proud of what she accomplished, and posting photos of herself on Instagram increased her self-esteem. The fact some prudish parents flipped out is immaterial, and the fact Jensen almost lost her job over this is ridiculous. *drops mic, leaves stage*

Sunday, October 25, 2015

Meet The New Boss

Same as the old boss, but with less communism, and more force-ism.

Vladimir Lenin is not very popular in Ukraine. There are still lots of statues left over from the Soviet days, but they're slowly being taken down — or in this case, retrofitted into more inspirational figures from the capitalist mythos. With Vader-interest peaking as Lenin-interest tails off, it's hard to say it's not an improvement.

This particular statue was originally erected in the now-defunct Pressmash factory on the outskirts of Odessa. But when the city moved to tear down the statue, local artist Alexander Milov stepped in with an alternative proposal, transforming Lenin's billowing coattails into the billowing cape of Darth Vader himself. As a bonus, Milov installed a Wi-Fi hub in Vader / Lenin's capacious helmet, providing free connectivity to all who cower in his presence.

Milov has motivated me to do the same with Kosovo's Bill Clinton statue. Sure, Vader was a liar, but at least he didn't receive oral from stormtrooper interns inside the Death Star.

Saturday, October 24, 2015

Our Polls Are Rising

I mentioned before I am not a fan of Blogger. To me, it is archaic, and its options are severely limited. Some readers are having trouble commenting, and the comment system itself is awful. Personally, I want to make you guys happy here, so I was wondering if anyone wanted me to go back to WordPress, or if Blogger was still a suitable platform for you.

So, I have a poll.

I'd appreciate your input. I know I keep bouncing all over the place, and that bothers me, but I want to make sure everyone is comfortable, no matter where I land.

Channing The Globe

In an effort to please my female readers, I was scouring the interwebz for some eye candy. I came across Channing Tatum, who was crowned People's 2012 "Sexiest Man Alive." The 35-year old from Cullman, Alabama has possesses all the qualities admired by the superficial woman. I'm also sure he can break into a Southern accent at any moment, for those of you who believe an accent is sexy.

For those who don't, you'll have to suffer through his washboard abs. Again, if you're into that sort of thing. Have a great day, ladies!

Barry, This Is Happening

Retro gamers, unite! FX is making an Archer pinball machine!

Now you can relax and blow off - phrasing - some steam with Archer, Lana, and quite possibly Babou the ocelot.

The Twitter community had an enormous impact on getting the Archer table greenlit from an idea and into production. Seeing the fan response and seeing the story get picked up in the media inspired a lot of confidence in us that an Archer table would be well-received. The team at Floyd County were very supportive, pushing the story up the chain at FX and Fox in an almost grassroots kind of way, up to the executive level, prompting serious consideration for a team-up.

I think what we're most proud of is that the vibe of the show and the smart humor really shines through. There is a really cool shooting mini-game, and Archer's spy car actually drives onto the table and off a ramp.

Um, the "spy car" is actually a Dodge Challenger with such amenities as anti-pursuit counter measures, twin .30 caliber machine guns and a functioning wet bar in the glove box. It is most definitely sploosh-worthy.

Friday, October 23, 2015

Another Princess Has Arrived!

Longtime reader, commenter, and real-life friend Jenn is now a mother!

"Stephen and I are thrilled to announce the birth of our daughter, Victoria Elizabeth. Born yesterday, October 21st at 9:02 am weighing an even 9 lbs after a very long and intense labour ending with an emergency c-section."

Congratulations Jenn and Stephen. She is absolutely beautiful!

Axe Me Anything

It's rare to see the town elders ask questions of the village idiot, but that is exactly what I am offering you this weekend.

In a new segment entitled, "Axe Me Anything," you the reader, can ask me, the blogger, anything. Anything at all. No question is too big, no word is too big (for I have an online dictionary).

This is my latest attempt to get folks interacting here, and pulling the blog toward the success of yesteryear. (Which means I will probably fail miserably.) So, feel free to submit your questions in the comments section from now through Sunday evening, and I'll have answers for you Monday afternoon.

Video Killed The Politics Star

(Photo credit: @ParvaSaeua)

Hillary Clinton testified yesterday before a congressional committee investigating her actions - or inaction - during the 2012 Benghazi attacks. Mrs. Clinton treated the matter with all the respect and seriousness of someone doing stand-up comedy.

Republican Ohio Rep. Jim Jordan took issue with former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton‘s comment that protests had erupted in both Cairo, Egypt and Benghazi, Libya, citing evidence from the House Select Committee’s investigation stating that no protest of any kind had occurred in Benghazi. He then went on to quote from various State Department spokespersons who, in the weeks following the Sept. 11, 2012 attack, claimed that the incident in Benghazi was linked to the Cairo-based protest, which was a reaction to an offensive online video.

“Calling it an attack is like saying the sky is blue. Of course it was an attack! The statement you sent out was a statement on Benghazi, and you say ‘vicious behavior as a response to inflammatory material on the Internet.’ If that’s not pointing at its motive being the video, I don’t know what is.”

Clinton's retort was as flippant as you would expect.

“I wrote a whole chapter about this in my book, Hard Choices. I’d be glad to send it to you, congressman.”

A glib administration has been running this country into the ground for seven years. Do we really want another puerile president leading this country to ruin?

Where There's A Will, There's A Weigh

Since I was a teenager, I have battled high cholesterol. Unlike others, my numbers were high because of genetics, not what I stuffed into my gullet. I currently take six pills a day to keep the numbers under control, and have blood tests every three months. (The meds can wreak havoc on my liver.)

In July, my numbers were good, but my sugars were high. I weighed in at 212 pounds at 5'9". The doctor told me if I did not get my sugars down, he would put me on pre-diabetes medicine. His remedy for avoiding that nightmare scenario was a brand new diet/lifestyle, which including eliminating carbohydrates from my diet.

Now, I am not exactly a person who wields willpower like a lightsaber. I don't drink much, but I eat like a fiend; moreso when I am stressed. (And you folks who know me realize I am stressed every hour of every day.) The doc, however, scared me straight. I could do this, I told myself, if I sucked it up and worked on it.

I now average about twenty carbs a day - I don't miss sugary foods, soft pretzels, and pizza at all - and walk at least four miles every day I can get out.

I stepped on the scale yesterday and it read 181.6.

In three months, I've lost 31 pounds, have gotten rid of a ton of clothes, and an mow easily fitting into larges, instead of the dreaded XLs. (One female co-worker snarkily asked if I had AIDS.) In fact, I look exactly like Chris Hemsworth (above), if I grew my hair, dyed it, lifted weights, and had facial reconstruction surgery. Otherwise? Dead ringer!

If you're looking to shed some pounds, consider cutting down on your carbs. You don't have to go all Nazi with it like I did, but cutting out sugars, potatoes, and breads will do wonders. I'm living proof.

There's a before and after pic below the fold.

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Taking The Rohrbach Test

I know what you're thinking: this is another one of Wyatt's fluff posts written solely to draw out readers and comments. Well, yes and no.

This is Kelly Rohrbach, a 25-year old smoking hawt model who any man would pluck out his own eyes to bang. Kelly is gorgeous and she knows it - I hate women like that - but instead of calling me, she shacked up with Leonardo Freakin' DiCaprio.

She's managed to pin down Hollywood heartthrob Leonardo DiCaprio. And it's not hard to see why Kelly Rohrbach has succeeded in winning the 40-year-old actor's heart as she puts on a seductive display in the pages of France's Jalouse magazine.

The 25-year-old beauty looks sensational while posing on the Havard college campus for the back-to-school themed shoot, modelling in an array of thigh-skimming looks.

Rohrbach is 25, and DiCaprio is 40. Okay, I realize age in a relationship is not a factor anymore - especially in Hollywood - but how is Leonardo DiCaprio still a thing? The dude has been living off Titanic for eighteen years now. His current girlfriend was seven when it premiered. I mean, come on, man... leave some tail for the rest of us!

Puerto Rico: Too Big To Fail?

When I was a little stripling, my mother took a data entry job at Pan Am Airways. She worked out of Northeast Philadelphia Airport, which resembled the ramshackle terminal from the series "Wings."

One of the benefits of mom's employment was the airfare employee discount, and for some reason, my parents decided to take us to Puerto Rico when I was a teenager. It wasn't exactly DisneyWorld, but what the hell? The beaches were nice, the water was clear, but the area surrounding the resorts was a war zone.

Now, the "president" wants to take my tax dollars and bail out this Detroit-By-The-Sea.

The Obama administration is calling on Congress to provide Puerto Rico with the support it needs to emerge from a serious debt crisis.

The administration proposed a program that calls on Congress to approve restructuring of Puerto Rico's debt burden and provide oversight for a credible recovery plan. The plan calls for reforms to Puerto Rico's Medicaid program.

The administration says without congressional action Puerto Rico will face a "long and difficult recovery that could have harmful consequences for the residents on the island and beyond."

Pardon my Croatian, but who give a shit? Puerto Rico is not an American state, and many of those citizens who emigrate here - at least here in Philadelphia - are highly unappreciative of what this country has to offer. The villain in the Puerto Rican debt crisis is Puerto Rico. They made their entitlement-strewn hammock; now they can lie in it.

Let's Play "Guess The State"

Dear zombiephiles, I realize your entire world revolves around the undead, but zombies are about as legitimate as Hillary Clinton's southern accent.

Police were searching Monday for a man who opened fire at a Florida weekend event celebrating zombie pop culture, killing one person, injuring six others and sending thousands of attendees scrambling for cover.

The suspect was described by police as a "white or possibly Hispanic" male in his late teens or early twenties, dressed in a black T-shirt and a flat-billed black and red baseball cap. The suspect was seen firing a black semi-automatic handgun before fleeing the scene.

Revelers were out late Saturday evening for the annual Zombicon community fundraising event when gun shots rang out as costumed festivity goers ran through the streets of downtown Fort Myers, creating confusion over who was hurt due to zombie props, fake blood and wounds.

Why is it always Florida? I'm torn as to this piece of garbage's motives. On the one hand, it is extremely likely he is your average American psychopath. On the other hand, he may be dumb enough to believe the zombies were real. Either way, I hope the authorities aim for his head. It's the only way to be sure he won't reanimate.

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

The Princess Has Arrived!

My cousin, former co-blogger, and All-American Guy Dr. Evil is now a proud father! Dr. Evil and the Evil Surgeon welcomed Emma Tracy into the world last night.

The beautiful princess came in at 6 pounds, and 12 ounces, and 20 3/4 inches long.

The Evil Surgeon and the Princess are doing well, though all three of them can use some sleep.

Emma Tracy is their first child, so I assume Dr. Evil will revere her and kowtow to her every whim. You know, like I do with Julia.

Congratulations, guys! She is a beautiful little girl!

UPDATE: I misspelled Emma's name in the first sentence. Consider it corrected.

Throw Up Your Hands, We Want Your Bullets!

Battle reenactments occasionally attract some intelligent history buffs. They also tend to attract irresponsible, mindless dolts.

A reenactment of an Old West street gunfight got a bit too real in a US town. The incident went down on Sunday in Tombstone, as members of the Tombstone Vigilantes played out a gunfight before some 1,000 tourists.

Tombstone Marshall Bob Randall [said] one of the actors had arrived late for the show and failed to have his gun checked - to make sure it had blank bullets - before he faced off with a fellow actor.

"When Tom Carter fired his gun, Ken Curtis fell to the ground," Randall said. "He was shot in the lower groin area."

A woman watching the show was also grazed in the neck by a bullet but refused medical care and additional bullet fragments struck nearby buildings.

Thanks to this jackass, the gunfight reenactments have been suspended until further notice.

We were in Arizona in 2006 visiting my friend Kevin. The weather was gorgeous - hot, sunny days. All I wanted to do was see the reenactment, and when we went to Tombstone, it was canceled... because of rain.

So, When Do I Worry?

As you can imagine, the past few weeks have been very stressful for me. Killing the old blog, dealing with the nonsense which caused it, and a few other personal issues were making me physically ill.

The pinnacle of this stress wave came last Tuesday, where I literally could not sleep. I tossed and turned for eight hours, then lied in bed until I had to go to work. By time I made it home, I had been awake for 38 hours straight.

Friday night? Same thing. By time Mrs. Earp and I returned from Saturday's soccer beef and beer, I had been awake for 38 hours straight.

Monday night was another repeat performance. I woke up at 10am, went to bed at 10pm, lied there until 6am, went to work, and hit the sheets Tuesday night at midnight. 38 hours straight.

I don't know what is wrong with me, and quite frankly it's scaring me to death. I lie on the bed, and the stress of the old blog, work, and everything else simply takes over. I cannot relax and I cannot get the stress to subside. I have taken Tylenol's Simply Sleep, which usually works, but has been ineffective this past week. My only option now is to go to the doctor, but I have no idea if - or how - he can help me.

I do know not sleeping every two days will literally kill me.

UPDATE: Five hours sleep last night. Whoo hoo! It feels like fifty.

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

She's Faking It

Like most teenagers, I was never good at sex. I was clumsy, awkward, and not exactly big enough to please a woman. A quarter century later, nothing has changed. I still rate only slightly above "Clammy" on carnival Love Testers. My inexperience cost me many a girlfriend, but it may help me win this contest. Lord knows I'm adept at having sex by myself.

A comedian by trade, Chris Trew is the founder of a new breed of performance art: the Air Sex Championships. Think air-guitar competition, but with sex.

For the past seven years, Trew has toured the country, inviting the creative and the limber to stage a choreographed bit in which the performer enacts an intimate physical encounter - as realistically or ridiculously as he or she chooses.

Contestants dress in elaborate costumes, build props like the yogurt cannon (a new riff on the penis joke) or simply show off their moves, set to music. The competition has just two rules. First, no participant may achieve climax, although faking it is encouraged. Second, the audience may not see performer's sex partner.

Strangely enough, my nickname during college was "the yogurt cannon." #TrueStory.

The Air Sex Championships will be held at Kung Fu Necktie in Philly tomorrow at 8pm.

Let's Play "Guess The State"

Meet Ryan Patrick Bautista (left) and Leanne Hunn (right). Wait, that's a woman??

Anyway, Ryan and Leanne are a modern-day Bonnie and Clod. Their love is eternal, and they were not going to sit idly by while "the man" threatened their inseparable hearts.

A standoff began Wednesday night when Jacksonville Sheriffs responded to a call about Michael Forte, 34, who was wanted on several warrants including armed burglary. Deputies were also looking for Bautista, who also had several warrants, including armed burglary.

Bautista and Hunn reacted to the police visit by barricading themselves inside a mobile home and refusing to leave for more than six hours

At some point during the standoff, Hunn told police she would give herself up but not until she had sex with Bautista “one last time.” The couple apparently had an audience for their "last time" lovemaking session.

Okay, I have two questions. First, why is it always Florida? Second, why do stories about sex always feature couples who are so ugly they'd have to Trick or Treat by phone?

This ain't no Bradley Cooper-Jessica Biel pairing, I can assure you.

Come For A Visit

After murdering SYLG2 with extreme prejudice and taking almost a month off, I realize I have alienated some readers. Others simply went about their lives in despair, knowing my special - "special" like Corky from Life Goes On - brand of writing was gone forever. Now I have to win back readers, and my initial plan of posting once a day and taking weekends off was not my brightest idea.

(My brightest idea was a pickle on a stick - or "stickle" - but that's another story.)

Any hoo, for those of you new here, thank you for stopping by. If you just came for the babe pics, which was the only thing keeping this blog going while SYLG2 thrived, thank you as well. My posting schedule is not as regular as it was before, time-wise, so if you'd like, you can receive posts via email by clicking here. Otherwise, just stop in when it suits you - or you're bored, drunk, etc.

I appreciate the regulars hanging with me as I work through my many neuroses. All I can promise from here on out is I will work hard for your readership.

Monday, October 19, 2015

I Got The Meat Sweats

I do not expect any of you to believe this story, but I swear on my own life it is 100% true. Trust me, I'm a doctor.

The house was empty Saturday night. Kyle was at a friend's house for a party, and Mrs. Earp had Erik, Kevin, and Julia at Trick or Trunk at their school. (Parents park in the lot and kids go trick or treatin' car-to-car.) I was sitting on the couch watching the Michigan game, fighting sleep, since I had been up for 32 hours at the time, when someone knocked on the door. I groan, walk to the door, and see a morbidly obese bearded man wearing an Eagles hat - one strike there - tattered hoodie - strike two - and baggy jeans - you're out!

I resist the urge to choke him to death with my remote control and open the door. Fat Tony smiles and says he is selling meat door to door. Yes, really. The guy claims he had "just delivered an order" in my neighborhood and "suddenly" had extra meat on his hands... in the back of his panel van.

The good news? Fat Tony was ready to pass on the savings to me! He was offering deep, deep discounts on beef, chicken, and pork, which obviously translated into cat, dog, and raccoon. I politely declined, and he continued his wandering carny show down the block. I took the above photo for proof - his business is run out of the white van - and when he returned to the van, he drove away... with the rear doors open.

I guarantee my street was a thawed meat obstacle course ten minutes later.

Technical Difficulties, Please Stand By

On Proof's suggestion, I am changing the Blogger comments to Disqus. Since I am a moron, I am sure I will mess this up royally. Please be patient for a bit, as the comment system seems to be, um, off. Hopefully, we'll be back to abnormal shortly.

2:45pm - Disregard. Not a fan of Disqus... at all. I hate Blogger's comment system, but Disqus was not much better, in my opinion.

The Mallet Of Billy The Kid

A California man who unwittingly purchased a photo of Billy the Kid may land close to $5 million from its auction. Sounds like highway robbery to me.

A few years ago, while scouring a Fresno, Calif., antiques shop, Randy Guijarro coughed up $2 for three old photographs. Now, one of those images—said to be the second verified picture ever found of outlaw Billy the Kid—is worth an estimated $5 million.

In the shot, the Wild West gunslinger is holding a weapon of a different variety: a croquet mallet. Henry McCarty (a.k.a. William Bonney, a.k.a. Billy the Kid) plays the unexpectedly dignified sport alongside members of his gang The Regulators in the summer of 1878 in New Mexico. The 4-inch-by-5-inch tintype was authenticated by a firm called Kagin’s Inc.

It’s a remarkable find, considering there’s only one other known photo of the thief and gunfighter in existence. (H/T - Kari)

Wow, this is so much more impressive than my photo of Twinkie the Kid.

A Weighty Issue

You may remember my doctor ordering me to quit carbohydrates a few months ago. My blood sugar was way up, I was morbidly obese - 5'9", 212 pounds - and I was having more than my share of medical issues. That was July 30th. In the nearly three months since then, I have tried to keep my total daily carb intake under 20 grams, and on Saturday morning, I was tipping the scale at 183. A net loss of 29 pounds.

Suffice to say, I am totally and completely happy with my results so far. Last night I placed some of my fat clothes into the donation pile. A few t-shirts, two sport jackets, and a pair of jeans I received last year. I am now fitting into clothing labeled "large" - something which has not happened since the 1990s.

I was never heavy as a kid. I gained a ton of weight when I took this job, and all the stress which accompanies it. I hated having my picture taken, and I hated myself and how I looked. Now, I almost want people to take my picture. I smile when I fit into clothes which don't look like parachutes, and I think other people are noticing, too. It's a nice confidence boost, and it reminds me I'm on the right track. I'd still like to lose a few more pounds - I think 175 is a good number to settle upon - but my docter (and DocRambo) completely changed my life.

Heck, pretty soon girls who look like this won't spit directly into my face.

You know, unless they're into that, then all bets are off.

Sunday, October 18, 2015

Swept Away

While pondering - yes, I occasionally ponder - the decision to re-embrace blogging, the same question kept filling my empty head. "How can I exclude those people who are not welcome here?"

I realize that is working against my interests - bloggers want readers, even those who they would rather go away - but the end of the other SYLG, the end of SYLG2, and other personal crises have me overprotective of this blog. I am NOT deleting this one, no matter what trolls come my way.

Wordpress has a terrific spam/block program, which kept the worst offenders at bay. I had to read the despicable comments, but they never made it to print. Blogger's spam filter is less impressive, and if you can block people from commenting, I have not yet learned how.

The only other choice is making the blog private, by invitation only. I was seriously considering this option yesterday, but after talking to Metoo and Easily Lost, I decided making SYLG private would do more harm than good. So, the blog's doors will remain open to all.

My point? I simply wanted to keep you guys informed of my thought processes going forward. Of course, this post would have made more sense with some sleep, but since I've been up for 28 straight hours - I am writing this on Saturday at 2pm, my second day this week with no sleep - I am not exactly lucid.

Thanks for listening.

Saturday, October 17, 2015

The Breakfast Of Ex-Champions

You may find this hard to believe, but I started drinking in my final year in college. (I was a bit of a late bloomer.) After college, I drank some more, and when I joined the department, I became a borderline alcoholic. Then my hockey team wanted to redefine the term "alcoholism..." Well, you get the point.

I did finally shape up and ship out my liver, but I wanted it known I have an appreciation of booze. This, however, is something I wouldn't touch with a ten-foot straw.

Russ Meredith, a bartender from Louisville, has created a line of craft beer-based syrups that can be poured over pancakes, French toast, and other morning meals. According to Meredith, you can taste the brew’s flavor, but you won’t get a buzz; while hoppy and malty, his syrups contain less than one percent alcohol.

Beer syrup is essentially a variation of simple syrup in which beer is substituted for water. Bartenders have long produced their own homemade variations on the recipe, but Meredith hopes to be the first one to bottle a perfected—and legal—formula and sell it to the masses sans liquor license. (H/T - Rick)

I know more than a few cops who drink their breakfast, but most people drink alcohol to experience the buzz, not for the taste. Maybe this will catch on with the hipster set? They always rally behind idiotic ideas.

Friday, October 16, 2015

Philly Police Commissioner Ramsey To Retire

The 65-year old's last day will be January 7th, 2016.

Police Commissioner Charles H. Ramsey will retire at year's end, he said at a City Hall news conference. The news comes three weeks before the election to decide Philadelphia's next mayor, who will have the task of finding a successor to lead the 6,500-officer department.

Ramsey came to Philadelphia in 2008 after being chosen for the job by Mayor Nutter. Ramsey said his 47-year career "has been a good ride."

Like a lot of people in the department, I see this as welcome news. If I were a tea drinker, he would not be my cup. The man has had a bias against detectives since he came to Philly, refusing to promote the rank in significant numbers. As a result, most detective divisions are sparsely populated, and with the turnover rate this department sees, our workload grows exponentially.

The politicians like Ramsey, and Obama loves him. The rank and file? Not so much.

Getting Reacquainted

Hi everybody! Well, most of you were right; it only took three weeks for me to come crawling back. Since I'm supine and covered with dust, I wanted to update everyone on my status.

First, the issue which forced me to delete SYLG2 - for those of you I told - is still active. It has been a month, and so far, I have not heard anything. That is most likely not good news. I decided to delete SYLG2 because the people responsible for my predicament were making it impossible to blog in peace. As a result, I spent the last three weeks bored out of my mind, sitting in front of the computer not writing.

Second, while I am for all intents and purposes back, I am not entirely comfortable yet. I'm tired of trolls and the other drama which comes with a moderately popular blog. Hopefully, the trolls do not follow me here. I am looking to post at least once a day, but I am taking weekends off for a while. I suspect I'll be at full posting before Christmas. To be brutally honest, I missed you guys, and the emails from readers telling me they missed the blog worked. I came back as much for you as for me.

Third, I want to put up better posts. The slapdash links followed by snarky comments are okay occasionally, but I find it lazy. I want to spend more time on posts like I did when I first stated.

Finally, I want to apologize to everyone. I am an emotional person, and when a crisis comes along, my first instinct is to bail. I bailed on SYLG2 when I probably could have kept going. On Tuesday night, I considered deleting this blog, too, but I started my blogging career here in 2005. The thought of all that work going into the black hole - 3,000+ posts - disturbed me greatly. Considering my occasional emotional breakdowns, I realize I do not deserve your readership, but I am grateful for it.

Thanks for coming back. I missed you guys. I missed this place.

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Flushing Meadow

Meet Meadow Williams, the richest actress you never heard of.

As her 80-year-old multi-millionaire husband lay dying in a hospital, bit-part actress Meadow Williams shouted down her cell phone trying to get $3m from his bank account.

The D-list actress was trying to secure financing for her latest film and the vast wealth of her multimillionaire dying husband was the solution. Still screeching down the phone, the buxom blonde was ushered out of the room by a doctor appalled by her behavior in front of her bed-ridden husband.

Hey, people grieve in different ways... even if the person is not exactly dead yet.

The seemingly callous behavior was the culmination of months of neglect and abuse by Williams towards her husband Gerald Kessler, one of the pioneers of holistic health supplements in America. Weeks after the incident Kessler died leaving his estimated $800m fortune to his much younger wife – and cutting his surviving family members out of any share of his fortune.

Yeah, that's a pretty dick move, but I always wonder about incidents like these. Did she swipe the fortune from under this fossil, or did he give it to her willingly. (The fortune, I mean, not the "sausage.")

You Can Fry, You Can Fry, You Can Fry!

The hot dog - or more traditionally, the Frankfurter - has been virtually unchanged since the 13th Century. (I refuse to recognize Oscar Mayer's ridiculous cheddar-infused "Cheese Dogs" of the 1980s.) That changes today, as a group of enterprising young people have created hot dogs disguised as Disney Princesses.

I do not know if Walt Disney was Jewish, or if he abstained from pork products, but if so, he would most likely endorse this product.

For better or worse, over the past few years the Internet has found itself compulsively reinventing Disney princesses to questionable ends.

With that in mind, we put our heads together and thought about what kinds of Disney princesses would inspire us the most. And obviously we thought of hot dogs. Disney has never created a princess who was a hot dog (dumb, in our opinion). Imagine if all of their princesses were hot dogs. So inspiring.

I suppose we could also use bratwurst. "Hot dog" conjures up images of roasted poodles.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Since Cathy Made A Request...

The least I could do was oblige her. This is Ryan Kesler, a 31-year old center for the Anaheim Ducks ice hockey team. Kesler was born in Kivonia, Michigan, and was selected as one of the "Most Beautiful People of British Columbia."

Cathy, I hope this photo qualifies as a nice-looking male hunk.


You may have noticed I put up a few posts in the last few days. Truth be told, blog retirement has me bored out of my damned mind, and I needed something to do.

I am not completely coming out of blog retirement, but I'm looking to post at least once a day.

I realize Blogger is a pain in the ass, and everyone (including me) likes WordPress more, but this is where I started. I have a lot of man-hours invested here, so I'm resurrecting this site. At least until the next blog catastrophe, which for me, can come at any moment.

The good news is there are still plenty of babe pics to keep things interesting.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Begging Your Pardon

If you still had any doubt California was a vast cesspool of liberalism, this story may squelch it. California Jerry "Moonbeam" Brown signed legislation forcing high schools to instruct students how "to ask for sex."

My usual method of begging on hands and knees is apparently not good enough anymore.

Sex education classes in California’s largest high schools are going to have to include lessons for their students on how to ask for sex after Gov. Jerry Brown (D) signed the legislation into law.

Students in high schools that already include health classes as a graduation requirement will be taught the meaning of a new phrase in the pursuit and acceptance of coital pleasure — affirmative consent.

“May I touch now?” “Is this OK?” or “How about now?” are certain to be included in the next textbooks.

You realize we are only a year or two away from mandatory contracts, right? Crafted by lawyers, certified by notaries, and embraced by liberal men and women nationwide.

I remember the good old days when two people just went at it like rabbits in the back of a car.

Monday, October 12, 2015

British Auctioneer Goes Crackers

A 103-year old cracker from the Titanic will be auctioned. I hear it tastes like Kate Winslet.

A cracker salvaged from a survival kit aboard one of the Titanic's lifeboats is going up for auction later this month and expected to fetch up to $15,000. Apparently because there are people out there who can predict what a cracker from a 100 year old shipwreck is actually worth.

The Spillers and Bakers "Pilot" biscuit was recovered from a survival kit stored within one of the ill-fated ocean liner's lifeboats. James Fenwick, a voyager onboard the SS Carpathia - which went to the aid of survivors - preserved the edible. He put the sweet snack in a Kodak photographic envelope complete with the original note, which stated "Pilot biscuit from Titanic lifeboat April 1912″.

An amazing find, since so many crackers went down with the Titanic. (See what I did there?)

Thursday, October 08, 2015

Demi Lovato Shows Us Her Vanity

Demi Lovato, a woman whose fame boggles me, has completed a naked photo shoot to inspire other women, and to convince men across the globe she is still relevant.

Demi Lovato says she decided to strip down for a nude, makeup-free photo shoot with Vanity Fair because she feels life is too short to play it safe.

The 23-year-old Cool for the Summer star says she was inspired to shoot a spontaneous nude editorial with photographer Patrick Ecclesine for Vanity Fair magazine after the recent deaths of loved ones - her dog Buddy in July and her great-grandfather Buddy Moore in September.

"If there's one thing I've learned in the past day, it's that life is too short."

I agree with her. Life IS too short, so all women - preferably gorgeous women with fantastic bodies - should pose nude for every publication out there. Vanity Fair, GQ, MAD Magazine, etc.