Call The Stewardess. I Need A Bag!

The Man posted a story today that made me rush for the duct tape. Seems that idiotic State Senator David Petersen (D - Harlem) wants to criminally charge police officers who use deadly force that was later deemed "unnecessary." Of course, since this toad is on the New York gubernatorial ticket, he quickly flip-flopped after a meeting with the Association of the State Chiefs of Police. (Deep breath.) Look, I am all for locking up bad cops. Anyone who reads SYLG knows this. Here is my problem with policies such as the one Petersen is advocating: who is going to deem that the force was "unnecessary?" My guess would be a "citizen panel," which is usually comprised of ultra-liberal cop haters; like the one we had in Philadelphia. Lemme bore you with a quick story. The incident happened a few years ago, so if I am a little rusty on the details, I apologize. Officer Chris DiPasquale worked in the 25th District; arguably the busiest and most dangerous district in the city. One night, he received a radio call to investigate an auto on a darkened street with a male passed out behind the wheel. The location was in the middle of a high drug area, and Chris went to the location with backup. When he arrived on the scene, the driver, Donta Dawson, was behind the wheel. In the course of the investigation, Dawson refused to respond to any of DiPasquale's commands. More officers arrived on the scene, and after attempting to get Dawson to respond to police commands again, DiPasquale moved to the driver's side door. His backup was on the other side of the vehicle, and immediately stated that Dawson had a gun. DiPasquale ordered Dawson to show him his hands, but Dawson still refused. Suddenly, Dawson quickly raised a hand. DiPasquale quickly fired, killing Dawson. After a search of the scene, no gun was found. DiPasquale is white. Dawson was black. Naturally, the media ran with the story of a racist cop killing a model citizen - who had a prior arrest record and narcotics in his system at the time of the incident. District Attorney Lynne Abraham - in my opinion, a scumbag - brought DiPasquale up on manslaughter charges. These charges were dismissed at a preliminary hearing. Not satisfied, Abraham brought the charges again, and again they were dismissed. The city's "Police Advisory Commission" demanded swift justice, and the second-guessing had become the biggest sport in town. The ultimate bottom line is that, yes, Dawson was shot and killed. Yes, there was no gun. But, DiPasquale had every reason to believe Dawson was armed, since his backup claimed he saw a gun. In my opinion, DiPasquale did what any other officer would have done when Dawson raised his hand. There was no malice involved; despite what you will hear from the other side. DiPasquale, though cleared criminally, has not gotten his job back. He now ekes out a living as best he can. Then-Police Commissioner John Timoney - another scumbag - is now the Chief of Police in Miami (and we all know what a terrific job he is doing here - sarcasm alert!) Dawson is dead, and that is a shame, but had he followed police commands, he would still be alive. Policies like the one Petersen suggests only makes officers hesitate when quick decisions are necessary. If cops worry about what will happen to them if they use deadly force, they may not use it when they need to do so. And you'll see more police funerals on television.

Okay, I'm Sold!

Remember to always use eye and ear protection. Maybe it's the leather belly shirt. Maybe it's the gun in each hand. I don't know. I'm not a doctor. I do know that if the totality of Ultraviolet consists of this photo for two hours, it will still be worth my ten dollars.

Four. What Is It Good For?

Frak! I took fourth place in GOP and the City's Weekend Caption Contest. Why the long face? (Insert John Kerry crack here.) Because Jimmy B took third. Now, I have to hear him brag about it for an entire week. Crud. Check out Cowboy Blob's winning photoshop entries here. They're hilarious!

Weekend Roundup

Round and Round Despite Jimmie Johnson's best late lap efforts, Matt Kenseth won yesterday's Auto Club 500 in Cal-E-For-Nee-Yah. It would have been nice to see Johnson take the checkered - and better for my pool - but I've always liked Kenseth. He's a hard worker and a class act; unlike some drivers I can mention. And speaking of a-holes, how about that Tony Stewart? Stewart blew and engine late in the race, and finished dead last. HA! "Harry" Kari In case I haven't mentioned it before, Major League Baseball sucks. Don't get me wrong, I still like to watch the minor league Camden Riversharks, but I can't handle the pro game anymore. Maybe it has to do with the fact that the Philadelphia Sillies are my home team. I despise the Sillies, and all of the Kool-Aid drinkers that blindly swear their allegiance to this god-awful team. Anyway, if the Sillies didn't lose me with their dreadful play and bad personnel decisions, they lost me this weekend. The Sillies announced that broadcaster extraordinaire Harry Kalas will be paired with corporate suck-up Chris Wheeler for a total of six innings now. Kalas and Wheeler hate each other, and it appears that the Sillies are making life miserable for Kalas, who is in the final year of his contract. This makes perfect sense: screw a local icon by putting him with the most hated broadcaster in the city's history. Hell, even writers for the city's most liberal rags despise Wheeler. Of course, the Sillies' management doesn't care a whit for the fans or their wishes. And they wonder why they don't have a following in this town. Riding the Wave of Victory Well, with the playoffs only a week away, The X-Men are building some momentum. We beat Battalion last night by a score of 6-2, and are looking pretty sharp. (This may have to do with the fact that I couldn't make the game because of work, but . . . ) Our last regular season game is on Wednesday night, with the opening game of the playoffs start on Monday.

Bonus Olympic Babe Coverage!

A Hat Tip to The Man for turning me on - pun intended - to scrumptious Finnish figure skater Kiira Korpi. How the hell did I miss this hot little number? Hopefully, Deathlok will now forgive me for the Julia Mancuso fiasco. Update: I have noticed that I have been getting visits from many of my Finnish friends. Kiitos. Tervetuloa!

Freakin' Swede!!!

Congratulations to Team Sweden for winning the Men's Ice Hockey Gold. Sure, the win screwed me in my Olympic Hockey Pool, but at least it was an exciting game.

Your Olympic Babe O' The Day

Today is the final day of Turin’s Winter Olympic Games. Thus, I thought that we should go with the hottest women in Italy for our last OBOTD. I give you America’s favorite curlers, Cassie and Jamie Johnson.

An Open Letter To The Pinheads At NBC

Dear Sirs, I think it is safe to say that I have had to put up with a lot from your half-assed network. The lousy NASCAR coverage, Jay Leno’s constant celebrity brown-nosing, and don’t even get me started on “Joey.” None of this, however, can hold a candle to the hatchet job you have performed on the Winter Olympics. Let’s begin with the anchors and commentators. What does Jim Lampley do when the Olympics aren’t being held? Anything? Do you defrost him out of cold storage once every four years? And while we’re on that subject, can you please put Bob Costas back into cold storage until the year 2923? Cripes, he is brutal! Who the hell decides what events the country can see on a daily basis? I want this person found and killed. You are wasting precious prime time hours on Figure Skating, while the exciting events like Bobsled, Ski Jumping, and Skeleton take a back seat. It’s ridiculous. I realize that you cannot mold the Olympics to fit everyone’s tastes, but after the country overdoses on Ice Dancing and Figure Skating, it would be nice to give us a change-up once in a while. Oh, and before me and my gun-toting buddies come to Rockefeller Center; please give me an explanation on why you are carrying the gold medal Ice Hockey game between Finland and Sweden live today? I mean, as great as it is going to be, who the hell is going to wake up at 8am (EST) to watch this great matchup??? We have lives outside your network you know. Now tomorrow I’ll have to avoid the media – which has become rather easy lately – so I don’t find out the final score before I watch it on TiVo. I wonder if you’d show the final Figure Skating performances so early. Get Bent, Wyatt Earp

Tyson Goes To College

Fox News reported that Mike Tyson was found in a University of Texas dorm. The embattled former heavyweight champion of the world apparently has decided to further his education, and I, for one, congratulate him. So few inner city products get such an opportunity, and Tyson's experiences at UT may motivate other youths to follow in his footsteps. Of course, one must wonder how Tyson will pay for his college education, since it is widely known that the champ has battled heavy debt. Perhaps his royalties from The Simpsons' Drederick Tatum character have been rolling in. Either way, it does the heart good to see a bad kid gone good. Kudos, Mike! Oh, what's that? It was ricin that was found in the dorm; not Tyson. Hmm. I guess that lessens the confusion I had about how Iron Mike managed to hide himself into a roll of quarters.

Your Olympic Babe O' The Day

U.S. alpine skier Juila Mancuso and her gold medal.

Things I Hate

The format is getting a shake-up this week, if for no other reason than I don't want to put President Bush on the PIH list. Until he rethinks his asinine decision to allow the UAE to gain access to our ports - one of which is in my hometown - I am done with this clown. Anyhoo, there are plenty of things that deserve my bile. To wit: Videogames That Are Too Difficult To Complete I'm sure Tyler is going to say that I am just getting old, but nothing infuriates me more than being unable to finish a game I enjoy because I'm stuck on some ridiculously difficult board. For example, I an currently playing (and was loving) Spider-man 2 for Playstation 2. While playing Spider-man 2, I reached the board where Mysterio - greatest villain ever, by the way - has taken over the Statue of Liberty. That was two months ago. I tried to get past the board daily for two weeks, until I finally gave up. And this particular board is near the beginning of the game. Now, the game just sits and collects dust. I am in the same predicament with Driver 3. Look, I don't want easy games, but something challenging, but not impossible would be nice! Lousy Movies It takes a concerted effort to make a truly lousy movie in my eyes. Hell, I'm the guy who loves Days of Thunder, Reign of Fire, and XXX; so I go against the curve quite often. Still, sometimes I pay good money to see a big-time loser . . . and it pisses me off. Take High Fidelity, for example. John Cusack and Jack Black almost guaranteed teh funny. Unfortunately for me, this film sucked arse. And I love Cusack. I have seen Grosse Pointe Blank 100 times. The creators of High Fidelity dropped the ball, and I will hunt them down like a dog until I get my $10 refunded! Jameson Whiskey Someone check and see if Peakah just passed out. This may be a passing hatred, but after someone - we won't mention names - drank five shots of Jameson Whiskey the other night, I, I mean, "someone" can't stand even the smell of this stuff anymore. Deathlok take note: there will be NO Jameson for me at the Richard Butler Concert. That is all.

Underworld. Overwhelming.

Double your pleasure. Double your guns. I have to hand it to SYLG readers; when they're right, they're right. After asking your opinion for the more watchable movie, Underworld was the overwhelming winner. I took your advice, and sat down last night for two hours of (hopefully) entertaining cinema. Underworld didn't disappoint. The 2003 film about a modern-day war between vampires (like Kate Beckinsale, pictured) and werewolves was action-packed from the opening subway shootout to the final bloody battle. Wyatt likey! Of course, being a huge fan of the Blade trilogy, Underworld was already an attractive option. Kate Beckinsale in a leather catsuit? Yeah, that clinched it. Bonus points for a supporting cast of both Robbie Gee ("Kahn," who played "Vincent" in Snatch) and Wentworth Miller ("Dr. Adam Lockwood," who plays "Michael Scofield" in Prison Break).

Your Olympic Babe O' The Day

Germany's Annette Dytrt: Ich bin ein "Hottie!"

The Carnival of Bauer

The first ever Carnival of Bauer is up and running at Blogs4Bauer. Hurry up and get your entries in for this week's mayhem.

Another One Who "Gets It"

First me, then Dave, Tyler, and now Deathlok. Deathlok - not to be confused with Desslok, the Star Blazers villain - has finally jumped aboard the Battlestar Galactica bandwagon. (If I had the time, Blogs4Boomer would be up by now.) It's about time. Check out his attempts to capture and assimilate every episode. Or, you can stop by to check out the fabulous picture he has up of Number Six and Boomer.

In & Out

The X-Men stepped up to the "must win" plate last night . . . and hit the ball right out of the park. (Insert mixed metaphors here.) Who woulda thunk it? Our team hustled for every puck, got back for every offensive rush, and spanked Chilly McPhilly's by a score of 6-1; thus earning an automatic bid into the playoffs! (Hold on, while I do the Cabbage Patch dance.) Okay, I'm back. Before the giddiness takes over, I have to admit that while the team played very well, I was mediocre at best. Zero points, a few mistakes - including flubbing a pass that was intercepted by the other team for a breakaway - and sluggish skating made for a long night for this gunfighter. Oh well, the team comes first, so today, I'm celebrating. Playoffs here we come! Unfortunately, it wasn't all hits and giggles for Team Slovakia. After going undefeated in the preliminary rounds of Olympic hockey, the Slovaks were ousted in the first game of the medal round by the damned Czech Republic; losing by a score of 3-1. Crud. If there is any consolation for me and my family, it's that the Slovaks played so well throughout the tournament. A medal would have been terrific, but I'm happy with their effort.

Your Olympic Babe O' The Day

Swedish alpine skier Pernilla Wiberg, showing off what her Olympic racing attire doesn't. I just know there's a "downhill," "skiing," or "slalom" joke here somewhere!

Your Weekly Fat Stat Update

In anticipation of my weekly weigh-in, the missus bought a brand new scale. The digital one we had was awful, because it was nearly impossible to calibrate. This one is better – at least mechanically – but I still don’t like the results. So, I weighed myself today. Weight Watchers says to check your weight at the same time of the day, usually once a week, so there aren’t fluctuations from water weight. I jumped on the scale and braced myself for disappointment. Oddly enough, it wasn’t too bad. I lost six pounds, dropping to 226 from 232. It’s not anything to brag about, but it’s a start. It’s difficult to get back on track, but I’m doing my best to make points every day. The fact that we’re scheduled for three hockey games in four days helps as well, since it’s been too damned cold to ride the bike. Water is pretty much the beverage du jour, and I’m starting to cut out the crappy food. I’m still a disgusting fat body, but hopefully not for long. Here’s the updated Fat Stat: H: 5’9”, W: 226, Waist: 38”.

Your Olympic Babe O' The Day

Here are the two lesser known U.S. Olympic Curlers, Jessica Schultz (left) and Maureen Brunt. Both are attractive, but they don‘t get the airplay the hot blonde Johnson sisters do. And that’s a shame, since Jessica Schultz is an uber-babe. Don’t believe it? Check out the below picture of Jessica’s curling stone tattoo which graces her lower back. Nice!

Stupid Questions

What the hell is President Bush thinking? Until he reverses his asinine decision to allow the United Arab Emirates access to our ports, I’m completely done with this guy! Does anyone miss Howard Stern? Since jumping to satellite radio, he has fallen off the face of the earth. Which DVD should I watch – for the first time - on my days off; Hellboy, King Arthur, or Underworld? Will I choke from the pressure of tonight’s “must win” hockey game?

Filthy Half-Truths About The CUG

"Fight's Commenced! Get to fightin' or get away!" - Wyatt Earp, Tombstone Jimmy B, The CUG, decided that he would blow the tide of Filthy Lies to my insignificant little blog. Well, let not anyone say that I don’t also blow. Jimmy is obviously distraught that I continually beat him like a rented mule in contests across the blogosphere. That is understandable, since I am truly “The Lord Of Teh Funny.” Of course, I am also The Lord Of The Vengeful Retribution. And Jimmy is my prey. I now give you “Filthy Half-Truths About The CUG.” 1. Although he calls himself The Conservative UAW Guy, Jimmy is actually an ultra-liberal, pimply-faced sixteen-year old girl, who works as a cashier in a Columbus Wal-Mart. 2. Jimmy has naked photos of Steven Seagal . . . during his fat years. 3. Although he continually posts the picture on the blog, Jimmy’s family actually ate that dog months ago. His justification: the auto industry isn’t what it used to be. 4. And speaking of the auto industry, Jimmy was the one responsible for those damned “Zoom, Zoom” commercials. And that boy with the big ears? That’s Jimmy’s illegitimate child. 5. Jimmy enjoys a good comedy just as much as the next person. Schindler’s List? Jimmy laughed his ass off. 6. Considering his blind faith in the Republican Party, Jimmy has been elected the new spokesman for Kool-Aid. Ohhh Yeaaahhh! 7. Jimmy was the inspiration for Private Pyle of Stanley Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket. It’s true; Jimmy can’t even do one push-up. 8. He’ll deny it, but Jimmy once called in a bomb threat to the Special Olympics. 9. Jimmy didn’t win any of the Best So Far Blog Awards, primarily because the butterfly ballots confused his puny Ohio brain. In actuality, Jimmy threw all of his votes to Pat Buchanan. 10. Despite his daily clumsy passes at Uber (and Dr. Phat Tony), Jimmy is happily married . . . to a Desert Eagle he affectionately calls, “Irene.” Now, anybody else want some of this?

Your Olympic Babe O' The Day

It’s not often I take requests, but after seeing Tanith Belbin’s lovely face, I gotta hand it to Jimmy B; he knows his babes. Belbin is a hottie – even for ice dancer standards – but what kind of name is Tanith??? (And to Linda and SK: I tried with Dale, Jr., but I do not respond to threats.)

X (Men) Games

Well, our three games in four days experiment is off to a terribly mediocre start. On Sunday, we faced off against the Ice Bandits, and subsequently got our collective arses handed to us, 6-2. And it wasn’t that close. We could have easily lost 10-0. I would love to say I played well, but I’d be lying. It may have been the worst game we have played in twenty years. Even Vincent Antonelli would agree with that statement. Luckily, we had a chance to redeem ourselves last night. This time the results were much better. We won 2-0. Oh, should I mention that the other team only had one player show up? No, that would ruin the euphoria. On Wednesday night, we play Chilly McPhilly’s – another cellar dweller. This game is crucial to our ever-dwindling playoff hopes.

The Great American Race

Good news for my NASCAR pool: Jimmie Johnson won the 2006 Daytona 500 yesterday! The Great American Race was, as usual, highly entertaining, despite the cloudy, miserable weather. The expected "big one" never really materialized, but there were plenty of small accidents on the famed tri-oval. Which brings me to a little rant. Tony Stewart is a Grade A A-Hole. I never liked this s.o.b. to begin with, but yesterday was a banner day for NASCAR's version of Simon Cowell. After whining all week about the dangers of "bump drafting," Stewart culminated his stupidity with an idiotic prediction: that if his counterparts keep driving aggressively, somebody is gonna get killed on the track. Nice. Especially near the five-year anniversary of Dale Earnhardt's death at the very same track. Of course, Stewart's hypocrisy knows no bounds. This jackass preached from his ivory tower about the dangers of aggressive driving, then went out and single-handedly caused two wrecks, and bumped more people out of the way than Rosie O'Donnell in line for free fudge. A-Hole. The only satisfaction I got all day was when Johnson took the checkered, leaving Stewart in the dust. Oh, by the way, one of my other drivers is Dale Earnhardt, Jr, (pictured) who (I am told by the ladies) is hot. Hopefully, this picture will hold off Linda and Uber for a while.

Your Olympic Babe O' The Day

Why are curlers the best looking women at the Olympics? This lovely lassie is Norway’s Marianne Roervik. She gives new meaning to the term “Norwegian Wood.” Heh.

Your Olympic Babe O' The Day

U.S. Curler Cassie Johnson. The hottest woman in Turin.

Slovak Far, Slovak Good

Slovakia forward Marian Gaborik Don’t get me wrong: I am a proud American, but considering the current play of my country’s hockey team (read: inept), it was nice to see the country of my ancestors whipping Yankee butt. After yesterday’s hard-fought 2-1 win over the United States and an easier win against Kazakhstan, Slovakia is undefeated (4-0), and sitting high atop the standings in Group B – a group that includes hockey powerhouses Russia and Sweden. Joy-gasm! I wore my Marian Gaborik Slovakia jersey to my in-laws’ for dinner last night, and was soundly criticized for not supporting the home team. The way I figure it, the most high profile Americans in Turin so far have been Bode *hic* Miller, Shani “Me, me, me” Davis, and Lindsey “I’ll showboat myself out of a gold medal” Jacobellis. Yeah, I’ll keep rooting for Slovakia, thank you very much. (Oh, and speaking of hockey, me and the X-Men have the first of three games in four days tonight. The homestretch of the season is afoot.)

Your Olympic Babe(s) O' The Day

Swedish curlers Anna Svaerd & Eva Lund. Sweet!

Five Years

Today is the fifth anniversary of the worst day in NASCAR history. I remember watching the race, seeing the crash, and thinking Dale Earnhardt would be okay. Later, I took a nap before going to work, and when the wife woke me up, she simply said, "He died." It was the most awful sports moment I ever experienced. Thankfully, one of the best sports moments I ever experienced included Dale's son, Dale, Jr. I was at the Pepsi 400 in Daytona - the first race there after Dale's death - and witnessed Dale, Jr. win the race. There wasn't a dry eye in the speedway.

Linkfest!!!

With apologies to the folks in my sidebar, I haven't been able to stop by much the last two weeks. Work has been busy, and the entire family (save for me) has been sick. Thus, I owe some folks a little linky love. To wit: Deathlok found Kim Bauer!!! Looks like she's been vacationing in Turin. The CUG is a bald-faced liar! But he's damned funny, and I will have my revenge. Uber is looking for a gun. Obviously for keeping stalkers like me away. Tyler D's computer crashed. CTU is investigating. Dr. Phat Tony pisses off nerds. Deathlok is not amused. Sssteve professes his love. Heh, wuss. The Man takes on "Goat Play." Ewww! Enjoy!

People I Hate

Bryant Gumbel Leave it to Bryant Gumbel to say something stupid. I guess he thought he'd get away with it, since about four people in the country watch his god-awful Real Sports program. This week, he took aim at Whitey, and decided to stick it to the man (as opposed to The Man). "Finally, tonight, the Winter Games. Count me among those who don’t care about them and won’t watch them ... Because they’re so trying ... Like, try not to be incredulous when someone attempts to link these games to those of the ancient Greeks who never heard of skating or skiing. So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world’s greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the Winter Games look like a GOP convention." - Glommed from GOP and the City. What qualifications does Bryant Gumbel have to speak for the black community? This guy makes Colin Powell look like Flava Flav! (As for the comparisons to the ancient Greeks, do you think they ever heard of baseball, basketball, badminton, cycling, handball, shooting, soccer, softball, tennis, and volleyball? Ass.) Shani Davis The first African-American to qualify on the American Short Track Speedskating Team showed his true colors on Wednesday; and they weren't red, white, and blue. The T.O. of Torino quickly overtook Bode Miller as the biggest a-hole on the U. S. team after foregoing the Team Pursuit event to concentrate on his own personal glory. "Speed skater Shani Davis won't participate in team pursuit, dealing a severe blow to the United States' hopes of winning a medal in the new Olympic event. Davis said yesterday that he wants to focus on his individual races. He finished seventh in the 5,000 meters yesterday. 'I could care less what other people say about me,' he said. 'I didn't come here to skate the team pursuit.'" Thank God Bryant Gumbel isn't watching the Winter Olympics. He may have wanted to rethink his position after those comments. There's no "I" in team, Shani; but there is an "M-E." David "Dick" Gregory Either Orr's Infant of the Week was truly deserving after his hissy fit during the White House Press Briefing concerning the attempted murder of Dick Cheney's good friend. High atop his Ivory Tower, "Dick" Gregory demanded an explanation why the local yokel newspaper in Texas scooped him. Here's a thought: maybe because NBC and the rest of the media haven't given the current administration a fair shake in over six years! Hey, Dick, the Bush Administration owes you nothing! Dick.

Your Olympic Babe O' The Day

This little hottie is Finland hockey forward Emma Laaksonen, a favorite of one Vincent Antonelli (if he is who I think he is). Emma's cute, has a great first name, and can play some hard-nosed hockey. Wyatt likey!

Slovak Dominance

Slovakia is 2-0 in Ice Hockey, after beating Latvia, 6-3!

Waist Not, Want Not

“All my life I’ve been an obese man trapped inside a fat man’s body.” – Homer Simpson Okay, no more Mr. Fat Guy! I have previously announced my intentions to lose weight here (Atkins was a miserable failure. The diet was working, but it was impossible to stay on it longer than a week without despising meat of all kinds.), and thanks to my extreme lack of self-control, I am still a fatty, fat, fat, fat. Now, I am forced to take my blight to the people. Starting today, I will post my current (over)weight in the sidebar, and you can track my progress – or regress – as I jump on the S.S. Weight Watchers. My goal is to get below 200 pounds. My ideal would be hovering around 180, since I was a plump 190 in the police academy. It’s a lofty goal, but the last time I was on Weight Watchers I lost 30 pounds. I’ll post weekly updates on how the diet is going, and every week, I’ll update the Fat Stat in the sidebar. But, I’ll need your help. Jump on me if I miss a progress report or a Fat Stat update, and I welcome a steady diet of humiliation and personal insults to motivate me to slim-itude. Here’s my current Fat Stat: 5’9”, 232 pounds, Waist size: 38.

Your Olympic Babe O' The Day

Team Russia's speed skating sensation, Svetlana Zhurova. She just makes you beg for the return of communism!

A Duct Tape Kind Of Day

If you were wondering why posting was light (and inconsequential) yesterday, it had to with the burst blood vessels in my brain. Our division still does not have heat, and although it hit the fifties in Philly, the morning and early afternoon were brutally cold. On top of that, I was assigned to be the deskman yesterday; a position that usually causes seemingly normal people to go postal. Throughout the department, the detective division deskman is widely accepted as the most obnoxious person in the building. They are always angry and short with the officers who drop off jobs, and are notorious for “eye rolls” at cops, victims, and offenders. Cops never really understand why this is so, because when a detective is assigned to be the deskman, he or she does not have to handle any jobs. Thus, most cops think that being the deskman is easy. Nothing could be further from the truth. In my division, the deskman takes and reads every report, and decides if a detective will handle it. Reading some officers’ reports is an exercise in futility, due to atrocious handwriting and grammar. If the report will be handled – and for the record, I have never refused a job – the report has to be entered into not one, but two computer systems; a redundant task at best. Once the report is entered – twice – the report is photocopied and given to the assigned detective. Simple, right? Not always. Yesterday, our division handled twenty-four jobs in a six-hour period . . . in the winter . . . after a blizzard. It takes time to enter and assign jobs, and when the division is averaging one job every fifteen minutes – not to mention the fact that the desk man has to answer the phones (all five lines), and talk with the walk-in complainants – it is easy to get backed up. And when I get backed up, I reach for the Metamucil. Then, I get unnerved. I quickly transformed from the nice, easy-going detective that gets along with everyone – yes, it’s true – into the guy who writes People I Hate every Friday. It was ugly. So, I apologize for the half-hearted (and witted) posts yesterday. I just wasn’t in the mood.

Your Olympic Babe O' The Day

Team Sweden forward Maria Rooth. She may not look all too fabulous here, but you have to see her all hot and sweaty after a hockey game. Mmm . . . Baby Rooth!

Three: It's A Magic Number

Hooray! I took third place in GOP and the City's Weekend Caption Contest! And, after the lousy day I had at work - which still doesn't have heat - I am very appreciative. As a reward for my good fortune, here's Jennifer Garner is her Valentine's Day best.

Your Olympic Babe O' The Day

Jamie Johnson, United States Curling Team. Yummy!

Live Blogging!

I finally get my chance to do the Live Blogging over at Blogs4Bauer tonight. Well, actually in about 15 minutes. Check it out.

Aw, Shoot!

Vice-President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a friend while hunting quail. The friend had just bagged a bird – Heh, “bagged a bird” – and was returning to Cheney’s position, when he was hit by friendly fire. John Kerry immediately insisted the friend by put in for a Purple Heart and The Congressional Medal of Honor. In fairness to Cheney, the V.P. thought that his intended target was Dan Quayle, and he just wanted to even the score for that “potatoe” fiasco.

Ice To See You

There’s something I like about the Olympic Women’s Ice Hockey games, but I just can’t put my finger on it. Oh, I know, it has to do with the tremendous amount of Fabulous Scandinavian Babes. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with the gals from the good ole U.S.A. – even if they were cut from the team. No offense, Cammi! I still dig ya!!!

FedEx: When You Absolutely Have To Win . . .

Race fans rejoice: NASCAR is back! Speedweeks at Daytona are officially underway, and if yesterday’s Bud Shootout is any inclination, this season will be impossible to handicap. Rookie Denny Hamlin drove the #11 FedEx Ford to Victory Lane after overcoming a true war of attrition. Many seasoned drivers succumbed to wrecks, and/or malfunctions – including SYLG’s favorite driver, Jeff Gordon – while the new kid on the block inched out Dale Earnhardt, Jr, and GunnNuttt’s matinee idol Tony Stewart.

People I Hate (Supplemental)

As you may or may not know by now, the entire East Coast got its collective ass kicked today by Old Man Winter. Philadelphia is expected to be buried under at least a foot of snow, but some of us had to make it in to work this morning. After driving an hour through the drifts, I had more than enough material for a supplemental PIH. Enjoy! Municipal Snow Plow Drivers My neighbors and I barely know what a snow plow looks like, since there are no local politicians living on my block, but I have seen a few on the highways. Every time one of these metal beasts drives by, I want to punch the drivers in the back of the head. Why? Because Philly snow plows are always categorized in one of two ways: driving slower than Miss Daisy, or stopped outside the local convenience stores. Either way, those of us who have to make it in to work – no matter what the weather – don’t need two-ton trucks impeding our progress. Lead or get out of the way, jerkasses! Private Snow Plow Drivers These morons need to be shot on sight. They scamper about, trying to make a buck, when the rest of the public is trying not to swerve off the road. I see these guys all the time, laughing at us as they drive by WITH THEIR PLOWS RAISED! Look, I know you are the perfect capitalists, but when you get to a street that is snowed in, does it really cost you anything to drop the plow and help some people out? I didn’t think so. Hell, if you did that once in a while, you might not make PIH. The Walkers It’s bad enough when you have to drive into work in a blizzard, but when you have to avoid people walking in the middle of the street as well; it makes for a very hateful day. I was driving down a fairly large street, and all of the sudden I see a couple walking in the tire tracks! It was 6am. Who needs to be walking the streets at 6am??? Even the whores took the night off. I guess these two rocket scientists didn’t want their pants to get snow-covered.

B4B Fight Club: Jack Bauer Vs. Vic Mackey

Name: Jack Bauer Age: Late thirties Nationality: American Occupation: CTU Agent, Scourge of terrorists everywhere Lifetime Death Count: A lot Strengths: Killing, torture, origami Weaknesses: Whiny women, heroin, Barry Manilow Name: Vic Mackey Age: Late thirties Nationality: American Occupation: Narcotics detective, scourge of IAD Lifetime Death Count: A lot Strengths: Killing, torture, aerodynamic skull Weaknesses: Whiny team members, Salsa music Yeah, I know what you're thinking; no contest, right? Think again. In my humble opinion, this would be the closest B4B Fight Club match in history. Gentlemen, start your ass-kicking! (Hat Tip to Deathlok for the idea.) (Cross-posted at Blogs4Bauer.)

Stupid Olympics Questions

If the damned city is spelled "Turin," why are the jerkasses at NBC calling it "Torino?" Why does every Opening Ceremony have to be coordinated by an LSD addict? I mean, what the hell was that last night?? Could the Canadian Womens' Ice Hockey Team be any more ignorant? Running it up on Italy 16-0 won't win you toads any respect around here. Is anyone (besides Linda) going to shed a tear when Michelle "I shouldn't be here in the first place" Kwan drops out of the figure skating competition? "Oh, the plane ride and the cold weather are irritating my groin!" Hey Michelle, your crybaby antics are irritating MY groin! A Hat Tip to my brother Chris, a rabid hockey fan, who mentioned this today: Why are the NBC networks showing every game of women's ice hockey - a sport we can see anytime - when they only give the really cool events like luge, biathlon, and skeleton mere mentions?

A Little Housekeeping

No one can ever say that I (like Al Capone in The Untouchables) am not responding to the needs of the people. I am not going to change the overall look of SYLG, but I did clean up the links section a tad. Instead of the eye-straining complete list of my 32 links, I broke them up into categories, differentiated by names of Western films (of course). Hope it is satisfactory. Update: Obviously it was not satisfactory. Most of the feedback I received was negative, so I'm changing the links back to their old, boring selves.

People I Hate

Sheryl Crow “Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You!” – Sheryl Crow. I knew it! When this “power couple” first shacked up, I was one of the first pundits to say what everyone else was thinking: that the second Lance Armstrong retired, the Old Crow would fly the coop. True enough, this week the media reeled at Crow’s Feat: dropping the best cyclist the world has ever seen. Oh sure, she was madly in love – with the spotlight – while cheering on “her man” at the Tour de France, but it only took her six months to realize that life with a retired athlete – many years her junior, by the way – lacked the attention she so desperately craved. I ought to thank Sheryl for confirming my suspicions: that she’s a media whore. Philadelphia Flyers Goaltender Robert Esche What can I say about Robert “Mesh” that hasn’t been said about any other sieve? To say this guy couldn’t save coupons would be giving him too much credit. Hell, this guy makes Bob Froese look talented! “Mesh” is the albatross that is sinking the Flyers’ playoff chances, and for some inane reason, Team USA thought this waste of a jersey would be their go-to guy in Torino. So, basically, the Americans’ best chances for Olympic gold are a sieve, a drunken skier, and a prima donna who didn’t deserve her place on the figure skating squad. Swell. Zealots Who Can’t Take A Joke IT WAS A CARTOON, YOU FRAKKING LUNATICS!!! Somebody remind me again why Islam calls itself “The Religion of Peace?” Being a Roman Catholic, I have had to endure all sorts of criticism from liberal Democrats, starving artists who use urine as a paintbrush, and Muslims who say “Convert or die.” And yet, I have yet to burn down an embassy, kill innocent civilians, or issue a fatwa against the Syrians. Why? Because I’m not insane. I love how Muslims are rioting and killing in an effort to get an apology from the Danish – Mmm . . . Danish! – Government, while at the same time threatening to wipe Israel off the map. Hypocrites! Oh, and I thought the cartoon was hilarious!

Survey Time

I wanted to throw this out there before I rush off to fight crime: I have been considering revamping SYLG. There haven't been many changes on the template in over six months, and I wanted to gauge your opinion - because, for some reason, it matters to me - on whether or not I should make a few aesthetic changes. New template and color scheme, fixing up the links, etc. What do you think? Be honest. If you like how SYLG looks now, say so. Thanks.

Good News, Everyone!

We have converted another seemingly normal individual into the ranks of the blogging undead. Deathlok, one of my oldest friends and fantasy hockey commish extraordinaire, has climbed aboard the S.S. Blogtanic, with his inexplicably titled The Temerity of High Maintenance. It is our duty to make him feel welcome, so click the link on his name and pay him a visit. NOW!!! What the hell are you waiting for?

Happy Birthday, Erik!

Happy 2nd birthday to the family’s favorite daredevil. The kid who recklessly jumps from the top steps into Daddy’s waiting arms, who begs to be thrown high in the air for kicks and giggles, and who always manages to kick Daddy in the groin during both. (And yes, he was born the day after Mommy's birthday.)

Some People Are Too Stupid To Live

On Tuesday night, a detective in my squad gets a “harassment” job. No big deal, right? Get this: the “victim” makes a report that her son is being bullied in school because he is from California. The son willingly gives the bullies money to leave him alone, and when mom hears about it, she calls the police. Does anybody have some duct tape??? First of all, most people from California deserve to be bullied. This is the home of the (Communist) 9th Circuit Court of Appeals, O.J. Simpson, and The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim for cripes’ sake. Second of all, if sonny boy willingly gives the bullies money to leave him alone, he’s a dope. Save your money, kid, and learn karate so you can kick these guys’ asses! Finally, if mom calls the police for this, what won’t she call for? “Yes, 9-1-1? My toilet is overflowing. Can you send somebody to fix it?” Jesus!

Frak Villanova!

So, I’m working last night, and I stop by the Special Investigations Unit in the division and notice that they are watching the Saint Joseph’s-Villanova game on ESPN2. I sit for a sec and watch the end of the first half, since my Hawks are up by ten. “Sweet,” I say to myself, since the game is for the Big Five Championship. The Hawks are having a mediocre season at best, but the Villanova game is always the Super Bowl at Hawk Hill. An upset would make my life. About twenty minutes later I call home – I can’t exactly watch an entire college basketball game while working – and ask the missus if she can check the score. After taking an eternity to find ESPN2 on the TV – there should be a “Favorites” icon there – she tells me that the Hawks are losing by 13!!! What the frak happened?!!! I know what happened; the real Hawks showed up, and now I have to suffer the unending torment of my Uncle Ray, a ‘Nova grad. Blast!

Happy Birthday Leanne!

Happy thirty-something birthday! Thanks for putting up with all of my crap.

#500!

This is Support Your Local Gunfighter's 500th post. After an exhaustive worldwide search for post ideas, I have finally made my decision: I'm going to try and incorporate several of your ideas. Yeah, it's a cop-out, but what did you expect? I try and please everybody all the time! Uber and RT suggested this, so here are some of my favorite (or noteworthy posts): SYLG's first My affinity for Philadelphia Phillies "sluggers" War! What is it good for? Freedom! The resurrection of PIH A pretty funny Top Ten list Wagon Tales Q&A And of course . . . Hate Mail Linda suggested mentioning personal heroes. For me, it begins and ends with Teddy Roosevelt. With all due respect to Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, et al, TR is America's greatest President. Ty suggested guns and shooting - go figure. I'll post about that more in depth, but I carry my service weapon (a Glock 17), but I also own a .38 S&W snubnose revolver. Rachel and Dr. Phat Tony asked about when I was on "Cops." Can't say I've ever had the pleasure (either as a cop or a defendant), and the show has only filmed in Philadelphia two or three times - which I think is a disgrace. Finally, many of you suggested giving props to the readers. I try and do that ad nauseum, and I would like to think that everyone who reads this garbage knows how much I appreciate them, but I wanted to highlight a few that went above and beyond the call. The Man from GOP and the City - It's always an honor when someone who averages a ton of hits a day links your insignificant little blog. The Man linked my former endeavor, and linked SYLG after I came back from my blogging breakdown. On top of that, he and his friends invited me to contribute to the highly successful Blogs4 Bauer, so I think I owe him my first-born son. Thanks, TM! "The Family" - My blog family has been there from the beginning, and has always supported me, even when that meant taking me down a peg, but I love them anyway. Doc, CUG, Insol, Pandy, Peak, Uber, and Tyler are some of the best friends a blogger could have. I'd take a bullet for every one of you. "The Regulars" - Linda, Sssteve (although now you're a blog brother), Prof, CP, Bob, RT, SK, Rachel, Air Force Wife, The Anti-Hippie, and everyone else who wastes their day reading my ramblings, I thank you all. Emporer Palpatine - You are my dark lord and master. What is thy bidding? Well, that's pretty much it. it wasn't all that entertaining, but it's done. Here's to the next 500.

"DOPes"

So, how did you spend your Super Bowl Sunday? I spent it in plainclothes patrolling the city’s “Gun Violence Hot Zones,” as part of the Police Commissioner’s “Detectives on Patrol” (or DOPes). And we certainly felt like dopes driving an unmarked car through a district we barely knew. I didn’t mind the change of pace – although I specifically got promoted to get out of patrol – but a few questions about this program jumped into my mind. To wit: How effective can two detectives be patrolling an area they never worked before? My partner was driving, while I was relegated to Dora the Explorer status, constantly checking “The Map.” Who will think that two white guys driving a Ford Taurus through the ‘hood are not cops? I keep thinking about the scene in “Running Scared” where two utes spray-paint “Unmarked Police Car” across Billy Crystal’s ride. Did anyone spit in my food? There were a few high points that evening. For instance, we got to listen to most of the Super Bowl – a luxury we wouldn’t have if we were in the division. I’m pretty sure the pizza parlor chef didn’t spit in our slices. And we did manage to find our way to a decent job – an aggravated assault where the officers recovered two shotguns. Another five minutes, and we would have had a homicide on our hands. So, after all of my bitching, I guess the program worked after all. (FYI – The next post will be #500 for SYLG, and I’m seeking suggestions for a topic. Let me know in the comments section, and I’ll choose the best idea for Wednesday’s momentous occasion.)

Jack Bauer's New Toy

"I ain't got time to bleed." - Jesse "The Body" Ventura, Predator Ya just know that CUG is rushing out to buy one of these, post haste! "The Dillon M134D Gatling Gun is the finest small caliber, defense suppression weapon available. It is a six barreled, electrically driven machine gun chambered in 7.62mm NATO and fires at a fixed rate of 3000 shots per minute. Gatling Guns typically feed from a 3,000 or 4,400 round magazine. They are capable of long periods of continuous fire without threat or damage to the weapon making them an excellent choice for defensive suppression. " (Hat Tip: Sean Dillon)

UFC: Unbelievably Frakkin' Cool!

Chuck Liddell pummeling yet another opponent. On Saturday night, my brother Chris invited me to his abode to watch the Ultimate Fighting Championships. I hadn't seen UFC in years, but since I had the night off, I figured what the hell? UFC 57's main event was a Lightweight Title match between defending champ Chuck Liddell and Randy Couture. It was the third, and possibly final, bout between the two. When the PPV event started, they bored us to death with thirty minutes of replays from the first two Liddell-Couture bouts. After you had seen the clips once, there was no need to see them again. Anyway, the undercard started, and I immediately noticed a few things: My sister-in-law Kim is almost as big a fan of UFC as my brother. Scary. Color commentator Joe Rogan - the toad from Fear Factor - adds nothing to a broadcast. Some of the UFC participants were in worse shape than me. Doubly scary. The undercard matches were hit and miss. Some of them were bloodfests Dracula himself would be proud of, but some of them were also diatribes in boredom. That all changed when the title bout began. Liddell-Couture 3 started innocently enough, with both men sparring and dancing in the center of the octogon. Halfway through Round 1, though, it turned into Rock 'Em, Sock 'Em Robots. Liddell opened up Couture quickly, then dropped him like a sack of Ring Dings. Mmm . . . Ring Dings! As Couture tried to punch Liddell, he slipped, and Liddell punched him halfway to la-la land. It was kickass! Liddell pounced on the fallen Couture, and beat him into submission. I found myself screaming at the TV with the rest of the people in the room. After the bitter loss, Couture announced his retirement. (As well he should have after that arse kickin'.) However, on the way out of the arena, he was mobbed by fans seeking autographs and pictures. Here's Couture, bleeding like a stuck pig, and he' stopping to sign stuff for the jackasses in attendance. GET SOME MEDICAL ATTENTION, YOU IDIOT!!! All in all, it was one of the better Pay-Per-View events out there.

SUPER!!!

Pittsburgh Steelers 21, Seattle Seahawks 10. Congratulations to the Pittsburgh Steelers, and my brother-in-law's wife Sharon, who grew up in the Steel City.

THANK YOU!!!

Here's how the top three vote-getters fared: Support Your Local Gunfighter - 112 votes. Trying To Catch Up - 94 votes. The Conservative UAW Guy - 61 votes. Thank you all so very much for the continued support. Without you guys, I'd just be some loser typing on a computer in my basement. (Actually, I am a loser typing on a computer in my basement!) The checks will go out in Monday's mail.

The Best So Far Blog Awards, January, 2006

NEW UPDATE: SYLG IS IN 1ST PLACE BY ONLY FOUR VOTES!!! PLEASE HELP ME GET OVER THE TOP! VOTING ENDS AT MIDNIGHT! JUST SEND AN E-MAIL TO LYNGPERRY@YAHOO.COM AND TELL HER YOU WANT TO GIVE YOUR 3 VOTES TO SYLG FOR BEST PERSONAL BLOG. IT'S THAT EASY!!! Peakah did it to me again. After nominating SYLG for a 2005 blog award, he has nominated my little circle of hell for January's Best Personal Blog at the Best So Far Blog Awards, January 2006. I can assure the nomination is completely undeserved, but I thank him all the same. Many of my blog friends (whose links are at the sidebar) have also been nominated. Beginning February 1st, you can vote for your favorite blogs at the site. The voting begins ends on Friday, February 3rd at midnight. The winners will be announced on Super Bowl Sunday. Thank you all in advance!

Q&A Answer Key

Not a lot of questions this week. Hopefully, that's because you were all voting for SYLG for Best Personal Blog. (I am barely ahead of someone we don't even know! Keep it in the family, and Vote Wyatt!) Okay, enough begging. Here's your wisdom: Tyler D asks, "You describe yourself as a Libertarian. Where would you put yourself on the ideological spectrum? Are you more of a 'Burt Gummer' (although Mike Gross is a liberal) or a Neal Boortz?" Ty, what the hell are you talking about? Kidding. Actually, I would say I am more of a V.I. Lenin Libertarian. He despised big government, so he overthrew it. Mmm . . . bloody coup! CUG asks, "Would you have roughed up Cindy Sheehan if you had been the arresting officer? (Keeping in mind that there will be bonuses for roughing up hippies in my administration.)" CUG, absolutely not! Those kinds of antics are expressly forbidden! (Waves Jimmy close) Actually, I would put her in the cell, and get the biggest cop in the station to put on a pink bunny suit. The six foot bunny would enter the cell, and beat the liberal off her. Who's gonna believe that she was assaulted by a gigantic pink rabbit??? Little Miss Chatterbox doesn't ask a question, but I'm sure she would ask, "Wyatt, do you still need people to vote for your blog at the Best So Far Awards?" LMC, darn tootin'! Vote for me, and I'll never ask you guys for anything else again! Ssssteve asks, "Now tell me the truth, did Philly really invent the Glorious Cheesesteak, or did you steal it from the Indians like every other white man idea?" Ssssteve, actually John F. Kennedy invented the cheesesteak, but Joe Biden claimed that he did once in a speech. Heh. From what I hear, cheesesteaks suck arse outside the Philly metro area, so you may have tried one, but it probably isn't the same as we get in town. Air Force Wife asks, "I still want to know what that smell is. And if it's you - what HAVE you been eating? On a more serious note - I saw some police "take down" a dude in St. Louis on Monday. I think he deserved it, but the traffic chopper caught the guys stomping him good, resting, stomping some more, resting, and donkey punching him. Why do you think Jesse Jackson isn't marching as we speak?" AFW, it's probably because he didn't know about it . . . until now. Thanks!!! Actually, Jackson is ALWAYS marching. It's the only way he knows how to move. The police involved were probably just trying to administer CPR to the poor lad. Studies have shown it is more reliable if you use your feet. (Oh, and that smell was me. I had some Gouda cheese stashed at the bottom of the blog. My bad.) Dr. Phat Tony asks, "Why are people continuing to vote for JimmyB, when it could mean the end of the world?" Doc, I don't know. Why does Radio Shack ask for your phone number when you buy batteries? People don't always make smart choices. That would explain the whole Village People thing. For the record, I voted for every one in our inner circle who was nominated at least once. Thus, you all MUST do the same for me. I'm fighting for my life here, gang!!! The Anti-Hippie asks, "Do cops really love donuts, or you more of a bagel-and-cream cheese kinda guy?" AH, the fact of the matter is that cops are always inside Dunkin Donuts because their coffee is hands down the best on earth. So get bent. I am more of a Ring Dings kinda guy. Heh. RT asks, "With the murder rate at 31 so far in 2006, I was wondering what would happen if the number got too high for Homicide to handle . . . or would it? Who do you think will gold in hockey at the Olympics?" RT, plainly speaking, it wouldn't. The commish would detail detectives there if it did, but our Homicide Unit is the best around. However, to answer your question, if the number got too big, we'd just dump the bodies in in Jersey and let them handle it. As for the Olympics, it's not contest . . . Trinidad-Tobago. (Ah, I'm just yankin' ya. My money is on Sweden.) Peakah asks, "Who would you most like to see traded to the Buffalo Bills, McNabb or Owens (cuz Lord knows that either of those crybabies would make my pathetic team better)." Peak, I have a better suggestion. We'll give you the Phillies, Eagles, and Sixers, in exchange for some Buffalo Wings. Deal?

People I Hate

Your Q&A answers will be posted today, but I didn’t want to forego Friday’s traditional PIH. And away we go . . . Martin Lawrence I’m not sure why I hate Lawrence more; because his is a renowned racist, or because he has less talent than Ryan Seacrest. This fraud is currently “starring” in Big Mama’s House 2. Didn’t Big Mama’s House 1 suck??? What mental defective thought a sequel to this filmmaking abortion would be a good idea? In my Utopian society, and actor who has two consecutive bombs will be publicly flogged. Martin would probably be a repeat offender. Lawrence . . . OUT! Donovan McNabb Okay, I’m finally through with this guy. How many times can a man play the victim until it gets nauseating? McNabb was at the Super Bowl festivities – as a spectator instead of a player – and told the media that the attacks thrown his way by Terrell Owens amounted to “black on black crime.” Drama Queen Alert! Hey, Donovan, the attempted murder we had last week where a man cut off three of his ex-girlfriend’s fingers and stabbed her repeatedly in the torso is “black on black crime.” Your catfight with T.O. is nothing more than an episode of “Who’s the Biggest Crybaby.” Grow up, you puss! Cindy Sheehan Believe it or not, this moonbat extraordinaire has never made PIH, primarily because I never gave her a moment’s thought. I still don’t – and her fifteen minutes of fame is rapidly evaporating – but this broad had a hell of a week. First, she flies to Venezuela – I wonder who paid for that ticket? – to stand beside that country’s Moonbat-in-Chief, Hugo Chavez. You remember; the flaming communist who labeled President Bush a terrorist, while welcoming coca farmers with open arms. Then, she uses her invitation to the State of the Union Address as a springboard to a dank jail cell with a community toilet! Not one to be squelched by adversity, Sheehan announced she wants to run for Congress. I had no idea there was an “I’m Profiting off the Death of My Son” ticket.

Q&A Potpourri

After a ridiculously long hiatus, Q&A time has triumphantly returned. There is no specific topic, as I will answer any and all of your questions. And we all know you people have burning questions – as opposed to Steve, who just has “burning sensations” – that need answering. Just post your questions in the comments section, and I will baffle you with my wisdom on Friday. Giddyup! And remember, there are no stupid questions; just stupid people.

Let The Voting Begin!!!

The voting for the Best So Far Blog Awards begins today, and will end on Super Bowl Sunday. Just a reminder for anyone who wants to send a little love my way. Just click on the link in the above post. Thanks!

Give Her The O.C. Spray!!!

As of noon, I am NOT in first place at the Best So Far Blog Awards. I feel like a loser. And speaking of losers, how about this little info nugget: [Cindy Sheehan was] ejected before the speech Tuesday night for wearing a T-shirt with an antiwar slogan. Sheehan wrote in her blog Wednesday that she intends to file a First Amendment lawsuit. "I don't want to live in a country that prohibits any person, whether he/she has paid the ultimate price for that country, from wearing, saying, writing, or telephoning any negative statements about the government," Sheehan wrote. Capitol Police took Sheehan, invited as a guest of Rep. Lynn Woolsey, D-Calif., away in handcuffs and charged her with unlawful conduct, a misdemeanor. She later was released on her own recognizance. Capitol Police Sgt. Kimberly Schneider said police warned her that such displays were not allowed in the House chamber, but Sheehan did not respond. Blah, blah, blah. Hey Cindy, when the police tell you that protest displays are not allowed, then THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED!!! She then rambles on about how the Capitol Police "hauled me out of my seat and roughly (with my hands behind my back) shoved me up the stairs." Yeah, that's what we do to criminals. Be thankful that's all you had to endure. You hear that, Sheehan? That's your fifteen minutes of fame running out. Tick, tick, tick . . .