Nothing like waiting until the last minute. And away we go . . .
The Broads from "The View"
The first person that can tell me why the media is spending so much time on the Barbara Walters/Star "Blimp" Jones Reynolds Smith Brown James catfight gets a free boot to the head. I know I need one. Note to the imbeciles at Access Hollywood and others of their ilk: no one gives a rat's ass about either one of these empty-headed bimbos! Now, move along!
The Editorial Staff at The Wall Street Journal
Not that it would matter to the libtards who stop by here, but in my opinion, the conservative-leaning Wall Street Journal is just as guilty as The New York Times for leaking information about the government's SWIFT program. Congratulations dumbasses! You just made it much more difficult to beat the terrorists!
KISS
Is there anything that this band won't shill? Check out this nugget from Yahoo!:
"The official opening of the Kiss Coffeehouse in the South Carolina resort of Myrtle Beach, selling drinks with loud names such as Kiss Frozen Rockuccino, French Kiss Vanilla and Demon Dark Roast."
Look, Kiss was pretty cool and all . . . in the 70's. In 2006, the only reason we need a Kiss Army is to smite these money-grubbing whores from the face of the earth. Cripes!
Friday, June 30, 2006
Look! Up In The Sky!
It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a politically-correct superhero who stands for truth, justice, and anything except "the American way!" Check out this garbage I glommed from The Hollywood Reporter:
"But in the latest film incarnation, scribes Michael Dougherty and Dan Harris sought to downplay Superman's long-standing patriot act. With one brief line uttered by actor Frank Langella, the caped superhero's mission transformed from "truth, justice and the American way" to "truth, justice and all that stuff."
"All that stuff?" What the frak is that?
"The world has changed. The world is a different place," Pennsylvania native Harris says. "The truth is he's an alien. He was sent from another planet. He has landed on the planet Earth, and he is here for everybody. He's an international superhero."
Don't break out the duct tape yet: there's more.
"We were always hesitant to include the term 'American way' because the meaning of that today is somewhat uncertain," Ohio native Dougherty explains. "The ideal hasn't changed. I think when people say 'American way,' they're actually talking about what the 'American way' meant back in the '40s and '50s, which was something more noble and idealistic."
Of course, since today's version of "the American way" brings to mind soldiers who murder in cold blood, a Hitler-esque President, and gluttons hell-bent of destroying the environment.
I am not sure what offends me more; the fact that the writers purposely omitted "the American way" for purely PC purposes, or that they butchered one of the comic book's trademark lines. A comic book that has been around since 1932.
"But in the latest film incarnation, scribes Michael Dougherty and Dan Harris sought to downplay Superman's long-standing patriot act. With one brief line uttered by actor Frank Langella, the caped superhero's mission transformed from "truth, justice and the American way" to "truth, justice and all that stuff."
"All that stuff?" What the frak is that?
"The world has changed. The world is a different place," Pennsylvania native Harris says. "The truth is he's an alien. He was sent from another planet. He has landed on the planet Earth, and he is here for everybody. He's an international superhero."
Don't break out the duct tape yet: there's more.
"We were always hesitant to include the term 'American way' because the meaning of that today is somewhat uncertain," Ohio native Dougherty explains. "The ideal hasn't changed. I think when people say 'American way,' they're actually talking about what the 'American way' meant back in the '40s and '50s, which was something more noble and idealistic."
Of course, since today's version of "the American way" brings to mind soldiers who murder in cold blood, a Hitler-esque President, and gluttons hell-bent of destroying the environment.
I am not sure what offends me more; the fact that the writers purposely omitted "the American way" for purely PC purposes, or that they butchered one of the comic book's trademark lines. A comic book that has been around since 1932.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Potpourri
A few points of interest:
- When I am sick, I am a jackass. After realizing that my sick note expires today - yes, Philly cops need a note when they are off sick like a pre-schooler - I figured I should get a bit of exercise before returning to work. So, I mowed the back yard. The temperature was about 85 degrees, and I was exhausted about fifteen minutes in. I'm an idiot.
- My sister Allison came by today to see the kids. She looks and feels better, but still has a stitch in her eye. Gross. The surgery was a success, and the pain is subsiding. The docs told her that her eye would go from red to yellow to white. She's code yellow now.
- Fmragtops mentioned LPGA babe Natalie Gulbis. I didn't want everyone wondering what she looked like, so . . . enjoy!
A Heat-ed Exchange
Do you remember the Michael Mann film "Heat." I know John D. sure does, but in case you are not familiar with the details, the film centers around a running shootout through the streets of Los Angeles. Pretty much anyone and everyone saw or heard the gunfight, and there were witnesses aplenty.Of course, Heat is just a movie.
In real life, when a running gun battle takes place in a neighborhood, "nobody saw nuthin'." A week ago, I was called out to process the scene of a shooting/vandalism. According to the original 911 call, two black males in a late model Pontiac were driving down the street firing at two other black males on foot. The males on foot were firing back. At least a dozen shots were fired. Time of occurrence: 11am.
Let's do the math: four males firing at each other with at least four semi-automatic weapons. The chances the "nobody saw nuthin'" are about as good as a pregnant Britney Spears posing nude for Harper's Bazaar (or in her case, Bizarre). But that's the response I received when I arrived on the scene.
All told, we recovered a mere eight shell casings of the 9mm variety. At least three vehicles were shot up, many of them suffering shattered windows and windshields, and ravaged with bullet holes. Ironically, all three vehicles were 2005 or 2006 models. So, you would think that the owners would come forth with a few info nuggets.
Ha! This is Philadelphia.
The best information we received was that the shooters were black males. Oh my God, put out an APB on every black male in the tri-state area! We'll solve this case in no time! Idiots. Yet when I don't magically solve this case out of thin air, the residents will write to the papers and say that the detectives don't care.
Case in point: one of the residents whose car was torn to shreds gave me zero information came to me afterwards and asked if there was a program that would compensate her for being the victim of a crime. I wanted to tell her that since her car was technically the victim of a crime, she should get bent, but I was still on probation at the time.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
License To Ill
How did you spend your evening? I spent it wide awake, sweating, and in excruciating pain. I also spent most of the evening jumping from one hallucination to another. In fact, I wrote them down for posterity. (Any lack of funny will be blamed on my illness.)
Wyatt's Top Ten Hallucinations
10. John Murtha and Arlen Specter keep getting re-elected.
9. Paris Hilton was a celebrity.
8. Pandy moved to Italy. That had to be an hallucination, right?
7. Israeli tanks invaded the Gaza Strip.
6. I was a big, dumb, fat guy with questionable social skills.
5. Sssteve chased me down his beanstalk after I stole his golden goose.
4. The New York Times was compromising national security.
3. Dr. Phat Tony was holding a goat for ransom.
2. Al Gore made a movie about global warming!
And the number one Wyatt hallucination is . . .
1. Uber brought me buffalo wings and beer while wearing a bikini.
Wyatt's Top Ten Hallucinations
10. John Murtha and Arlen Specter keep getting re-elected.
9. Paris Hilton was a celebrity.
8. Pandy moved to Italy. That had to be an hallucination, right?
7. Israeli tanks invaded the Gaza Strip.
6. I was a big, dumb, fat guy with questionable social skills.
5. Sssteve chased me down his beanstalk after I stole his golden goose.
4. The New York Times was compromising national security.
3. Dr. Phat Tony was holding a goat for ransom.
2. Al Gore made a movie about global warming!
And the number one Wyatt hallucination is . . .
1. Uber brought me buffalo wings and beer while wearing a bikini.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
The Sick Sense
I see dead people . . . and wish I were one of them.
Two times in the last two years, I wound up with cellulitis. Cellulitis is a staph infection that - for me - runs through my leg, causing extreme pain and a very high fever. The last two times I caught it, I spent a week in the hospital each time.
Today, I woke up with it again.
The wife took my temperature at 10am, and it was a delightful 104. The pain from the cellulitis in my leg is so great that I can barely walk, and my back feels like it was hit with a sledge hammer. I am praying for death. This is the first time I have been out of bed all day. The doc said that there was no way I am going to work until at least Friday, and gave me some antibiotics to knock out the virus.
In the meantime, I'll blog when I can.
Two times in the last two years, I wound up with cellulitis. Cellulitis is a staph infection that - for me - runs through my leg, causing extreme pain and a very high fever. The last two times I caught it, I spent a week in the hospital each time.
Today, I woke up with it again.
The wife took my temperature at 10am, and it was a delightful 104. The pain from the cellulitis in my leg is so great that I can barely walk, and my back feels like it was hit with a sledge hammer. I am praying for death. This is the first time I have been out of bed all day. The doc said that there was no way I am going to work until at least Friday, and gave me some antibiotics to knock out the virus.
In the meantime, I'll blog when I can.
Monday, June 26, 2006
He's Thinking With His "Ditto Head"
Material like this just writes itself:
"WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. - Rush Limbaugh was detained for more than three hours Monday at Palm Beach International Airport after authorities said they found a bottle of Viagra in his possession without a prescription.
Customs officials found a prescription bottle labeled as Viagra in his luggage that didn't have Limbaugh's name on it, but that of two doctors, said Paul Miller spokesman for the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office.
A doctor had prescribed the drug, but it was "labeled as being issued to the physician rather than Mr. Limbaugh for privacy purposes," Roy Black, Limbaugh's attorney, said in a statement." (H/T - Yahoo!)
Okay, I have two questions:
First, with an elevated terror threat level and the recent arrest of a would-be Florida terror ring, don't you think that Customs would have more important things to do than worry about what Rush Limbaugh uses to help his dingus issues?
And second, do you think Rush's new slogan will be "With talent on loan from Pfizer?" Heh.
"WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. - Rush Limbaugh was detained for more than three hours Monday at Palm Beach International Airport after authorities said they found a bottle of Viagra in his possession without a prescription.
Customs officials found a prescription bottle labeled as Viagra in his luggage that didn't have Limbaugh's name on it, but that of two doctors, said Paul Miller spokesman for the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office.
A doctor had prescribed the drug, but it was "labeled as being issued to the physician rather than Mr. Limbaugh for privacy purposes," Roy Black, Limbaugh's attorney, said in a statement." (H/T - Yahoo!)
Okay, I have two questions:
First, with an elevated terror threat level and the recent arrest of a would-be Florida terror ring, don't you think that Customs would have more important things to do than worry about what Rush Limbaugh uses to help his dingus issues?
And second, do you think Rush's new slogan will be "With talent on loan from Pfizer?" Heh.
First The Fat Boys Break Up, And Now This
Sssteve and FIAR have posted their thoughts on the Great Philly Meet And Greet here and here, respectively.
Sssteve must have been really tired when he posted his version, because his spell check was a little lacking, and he dared post the picture of us. Bastard. I am the fat bastard on the left.
FIAR's version is unique, because much of his post deals with the road rage common to the Schuylkill Expressway. Nice!
Sssteve must have been really tired when he posted his version, because his spell check was a little lacking, and he dared post the picture of us. Bastard. I am the fat bastard on the left.
FIAR's version is unique, because much of his post deals with the road rage common to the Schuylkill Expressway. Nice!
Sidebar, Your Honor
I am usually good for this post about once every three months, but it's been a while, so bear with me.
SYLG almost always reciprocates links. If I hear that some other blogger has placed SYLG on his or her blogroll, I immediately try and do the same. Sometimes, the other blogger lets me know, many times he or she does not. Thus, I want to update my sidebar blog links to keep SYLG current. If you have blogrolled me but do not see your reciprocal link on the sidebar, please let me know, and I'll rectify it, post haste.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled boredom.
SYLG almost always reciprocates links. If I hear that some other blogger has placed SYLG on his or her blogroll, I immediately try and do the same. Sometimes, the other blogger lets me know, many times he or she does not. Thus, I want to update my sidebar blog links to keep SYLG current. If you have blogrolled me but do not see your reciprocal link on the sidebar, please let me know, and I'll rectify it, post haste.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled boredom.
Road King-A-Ly-Ding!
Yeah! Yeah! Get some! Get some!Somebody see what the temperature is in hell today. Jeff Gordon finally won a race this season, capturing the checkered flag at the Dodge/Save Mart 250 yesterday. The victory, the 74th of his career, puts him two wins away from tying the late, great Dale Earnhardt, and firmly cements him as the best road course driver in NASCAR history.
The victory propelled the #24 back into the top ten in the overall point standings, on the eve of the Pepsi 400 at Daytona.
It was a pretty good weekend for Gordon, who proposed to his girlfriend Ingrid Vandebosch (below) on Friday.
I want to be a race car driver when I grow up.
Sunday, June 25, 2006
Well, At Least One Phillie Is Hitting
Myers, preparing for a quiet night at home with the wife.On Friday morning, Philadelphia Phillies starting pitcher Brett Myers allegedly beat his wife on their way back to their Boston hotel room. The Phillies were in the middle of a series with the Red Sox. Witnesses say that Myers’ wife Kim had a swollen face and that the hurler hit her once or twice and pulled her hair. Allegedly. Myers was arrested by Boston Police after officers saw Kim Myers’ injuries.
As is usually the case in domestic violence incidents, Myers’ wife now does not want to press charges, and actually paid Myers’ bail. For any other team, this incident would be cause for great embarrassment.
Not for the Philadelphia Phillies, whose off-field “hitters” are more infamous than the ones on the diamond.
Phillies General Manager Pat Gillick stated that the club never considered suspending Myers – because felons are the norm in sports today, I guess – and allowed Myers to pitch the next night against the Sox! When asked about this insanity, Gillick replied, “I don’t know that it’s an embarrassment.”
No Pat, of course it isn’t. Myers just allegedly beat his wife. Why would the team be embarrassed? Last year, infielder Jason Michaels assaulted a police officer in front of a dozen witnesses on South Street. He played the next available game. Why would the team be embarrassed? In 2003, pitcher Terry Adams was arrested for hitting his wife. Why would he be embarrassed? In 2002, Marlon Byrd was arrested for hitting his girlfriend. Why would the team be embarrassed?
As of Saturday, the Phillies were 35-38, eleven games behind the first-place Mets. And that is not even close to being the biggest embarrassment for this club.
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Secrets Exposed!
It has pretty much been a Top Ten List kinda day. Work was just average, and the bad guys vs. bad guys shootout post is a work in progress, so here's another list (with linky love).
Top Ten Dark Secrets of My Fellow Bloggers
10. Michael Hodges is the only straight man who enjoys Judy Garland.
9. Crazy Politico is actually crazy. He blogs from a psych ward.
8. Tyler D. was responsible for canceling the original Star Trek.
7. Deathlok hates comic books . . . but loves Harlequin Romance novels.
6. Little Miss Chatterbox helped Iraq hide their WMD’s . . . in France.
5. After yet another Buffalo loss, Peakah now tells people he is from a real sports town: Salt Lake City.
4. Despite his tech knowledge, The Anti-Hippie can’t figure out how to work his TiVo.
3. GOP and College is a misnomer. He attends Clown College.
2. Fmragtops voted for Ray Nagin . . . four times in the same election!
And the number one dark secret of my fellow bloggers is . . .
1. The Conservative UAW Guy drives a 2006 Honda Element hybrid!
Top Ten Dark Secrets of My Fellow Bloggers
10. Michael Hodges is the only straight man who enjoys Judy Garland.
9. Crazy Politico is actually crazy. He blogs from a psych ward.
8. Tyler D. was responsible for canceling the original Star Trek.
7. Deathlok hates comic books . . . but loves Harlequin Romance novels.
6. Little Miss Chatterbox helped Iraq hide their WMD’s . . . in France.
5. After yet another Buffalo loss, Peakah now tells people he is from a real sports town: Salt Lake City.
4. Despite his tech knowledge, The Anti-Hippie can’t figure out how to work his TiVo.
3. GOP and College is a misnomer. He attends Clown College.
2. Fmragtops voted for Ray Nagin . . . four times in the same election!
And the number one dark secret of my fellow bloggers is . . .
1. The Conservative UAW Guy drives a 2006 Honda Element hybrid!
Listless
It's not too often that I take requests, but RT begged me. Enjoy!
Top Ten Things RT Can Do On Her Summer Vacation
10. Check out SYLG fifty times a day to boost the Site Meter.
9. Determine what exactly is in a hot dog.
8. Write an essay on what she did on her summer vacation.
7. Figure out which Olsen twin is the evil one.
6. Determine what exactly makes New Jersey smell so bad.
5. Apply for the soon-to-be-vacant Phillies manager position.
4. Visit the fabulous sunny beaches of Mogadishu.
3. Send the Burger King “King” threatening e-mails.
2. Perfect her Spitball Deflector ™ for next year’s classes.
And the number one thing RT can do on her summer vacation is . . .
1. Two words: naked vacuuming.
Top Ten Things RT Can Do On Her Summer Vacation
10. Check out SYLG fifty times a day to boost the Site Meter.
9. Determine what exactly is in a hot dog.
8. Write an essay on what she did on her summer vacation.
7. Figure out which Olsen twin is the evil one.
6. Determine what exactly makes New Jersey smell so bad.
5. Apply for the soon-to-be-vacant Phillies manager position.
4. Visit the fabulous sunny beaches of Mogadishu.
3. Send the Burger King “King” threatening e-mails.
2. Perfect her Spitball Deflector ™ for next year’s classes.
And the number one thing RT can do on her summer vacation is . . .
1. Two words: naked vacuuming.
Friday, June 23, 2006
40,000!
Whoo hoo! Yes, I am going to make a big deal about 40,000, so quit yer belly-aching.
The lucky contestant logged on from Baddeck, Nova Scotia, Canada. How's it goin', eh? Thanks (again) for visiting, everyone!
The lucky contestant logged on from Baddeck, Nova Scotia, Canada. How's it goin', eh? Thanks (again) for visiting, everyone!
People I Like
This won't be a typical PIH (or, for that matter, a typical PIL) because today I met three very atypical people. These are their stories. (Cue Law and Order "Bum, bum.")
Last week, Sssteve shot me an e-mail saying that he and his brother (frequent commenter Joe Cool) would be in Philadelphia on June 22 and 23. Incredibly, they were flying in from the Pacific Northwest - Home of the Sasquatch - to pick up a car Joe bought on eBay. The two were then going to drive straight through (forty-something hours) from Philly to Washington state! Swell, I thought, this car will spit out lemonade, and I'll have to put them up until the car gets fixed.
The plan was to meet the brothers and Fitch in South Philly and hit Geno's for some steaks.
Unfortunately, Sssteve brought the rain, and Joe's car need a nip/tuck before the journey. So, I met the dynamic duo outside R&S Strauss. Sssteve met me first (with flair) and my first thought was, "God, this guy is uglier than me!" (Sssteve, that was just to see if you're checking the net on your way home.) We talked for a while and went inside to find Joe. Joe was scheduling a radiator flush, tune up, and a no-polish manicure. With the rain and the car issues, Geno's was out of the question. Thus, we settled on Famous Dave's Bar-B-Q which was in the immediate area. Yummy!
We grabbed a table and talked about blogging, life, and how hot Uber is when Fitch came in. I have never met Fitch (or Sssteve and Joe) before, so I didn't know what to expect. That's why I brought my gun. Heh. Thankfully, they were aces. Very down-to-earth and friendly as hell. The most bizarre thing was that they were adults. I don't know why, but I always thought Sssteve was some pre-pubescent teen that watched Saved By The Bell. Ironically, he thought the same about me - but in my case, that is all true.
Fitch joined the conversation and instantly I knew why he is a better blogger than I am. Smart and funny, Fitch knows his stuff. Me, I just make crap up: it's easier that way. As we were gabbing I also realized that I hadn't linked Fitch's Radioactive Liberty on SYLG. Rather embarrassing on my part. (Sorry Fitch, that error has been rectified.)
All told, it was a damned fine evening. I would like to think that all of my blog friends are normal, well-adjusted people, but that can't possibly be the case. Either way, I was glad I made the trip.
Last week, Sssteve shot me an e-mail saying that he and his brother (frequent commenter Joe Cool) would be in Philadelphia on June 22 and 23. Incredibly, they were flying in from the Pacific Northwest - Home of the Sasquatch - to pick up a car Joe bought on eBay. The two were then going to drive straight through (forty-something hours) from Philly to Washington state! Swell, I thought, this car will spit out lemonade, and I'll have to put them up until the car gets fixed.
The plan was to meet the brothers and Fitch in South Philly and hit Geno's for some steaks.
Unfortunately, Sssteve brought the rain, and Joe's car need a nip/tuck before the journey. So, I met the dynamic duo outside R&S Strauss. Sssteve met me first (with flair) and my first thought was, "God, this guy is uglier than me!" (Sssteve, that was just to see if you're checking the net on your way home.) We talked for a while and went inside to find Joe. Joe was scheduling a radiator flush, tune up, and a no-polish manicure. With the rain and the car issues, Geno's was out of the question. Thus, we settled on Famous Dave's Bar-B-Q which was in the immediate area. Yummy!
We grabbed a table and talked about blogging, life, and how hot Uber is when Fitch came in. I have never met Fitch (or Sssteve and Joe) before, so I didn't know what to expect. That's why I brought my gun. Heh. Thankfully, they were aces. Very down-to-earth and friendly as hell. The most bizarre thing was that they were adults. I don't know why, but I always thought Sssteve was some pre-pubescent teen that watched Saved By The Bell. Ironically, he thought the same about me - but in my case, that is all true.
Fitch joined the conversation and instantly I knew why he is a better blogger than I am. Smart and funny, Fitch knows his stuff. Me, I just make crap up: it's easier that way. As we were gabbing I also realized that I hadn't linked Fitch's Radioactive Liberty on SYLG. Rather embarrassing on my part. (Sorry Fitch, that error has been rectified.)
All told, it was a damned fine evening. I would like to think that all of my blog friends are normal, well-adjusted people, but that can't possibly be the case. Either way, I was glad I made the trip.
Pay Alms To The Geek
If you haven't already heard, Rachel quit her blog. She has had some major work issues, and decided that going easy on the posting was her best option. While I disagree, I more than respect her right to do so. Hell, I stopped blogging once before, too. If you get the chance, drop by her last post and give the gal some support. SYLG will not remove her link, however.
Thanks for the entertainment, Rach.
Thanks for the entertainment, Rach.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
What A Day For A Mow
Hello, I am Democratic U.S. Representative John Murtha. Are you tired of mowing your lawn in the hot summer sun? Is your property too large to maintain by yourself? Do you wish someone could take over your landscaping needs? Well, at Cut and Run Landscapers, we can make it happen!Cut and Run Landscapers are lawn care professionals with a flair for the dramatic. No job is too big – as long as there is an overwhelming chance for victory. Although we pass on difficult, sometimes distasteful assignments, we guarantee to give you an explanation; via any one of the three major media outlets, of course.
Just listen to these ringing endorsements:
“Cut and Run is the best decision I ever made.” – President William J. Clinton, October, 1993.
“Without Cut and Run, I could have never parlayed my war hero status into a Senate seat.” – John F. Kerry
“Thanks to Cut and Run, I can use my free time to smite the infidels!” – Osama bin Laden
Cut and Run: emboldening your lawn’s opponents for over thirty years!
Ghana Be Coming Home Early
"I can't believe I'm losing to this guy."Well, that was short-lived.
The United States soccer team lost to Ghana today by a score of 2-1. GHANA! The loss eliminated the Americans from the tournament, who subsequently took their balls and went home. Of course, anyone who has seen their first round play would question if they had any balls to begin with, but that point is now moot.
The problem with the U.S. team this year was their constant deer-in-the-headlights look while on the field. Like a quarterback in his first Super Bowl, the Americans looked scared to death. Yes, their group (Italy, Ghana, and the Czech Republic) was strong, but on paper, they were expected to at least make round two. They didn’t, and now U.S. Soccer has some difficult decisions ahead.
It’s a damned shame.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Sticking It To The Man
While SYLG is dragging its carcass towards the ever-elusive 40,000 visitor mark, The Man at GOP and the City is lamenting his sloth-like approach to 200,000! Some of us peon bloggers are apt to ignore his belly-aching, since it has taken The Man a little under two years to reach his lofty goal. At this rate, SYLG will hit 200,000 sometime in the year 6,902.Stop by and help the guy out anyway. He's got a picture of Michelle Malkin up.
Straight From The Jackass' Mouth
Jeez, I knew John Murtha was a jackass, but I had no idea he had such a history of jackass-ity:"After terrorists attacked U.S. troops in Mogadishu, Somalia 12 years ago, anti-Iraq war Democrat, Rep. John Murtha urged then-President Clinton to begin a complete pullout of U.S. troops from the region.
Clinton took the advice and ordered the withdrawal - a decision that Osama bin Laden would later credit with emboldening his terrorist fighters and encouraging him to mount further attacks against the U.S.
"Our welcome has been worn out," Rep Murtha told NBC's "Today" show in Sept. 1993, a month after 4 U.S. Military Police had been killed in Somalia by a remote-detonated land mine.
Two weeks later . . . 18 U.S. Rangers were killed in the battle of Mogadishu." (H/T - Newsmax)
This is the first I have heard about Murtha's Mogadishu comments, but I cannot fathom why he thinks a pullout (read: surrender) in Iraq would work out better than his advisement in Somalia. By the way, how are things in Somalia today?
Soccer It To Me
The World Cup is rife with competition and gamesmanship. However, what is a person to do when their favorite team isn't playing? I found a few choices in my never-ending quest for your entertainment.
Top Ten World Cup Attractions
10. Shut Out The Lone Superpower.
9. Hooligans, Hooligans, Hooligans!
8. Trinidad & Tobago: The Original Odd Couple.
7. Free Wax With Paid Attendance To A Brazil Game.
6. Swedish Football: It's Abba-solutely Good!
5. Mexico: Stay Here Long Enough To See Your Country Beat Iran.
4. England: Come For The Football, Stay For Beckham's Wife.
3. A Complete German History: 1500-1914, 1919-1938, 1946-Present.
2. Football: If It's Not Scottish, It's Crap!
And the number one World Cup attraction is . . .
1. United Arab Emirates: We No Longer Play With The Head Of An Infidel!
Top Ten World Cup Attractions
10. Shut Out The Lone Superpower.
9. Hooligans, Hooligans, Hooligans!
8. Trinidad & Tobago: The Original Odd Couple.
7. Free Wax With Paid Attendance To A Brazil Game.
6. Swedish Football: It's Abba-solutely Good!
5. Mexico: Stay Here Long Enough To See Your Country Beat Iran.
4. England: Come For The Football, Stay For Beckham's Wife.
3. A Complete German History: 1500-1914, 1919-1938, 1946-Present.
2. Football: If It's Not Scottish, It's Crap!
And the number one World Cup attraction is . . .
1. United Arab Emirates: We No Longer Play With The Head Of An Infidel!
Allison Update
After being out of town yesterday and in court all this morning, I finally got the chance to talk to my sister. She is in a lot of pain (predictably), but the doctors said the surgery went "fine" and "great" respectively. She will have to return to the hospital on Friday to see if the surgery was a complete success, and I'll keep everyone updated.
Allison thanks you for all the prayers. I do, too.
Allison thanks you for all the prayers. I do, too.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Say A Little Prayer
My sister Allison is spending her day at Wills Eye Hospital. Since she was born, she had one eye that was almost crossed, and her vision had been severely affected. Today, she decided to get it corrected, and she will be going under the knife. Please keep her in your thoughts.
A Programming Note
Some say you should never make decisions in anger.
Some people don't know me very well. The last time a brouhaha erupted like the one late last week, it was the beginning of the end for Middie Back! Blogging turned out to be more stressful than it was worth, so I quit and shut it down - throwing away almost a year of work. This time, I will not make the same mistake. Despite what many may think, I have put a lot of work into this blog; 804 posts in a little over a year. When people criticize it, I get offended. That is my right. The last time I checked, this was my blog, and I can do with it what I please. You don't like it? I don't give a rat's ass.
So, what I have done is enable Comment Moderation - a kickass option created by Blogger to filter out unwanted comments - an option I should have exercised from the beginning. From now on, all comments must be approved by the blog administrator (read: me) before it is seen by the blogosphere. You want Fascism, you got it.
One reader thinks that "Everyone has 'lived' in this blog with little to no disagreements for a long time. Seriously, take a look at some of the responses; there's a lot of butt-smooching going on; Wyatt's butt is big enough, but c'mon. Some of the comments should have "Shiny, Happy People" playing in the background." That was not necessarily the case, but it will be from now on. You folks haven't seen Fascism yet!
Some of you will be offended by the comment moderation, and stop visiting here. For that, I am sorry, but it is a necessary evil. The only other option was to eliminate all comments forever. I will not do that because a family member wants to rip this blog and its readers at every turn. On the other hand, some of you will believe that eliminating comments from a few lunatics is vindication of the rest. That is not the case, either. If I have said it once, I have said it a thousand times: I write for me, not you. If you have a problem with that, there's the door.
End of rant.
Some people don't know me very well. The last time a brouhaha erupted like the one late last week, it was the beginning of the end for Middie Back! Blogging turned out to be more stressful than it was worth, so I quit and shut it down - throwing away almost a year of work. This time, I will not make the same mistake. Despite what many may think, I have put a lot of work into this blog; 804 posts in a little over a year. When people criticize it, I get offended. That is my right. The last time I checked, this was my blog, and I can do with it what I please. You don't like it? I don't give a rat's ass.
So, what I have done is enable Comment Moderation - a kickass option created by Blogger to filter out unwanted comments - an option I should have exercised from the beginning. From now on, all comments must be approved by the blog administrator (read: me) before it is seen by the blogosphere. You want Fascism, you got it.
One reader thinks that "Everyone has 'lived' in this blog with little to no disagreements for a long time. Seriously, take a look at some of the responses; there's a lot of butt-smooching going on; Wyatt's butt is big enough, but c'mon. Some of the comments should have "Shiny, Happy People" playing in the background." That was not necessarily the case, but it will be from now on. You folks haven't seen Fascism yet!
Some of you will be offended by the comment moderation, and stop visiting here. For that, I am sorry, but it is a necessary evil. The only other option was to eliminate all comments forever. I will not do that because a family member wants to rip this blog and its readers at every turn. On the other hand, some of you will believe that eliminating comments from a few lunatics is vindication of the rest. That is not the case, either. If I have said it once, I have said it a thousand times: I write for me, not you. If you have a problem with that, there's the door.
End of rant.
'Canes Are Able
Congratulations to the Carolina Hurricanes, who won Lord Stanley's Cup last night. The 'Canes defeated the Edmonton Oilers by a score of 3-1 in the deciding seventh game, and although I was pulling for the Oilers, it was nice to see former Flyer Rod Brind'Amour skate with the Cup.
Monday, June 19, 2006
Soccer: It's Fantastic!
Tell me again why you don't like soccer?Two fans of Team Sweden get all chummy at the World Cup. Nice!
H/T - Woody (and the commenter who linked this pic!)
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Mmm . . . Oily!
Wow.If you're a hockey fan, it doesn't get much better than this Stanley Cup Final series. Down three games to one, the Edmonton Oilers clawed back to tie the series at three games apiece; beating Carolina last night by a score of 4-0.
Game Seven is Monday night.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Negative, Ghost Rider, The Pattern Is Full
Off we go, into the wild blue yonder . . .I got to spend Father's Day Eve with my son Kyle today. At noon, he had his last t-ball game of the season, and received his trophy - which was a silver-colored baseball player with a small baseball bobble head. It was really cool, and the kids loved them. Immediately afterwards, I took Kyle, my neighbor Denny, and his son Nick to Willow Grove Naval Air Station for their annual air show. Highlighting this year's event: the U.S. Air Force's Thunderbirds (pictured, above).
This was my first ever air show. I wanted to take Kyle last year, but I was in the hospital when the show was scheduled. And, since Willow Grove is on the chopping block - thank you, Donald Rumsfeld and Arlen Specter - you never know which air show will be the last. As we approached the base, I knew it would be a long day, and not just because the temperature hit the low 90's here this afternoon. The streets were jammed, and people were everywhere. Luckily, we found a spot across the street from the entrance, and life was good.
Then, we saw the walk we had ahead of us. The distance from the entrance gate to the tarmac had to be about a mile and a half. Factor in the heat and a five-year old who kept asking, "Are we there yet?," and you get the idea. Thankfully, as we were walking, Kyle and Nick saw some bi-planes - they go both ways - doing acrobatics at a few thousand feet. That put a spring in their steps.
We got settled just in time for a few jets to make ground runs on enemy "targets." They dove toward the ground and dropped ordinance on the far end of the tarmac. Obviously, the ordinance was complicated pyrotechnics, but the kids didn't know - or care. The last exhibition spouted enough smoke for Kyle's eyes to water. Nice!
Finally, the Thunderbirds took the stage. Six F-16 Falcons rolled off the runway for a show that lasted about 30-45 minutes. You name it, they performed it. Loops, rolls, near-misses, and an afterburner demo that made your ears bleed. When Denny bought four sets of ear plugs, he handed me one. I told him, "Please. I have been to NASCAR races. How loud could this be?" My answer was obvious when I was screaming to the missus an hour after we got home.
I almost feel bad for the T-Birds, because The Blue Angels get more press. Of course, if you asked anyone in attendance at Willow Grove this weekend, I don't think you'd get any complaints. The Thunderbirds kick serious arse. I'm glad we got to see them.
BTW, Denny took a ton of action shots - including one of me and Kyle in front of the "Jolly Roger" tail wing of an F-14 Tomcat. I'll post some when I get 'em.
Like Kissing Your Sister
But not as good as kissing your hot supermodel sister, I suppose.Reports of Team USA's soccer death have not been confirmed . . . yet. The Yanks tied a very good (although somewhat distracted) Italian team today by a score of 1-1. Ghana's win over the Czech Republic also helps, but the Americans must win against Ghana this week for any shot at the second round.
It could be worse, we could all be Serbian fans after their 6-0 ass-whooping - courtesy of Argentina. Ouch!
Friday, June 16, 2006
A Very Special People I Hate
Yeah, I know, I'm late; but after spending just enough time in court to get home, shower, change, and rush of to work again, I never had time to post.
And look what happened: the flaming libs took over.
I realize that a lot of you are pissy about Randal, Grim, and Vinnie's lefty rantings. My trouble with them is not their whacko Bill Clinton/Helen Thomas political views; it's that they have no problem trying to tell people how to run my blog. (Of course, that didn't happen when I pimped Grim's blog out the wazoo, or profiled Vinnie, but that's another topic.) And that is the real issue. Blogger is free. Anyone can do it.
So when my brother, er, Randal, comes on and states that "Everyone has 'lived' in this blog with little to no disagreements for a long time. Seriously, take a look at some of the responses; there's a lot of butt-smooching going on; Wyatt's butt is big enough, but c'mon. Some of the comments should have "Shiny, Happy People" playing in the background," it offends me as a blog host. This is why I say he doesn't get it. I rarely post anything even remotely political to avoid this crybaby infighting. And if he read SYLG more often than attacking it, he would know I have ripped Bush on several occasions, threw Sean Hannity and Michael Smerconish into PIH, and openly admit I voted for Clinton in '92. Hell, I even published my very first piece of hate mail, complete and uncut.
Thankfully, after 34 years, I have learned that Randal (like Terrell Owens) is all about Randal. Everyone else takes a back seat. Randal, if you don't like what I am posting, please - I beg of you - move on. I had enough trouble fighting "friends" who tried to take over my first blog. I won't do it again.
Having said that, I also refuse to censor anyone - unless they drop "F" bombs or personally attack either me or my readers. And the comments on the last post - while stopping short of the personal attack boundary - are coming very close. It's enough.
Which (finally) brings me to my point. I don't blog for you. I blog for me. I am glad people stop by and (some people) are entertained by it, but the second blogging becomes work (or worse yet, stressful) I'll hang it up. And to be honest, right now blogging isn't all that fun. Especially when I have to censor myself to avoid another round of fisticuffs between my conservative and liberal readers. Disagree if you must, rip me if you desire - despite what you may think, I can take it - but quit attacking each other. Cripes!
And look what happened: the flaming libs took over.
I realize that a lot of you are pissy about Randal, Grim, and Vinnie's lefty rantings. My trouble with them is not their whacko Bill Clinton/Helen Thomas political views; it's that they have no problem trying to tell people how to run my blog. (Of course, that didn't happen when I pimped Grim's blog out the wazoo, or profiled Vinnie, but that's another topic.) And that is the real issue. Blogger is free. Anyone can do it.
So when my brother, er, Randal, comes on and states that "Everyone has 'lived' in this blog with little to no disagreements for a long time. Seriously, take a look at some of the responses; there's a lot of butt-smooching going on; Wyatt's butt is big enough, but c'mon. Some of the comments should have "Shiny, Happy People" playing in the background," it offends me as a blog host. This is why I say he doesn't get it. I rarely post anything even remotely political to avoid this crybaby infighting. And if he read SYLG more often than attacking it, he would know I have ripped Bush on several occasions, threw Sean Hannity and Michael Smerconish into PIH, and openly admit I voted for Clinton in '92. Hell, I even published my very first piece of hate mail, complete and uncut.
Thankfully, after 34 years, I have learned that Randal (like Terrell Owens) is all about Randal. Everyone else takes a back seat. Randal, if you don't like what I am posting, please - I beg of you - move on. I had enough trouble fighting "friends" who tried to take over my first blog. I won't do it again.
Having said that, I also refuse to censor anyone - unless they drop "F" bombs or personally attack either me or my readers. And the comments on the last post - while stopping short of the personal attack boundary - are coming very close. It's enough.
Which (finally) brings me to my point. I don't blog for you. I blog for me. I am glad people stop by and (some people) are entertained by it, but the second blogging becomes work (or worse yet, stressful) I'll hang it up. And to be honest, right now blogging isn't all that fun. Especially when I have to censor myself to avoid another round of fisticuffs between my conservative and liberal readers. Disagree if you must, rip me if you desire - despite what you may think, I can take it - but quit attacking each other. Cripes!
Thursday, June 15, 2006
A Note About The War
Surely you saw the news today:
"WASHINGTON - The number of U.S. military deaths in the Iraq war has reached 2,500, the Pentagon said on Thursday, more than three years into a conflict that finds U.S. and allied foreign forces locked in a struggle with a resilient insurgency. In addition, the Pentagon said 18,490 U.S. troops have been wounded in the war, which began in March 2003 with a U.S.-led invasion to topple President Saddam Hussein. Tens of thousands of Iraqis have been killed." - Yahoo! News
Any military death is one too many, but if you looks at this number - which you will see time and time again today, courtesy of the drive-by media - it averages to about 833 deaths per year. The United States had 12,658 murders last year alone. And we are talking about 2,500 deaths . . . from the armed forces . . . in an active military conflict.
Before folks start jumping off buildings, let's take a step back and put this number into context, shall we?
"WASHINGTON - The number of U.S. military deaths in the Iraq war has reached 2,500, the Pentagon said on Thursday, more than three years into a conflict that finds U.S. and allied foreign forces locked in a struggle with a resilient insurgency. In addition, the Pentagon said 18,490 U.S. troops have been wounded in the war, which began in March 2003 with a U.S.-led invasion to topple President Saddam Hussein. Tens of thousands of Iraqis have been killed." - Yahoo! News
Any military death is one too many, but if you looks at this number - which you will see time and time again today, courtesy of the drive-by media - it averages to about 833 deaths per year. The United States had 12,658 murders last year alone. And we are talking about 2,500 deaths . . . from the armed forces . . . in an active military conflict.
Before folks start jumping off buildings, let's take a step back and put this number into context, shall we?
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
The Greatest Soccer Game Of All Time
A jubilant Oliver Neuville scores the game-winner.Earlier today, Germany faced Poland (without the tanks this time) in the World Cup. The match was slated to be a good one, since both teams are extremely talented, and both teams dislike each other. Since I was off - and far, far away from court - I figured I'd take it in.
I'm glad I did. It was the best soccer match I have ever seen.
Both teams had plenty of scoring chances, but in the end were shut down by the respective goaltenders. Poland's keeper, Artur Boruc, was especially spectacular. By the end of regulation came around, the game was still scoreless, with about two minutes of extra time to play.
And then it happened. In the 91st minute, Germany's Oliver Neuville took a perfect centering pass and smashed it past Boruc. The capacity home crowd went ballistic as their countrymen remained undefeated. In my basement - watching on HDTV - I found myself screaming "YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!" It was friggin' phenomenal.
Tag, I'm It!
Blast! Little Miss Chatterbox tagged me with a meme. This transgression will not be forgotten! Sorry, I just had a Stewie moment. Anyway, the topic of discussion is as follows:
What sitcom character do you want to be if/when you grow up?
In my case, it would be "if." I was never good at staying between the lines, so I'll swerve out of the lane for a second. Although he is not technically involved in a sitcom, my choice begins and ends with The Tick.
Why The Tick, you ask? There is a laundry list of reasons:
What sitcom character do you want to be if/when you grow up?
In my case, it would be "if." I was never good at staying between the lines, so I'll swerve out of the lane for a second. Although he is not technically involved in a sitcom, my choice begins and ends with The Tick.
Why The Tick, you ask? There is a laundry list of reasons:- The Tick is nigh invulnerable. Whether he is burning up during a free fall re-entry from space, or having his head eaten by The Human Ton, The Tick cannot be stopped. Well, he can be hurt, but not exactly stopped.
- Like me, The Tick spends his days and nights fighting evil, protecting The City from the likes of Chairface Chippendale, El Seed, and The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight.
- The Tick has a fabulous battle cry: "SPOON!"
- And finally, The Tick is always good for a sound bite. For example: "And so, may Evil beware and may Good dress warmly and eat plenty of fresh vegetables."
Well, that's my answer, and I'm sticking to it. And now to keep the meme going: CUG, Deathlok, and Sssteve: you have been tagged. Answer the question or reap the consequences. Spoon!
It's Flag Day
So why are you reading this drivel when you should be putting your flag out???MOVE IT!
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Judge Dread
Today is my day off. As such, you may ask, "Wyatt, why did you wait until the late afternoon to post?" The answer is simple: because Philadelphia's Municipal Court judges are morons. I was scheduled for a domestic violence case today. It was the sixth time the case has been scheduled in fourteen months. Not that I'm complaining, because I made oodles of overtime on each listing, but five continuances is ridiculous!
Any hoo, I arrived with Partner #1 and noticed that everyone - the cops, the offender, and the victim - were present. I thought, "Kickass!," this case might actually go on today. In the meantime, we waited.
And waited.
And waited.
The next thing we know, the clock on the wall reads 2:00pm. It has been five hours since we checked in, and the case is still "on hold." While Partner #1 and I are riding the money train - next stop: Richville - we are lamenting the fact that our day off is passing us by. The D.A. prosecuting the case came out of the courtroom soon after and said what we were dreading:
The case will not go on today. The sixth continuance has been scheduled.
Why? Because the judge is a moron. This GED in a robe actually decreed that the trial would go on too long because there were too many witnesses present. Eh, what? Maybe his dishonor had heard the case at 10am, he wouldn't be wasting more money that my fair city does not have! Jackass.
Any hoo, I arrived with Partner #1 and noticed that everyone - the cops, the offender, and the victim - were present. I thought, "Kickass!," this case might actually go on today. In the meantime, we waited.
And waited.
And waited.
The next thing we know, the clock on the wall reads 2:00pm. It has been five hours since we checked in, and the case is still "on hold." While Partner #1 and I are riding the money train - next stop: Richville - we are lamenting the fact that our day off is passing us by. The D.A. prosecuting the case came out of the courtroom soon after and said what we were dreading:
The case will not go on today. The sixth continuance has been scheduled.
Why? Because the judge is a moron. This GED in a robe actually decreed that the trial would go on too long because there were too many witnesses present. Eh, what? Maybe his dishonor had heard the case at 10am, he wouldn't be wasting more money that my fair city does not have! Jackass.
Stupid Questions
How fun is it to see the libtards screaming about the sign Joe Vento posted at Geno's Steaks: "This is America. When ordering SPEAK ENGLISH!"? Yeah, how dare he make a policy decision for his own business?
Has anyone else seen the previews for Superman Returns? Is there any way imaginable that this movie won't kick ass?
And speaking of movies, is there anyone who doesn't think that Thomas Hayden Church is perfect as The Sandman in Spider-man 3?
Has anyone else seen the previews for Superman Returns? Is there any way imaginable that this movie won't kick ass?
And speaking of movies, is there anyone who doesn't think that Thomas Hayden Church is perfect as The Sandman in Spider-man 3?
Monday, June 12, 2006
Spanked
Well, that wasn't too much fun. The U.S. opened their 2006 World Cup journey with a whimper, after getting crushed by the Czech Republic, 3-0. The Yanks looked flat, which was a sharp contract to the Czechs, who looked every bit the powerhouse that was expected.The road doesn't get any easier for the U.S., as they are scheduled to face Italy on Saturday.
Not-So-Smart-Alec
. . . and other funny news stories.
"Alec Baldwin may have requested last year that his ex-wife, Kim Basinger, be forced to undergo psychological evaluation, but a Los Angeles court has instead ordered the 48-year-old actor to consult a therapist before he is allowed extra visits with his 10-year-old daughter, Ireland, L.A. City News Service reported Friday." - E! Online
Anyone who has heard this libtard rant about the evil conservatives would not be surprised at this decision. And when the hell is he fulfilling his promise to move out of the country?
Uber-hottie Ann Coulter was on Drudge last night, and when the subject of Al Gore's "film" came up, she made a fabulous point: if Gore wants everyone to conserve energy and "save the planet," why is he releasing a film in the first place? Does he realize how much energy it takes to run a movie theater; especially an empty one?
Coulter also scored points with her argument that while she is being ripped for criticizing a few 9-11 widows, no one batted an eye when Ward "Tonto" Churchill called their dead husbands "Little Eichmanns." "Everyone has freedom of speech but me," she exclaimed.
"Alec Baldwin may have requested last year that his ex-wife, Kim Basinger, be forced to undergo psychological evaluation, but a Los Angeles court has instead ordered the 48-year-old actor to consult a therapist before he is allowed extra visits with his 10-year-old daughter, Ireland, L.A. City News Service reported Friday." - E! Online
Anyone who has heard this libtard rant about the evil conservatives would not be surprised at this decision. And when the hell is he fulfilling his promise to move out of the country?
Uber-hottie Ann Coulter was on Drudge last night, and when the subject of Al Gore's "film" came up, she made a fabulous point: if Gore wants everyone to conserve energy and "save the planet," why is he releasing a film in the first place? Does he realize how much energy it takes to run a movie theater; especially an empty one?
Coulter also scored points with her argument that while she is being ripped for criticizing a few 9-11 widows, no one batted an eye when Ward "Tonto" Churchill called their dead husbands "Little Eichmanns." "Everyone has freedom of speech but me," she exclaimed.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
How Do You Say "Goat" In Spanish?
World Cup powerhouse England snuck by Paraguay, 1-0, in first-round action yesterday. Of course, if that were the big story, who would care? The big story is the probable bounty on the head of Paraguay captain Carlos Gamarra. Why? Read on:"England took an early lead, courtesy of an own goal by Carlos Gamarra. David Beckham curled in a free-kick from the left flank and the Paraguay captain inadvertently flicked the ball into the net with his head, beating the despairing dive of goalkeeper Justo Villar." (Yahoo!)
Wow, that's gotta suck.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
A Reno 911 Moment
In my line of work, sometimes you get a job that just makes you laugh. Yesterday was one of those days. A season or two ago, there was a hysterical scene in Reno 911 where Lieutenant Dangle parked his police bicycle outside a donut shop. He walks into the store and after a minute, turns around and walks out.And his bicycle is gone.
Imagine that in Philadelphia. It happened yesterday. A bike cop was checking the strip mall in his district, when he popped his head in the Chinese Restaurant. He asks if everything is okay, and the employee asks him to come in for a minute. The officer leaves the bike unattended and enters the building.
You see where I'm going with this?
In the three minutes that the officer was inside the restaurant, some young toad walked up to the bicycle, took it, and rode off into the sunset. I imagine the officer pulled a Dangle, and came outside screaming, "Oh, f**k me. Oh, f**k me!" Luckily, a witness saw the toad riding away, and notified the officer. The flash information provided to police radio went something like this:
"Cars stand by. In the *th District, flash on a stolen Philadelphia Police bicycle, be on the lookout for a black male, wearing a white t-shirt, and black shorts, riding a black bicycle with "POLICE" stamped on the frame."
The male was eventually apprehended by a cop wannabe who heard the job come out over his police scanner. The guy pulled his vehicle in front of the felonious cyclist, who surrendered instantly. The male broke off the saddle bags when he saw they were filled with moving violations and other police paperwork, and broke off the odometer because, "I thought it was a tracking device."
When asked why he took the bicycle, the male said, "I didn't know it was a police bike."
Because the word "POLICE" in huge, bold, white on black lettering is so easy to miss. Ass.
Friday, June 09, 2006
Things I Like
. . . and I don't give a rat's ass if you don't.
The World Cup
Normally, I wouldn't be bothered with soccer, and the MLS is a little weak for me. However, the World Cup is the biggest sports tournament on the planet, and with one billion people watching the matches, how can you resist? Well, it's easy if you're an American. The country that brought us baseball complains that soccer is too boring.? Are you kidding me? The same folks that whine that there isn't enough scoring are the same ones who revel in a 1-1 ice hockey game. I don't get it. Any hoo, the matches begin today in Germany with the host nation facing Costa Rica. And that bit about scoring, through the first twenty minutes three goals were scored.
By the way, the ESPN broadcast team is a little bland, so I like to switch over to Univision occasionally. After the first score, the Spanish broadcaster shouted:
"Gol!, Gol!, Gol!, Gol!, Gol!, Go!, Gol!, Gol!, Gol!, Gol!, Gol!, Gol!"
Twelve times. Ya gotta love it.
History
I live thrive on The History Channel. While my friends were breezing through easy classes, one of my college electives was Russian History - I made it out with a "C." More than half of my personal library consists of World War I and II accounts and biographies. Currently, "Knights Cross: The Life of Erwin Rommel" is my read of choice. I am not sure why history is so interesting to me; maybe it's because I take great pleasure listening to people who think they have a clue. Radio hosts, "journalists," and libtard teachers who preach their own version of history to students gives me the giggles. I think it is one of those subjects that is suffering through the "Dumbing Down of America."
Israel
Compared to Israel, America is a bunch of pansies. Always standing up to the bullies that surround them, you can barely read a paper that doesn't mention an Israeli counterattack on one of its fine, upstanding neighbors. They realize that they are basically alone in their region, and they couldn't care less. While America is continually infighting about our response to terrorism, Israel gleefully sorties another fighter mission. They are the country America used to be, but - thanks to the P.C. cancer - will probably will never be again.
The World Cup
Normally, I wouldn't be bothered with soccer, and the MLS is a little weak for me. However, the World Cup is the biggest sports tournament on the planet, and with one billion people watching the matches, how can you resist? Well, it's easy if you're an American. The country that brought us baseball complains that soccer is too boring.? Are you kidding me? The same folks that whine that there isn't enough scoring are the same ones who revel in a 1-1 ice hockey game. I don't get it. Any hoo, the matches begin today in Germany with the host nation facing Costa Rica. And that bit about scoring, through the first twenty minutes three goals were scored.
By the way, the ESPN broadcast team is a little bland, so I like to switch over to Univision occasionally. After the first score, the Spanish broadcaster shouted:
"Gol!, Gol!, Gol!, Gol!, Gol!, Go!, Gol!, Gol!, Gol!, Gol!, Gol!, Gol!"
Twelve times. Ya gotta love it.
History
I live thrive on The History Channel. While my friends were breezing through easy classes, one of my college electives was Russian History - I made it out with a "C." More than half of my personal library consists of World War I and II accounts and biographies. Currently, "Knights Cross: The Life of Erwin Rommel" is my read of choice. I am not sure why history is so interesting to me; maybe it's because I take great pleasure listening to people who think they have a clue. Radio hosts, "journalists," and libtard teachers who preach their own version of history to students gives me the giggles. I think it is one of those subjects that is suffering through the "Dumbing Down of America."
Israel
Compared to Israel, America is a bunch of pansies. Always standing up to the bullies that surround them, you can barely read a paper that doesn't mention an Israeli counterattack on one of its fine, upstanding neighbors. They realize that they are basically alone in their region, and they couldn't care less. While America is continually infighting about our response to terrorism, Israel gleefully sorties another fighter mission. They are the country America used to be, but - thanks to the P.C. cancer - will probably will never be again.
Love Is The Answer
. . . if the question is "What does Wyatt want to make with Keira Knightly?" Heh. Your questions have been considered, and your answers are forthcoming. Giddyup!
Rachel asks, "If the Philadelphia PD decided to replace all of its cruisers with Segways would you immediately consider a career change?"
Rachel, my department does not yet have a "Don't ask, don't tell" policy, but if Segways are in our future, someone better draw them up because as Eric Cartman would say, "They are hella-gay!" Besides, many cops on the force - including me - would definitely exceed the maximum weight limit for those dirty hippie mobiles.
RT asks, "Why is it that when it is raining (or worse) that NJ State Troopers do about 90 mph without a fish-tail to be seen, while if I tried to do it, I'd hydroplane (at least that's what the driver's manual says)?"
RT, manuel, schmanuel. The manuel also states that is hazardous to scratch yourself with a fountain pen while driving, but I do it anyway. Cops do 90 in the rain (and worse) simply because we can. Hell, it's like when civilians are in rental cars. We don't own these vehicles, so we choose to beat the hell out of them! Let the taxpayers pay for the repairs! Heh.
Randal Graves asks, "Why does Halle Berry act "black" all the time when she is actually mulatto? Why doesn't she act "white" half of the time? Oh, and she wasn't the first black woman to win an Oscar either; maybe the 1st half-black woman, but not the first black woman. I hate fake blackies . . . Halle, Oprah, Chris Tucker, Vanilla Ice."
Randal, the draft of her latest contract calls for her to act black in public, but white in private. The producers of X3 compromised on her costume: black uniform/white hair. If she is "acting black" all the time, I must be missing it, since Halle Berry makes Bryant Gumbel look like Flava Flav. And yes, I hate fake lackeys, too. Waylon Smithers is a great example: attending to Mr. Burns' every whim at work, then bad-mouthing him at home. How phony.
Tyler D asks, "Is it always sunny in Philadelphia?"
Tyler, no it is not, but any program that comes straight from the hippie IFC Network must be full of crap anyway. This show is sure to follow in the proud tradition of Philly-based programs such as Ryan Caulfield: Year One, Philly, and Hack. I give it a week on FX before the hippie actors start saying that George Bush killed Lemonhead.
Anonymous asks, "Will the Phillies win the World Series this year, or will they suffer the dreaded Philly curse where NO sports team besides the Phantoms (a few years back) have done squat?"
Anon, if that IS your real name, SYLG has a better chance of being linked by Michelle Malkin or Hugh Hewitt than the Phils have at a World Series. Like most Philly teams, every year is THE year. And, like all Philly teams, every year is one without a title.
Sidebar: The story behind William Penn's Curse goes as follows: For years, it was an unwritten rule that no building in Philadelphia would be erected higher than the statue of William Penn (atop City Hall). In 1987, developer Willard Rouse built the mammoth One Liberty Place. Since then, none of the four major pro teams have won diddly. The entire story is here.
Peakah asks, "How in the world did the lil ole Sabres knock the mighty Flyers outta the playoffs this year?"
Peak, see the above Curse. Actually, Karl Rove is not a Flyers fan. As a result, he used CIA satellites to broadcast beams of light into the Flyers' goaltenders eyes, just as the Sabres were shooting. This is the only explanation, because it wouldn't have anything to do with GM Bobby Clarke's ineptitude! (Hey, that's two posts in a row where I used "ineptitude!")
Vincent Antonelli asks, "Did the girl at the bar in the skin tight jeans at HHGR have panties on underneath? I'm still debating that one."
Vinnie, I thought you were mass-debating that one. Unfortunately, I forgot to pack my Panty Detector that weekend, but since I have it here, I can give it a test run. Hmm . . . it seems that the girl was wearing panties . . . but the girl next to her was not . . . and for some reason, Deathlok is wearing some right now!
The Anti-Hippie asks, "So, Mein Commandant, did you get Hitler too? In reference to this quiz."
Anti-Hippie, I wish! So few people call me a Nazi anymore. Alas, I got stuck with Saddam Hussein; a brutal dictator that murdered thousands of his own people. Although he is a handsome devil . . . To celebrate, I grew a bushy 'stache and started shooting my shotgun in the air. The police are enroute as I type.
Grimjack asks, "If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is there to hear it, do the other trees laugh?"
Grim, probably not, since the tree's friends wouldn't be pricks like we are to each other. If the tree were me, not only would you guys laugh, you would probably also toast marshmallows with my limbs.
Linda asks, "Is your inner child potty-trained?"
Linda, cripes, I hope so! Otherwise, I would be drowning in my own pee!
Rachel asks, "If the Philadelphia PD decided to replace all of its cruisers with Segways would you immediately consider a career change?"
Rachel, my department does not yet have a "Don't ask, don't tell" policy, but if Segways are in our future, someone better draw them up because as Eric Cartman would say, "They are hella-gay!" Besides, many cops on the force - including me - would definitely exceed the maximum weight limit for those dirty hippie mobiles.
RT asks, "Why is it that when it is raining (or worse) that NJ State Troopers do about 90 mph without a fish-tail to be seen, while if I tried to do it, I'd hydroplane (at least that's what the driver's manual says)?"
RT, manuel, schmanuel. The manuel also states that is hazardous to scratch yourself with a fountain pen while driving, but I do it anyway. Cops do 90 in the rain (and worse) simply because we can. Hell, it's like when civilians are in rental cars. We don't own these vehicles, so we choose to beat the hell out of them! Let the taxpayers pay for the repairs! Heh.
Randal Graves asks, "Why does Halle Berry act "black" all the time when she is actually mulatto? Why doesn't she act "white" half of the time? Oh, and she wasn't the first black woman to win an Oscar either; maybe the 1st half-black woman, but not the first black woman. I hate fake blackies . . . Halle, Oprah, Chris Tucker, Vanilla Ice."
Randal, the draft of her latest contract calls for her to act black in public, but white in private. The producers of X3 compromised on her costume: black uniform/white hair. If she is "acting black" all the time, I must be missing it, since Halle Berry makes Bryant Gumbel look like Flava Flav. And yes, I hate fake lackeys, too. Waylon Smithers is a great example: attending to Mr. Burns' every whim at work, then bad-mouthing him at home. How phony.
Tyler D asks, "Is it always sunny in Philadelphia?"
Tyler, no it is not, but any program that comes straight from the hippie IFC Network must be full of crap anyway. This show is sure to follow in the proud tradition of Philly-based programs such as Ryan Caulfield: Year One, Philly, and Hack. I give it a week on FX before the hippie actors start saying that George Bush killed Lemonhead.
Anonymous asks, "Will the Phillies win the World Series this year, or will they suffer the dreaded Philly curse where NO sports team besides the Phantoms (a few years back) have done squat?"
Anon, if that IS your real name, SYLG has a better chance of being linked by Michelle Malkin or Hugh Hewitt than the Phils have at a World Series. Like most Philly teams, every year is THE year. And, like all Philly teams, every year is one without a title.
Sidebar: The story behind William Penn's Curse goes as follows: For years, it was an unwritten rule that no building in Philadelphia would be erected higher than the statue of William Penn (atop City Hall). In 1987, developer Willard Rouse built the mammoth One Liberty Place. Since then, none of the four major pro teams have won diddly. The entire story is here.
Peakah asks, "How in the world did the lil ole Sabres knock the mighty Flyers outta the playoffs this year?"
Peak, see the above Curse. Actually, Karl Rove is not a Flyers fan. As a result, he used CIA satellites to broadcast beams of light into the Flyers' goaltenders eyes, just as the Sabres were shooting. This is the only explanation, because it wouldn't have anything to do with GM Bobby Clarke's ineptitude! (Hey, that's two posts in a row where I used "ineptitude!")
Vincent Antonelli asks, "Did the girl at the bar in the skin tight jeans at HHGR have panties on underneath? I'm still debating that one."
Vinnie, I thought you were mass-debating that one. Unfortunately, I forgot to pack my Panty Detector that weekend, but since I have it here, I can give it a test run. Hmm . . . it seems that the girl was wearing panties . . . but the girl next to her was not . . . and for some reason, Deathlok is wearing some right now!
The Anti-Hippie asks, "So, Mein Commandant, did you get Hitler too? In reference to this quiz."
Anti-Hippie, I wish! So few people call me a Nazi anymore. Alas, I got stuck with Saddam Hussein; a brutal dictator that murdered thousands of his own people. Although he is a handsome devil . . . To celebrate, I grew a bushy 'stache and started shooting my shotgun in the air. The police are enroute as I type.
Grimjack asks, "If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is there to hear it, do the other trees laugh?"
Grim, probably not, since the tree's friends wouldn't be pricks like we are to each other. If the tree were me, not only would you guys laugh, you would probably also toast marshmallows with my limbs.
Linda asks, "Is your inner child potty-trained?"
Linda, cripes, I hope so! Otherwise, I would be drowning in my own pee!
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Bidding Zarqawi "Abu"
Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was killed this morning after U.S. warplanes dropped two 500-pound bombs on the terrorist Fuhrer's "safe house."Thanks to the ineptitude of the Philadelphia Court System, SYLG is breaking this story about eleven hours late!
Since everyone more or less knows the details, I figured I would point out a few observations:
- It didn't take long for the libtards on the left to downplay the incident. And, of course, President Bush received no credit, although he received all of the blame for 9-11.
- Speaking of libtards, Michael Berg - the shame of Pennsylvania - was on CNN comparing Bush to Saddam Hussein. Berg then alluded that Iraq was better off under Hussein's iron fist. Idiot. When asked about Zarqawi - who personally beheaded Berg's son with a machete - Berg said he took no pleasure in Zarqawi's death. A-hole.
- As if this wasn't bad enough, lefty blogs are stating that Zarqawi's death is a political conspiracy aimed at diverting attention fro Haditha. Wow.
- Finally, when told of the news, Iraqi citizens took to the streets in celebration. But John Kerry and John Murtha told us these people hate the U.S.? Hmm . . .
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Q&A
After a cool two weeks of uninspired, unfunny posts, I figured it was time to reopen the SYLG Post Office. Post your questions in the comments section, and I'll have your (hopefully funny) answers by Friday. And since the last Q&A took up most of the blog, I'll have to insist on a One Question Per Person Rule. (Sorry, but I ignore the family enough without spending six hours on a post.)Let's rock!
Another Reason To See X3 . . .
Just when you thought all Hollywood types were selfish lib-tards:Manhattan, N.Y. - The starring cast of 20th Century Fox’s new movie, X-Men: The Last Stand, visited Sailors and Marines aboard the amphibious assault ship USS Kearsarge (LHD 3) May 24.
Hugh Jackman, Halle Berry and Kelsey Grammer arrived by helicopter on Kearsarge’s flight deck to take a tour, meet crew members, and sign autographs as the ship was en route to New York City for Fleet Week 2006.
Read the rest of the article here. (H/T - Rachel)
I have heard that Kelsey Grammer has been to Iraq many times, a la Gary Sinise, but this is the first time I heard anything about Berry and Jackman. Good for them. Just another reason I am a fan.
Signs Of The Apocalypse
It appears that the effects of 6-6-06 are still being felt one day later. To wit:
* Octogenarian comedian and French "legend" Jerry Lewis is slated to direct a "Nutty Professor" musical. This should make about as much money as Troy McClure's "Stop the Planet of the Apes. I Want to Get Off."
"Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius. Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius . . . "
* People and Hello! magazines are actually suing two web sites that published photos of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's demon spawn. Does anyone get the attraction of these two (or Jennifer Aniston for that matter)? The three of them combined have less talent than my bowel movements.
* It appears that reports of Jaleel "Urkel" White's death were nothing but a hoax. Damn.
* Octogenarian comedian and French "legend" Jerry Lewis is slated to direct a "Nutty Professor" musical. This should make about as much money as Troy McClure's "Stop the Planet of the Apes. I Want to Get Off."
"Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius. Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius . . . "* People and Hello! magazines are actually suing two web sites that published photos of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's demon spawn. Does anyone get the attraction of these two (or Jennifer Aniston for that matter)? The three of them combined have less talent than my bowel movements.
* It appears that reports of Jaleel "Urkel" White's death were nothing but a hoax. Damn.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
The Number Of The Beast
Today is June 6, 2006, or 6-6-06. Doomsayers around the world are anxiously awaiting the pending rapture, and there have even been reports of pregnant women trying to delay their births until tomorrow. Yeah, they’ll make terrific mothers. This lunacy begs the question: how does someone know if their son or daughter is the Anti-Christ?
Top Ten Signs Your Child Is The Anti-Christ
10. She thinks the “Goth” look is too conservative.
9. He is a Tony Stewart fan.
8. She wants to grow up to be Paris Hilton.
7. When he jumps in the pool, the water boils.
6. She believes Iraq never had WMD’s.
5. His name is Damian. Heh.
4. She laughed her ass off watching The Exorcist.
3. His favorite food? Deviled ham.
2. She puts ketchup on a hot dog.
And the number one sign your child is the Anti-Christ is . . .
1. When meeting New Jersey Devils fans, he says, “Thanks for the support.”
Top Ten Signs Your Child Is The Anti-Christ
10. She thinks the “Goth” look is too conservative.
9. He is a Tony Stewart fan.
8. She wants to grow up to be Paris Hilton.
7. When he jumps in the pool, the water boils.
6. She believes Iraq never had WMD’s.
5. His name is Damian. Heh.
4. She laughed her ass off watching The Exorcist.
3. His favorite food? Deviled ham.
2. She puts ketchup on a hot dog.
And the number one sign your child is the Anti-Christ is . . .
1. When meeting New Jersey Devils fans, he says, “Thanks for the support.”
The Longest Day
Sixty-two years ago today, Allied forces stormed the beaches of Normandy, France. It was the first volley in the liberation of Europe. Today, Coalition forces are working to secure Iraq, after liberating approximately 50 million people. Never forget what our armed forces did then, and what they do now.
SYLG's First Anniversary
One year ago today, Support Your Local Gunfighter descended upon the blogosphere like Kirstie Alley on a Twinkie. I would like to think that I have come a long way since my first post, but I would be kidding myself. There are much funnier bloggers out there – Dave from Garfield Ridge comes to mind, and there are smarter bloggers out there – The Man from GOP and the City and Pam from Blogmeister USA come to mind. Hell, there are even more entertaining bloggers out there – the rest of my sidebar comes to mind – but I keep plugging away in the continuing struggle to make people laugh.
The past year has been an eventful one. People I Hate was resurrected, then buried for lack of interest, then re-resurrected to its current weekly slot. SYLG received its first scathing hate mail, and the e-mail was proudly posted in its entirety shortly thereafter. The Site Meter went crazy after Finnish figure skating babe Kiira Korpi’s picture became The Olympic Babe O’ The Day. And the runaway highlight of the year was when SYLG won Best Personal Blog at The Best So Far Blog Awards, January, 2006. Winning this award meant so much to me because the voting was done by all of you. Readers and fellow bloggers alike cast votes for this crummy little blog, and I appreciate it.
Which brings me to my final point: more than anything, I want to thank each and every person who takes a few minutes out of their day to stop by my little slice of hell. In the past year, SYLG has received nearly 38,000 visits, and I appreciate every single one. While I still write for myself, I am always concerned about what the readers think. Without you, I am nothing. I hope I can continue to entertain you for years to come.
Thank you.
The past year has been an eventful one. People I Hate was resurrected, then buried for lack of interest, then re-resurrected to its current weekly slot. SYLG received its first scathing hate mail, and the e-mail was proudly posted in its entirety shortly thereafter. The Site Meter went crazy after Finnish figure skating babe Kiira Korpi’s picture became The Olympic Babe O’ The Day. And the runaway highlight of the year was when SYLG won Best Personal Blog at The Best So Far Blog Awards, January, 2006. Winning this award meant so much to me because the voting was done by all of you. Readers and fellow bloggers alike cast votes for this crummy little blog, and I appreciate it.
Which brings me to my final point: more than anything, I want to thank each and every person who takes a few minutes out of their day to stop by my little slice of hell. In the past year, SYLG has received nearly 38,000 visits, and I appreciate every single one. While I still write for myself, I am always concerned about what the readers think. Without you, I am nothing. I hope I can continue to entertain you for years to come.
Thank you.
Monday, June 05, 2006
Buffaloed
The NHL Stanley Cup Finals are set to begin tonight, as the Carolina Hurricanes will face off against the Edmonton Oilers. The Buffalo Sabres are expected to be watching the action unfold from their respective homes. Heh. Not ones to make excuses, I figured I would make some for them. Enjoy!
Top Ten Buffalo Sabres Excuses
10. Peakah jinxed the team.
9. Wet equipment from a pre-game trip to Niagara Falls.
8. Wanted to overtake the Bills as the city’s biggest chokers.
7. Daniel Briere thought he’d play better drunk.
6. Victory kisses from Bea Arthur not much incentive.
5. Buffalo wing hot sauce shots “ill-advised.”
4. Goalie Ryan Miller kept losing pucks in the lights.
3. Pandy threatened to kick the team’s ass if they won.
2. Threw game to avoid congratulatory phone call from Canadian PM.
And the number one Buffalo Sabres excuse is . . .
1. Al Gore said hockey was the root of global warming.
Top Ten Buffalo Sabres Excuses
10. Peakah jinxed the team.
9. Wet equipment from a pre-game trip to Niagara Falls.
8. Wanted to overtake the Bills as the city’s biggest chokers.
7. Daniel Briere thought he’d play better drunk.
6. Victory kisses from Bea Arthur not much incentive.
5. Buffalo wing hot sauce shots “ill-advised.”
4. Goalie Ryan Miller kept losing pucks in the lights.
3. Pandy threatened to kick the team’s ass if they won.
2. Threw game to avoid congratulatory phone call from Canadian PM.
And the number one Buffalo Sabres excuse is . . .
1. Al Gore said hockey was the root of global warming.
The Few, The Proud, The Scumbags
I am referring, of course, to those empty-headed media jackasses who, like those on the Duke Lacrosse “rape” bandwagon, have tried, sentenced, and convicted the Marines accused of killing civilians in Haditha, Iraq. These are the same people who are referring to the incident as a “massacre” and the “willful killing of innocent civilians,” at every turn.
Michael Savage hit some terrific points the other day on his radio program, including posing the question, “Who defends the defenders?” Savage went on to state that everyone in America is innocent until proven guilty . . . unless you are a police officer or a member of the armed forces – then the opposite is true. He couldn’t be more correct. In my profession, when a cop is accused of doing something unsightly, it is always the lead story in the media. The accused’s picture is plastered all over the airwaves, and the gallows is prepared.
The same is true in this case. Far too many people are rushing to judgment before all of the facts are uncovered. What is particularly galling is that these same people were nowhere near Haditha when the alleged incident occurred. They should know better, but of course, they do not. Look, if the Marines are tried and convicted, the talking heads can do and say whatever they want. Until then, they should all drink a tall, cool glass of shut the hell up.
Michael Savage hit some terrific points the other day on his radio program, including posing the question, “Who defends the defenders?” Savage went on to state that everyone in America is innocent until proven guilty . . . unless you are a police officer or a member of the armed forces – then the opposite is true. He couldn’t be more correct. In my profession, when a cop is accused of doing something unsightly, it is always the lead story in the media. The accused’s picture is plastered all over the airwaves, and the gallows is prepared.
The same is true in this case. Far too many people are rushing to judgment before all of the facts are uncovered. What is particularly galling is that these same people were nowhere near Haditha when the alleged incident occurred. They should know better, but of course, they do not. Look, if the Marines are tried and convicted, the talking heads can do and say whatever they want. Until then, they should all drink a tall, cool glass of shut the hell up.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Evil Is Afoot!
While all of you folks were partying like it was on sale for $19.99, I was fighting evildoers. Here's the rundown:Friday - My first job was also my only job of the day. Get this: scumbag ex-boyfriend pulls up to a bus stop at rush hour. He starts an argument with ex-girlfriend, then forces her into his minivan and takes off. While they are driving and arguing, the scumbag pulls a knife from underneath his seat, and slits ex-girlfriend in the neck, and stabs her in the shoulder. Scumbag says he is going to kill ex-girlfriend, and dump her body.
Ex-girlfriend says she loves him in an effort to make him stop. He agrees to drop her off at the hospital only after she promises not to call the police. Ex-girlfriend agrees, (read: lies) and is dropped off at the hospital. Ex-girlfriend tells the nurses what happened, and the docs call 911. Scumbag locked up.
I get the job, and have to process the crime scene, impound the vehicle, interview the victim, get a search warrant for the minivan - which, if you read Fmragtops' brilliant piece about warrants, you'll know this is a lot of work - and find the weapon, which happened to be back under the car seat, covered - like the minivan - in blood. Swell. I charged this toad with ten counts, including the obvious, attempted murder. When I asked him if he wanted to talk, he said he'd take his chances with a jury. I have a witness, photos of the victim, the knife used, and photos of his van. Good luck, jackass!
Saturday - I am assigned to the desk, which is usually a bit of a break, since the desk person doesn't get any jobs that day. Unfortunately for me, the computer was down the entire day before, so I had to log in almost 50 jobs. Swell.
Sunday - After a lame attempt to get caught up on my jobs, I get another disaster: a domestic stabbing. Scumbag woman is arguing with another woman inside their apartment complex. Scumbag decides a beer bottle is in order, so she breaks it . . . across the other woman's arm. Not satisfied, scumbag takes the broken bottle and slices the woman across the other arm. Scumbag is arrested, and when I ask her if she wants an interview, she tells me to get lucky with myself. Lovely.
Get 'Em While They're Hot!
Did you ever think that you were wasting your life? I think about it about 23 1/2 hours a day. Louie The Lock, however, does not. He and his lovely wife Patty (sorry, Patrice - that's more, um, entrepreneurial) are about to open up their own Philly Soft Pretzel franchise.A soft pretzel franchise in Philly? Yeah, that will garner a buck or two.
The couple is looking to open their Levittown, PA store by the end of the month. Meanwhile, I am looking for pictures of Nikki Cox to put on my blog. Something's not right here. Any hoo, if any of my loyal readers are in the Levittown area (it's just north of Philadelphia), stop in and help out my friends' small business. I can't eat all of those pretzels by myself.
On second thought . . .
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Dudley Do Right Strikes Back
And we all thought Canada was worthless . . ."TORONTO - Canadian authorities said Saturday they had foiled plans for terrorist attacks in southern Ontario with the arrests of 17 people who were "inspired by al-Qaida."
The Royal Canadian Mounted Police said they had arrested 12 male adults and five youths on terrorism-related charges, including plotting attacks with explosives on Canadian targets. The suspects were either citizens or residents of Canada and had trained together, they said."
Mountie spokesperson Cam Cameron gave SYLG an exclusive sound bite:
"This arrest is the result of the tireless efforts of the RCMP. Our men were going aboot their daily routine, checking Molson Ice for "quality control," when we literally stumbled across this terror cell. Now, that's what I'm talking aboot!"
(I'll try and ignore the fact that this AP writer misspelled al Qaeda.)
Warning Shots
Here's a story that many will find depressing: Thursday, June 1, would have been Marilyn Monroe's 80th birthday! I shudder to think what Norma Jean would have looked like."[Iraq's] Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki upbraided the U.S. military over Haditha, which he called 'a horrible crime,' and accused U.S. troops of habitually attacking unarmed civilians." (AP) Um, you're welcome for your freedom, Mr. Prime Minister.
"Sen. Edward Kennedy on Friday declared his vote against the Iraq war the best he has cast since being elected in 1962." The runner-up was his vote to leave Mary Jo Kopechne to die.
"U.S. soldiers need to begin leaving Iraq this year and the fledgling Iraqi government must take on more responsibility, a Vermont state senator said in the Democratic response to President Bush's weekly radio address. 'We must ensure that 2006 is a year of significant transition to full Iraqi sovereignty,' Peter Welch said in remarks taped Friday." I have a better pullout idea, Mr. Welch. It involves a time machine and your parents.
Friday, June 02, 2006
People I Hate
No preamble. Just bile. Bon apetit.
The Outdoor Life Network (OLN)
Okay, I didn't complain too much when OLN scored the NHL's television contract. I only knew the station existed because they have exclusive rights to the Tour de France, but I figured even they couldn't screw up hockey all that much.
I was wrong.
Picture this little scenario: it's Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals. The winner will face the Edmonton Oilers for the Stanley Cup championship. Thousands of Philadelphia area hockey fans are watching the game unfold on OLN.
And then it happens.
A bolt of lightning strikes a satellite station in Delaware - the home of tax-free shopping . . . and little else - resulting in the entire OLN feed to be blacked out in the tri-state area in the middle of the second period. DURING GAME SEVEN!!! Um, guys, wouldn't it be prudent to have a backup plan during a GAME SEVEN??? Didn't you realize that hockey fans would riot after seeing only half of GAME SEVEN??? Idiots.
Luckily, OLN will still draw fans for Professional Bull Riding and the Tour de France. What's that? Lance isn't riding this year? Oh, never mind.
Katie Couric
Okay, Katie is cute in a perky cheerleader/Satanist kinda way, but the second she offers an opinion, most of us tune out. To wit:
LAS VEGAS (Hollywood Reporter) - Katie Couric hopes to bring a "humanistic, more accessible" approach to her job when she takes over as anchor and managing editor at "CBS Evening News" in September, she said Thursday.
More accessible? Cool. So, I can stop by and have a beer with you at your lovely home?
Addressing the annual convention of CBS affiliates, Couric predicted that the "pretentious era" of the evening-news anchor is going to be a thing of the past.
Yeah. Good luck with that. Dope.
The Outdoor Life Network (OLN)
Okay, I didn't complain too much when OLN scored the NHL's television contract. I only knew the station existed because they have exclusive rights to the Tour de France, but I figured even they couldn't screw up hockey all that much.
I was wrong.
Picture this little scenario: it's Game 7 of the Eastern Conference Finals. The winner will face the Edmonton Oilers for the Stanley Cup championship. Thousands of Philadelphia area hockey fans are watching the game unfold on OLN.
And then it happens.
A bolt of lightning strikes a satellite station in Delaware - the home of tax-free shopping . . . and little else - resulting in the entire OLN feed to be blacked out in the tri-state area in the middle of the second period. DURING GAME SEVEN!!! Um, guys, wouldn't it be prudent to have a backup plan during a GAME SEVEN??? Didn't you realize that hockey fans would riot after seeing only half of GAME SEVEN??? Idiots.
Luckily, OLN will still draw fans for Professional Bull Riding and the Tour de France. What's that? Lance isn't riding this year? Oh, never mind.
Katie Couric
Okay, Katie is cute in a perky cheerleader/Satanist kinda way, but the second she offers an opinion, most of us tune out. To wit:
LAS VEGAS (Hollywood Reporter) - Katie Couric hopes to bring a "humanistic, more accessible" approach to her job when she takes over as anchor and managing editor at "CBS Evening News" in September, she said Thursday.
More accessible? Cool. So, I can stop by and have a beer with you at your lovely home?
Addressing the annual convention of CBS affiliates, Couric predicted that the "pretentious era" of the evening-news anchor is going to be a thing of the past.
Yeah. Good luck with that. Dope.
I'm Late! I'm Late!!!
And it has nothing to do with my "cycle." I got to posting late today because I had the job to end all jobs. I'll post about it in a few, and I'll also scare up another edition of PIH. Sorry for the delay.
In the meantime, check out this article Rachel sent me. Commence the wiseass comments . . . NOW!
Area sheriff's deputy named world champ doughnut eater
ELKHORN-Three minutes. Thirteen doughnuts.
Think you could chow down that many morning morsels in that little time? Walworth County Jail Training Sgt. Howard Sawyers didn't think he could, either, but he did. In doing so, he earned the title of world champion doughnut-eating cop.
"The secret for eating doughnuts is dunking them in water," said Sawyers, who finished third in the competition last year. "You do a semi-circle of water cups half to three-quarters full. You rip 'em, you dunk them and you shove. And you do that as fast as you can for three minutes."
Check out the rest of the article here.
In the meantime, check out this article Rachel sent me. Commence the wiseass comments . . . NOW!
Area sheriff's deputy named world champ doughnut eater
ELKHORN-Three minutes. Thirteen doughnuts.
Think you could chow down that many morning morsels in that little time? Walworth County Jail Training Sgt. Howard Sawyers didn't think he could, either, but he did. In doing so, he earned the title of world champion doughnut-eating cop.
"The secret for eating doughnuts is dunking them in water," said Sawyers, who finished third in the competition last year. "You do a semi-circle of water cups half to three-quarters full. You rip 'em, you dunk them and you shove. And you do that as fast as you can for three minutes."
Check out the rest of the article here.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
This Guy Scores Like Grimjack!
In Arkansas for a children's golf clinic, Tiger Woods was asked about playing golf with former President Bill Clinton."Interesting math," Woods said, drawing a laugh before telling a story about a round the two played in February before the opening of the Tiger Woods Learning Center in Anaheim, Calif. Woods described a hole on the back nine.
"President Clinton rolls one in the bushes, then hits another one off the tee ... right in the middle of the fairway, hits a nice little wedge shot up there to about, I don't know, 6-7 feet. "I hit a bad pitch, I blasted it by about 12 feet. ... Then all of the sudden, he does one of these," Woods said, gesturing like a player picking up his ball.
"It was 6-7 feet and he walked off the green. ... So I'm sitting in the cart. He's writing down the numbers, I happen to kind of ..." Woods said, leaning back as if reading a scorecard over someone's shoulder.
"Woods 4, Clinton 3."
Look, I play enough golf to know that there's a reason golf pencils don't have erasers. It's because the purists of the game know that cheaters are shunned. When I shoot a 114 (like at HHGR), it's a true 114. Likewise, the only time I ever broke 100, I did it legitimately. From this story, if Clinton made the 6-7 foot putt - which I doubt - he is looking at a five. The temerity of this guy to claim a three. Despicable.
(H/T - Newsmax)
More On The "Moore-on"
A double-amputee veteran of the Iraq war is suing filmmaker Michael Moore for $85 million, claiming Moore used an old interview with the G.I. to make him appear anti-war in his movie "Fahrenheit 9/11."
Hold on a second, Sergeant! How dare you soil the good name of America's resident genius of the documentary!
Sgt. Peter Damon, 33, who strongly supports America's invasion of Iraq, said he never agreed to be in the 2004 movie. Damon lost his arms when a Black Hawk helicopter exploded in front of him. In the 2003 interview, which he did at Walter Reed Army Hospital for NBC News, he discussed only a new painkiller the military was using on wounded veterans, the New York Post reports.
Unbelievable. As if Michael Moore would lie and fabricate "facts" to support his position. See? You just can't trust the military. This guy is probably faking his amputations, too.
(H/T - Newsmax)
Hold on a second, Sergeant! How dare you soil the good name of America's resident genius of the documentary!
Sgt. Peter Damon, 33, who strongly supports America's invasion of Iraq, said he never agreed to be in the 2004 movie. Damon lost his arms when a Black Hawk helicopter exploded in front of him. In the 2003 interview, which he did at Walter Reed Army Hospital for NBC News, he discussed only a new painkiller the military was using on wounded veterans, the New York Post reports.
Unbelievable. As if Michael Moore would lie and fabricate "facts" to support his position. See? You just can't trust the military. This guy is probably faking his amputations, too.
(H/T - Newsmax)
Birthday Girl
I would be remiss if I didn't mention that today is Partner #1's birthday. I have known her since she came on the job, and we were partners on the dreaded wagon for a while in my past district. There's not a woman in the department that can match her toughness, and she even scares some of the men. I trust her with my life.
Of course, when you think tough women cops, you think of East German shot putters. Thankfully, for the guys, she has a Kirsten Dunst thing going on. Thankfully, for me, I have a marriage thing going on. (Gotta write that in case the wife is reading. Heh.) Happy Birthday, D!
D is a dead ringer for Dunst in this picture.
Of course, when you think tough women cops, you think of East German shot putters. Thankfully, for the guys, she has a Kirsten Dunst thing going on. Thankfully, for me, I have a marriage thing going on. (Gotta write that in case the wife is reading. Heh.) Happy Birthday, D!
D is a dead ringer for Dunst in this picture.
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